son was about 10 years old, and I recognized that he was obsessing about conversations he had at school. I could see that he was also counting, his fingers would move ever so slightly when we had conversations. It hit me like a ton of bricks, my son is somewhat obsessive/compulsive. Then, it hit me like another ton of bricks, that I was most definitely obsessive/compulsive, fortunately, a relatively mild case of OCD - no frightening thoughts, no desire to do bad things - just counting and rhyming when I'm stressed. And my darling son has inherited this rather annoying disorder.

My son and I have talked a lot about this, and he realizes now what he is doing very quickly and seems to have learned to stop it by doing something else, keeping busy, reading. He knows that if it starts to take over his life, he should go see a doctor, but he feels like he can control it (he is now in college and doing extremely well).

As I have aged, I have been able to keep my compulsions at bay unless I am under extreme stress, then I find myself counting syllables again, or rhyming like crazy. After 9/11, I found that I was counting and rhyming in my head like crazy. I was also extremely depressed and anxious and I started having panic attacks when driving or even at work. I finally went to the doctor (at the urging of my incredibly wonderful and patient huband, John) to see what she could do.

Me being me, I only told her of the anxiety and depression and the crying. I never told her about my counting. She prescribed me Celexa, and I have been taking it ever since (with a few months off last year, when I felt a lot better). I looked up the drug, and it is also used for treating OCD. It does help quite a bit, however, the side effects have included an obviously large weight gain as well as a certain tiredness and disinterest in some things that I have always loved to do. I need to go see her again, and ask if there is something I can take that doesn't dull my senses. I don't have the joy of life on the drug that I can have off the drug - oh, gee, maybe that makes me manic depressive?

In case you didn't notice, I am also very suggestible.

Here I am, I have everything I have ever wanted in life - a wonderful husband, a wonderful son, enough money that we can go on vacations, my horses and the dogs and the cats. I have a potter's wheel and a kiln and all the art supplies I could ever imagine - from a glass saw for stained glass to my oil paints. But I don't have the energy to enjoy all that we have worked for. I sometimes come home from work, fix dinner, and then retire to bed and fall asleep without spending the time with the dogs, horses, cats, and my artsy stuff, and most importantly, without spending time with the love of my life, John. I have not been to the barn in months - John, incredible man that he is, has taken care of my boys, Willie and Petey for ages.

I have to get out of this funk - I suspect it is caused by the Celexa, but I can't go without the Celexa, or I panic, and begin to doubt myself and my loved ones. I start to believe that I am completely unlovable.

Yes, I know this is not the kind of thing I usually write. This is something that I should be able to help myself with. I am not depressed as I was the months after 9/11, but I'm tired and without energy. Here it is, 8:19 in the evening, and I'm ready to call it a night and head off to bed.

Anyway, there is a reason I brought all this up - since it is so easy for me to rhyme and figure meter, etc., I have half made up a song about nekkid bloggin'.

If I have time tomorrow, I'll write it down. I'll ask Eric to work out a good tune for it on his guitar - mine needs new strings!