Out of a galaxy of million-candlepower xenon searchlights in the blogosphere, she picks the neutron star in the bunch to enlighten all y'all. Of course, I wasn’t exactly a moving target.
"Yup. And 'midst the threshers and makos and Great Whites, some of us are just
*ahem*
pilot fish."
And some of us are nothing more than tomorrows SOS, stuff on a shingle, just waiting to be cut up.
*sigh*
So she Ginsus me with a meme.
However, before I spill my guts through an act of electronic seppuku, I believe I’ll tender my tender tormentor a peace offering -- something that will show her I understand why she expressed her repressed emotions by jerking me around with a %$#@! meme exhibiting curiosity about my mundane existence. Since her alter-ego, Princess Leia In A Sandpaper Thong Cheese Danish Bikini, has moaned
and since I damnsure ain’t neither understand her need to bitchslap me cry out to me in this manner, I’ll dedicate this to her as a little warmer-upper for the seriosity to follow.
And now to the main event. The rules state:
1. Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog (easy enough -- not really necessary, though, since most of Villainous Company lurks here anyw -- Sly! *Not on the drapes*!!).
2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird (easy enough -- everything about me is random, weird, or both).
• During my thirty-seven years in the Army, USAR and ARNG, I never had an Army Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner (I *delivered* a whole bunch, though, and dished out cranberry sauce and stuffing on several occasions).
• All my ARNG Raters recommended “Promote immediately” or “Promote Ahead of Contemporaries” in the remarks block of my OERs -- and all my promotions were delayed, on average, by three years. I kept a file drawer full of promotion packets to replace the ones Higher kept *losing*. One time I submitted three -- and said that way they could continue to lose one each month and not have to bother me for a while. It didn't sit well with HRO *at all*...
• I was knocked on my keister by lightning three times within the same month (June 1971) -- and got a nice letter from a two-star (not for getting hit, for what I was doing when I got hit -- which, in turn, resulted in my getting hit, but nobody else).
• I’m a character in a book that’s currently in draft (it’s not about me and I made her promise she wouldn’t turn me into a water-walker).
• Horses and I have an agreement: I don’t drop onto their backs from overhanging tree limbs and they don’t bite me on the butt and drag me off.
• I can’t wear short-sleeved shirts (souvenir of Agent Orange called porphyria cutanea tarda -- the whole "bleeds through the skin" deal freaks people out, for some reason).
• I owe John a bunch of cartoons.
Hey, the requirement was that I share seven facts -- not that I share and *explain* them. Unless, of course, it’ll get John posting privileges at The Corner. And ry lets HF6 read the X-Men #1 he *thinks* he hid behind the adult novelties dispenser towel rack in the oubliette.
3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
As if. This place is the Meme Graveyard.
4. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
Not. A. Chance. But Argent, AFSis, ALa, Barb, Foxfier, Cricket and Michelle Malkin all dodged the bullet. Fuzzybee, HF6 and Maggie were previously victimized. And Murray would have tried to launch a rock at me (hey, we're practically neighbo(u)rs these days).
5. Present an image of martial discord from whatever period or situation you’d like.
That can be read on many different levels.
*mumbles through chocolate cupcake crumbs...wipes hands on conveniently located 'towel'...*
It wasn't me! I wasn't even there! Besides, Mistress Mandy made me......
by DL Sly on June 23, 2008 12:40 AM
You told! Mean Unka Bill. I always wondered what that thing was in there. I just usually wipe my hands on my shirt.
And Sly, you know who they make clean up around here, don't you? If'n you don't wanna get ankle bit don't get crumbs everywhere. my cheeto dust is hard enough to clean as it is. ;)
by ry on June 23, 2008 1:47 AM
...cupcake crumbs...wipes hands on conveniently located 'towel'...
There's a surprising amount of wildlife sharing the base with us. The usual ants, scorpions, ants, camel spiders, ants, crested larks, ants, sparrows, skinks, toads, ants, rock doves, bats, ants and other smaller critters (including ants) are omnipresent, but the larger fauna are represented, too -- the hunters. Feral cats live in some of the old fighting positions in the woods and hawks nest in the higher branches of the willows. Foxes live in the graveyard behind my hootch and trot around the airfield perimeter after nightfall -- I see one every so often sitting by the bombed-out watchtower on my trek back from the office, waiting for me to pass so he can continue his rounds.
This morning I was heading for my shortcut through the blast wall between my hootch and the main drag -- I got two steps from the opening in the wall and a sparrow flew from behind the wall and landed in the opening. I got one step from the opening and a falcon appeared from nowhere, pounced the sparrow -- and then looked at me. He snapped his head up, our eyes locked for less than a second and he vanished back behind the wall. Those amazing black eyes had enabled him to see the mottled dust-brown sparrow against the mottled dust-brown earth from hundreds of feet away.
Dazed, the sparrow hopped into a crevice in the blast wall.
I've developed a bit of a metaphysical bent over the years -- you don't wanna take the same path that I did to get there -- and I've always had a sort of empathy with animals. Here's a secret -- it's all about the eyes. Those of you who've never met me may find what I'm about to say a bit hard to swallow, but in the brief instant my human eyes met the twin pools of liquid midnight that were the falcon's, I *knew* what he was thinking.
Nooo, Ledger, I don't bait 'em. Only seen one rat so far, and a hawk the size of a B-2 grabbed it.
Which reminds me -- the frogs living in the JDAM hole and the bats that make *one* pass through the AO at sunset haven't been doing their job. The mosquitoes are getting ornery...
