Hoorah for you. I tell my two daughters that their dad and I ARE their "real" parents, because we have spent their lives parenting them and we will continue to do so and when they have children we will "grandparent" all of our grandchildren. Neither of my girls (ages 21 and 12) have expressed a desire to know more about the bio parents yet. if they do we have the info for them. But, they are now, have always been and will always be our children.

My husbands father divided the grandchildrens shares equally between my eldest (we didn't have the youngest yet) and her four cousins (none adopted).

"get dressed (yes, I am bloggin' nekkid!) and do stuff."

It's more fun to "do stuff" nekkid ;-)
(my husband says I have to add: I'm only allowed to do nekkid stuff with him.)

Whoa. That is absolutely breathtaking. What a vile creature.

Heh. Just like bitches. Oops.

I can't believe that kind of spite. Well, yes I can, but in any case you've got to wonder what motivated such hatred of an innocent child. I feel sorry for that eaten-up, vile woman.

Sounds like your Mother got all the kindness and sense in her family, cause her sister didn't get any.

I never considered myself an equivalent of an AKC registered dog.

Nothing personal, Boudicca. I just don't think that following bloodlines is very - what can I say - American. It's a snobbish, European kind of idea, to my unbloodlined eyes.

Sounds like your "Aunt" Jean was a sick, jealous woman. Even if you hadn't been adopted, she would have found some way to make sure you knew you were beneath the dust on her feet. The sad thing is that she could use the adoption for her own twisted purposes and since it's generally a very touchy area in the first place - it's a very easy one to hit hard and make hurt.

Believe me when I say that a woman like that would have found ANYTHING she could to make your life miserable. The mind of paranoid jealousy is not one that should be underestimated. For instance, if you had been your mother's natural born child... I could well see her telling you she thought that the "real" baby died at birth and your parents secretly adopted you... yeah she could certainly be that cruel. (and just think how that would have played havoc with your psyche as a child!)

As a concept of perserving the Heritage of the Founders, etc, organizations like the Daughters and Sons of the American Revolution, Sons of Union Veterans of the Civil War, Sons of Confederate Veterans, etc serve a purpose. Like all organizations, they have good points and bad points, good chapters and bad chapters.

I'm eligible for SAR and SCV. I am a member of neither. Why? Most of my exposure to them has been of the variety that Beth describes, where the members I have met *Bou excluded* have been more about the blood, less about the heritage, except as in a sense of entitlement because someone in their family was on this continent at the right time. Were it not for my Mother's family, I would not be eligible for any of this... and my father is not, while my mother, sister and I are.

By the same token, my mother and sister are not eligible for membership in the VFW, American Legion, etc, and no one but me in the family is eligible for the Disable American Veterans, either.

To maintain focus and purpose, these organizations need membership filters. That's okay. But sometimes the filters take over the purpose, especially for some of the people whose only real qualification *is* being able to pass the filter, and they want to maximize that perceived quality.

And therein lies the lack of appeal for things like DAR, SAR, SUVCW and SCV for me. The only qualification is an accident of birth. All the others I mentioned require some other positive act on the part of the person involved... well, okay, for the DAV it could have just been an accident... but one that happened after you enlisted, right?

I don't knock those organizations, and I know the DAR chapter that Bou joined does active, helpful things in the community and adds value. But I've never been comfortable with them.

I guess the bottom line is - things like the American Legion, Lions, Elks, Rotary, Knights of Columbus, Masons, VFW, etc - you can join if you want to take certain steps. That step may require risking life and limb, or changing your religion... but, if you want to do that, you can.

The bloodline organizations, well, no matter how much it interests you, no matter what you do or accomplish, that door is shut. And in my experience (and I'm with Beth on this about the European aspect of it) I prefer, on the whole, people who get to where they are at on their own, and don't have an expectation based on birth.

No, that certainly doesn't mean every, or even most, of the members of those organizations have expectations based on birth. But enough of them do, and I object to the filter anyway, that I choose to pass on the opportunity. However, unlike some attempts to shut down the SCV, I would *not* support ostracizing or yanking the charters of those organizations - that is a benighted approach, and as feckless as the rest of the PC carp we get subjected to on a daily basis.

That's a good thing in this country, and one of the things that forms the basis of "American Exceptionalism" and why people want to come here. You can rise above your roots. You can also sink below them.

With any organization, you're going to have people who are not nice or who exhibit elitist behavior. It is the nature of humans that you are going to have people who are just nasty.

But it has been my experience with my DAR organization, that there has not been an elitist attitude at all. Yes, it is by accidental birth. It was the way it was founded over one hundred years ago.

In my chapter and with the women I have come to know on the State level we have Muslims, Christians and Jews. Black, white, and hispanic. Poor, wealthy and middle class. Nurses, doctors, salespeople, and those I swear cannot speak a grammatically correct sentence. But I don't care because we are a Patriotic organization... we are all Americans who are striving to help in some way. All of us, that are active, have a goal to do better for this country. We do this by putting our money where our mouth is and by dedicating literally hundreds of thousands of volunteer hours.

It is not for everyone who is eligible. Nor is the Rotary or VFW or any other organization right for those who are eligible there. A broad stroke of the brush though.... labeling us the equivalent of an AKC registered dog is uncalled for.

