Ack! I cannot even imagine the mess! What a miserable way to wake up!

Well, the thanks are undeserved, since I'm the one who failed to secure the kitchen door after I let the beasts in for the night.

Just accepting responsibility, not doing anything noble.

i made the mistake of letting my hard headed red dobie in one night, without making sure he was properly "secured" in a dog proof spot. i woke up the next morning to find he had lain next to the heater and literally chewed a hole through the wallboard with his front teeth. guess he was bored, not being able to chase the possums and raccoons around all night. he went back to being an outside dog.

That comment above, by yer husband, is obviously and transparently an attempt to deflect yer attention from his latest horrendous lunacy by admitting to a lesser crime. A common, obvious, contemptible soldier trick, I would say. This is serious. His lunacy is of such a subtle and twisted kind as to cause him to seem to act rationally, viz. this diversion. Ma'am, I warn and entreat you, call your son back from school now, so that he may cover John with the shotgun while you carefully relieve hubby of the bottle, or syringe, or enthusiastic mental notion, or whatever it is that has him using vulgar language on this here formerly perfectly pure and decent internet!
I beg you, Ma'am! Listen to no insinuating plausible-seeming arguments from him! They were planted in his tiny mind by the makers of that evil Film! Puppet sex! Exploding Actors! and other, even worse abominations may be seen in that false, flickering light-show!

Speaking of backing away from the bottle there, boyo...