Foxfier -- I'm an enabler. BTW, does FbL know you're over here slumming?
I wholeheartedly approve. Besides, I obviously don't blog enough over there to keep her busy. :P
Very cool story, Bill. It reminded me of meeting you after visiting the VA for the first time. I don't have feathers, but you had to have read my mind, because I'm sure I was unable to properly communicate my experience to you. Maybe it's the fuzz. ;)
Hi, Sis! The turquoise mosque is the "martyr's chapel" in the graveyard. Unused, now -- it's the military cemetery for the airbase. The color is actually green, but the light on the day I took the pic makes it look turquoise. Green is the color of "martyrdom" in a Muslim cemetery, but the paint they used in the shrines is distinctly turquoise.
The ironwork is a "martyr's shrine" -- like the one I mentioned here -- marking the grave (or graves) of someone KIA. Some are more ornate than others, which generally only means he was an officer (even "Saddam's Soldiers" think that's just wrong), and the paint they used *is* turquoise. Those who died of disease or in an accident have adobe brick coffers around their graves -- and some of those have designs in turquoise paint on the outside, which I'm guessing was a little extra gesture from the guy's friends.
It reminded me of meeting you after visiting the VA for the first time.
I did *not* pounce on you -- although you did look around for someplace to hide...
"Nooo, Ledger, I don't bait 'em. Only seen one rat so far, and a hawk the size of a B-2 grabbed it." –CW4BillT
Good to hear.
Dam, those hawks can be big. I kinda understand about the hunters (hawk) and the hunted (small sparrow). It can be a jungle out there.
Speaking of jungles, and critters I noticed you mention ants:
"The usual ants, scorpions, ants, camel spiders, ants… ants, sparrows… ants, other smaller critters (including ants)…"
A can of Raid comes in handy with ants. If you don’t have a can of Raid, I would suggest a can of spray starch.
You just spay it on the ants. It’s environmentally friendly and tends to dry quickly, encasing the ants’ breathing mechanism with starch killing them quickly.
Or you could just try to stamp them out with your boots but, that is cumbersome and doesn’t always kill them.
As for the hawks, you could try spraying them in the eye with starch but make sure the wind is not blowing your direction (check your wind sock for wind direction) You know, kind of even-up the odds between the sparrows and hawks.
As to the frogs use starch.
Now, to the bats, I have found and old tennis racket strung with wires works well to stop them in flight. If you don’t have one use starch…
Well, if the ants ever visit *inside*, they'll get a cup of coffee poured on 'em. I figger they'll get so wired, they'll have a hole dug halfway to home before they finally croak.
I think I’ve got a pretty good sense for the absurd, but I couldn’t get this loony if I went without sleep for a week (and I have -- on several occasions).
Date: Wednesday, June 11, 2008 10:35 [note the date]
To: [my dot mil addy redacted] , [same pentagonal dot mill addy redacted – yup, I guess they wanted an extra e-mail to build up their hit count]
William Tuttle:
Reply to email received on 05-27-08: [remember I told you to note the date?]
1. In most case a CAC Sponsorship Transfer Email is sent when a contractor is reassigned to another TA. Most sites have their own way outside of the CAC Sponsorship Transfer Email of informing the contractors of a transfer.
Ah. But that’s not what transpired. I wasn’t notified (and neither was my employer) that my Trusted Agent had been transferred. Matter of fact, the e-grams in Rounds One through Three were *addressed* to that transferred TA and the subject was, “Hey, TA -- verify that this guy tuttle (no caps -- how gauche) is still a contractor.”
No notice to my employer. No query to *me*. Just an order to the TA.
Who had already been transferred.
2. DOD require [sic] all contractors approved in CVS must be reverified every six months for their continued need for a CAC and affiliation with DOD.
Okay. I’m cool with that. It’s probably a good idea to check up on us contractor parasites just to make sure we haven’t done anything subversive -- such as return to Private Citizen Status without notifying the TA (that we’re unaware we have) via e-mail (which the TA apparently doesn’t even have to open). Although, since I'm a retiree, my continued "need for affiliation with DOD" is pretty much a given. Until I hit the brass rail at Fiddler's Green, anyway.
3. Your contract record, benefits and CAC will be terminated in DEERS. Your information will still be in DEERS but it will be terminated.
[No signature block and minus the electron-waste of “Questions may be sent to redacted pentagonal dot etc." closing]
Ummmm – parsing that.
So far, I get “We’re flushing your contractor info from DEERS but we’re not flushing it. In other words, it will not be flushed, but it will be flushed.”
However, I'd *still* like a response to my e-mail of 28 May in which I informed whomever at the help desk opens the e-mail that I had already accomplished the re-verification *prior* to the 30 May deadline to preclude my contractor data from being terminated.
V/r,
Bill Tuttle
Okay, [pentagonal dot mil addy redacted], the ball’s back in your court and I’m anticipating your reply to my 28 May e-gram sometime before the end of June. Meantime, if my CAC turns up hot during any of the checks around here, you can anticipate receiving a lot of e-mails with the subject line of Drearley Most beloveed You need Litlet bleu pill mAke stiCker peCk up.
One thing I got away from fairly quickly as an O-6 ALO was closing with "V/R." I have very little respect for buffoonery, especially when it comes to USARMY administration. They (and I didn't care who "they" were) want my respect? Then earn it. Otherwise, "Sincerely" works just fine.
