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November 8, 2003

Oh, how I wish I was as funny as`

LeeAnn! . Every day, I get at least one good giggle from her.
If I was as funny as LeeAnn, my stories of England would cause you all to snort milk out of your noses.
But I'm not.
However, you don't get out of hearing about my trip.

This is what I learned from my trip to England:
1. Bring your own toilet paper, Charmin Ultra, if possible. The English must have the toughest bottoms on the face of the earth. Even at the very nice hotel we stayed in, the toilet paper was like sandpaper. I walked funny the entire time, and to my husband's disappointment, it was due to the toilet paper!

2. All British Children are extraordinarily beautiful - at least up to about age 18. I don't know where they go after that, or what happens to them, but all the children have beautiful faces, gorgeous skin and twinkling eyes. Doesn't matter what color they are, they are all absolutely gorgeous.

3. British adult men are of two types (or at least obvious types - there may be more, I was only there for 5 days, after all). 1- the men who used to play rugby or football, and have many tatoos and piercings ,and are running to more flab than I have ever imagined, and 2 - tight lipped business men who are still very polite and will listen to the most obnoxious drunk in a pub with great magnanimity.

4. There are a lot of sweet old British grandmas with lapdogs - they take them on the train, the underground, shopping, everywhere. Lots of King Charles Spaniels, and Corgis. I didn't see one old lady with a Black Labrador, Newfoundland or even a Golden Retriever.

5. Everyone gets to have a beer at lunch. I like that.

6. Ok, this is for women - I had an 'opportunity' to purchase some women's feminine products. Oh. my. God. It cost 2 pounds to get 6 tampons - and they are each about the size of the last two joints of my baby finger, and about 1/2 the width. And no applicator. I kept them, can't use them, have no idea if British Women are built that much differently of if these things balloon out about 5 times their size to be normal. I'm scared to try!

7. Bathrooms are never on the ground floor. They are always upstairs or downstairs. I don't understand why, but that is just the way it is.

8. Harrods is a really big department store. Really, really, really big. Many people. They must do a shitload of business. They sell everything, probably even some kind of designer shit. They have siamese kittens, hams, oysters, diamonds, toys, clothes, clothes, clothes, and guards - a zillion guards - there is a guard every 15 feet in that store. I spent money there on gifts - food gifts, mostly, and a couple of Christmas ornaments.

9. The British people are very polite, very nice, and very patient, unless they are Asian or Middle Eastern men - then they are the opposite. Rude, pushy, scarey.

10. Steps. Steps. Steps. There are steps everywhere. And they are often narrow, tiny, steps - and of course this is because everything is incredibly old and beautiful. The architecture is amazing. Newer homes are older than the State of Kansas.

Well, there is more, but I have to go and run an errand or two. I'm glad I live here, the toilet paper situation alone would kill me.

Posted by Beth at November 8, 2003 2:18 PM

Comments

Posted by: LeeAnn at November 8, 2003 5:21 PM

Posted by: John of Argghhh! at November 9, 2003 8:30 PM