Boudicca,

I am not arguing about the patriotism of the DAR or the value of the organization. I am
more annoyed about the organization for which membership is strictly an accident of birth. I consider myself as a member of the family who raised me. I am legally a member of that family. But the DAR, because I am not a 'blood' descendant, will not allow me or anyone else to join them. No matter how patriotic I may be. No matter how useful I may be.

Being able to join a group simply because you can trace your actual bloodlines back to some ancestor who fought in the Revolutionary war is pretty much un-American, as I see it.

And the reason for this is that I, like many of my adopted friends, see my ancestors as the same people who were my parent's ancestors.

Yet the DAR, the SAR and other silly groups basing their membership solely on what great, great, great, grandaddy did will not recognize an adopted child of a descendant of said granddaddy as worthy of membership.

Just like pedigreed dogs, Bou = just like pedigreed dogs - the DAR is insinuating that I am not good enough - that I am a fricking mutt. So to heck with the DAR.

So it is personal. You had such a lovely post going too. Really. I am still really angry at your nasty Aunt... but to see at the end that my organization was lumped in with your evil Aunt... wow. That took the cake.

I disagree with you, but it's your blog. I know where I stand. 'Nuff said.

Since I deal with both canine pedigrees for clients and family trees for my husband's family, I've drawn comparisons more than once and understand the need for both. Blood is important; heritage is important. If we don't know who we are and from whence we sprang... something is lost, and I don't want that at any price, not even my pain.

It's glaringly obvious that I'm absent from all forms of pedigrees, since giving birth would have been the only way to "put me on the map". Just like when I was young and they passed out 100 page documents at the reunions detailing the lineage of the family and I was not there... it seemed as if I just didn't belong anywhere, historically speaking.
...which is why so many adopted people have taken part in the National Geographic Geno project. ;)

Somewhere there is a pedigree with my name on it; the one my birthmother gave me. To know what that document says... where my ancestors came from, who they were... that data would be priceless to me. I cannot bring myself to believe that knowledge would not be of as much value to a non-adopted person.

I've never thought much about DAR or any of the other 'blood' organizations, probably because I instinctively knew those avenues were closed to me... but I bear them no ill will, as I would probably be just as proud of my heritage -if I knew it- as they are.

[Yes, even if they were all horse thieves.] :D

I suppose you are more tolerant than I am, Pam. I was raised by my mom and dad in their family. In fact, both my sister and I are in the official, bound book family trees for both dad's side and mom's side. I am a part of that family. To me, genetics don't mean shit - to dogs and horses, yes, bloodlines mean something - but to human beings, no, no, no.

Perhaps the time has passed for such organizations as the DAR and SAR - if they cannot accept that I am my mother's child, then they should not accept anyone.

Used to be, there were no papers for adoption - if the DAR was to do DNA tests on all their members, and could possible compare them to the honored ancestors, how many of the DAR members would pass?

I think the DAR should be ashamed of themselves for not recognizing family members - family memebers with full legal rights - The DAR ought to be pulled into the twentyfirst century, kicking and screaming - none of them have done a thing at all to earn membership but have the same blood as their parents - I have the same parents, but not the same blood - why is this so hard for Boudicca to understand? Does she have some kind of anti-adoption mindset?

My birthright came from the folks who raised me - I don't care about my biological parents. I'm happy they allowed me to live, but other than that, I have no interest in them at all.

I think adoption is one of those issues one can't fully understand unless smack dab in the middle of it. I don't believe that Bou is ANTI-adoption, but she just can't -for obvious reasons- see things the way we see them, the same way we can't fathom what it would be like to live without our eyesight.

Beth, I think the difference between you and I is that you were raised IN your family as a full member, not
WITH it like a pound puppy... We were not close in my family after I was old enough to be told I was adopted - and set apart - at age 5. I haven't been in contact with any of them for many years.

A typical scenario: Mother comes to my a-brother and I and announces that she's going to live with her "real family". Turns out she has a birth daughter she never told us about.
A-brother and I just looked at each other... "Here we go again..."
[She came back a year later, after her "real" daughter bled her dry of money.]

The only organizations my parents participated in were the VFW and DAV. They both helped my Dad in so many ways, with medical care and support.
He was a lifetime member of the DAV and I still contribute to them on a regular basis.
I feel strongly about those organizations -probably the same way you feel about DAR, but anyone can give to the DAV...

If I wanted a more active role in the DAV [the daughters of members are eligible to join], say fundraising or whatever... and that door was shut to me because I was adopted... Yep, I'd be more than angry and hurt.

So, I can still see both sides of the issue...

But, this IS the 21st century, and our historical legacy can probably be protected without DNA clubs. As a matter of fact, I can't believe the ACLU hasn't jumped all over them yet... ;)

{{{Beth}}} Please don't quit over this...

I'm not adopted and I still couldn't do this...My dad's side was off-the-boat Italian and pretty much made up names that they could spell and the story goes that my mom's side were crooks that downright made up names... I have no interest to know my 'bloodlines', and quite frankly I am sure that disinterest will save lots of embarrassment (I have been to a family reunion..) ;)

You can't grind grain with water that's already done run down the hill.