Can you find an O-6 with a brain around there to help un-f**k this?
If they don't unfark this soon, they will need someone to fill your duties. I suggest the farking idiot (and/or their boss). Let them teach the Iraqis to fly whop-whops and not prang any of the birds in the process.
Please provide their unredacted address if it comes to that, so we can all help with their education and shopping needs.
IDIOTS! The one thing I don't miss!
by John S. on June 15, 2008 8:11 PM
BillT,
As my Father, said in the past, "Government wanted a perfectly square building, this is how we got the Pentagon." You figure it out.
Grumpy
by Grumpy on June 16, 2008 4:17 AM
BillT,
As my Father, said in the past, "Government wanted a perfectly square building, this is how we got the Pentagon." You figure it out.
“Because we were in the Army before -- during the war.”
When most of the Iraqi RW pilots talk about “the war,” they’re referring to the Iran-Iraq dustup -- they call OIF “the fight.” Most of them do, anyway…
“So, they call us Saddam’s Soldiers. Feh. We did not fight for Saddam. American soldiers do not fight for Bush. Soldiers fight for the land, the country, the people! Not for the leader! The leader always changes and the land remains! But they call us ‘Saddam’s Soldiers and look down on us.
"They don’t know.
“They don’t know…
“I was stationed here during the war. You know that old hangar over there, with the shrine on it? A thousand-pound bomb hit it. There were five pilots inside. We didn’t even try to recover them, we just left them in there and put up a shrine. There would have been no point in digging them out. A thousand-pound bomb -- there would have been nothing to find. Nothing.
“So, we just put up the shrine. Then we went into hiding, because that night, the Iranians came, looking to kill pilots, looking to kill officers. They took the L-39 with them when they left. And we hid until the Americans came, and then we came out, because we knew the Americans wouldn’t kill us.”
The L-39 that was being turned into a UAV. It’s not the first time that I’ve been told the Iranians had come across the border into Iraq and snatched L-39s during the confusion, but it’s the first time I heard it from someone who’d seen it firsthand and who mentioned it so casually.
Every so often, one will seem hostile. He’ll raise his voice, a *lot*, and get pretty agitated. It didn’t take me long to realize it wasn’t directed at me, or Americans, or George Bush. And it wasn’t hostility at all -- it was something else...
“Can you imagine what some of us feel, that we fought for our land and then when the leader falls, we are insulted by the ones we thought we were defending?”
“I know that feeling. I flew in Vietnam.”
“Ah. I though you might have done that. You know, then.”
“Yes. I know.”
The Silence that usually follows isn’t uncomfortable. It’s a mutual recognition that each of us can see the other’s soul and recognize the similarities that transcend the differences. Even if a change in politics dictate that we may one day have to try to kill one another, the similarities won't change.
Put a couple of old soldiers together, get us to shut the hell up for a while and you’ll know when the Silence happens...
On the plus side, I'm able to tell the new kids some of the history of their new home. Changes their perspective on the rotary wing guys quite a bit...
Interesting comparisons, Bill. Many have said that Iraq is the "new" Vietnam.... but no one has said that it's the "new" Vietnam to the IRAQI's. Most who have said that are trying to draw parallels between the wars being unpopular, a lost cause, and an unnecessary attack by the United States. You're the first to draw the parallel between the fighters themselves.
Very interesting thought process. You've found kindred spirits in the hearts of the Iraqi pilots- and not just because you're both air jockeys.
*smile* Welcome Home, Bill.
Yes, it was meant as a compliment. Not too many people have the advantage of being a Vietnam Vet, and have access to "Saddam's Soldiers" to compare notes. It is an interesting thought process.
by AFSister on June 13, 2008 12:59 PM
"The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him."
- G.K. Chesterton
by Greyhawk on June 13, 2008 1:18 PM
Not too many people have the advantage of being a Vietnam Vet, and have access to "Saddam's Soldiers" to compare notes.
Well, considering the number of surviving VietVet helicopter pilots who stayed in the game, are bilingual, have recent experience instructing in SWA, are qualified flight sim operators, can still pass a flight physical, blog (irregularly) and are currently in Iraq, yeah, your chances of getting somebody *else's* perspective on it might be a tad slim...
Speaking of irregularities, what's up with the double-archiving when Strikethrough GWOT gets included in the category?
[Oddly enough, when you post it from over there, it doesn't show up in my control panel that you've selected a category - but you are, obviously. That's an artifact of my testing. The Web Mechanic is going to try to update our backoffice this weekend... which might fix things, or blow things up so thoroughly I decide to just use that as an excuse to go dark...]
{Not so odd -- *I* can't see it in MT until something other than H&I gets published. BloggerSpeak, folks -- hang around when he answers and get even *m9re* bewildered. Hey, AFSis! I can see your house from up here!}
Hey! I'm irregular only in that I scrupulously obey all traffic laws, which is quite irregular around here. I ALWAYS stop for yellows. Unfortunately, the ABS wasn't up to road conditions tonight and I got rear-ended, somewhat.
No, belay that. If the ABS _had_ been up to road conditions, I'da got rear-ended a lot harder. Light turned yellow at optimum bad decision point, road not quite dry, guy in Merc had just changed one tire, and when he tried to swerve, he couldn't, having somebody right beside him in next lane.
Oh, and it's Friday the 13th and my cat is still mad at me.
F-150's back bumper moved one inch on one side; Mercedes-Benz mortally wounded.
I'll not complain about the 12 mpg again. For a while, anywa
The Iraqi helicopter pilots I’ve been training in the sim are a fairly mixed group, but they all have two things in common: they’re older (most of them are Iran-Iraq War vets) and they’ve had some training in instrument flight.
But, “have had some training in instrument flight” doesn’t necessarily equate to “have had some training within the past ten years.” Some accumulated actual weather time in Britain, France or Russia during an overseas aircraft qual -- I’ve heard a couple of interesting stories about the dimensions of thunderstorms in Russia and the severity of clear-air turbulence over France. And I can tell who’s flown in Britain -- the first time a Brit-trained pilot climbs into an overcast layer in the sim, he invariably mutters, “Oh. My. Gaaaahhd…”
Inadvertent Instrument Meteorological Conditions, or IIMC for the Acronym Aficionados (hi, Barb!), means you’ve lost visual reference without intending to do so. Although they’re all a tad startled that I can turn the weather to crap as fast as it can happen in the Real World, the pilots who’ve had a lot of actual weather time don’t get fazed much. The ones who are good settle right down. The inexperienced ones, wellllllll…
IIMC onset can be slow -- you keep pressing on and the weather keeps getting worse and the visibility decreases so slowly that you’re in the trap before you realize it (that’s how JFK Junior bought it -- and that’s how multiple-vehicle smashups happen in bad weather). Or IIMC can happen fast -- you’re flying at night and punch into a cloud or a dust / snow / rain storm catches you. The weather itself isn’t usually the killer, though -- it’s how you *react* to the loss of visual reference. If your control touch isn’t what it should be, if you fixate on one instrument instead of scanning the important ones, or if the startle reflex kicks in, you will probably -- make that *definitely* -- take the aircraft into what’s understatedly-referred to as an Unusual Attitude.
Rather than go through all the physiological explanations for what happens when your brain is deprived of it's primary sensory input for keeping you upright (and I *can*), try this little experiment -- make sure you’re near something soft -- stand up, extend your arms, close your eyes and tilt your head to one side.
Now lift the leg opposite the head-tilted side.
You’ve just gone into an Unusual Attitude.
However, when you’re descending sideways at rates in excess of 3,000 feet-per-minute, even *water* is hard as granite.
The FAA did a study some years back and found that most pilots killed themselves (and everyone else on board) within forty seconds of entering an unusual attitude if they didn’t get the aircraft level. Do that properly and you've solved your immediate airspeed, altitude, descent rate and bank angle problems and you can work out the rest in (relative) safety.
So, one of the things I teach *all* the guys who come up here from Taji is How To Survive the First Forty Seconds -- because if they can level the aircraft and get their airspeed under control within that time, they’ll probably live through the rest of the flight, even though it’ll still be pretty -- ummmmm -- exciting. The main problem they have to overcome is overcontrolling -- making the initial correction too large and then overcompensating for it. Then overcompensating for the overcompensation, then overcompensating for the -- you get the idea.
I show them unusual attitudes and why they happen. I show them how to recover smoothly and *fast* without overcontrolling the aircraft.
I show them how to fly with three fingertips, not their entire hands.
How well do the *really* inexperienced guys absorb that? Watch.
No, that's *still* not my normal, conversational voice...
When Mike Monaghan taught me to land the bird in my Aerial Observer days ("I'm not dying of a heart attack just because you can't land this bird!" was his justification) that looked at lot like one of my *better* days.
Except that Monaghan kept saying, "Bend the bird and I'm going to hit you, El-tee." in that same, quiet voice Bill uses... with the overlay of violence promised.
Venting in the cockpit may feel good, but it's counterproductive -- the guy's already jittery and hollering just compounds the problem. Throw in the fact that English may be his *third* language and you might as well be talking to the instrument panel.
I use the same phrases and cadences that the Iraqis use -- and *you* wouldn't understand me saying, "Khe-fek, sh'weh-sh'weh-sh'weh." Makes it interesting when the Gazelle guys start answering me in French...
I remember discussing the finer points of the M-21D sniper system (a long time ago, I know...!) to some troops in a jungle environment who answered me in French instead of their native language. Turns out their last "go-to-guy" had a French passport and legion experience, but had been born in an eastern European country. I wonder where the French Foreign Legion hasn't been...?
by Alan Briley, RN on June 8, 2008 12:12 PM
Recognize.
Confirm.
Recover.
Rinse.
Repeat.
Works for me in all types of aircraft, as I'm sure you've told them about 1.2 million times.
As for calm voices in a crisis, listen to the old Edwards AFB test pilot tapes.
"OK. Starting the departure procedure..." (At about 35,000 feet)
"OK. I'm now in a flat spin." "Fairly violent." "Would be disorienting to most." (helmet camera doesn't quite capture the pilot's head bouncing off the canopy but it is, heh)
"Beginning the recovery procedure." (Pause)
"Well, that didn't work." (Passing thru 25,000)
"I'll try this." (Pause)
"Well, that didn't work." (passing thru 20,000)
"Lemme try this." (Pause)
"Well, that didn't work." (passing thru 15,000, sink rate exceeds instrumentation capabilities; only telemetry and ground video capable of following the stalled jet's downward trajectory)
"OK, guess I'll have to step over the side on this one." (Pause)
Mission Control: "Good 'chute, roll the trucks." Jock touches down 1.5 seconds after full canopy deploys (that's what a good sink rate will do and is why the minimum ejection altitude for uncontrolled egress is 10K AGL). It's faster than an autorotation scenario but they both have their own kinds of pucker factors.
I'll tell you what's challenging (for me anyway, and I have thousands of hours of jet time)--transitioning to VMC in the last few seconds of a no-shite CAT I ILS. As the F/O, I fly it down to mins then transition to a visual flare/land. The MD-11 is so big that you enter ground effect at about 200' AGL. This is the same altitude that you pop out of the clag on a CAT I. So, you re-cage your brain and eyeballs to visual conditions, outside the cockpit, while consciously having to prevent the descent rate from slowing due to ground effect while the ILS tolerances go to just a few feet up/down/left/right. The scan is inside-outside-inside-outside until you are truly clear of clouds (~100') while pushing forward on the stick (collective to you, Bill) over the overrun to fight the ballooning in ground effect (counterintuitive). But fun!
...while pushing forward on the stick (collective to you, Bill)
Nope, that's "cyclic" to me.
If I push forward on the collective, all I'll do is overspeed the governor, slew the searchlight, activate the wirecutter for the TOW or turn the landing light on.
Depends on what I'm strapped into at the time.
Shooting an ILS in a helicopter is the *legal* way to bust minimums (by about fifty feet, depending on your descent rate. A little aerodynamic phenomenon known as "dishout" -- which got me on the ground at BWI when the *birds* were walking...
"Trenton Tower, Guard 347, emergency. I've got a Number One hydraulics failure, negative directional control, requesting duty runway for a running landing."
"Roger, 347, you've got 34, full length. CFR is rolling -- do you want foam on the runway?"
"347, negative, sir -- Ops wants to videotape it to see if the sparks show through the smoke cloud when we touch down. Evidently, it was pretty spectacular the last time..."
In Tom Wolfe's The Right Stuff, he noted that the test pilots at Edwards would all mimic Chuck Yeager's laconic summaries of the emergency and slow, southern drawl.
No matter what the problem, even if they were from Haavahd, Mass or Noo Fu**in' Yawk, they still made an attempt to sound like--and fly like--the Great One.
"347, negative, sir -- Ops wants to videotape it to see if the sparks show through the smoke cloud when we touch down. Evidently, it was pretty spectacular the last time..."
Only for the first hundred feet. The smoke got too thick.
Leger -- I'm *behind* the sim. It's visual-only, but I can reproduce anything weather-related (they all want to "fly" in snow), including a pretty good Force Nine turbulence illusion. Give me ten seconds and I can have them at the middle marker on an ILS into Baghdad in a sandstorm with 30-knot winds, 500 meter visibility and a stuck tail rotor. Which I haven't done yet, because nobody's at that level of proficiency, and probably won't be until they get at least two more sim sessions under their belts.
Hey, Bill, I just got done re-rereading Richard C. Kirkland's "War Pilot" and was wondering if you were any relation to the 2LT Bill Tuttle mentioned therein. That Tuttle was Kirkland's co-pilot on a record-breaking cross-country flight in a Sikorsky H-19 in December 1955.
I know you can't be that old, but hey, it could be your Dad or a favorite uncle whose footsteps you followed.
Ummmm, didn't the Polish aeromedical pioneer Dr. Bairanay (sp?) invent a fancy 3-dimensional swivel chair just so the mind-warping sensation of these unusual attitudes could be practiced safely, with no danger more severe than one's own puke on one's uniform?
Maybe we should get back to that simple device. You could buy a personal chair for every pilot in the military for what we spend on one 3-D simulator.
This message has been sent to remind you the prescribed time to re-verify contractor (william tuttle) has arrived. Please complete the verification process as prescribed.
For the Contractor [IOW, * me *] -- there is NO ACTION required on your part [their emphasis -- remember that] unless you are aware that your TA above has changed. If your TA has changed, please ensure they get a copy of this message.
Questions may be sent via email to: [pentagonal addy redacted]
CVS [my note: Contractor Verification System -- I think. Vivisection, maybe?] TA [my note: Trusted Authority, gutter-mind!] Web Site [redacted]
Now, the only time I knew the outfit I work for had a TA (the Sergeant Located At A Fort Somewhere who processes contractor Common Access Card applications) was when I got a hotlink in an e-gram that said, "Go here and fill this out." For those who aren't familiar with the Common Access Card -- hereinafter referred to as a CAC (pronounced like a cat horking a hairball) -- it's the "Hall Pass" that tells Big Brother you are Who You Are, that you are allowed to be Where You Are and you have permission to be Doing What You're Doing.
No CAC, no entry to anywhere the military is. As in, *any*where. Especially *here*...
Okay, so the head's-up e-gram from the TA site said I didn't have to do a thing unless I *knew* my TA had been replaced. Seemed a bit odd to me, since I didn't know I still *had* a TA and I figured the TA Main Office would have a better handle on their TAs' whereabouts than I would. Finally, the only way I'd know that the TA-I-didn't-know-I-had *had* been replaced would be if I'd gotten an e-mail from either her or her replacement announcing the momentous event.
But I'm only a dumb contractor. Whaddoo I know.
Subject: Last Notice Action Required - CAC Reverification Warning
From: [pentagonal addy redacted]
Date: Tuesday, May 20, 2008 6:00
To: [my dot-mil addy redacted], [somebody else’s dot-mil addy redacted]
This message has been sent to remind you the prescribed time to re-verify contractor (william tuttle) has arrived and that that action needs immediate attention. Please complete the verification process as prescribed. The time allotted for you to complete the verification will expire on 5/30/08 12:00 AM at which time the contractors Defense Enrollment Eligibility Reporting Service record will be terminated. [my note: Okay, *that* got my attention. I'm a retiree -- *all* my records are DEERS-based.]
For the Contractor--there is NO ACTION required on your part unless you are aware that your TA above has changed. If your TA has changed, please ensure they get a copy of this message. [my note: Hey, TA-guys -- TA-bilong-TA-Main hasn't answered two sternly-worded TA Main e-mails and you're asking *me* to send her a note?]
Questions may be sent via email to: [pentagonal addy redacted]
CVS TA Web Site [redacted]
"Questions may be sent via email"
Okay, so TA Main is snarling at their TA, but *I'm* the one gonna be bitten, so I think it's time for some action on my part, despite the *Contractor -- TAKE NO ACTION* directive in both preceding e-grams.
Subject: Re: Last Notice Action Required - CAC Reverification Warning
From: [my dot-mil addy redacted]
Date: Tuesday, May 27, 2008 5:25
To: [pentagonal addy redacted]
To Whom, etc.;
Reference the text in the forwarded message and your kind offer should I have questions -- yes, I have some questions:
1. I am presently deployed to Iraq and internet connection is spotty at times. I haven’t had contact with my TA except through a hot link directly to my CAC application (November 2007) for this contract – how do I find out if my TA has changed, if not by e-mail?
2. My CAC is valid until 30 November 2008. Is there a six-month review of contractor status?
3. If my TA [my note: Remember -- at this point, neither TA Main nor I have the *slightest idea* of the status of "my" TA] fails to act before the deadline, what information will be "terminated" from my DEERS file?
V/r,
Bill Tuttle
Chirp. Chirp.
"Questions may be sent" evidently does not mean "questions will be answered."
See attachment. Is [military rank and name redacted] still our TA? If so, she needs to act ASAP -- if not, the new TA will need to act ASAP.
Thanks,
Bill
Subject: CAC RenewalFrom: [my PM's work addy redacted]
Date: Tuesday, May 27, 2008 13:32
To: [my work addy redacted], [‘nother contractor’s work addy redacted], [stella ‘nother contractor’s work addy redacted]
Guys,
Here are your three renewals, need to complete ASAP; log on at CVS TA Web Site [redacted]
[UserIDs and PWs redacted]
This should take of your CAC issue.
Stay cool (ha!)
[PM's name redacted]
Subject: Re: CAC Renewal
From: [my work addy redacted]
Date: Wednesday, May 28, 2008 3:44
To: [my PM's work addy redacted]
Done! Thanks!
So, I got the renewal done (odd, since the card I *have* doesn't expire for another six months) under the wire, despite *not* having to have taken any action (I didn't find out our previous TA got transferred a few months ago until I filled out the app, which I wouldn't have been able to do unless I'd -- eh. Never mind) and there is now Great Joy In Mudville, right?
Subject: Contractor Reverification CAC Expiration
From: [pentagonal addy redacted]
Date: Saturday, May 31, 2008 4:12
To: [my dot-mil addy redacted], [dot-mil addy of former TA who’s been in some other job for three months redacted]
Cc: [dot-mil addy of former TA who’s been in some other job for three months redacted]
Dear [name of former TA who’s been in some other job for three months redacted],
The time allotted to verify contractor william tuttle has expired. As a result, that account has been revoked and the Defense Enrollment Eligibility Reporting System has been updated to reflect the change.
Questions may be sent via email to: [pentagonal addy redacted]
Yeah, I've got a question: "Does CVS TA determine a contractor's status by actually examining said contractor's completed application or by waiting to see if someone who may -- or may not -- be a TA replies to an e-mail?"
I'm *really* tempted to send [pentagonal addy redacted] to the largest internet café in Lagos, Nigeria, with a "Spam Me" sign stuck to its back.
[snarky comment about bad Pentagon management and why it is so easy to bilk such a farked up system of $millions self-edited to preserve said contractor's illusion of fine upstanding citizen ;) ]
To err is human, but to get a really good farkup, you need a computer.
Now have the human enter a set of idiotic parameters into the computer and add an approaching holiday weekend. I'm still amazed the Pentagon doesn't implode every Friday due to the sudden outrush of warm bodies...
Heh. I'm going through something similar, under much more comfortable circumstances. So, at least, Bill, they're treating the stateside contractor scum as well as they're treating the deployed contractor scum.
Kat - you have to be careful where in the bilking process you want to be.
In this case, the POE is selling the Pentagon a new computer system, with software and offshore support, that you are actually running on dial-up from the Apple IIe in the garage on your Cayman Island estate (so of course you don't have to pay those icky taxes).
Fear not Bill. The Army has been FUBARED for 200 plus years, but they eventually get it right. I just Hope you don't end up being extended for a couple of years, since you obviously aren't there at present and have a valid contract to fulfill.
by V29 on June 4, 2008 8:31 AM
You know there's a monty python skit in there somewhere.
"The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of the expanding bureaucracy."
1 Bill doing Stuff That Matters.
10,000 office staff struggling mightily to ensure all incoming paperwork is churned until it falls in the shredder by accident. Or in this case making paperwork up it seems. Only occasionally someone makes a mistake during handballing and actually has to make Something(tm) happen.
1 Carborundum shaking his head.
Typical. Tuttle is inconvenienced and it has to be *my* fault. I can't take credit for this one -- and strangely, the "other side" also denies involvement. Something about too evil even for them ...
by Carborundum on June 4, 2008 9:54 AM
Something about too evil even for them ...
...and it involves a computer program.
Bill Gates, your fiendish plot will *not* succeed.
Unless it was just designed to p*ss me right the f*ck off annoy me -- in which case, it was a success...
[my note: Gates has evidently been messing with the strikethrough function, as well]
"The time allotted for you to complete the verification will expire on 5/30/08 12:00 AM..."
I don't suppose it matters, but there is NO SUCH TIME as 12:00 AM.
I think they probably mean 12:00 Noon,, which, by definition can be neither before, nor after itself. There is a longer explanation, but what it boils down to is that Noon is Noon. The Meridian. Sun neither going up, nor coming down. Noon.
by there on June 4, 2008 12:03 PM
If your TA has changed, please ensure they get a copy of this message.
There's the problem. The Pentagon has outsourced its security staffing to the ChiComs...
The time allotted to verify contractor william tuttle has expired. As a result, that account has been revoked and the Defense Enrollment Eligibility Reporting System has been updated to reflect the change.
WE can verify "contractor william tuttle". (obviously capital letters cost extra...) Does that help?
Or does this mean that Bill ceases to exist? Hmmm...does that mean he can come home now?
And Bill ~ 'tis always better to be pissed off than pissed on.
This happened to me, too. I got the renewal notice, did nothing, and then got word the next day that my CAC had been revoked. Turns out the lady at JCC had read her copy of the email as, "You need to renew this CAC if he will be staying past his contract's end, otherwise, revoke it NOW!" So she did.
I spent a week expecting to be arrested for being on a military installation without a valid ID, but it never happened. Eventually I was re-authorized, sort of: she sent me a letter to carry in addition to my orders, explaining her mistake. The CAC was still invalid, but at least I had a letter explaining that this was perfectly OK.
by Grim on June 4, 2008 4:43 PM
heh. Sounds like situation normal at the fortune one oil company where I contract. This happens EVERY FARKING YEAR. Only now I know to jump on it as soon as I get the automatic access expiring notice comes in the corporate email. And some buildings...and even some rooms in some buildings have their own seemingly random access expiration times, never revealed, but only experienced when you don't access door "x" within "y" number of days. I gave up and since I can work from home I rarely go into said building(s) anymore... BUT, I still get the access expiring notice every year, which I diligently pursue to ensure I continue at least to have network/systems access, whether I can ever get into a building or not. Thank Al Gore for the internet! (and CISCO for VPN capability)
by JoeC on June 4, 2008 5:19 PM
John... ;~P
Ditto to you to whirly-bird man. And, for the record, my mother was the one who taught me that line.
And anything I could have come up with that was more original would have set off the NC-17 filter. Touchy thing that it is.
I spent a week expecting to be arrested for being on a military installation without a valid ID...
No worries on that part -- my mil-retiree ID will get me into the PX if the DFAC shuts me out. Although I'm wondering how long it'll take to get used to eating boiled thongs...
Every so often, something kicks me in the memory in a *good* way -- usually, it's the sight of a desert cammy patch or an in-print reference to a current unit with a callsign originating in My War.
Outlaw. Tiger. Blue Max. Ghostrider. Warrior.
'Way-cool callsigns. Neat patches with vampiric skulls or heraldic beasties designed to instill combat fervor in the heart of the wearer and great trepidation in the heart of the foe.
Now, the 162d didn't have 'way-cool callsigns, and our patches were stark, but to the point. "This is who we are. Period" Of course, Gunnies will be Gunnies, so Third Platoon insisted on a bit of flair for their patch (remind me to tell you some time about the REMF who found their motto *offensive* -- heh).
We didn't have the trappings, but we did have a reputation among Those Who Knew. One day I asked a doorgunner about his CIB and he told me, "When I was in the Ninth, we never worried when the Vultures were supporting us. Whenever we needed you, you came for us, no matter what. When I re-upped, I did it just so I could come *here* to be a gunner, because I wanted to be a part of that."
We came. Sometimes, when the party got lively, we even stayed to help clean up.
Heh. I got my wallet paddy-soaked more than once, too...
Evidently, our rep stuck, because out there in today's Friendly Deployed-A-Lot Skies, along with the Outlaws, Tigers, Ghostriders and Warriors, there are Vultures.
But us Old Vultures have to be content with being museum relics.
Oh, yeah -- that museum just happens to be the National Air and Space Museum. If you're in DC and you have occasion to tour the Vietnam display, look in the left crew well of the UH-1H.
If you give Bob Shine enough notice (and say nice things about Vultures), he might even ask his cousin Carol to be your tour guide. But be polite -- she's got about fifty Big Brothers, and most of us are *armed*...
Sometimes though, our old callsigns of the 60's had to be discarded due toPolitical Correctness.
Thanks for the post.......clear right.......
by R Jewell on May 22, 2008 9:16 AM
Kat,
If you clicked on my "keg of beer" pic above, there's several of us who did the Ripcord thing as well with The Phoenix, most notably Ken Mayberry, one of the pilots Marshall quotes. Ken is the one in the wheelchair.
Black Widows....We're in the process this spring of doing a cosmetic restoration back to her VN get-up of a Black Widow UH-1 68-16504......She's a Ripcord survivor as well, and is on static display in Fairmount, In.
That's the name of the ongoing combined push against al-Q in Mosul. The Iraqi troops stepped up their OPTEMPO against the terrs and they responded in typical fashion -- they lifted another page from the VC Playbook.
Baghdad/Mosul, 15 May 2008 (Gulf News)
Spokesmen for both the US and Iraqi military have confirmed that a girl strapped with explosives was the cause of a blast that killed an Iraqi captain and injured four soldiers south of Baghdad. Iraqi Army Lt Ahmad Ali said the explosives were detonated yesterday as the girl approached the Iraqi commander in Youssifiyah.
Ali said from the scene that "the bomb was detonated by remote control, killing Capt Wassem Al Maamouri and injuring four soldiers."
He said authorities imposed a curfew and American troops are searching for those responsible.
The girl was eight years old.
Meanwhile, Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri Al Maliki ordered a new assault on Al Qaida in the main northern city of Mosul yesterday, the jihadists' last urban bastion in Iraq according to US commanders.
Al Maliki travelled to Mosul with top aides to take command of the US-backed drive against Al Qaida in the province, defence ministry spokesman Maj Gen Abdul Kareem Khalaf said.
"Operation Umm Al Rabiain (Mother of Two Springs) has just started against those threatening the civilian population and attacking Iraqi forces in Mosul," defence ministry spokesman Khalaf told AFP.
"This operation is targeting terrorists and criminals," he said, alluding to Al Qaida, which has been accused of a string of major attacks across Nineveh province of which Mosul is the capital.
Maliki is Boots On The Ground up here -- he just lifted the curfew that's been in effect for the past few weeks. *That* tells me
a. the commanders know where the nests are and
b. they're confident they've got a good handle on terr exfiltration into the civilian population.
On the more rational part of my brain still functioning, I note that is 3ID's AO. This press release sounds like the same incident, without the details. I have an email out to my PAO contact to see if she will confirm.
And we thought driving a VBIED into a crowd of children was evil... I truly never even imagined this kind of thing was a possibility, even though I'd heard reports of children's bodies being packed with explosives and set out as decoys for American Marines.
From the description, I'd say it was the same one, FuzzBee -- each report (your link and the GP story) cited the same area and the same number of casualties.
This was in our area and I am attaching the release. We didn't really publicize a reaction to the event but just came out with the facts as we knew them. We did have some updates to the original release and that was five of the wounded IA soldiers were evacuated to the US military hospital in the International Zone and two were returned to duty. The girl was also reported to be between 16-18 years old.
The visual-only sim can be a stomach-churner, but a couple of the IqAF Fling-Wing pilots who have come up here from Taji are pretty tough – the only thing that gets to them is my coffee.
Hussayn was recovering from a cup of my extra-strength double espresso with a bottle of tamarind soda (if you’re curious, take a can of Doctah Peppah and add a couple of ounces of OJ, then sip, cautiously). He gave me a bit of perspective on what it’s like to have Crusader Myrmidons roaming your neighborhood.
“After Baghdad falls to the US, I am cashiered out of the Air Force and take a job in one of the markets in my neighborhood. One night, some of my friends are visiting, and we have a barbecue and are watching videos of cowboy movies. There is a knock on my door. I open it and there is a US patrol. They ask if they can enter my house and I say, 'Sure, come in.' I offer them some barbecue, because we see them on patrol; we recognize them and know how long they are out before they return to base. They say, 'No, thank you. We have eaten recently.'
"Then they ask if I have weapons. One of my friends says to me in Arabic, 'Tell them "No" because they will take your guns and you will be defenseless.' I tell him in Arabic, 'I will not lie to them or they will not trust us.'
"So I say, 'Yes, I have a submachinegun, an AK and a pistol.' The patrol leader says, 'Bring them, please. We need to see them.' So, I bring them out. The patrol leader examines them, the submachinegun, the AK and the pistol. He tells me, 'The lubricant you have been using is bad quality.' But I know he is really checking to see if they have been fired recently.
"Two of his men strip the weapons, clean them, give me new lubricant, show me how to use new lubricant, re-assemble the weapons and return them to me. They say, 'We must leave now – thank you for allowing us into your home.'
"They return every night, the same patrol, and ask if my family is well. I offer them food, tea, they say, 'Thank you,' and sometimes they stay for a bite to eat, or a cup of tea. I see them in the marketplace, we say 'Hello, how are you?' and ask about their families, too. They are friends with all the neighborhood.
"One day, everything changes. The patrols are all in Humvees and they travel fast. The soldiers all look at us with suspicion from the Humvees and we do not understand why. Then I hear of Wahabi in the neighborhood, but I do not report them to the patrols – I cannot, the Humvees travel fast and no one comes to my house any more. More and more, we hear shooting down the street, and one morning a bomb destroys the market where I work. I could get another job in another market, but that market might also be destroyed by a bomb. Only a few Wahabi are where I live, but there is no one to tell – no patrols, no police.
"So I come back to the Air Force. I come back because I want to get the Wahabi out of my neighborhood, get them out of Iraq.
"One month ago, the patrols are back, and they are walking, not in Humvees. Different soldiers from the soldiers in the first patrols, but behaving like them – very courteous, very watchful.
"When the patrol knocks on my door, I say, 'Please come in – I would like some lubricant for my pistol.' The patrol leader looks at me with a funny look, then he smiles, then they all come in and drink tea and I draw a map of where the Wahabi are..."
This illustrates why community policing works, why the Green Beanie, "win their hearts and minds..." works, and why you need SPECIAL TRAINING!!! for this type work. I was a sniper. I DID NOT DO THIS BECAUSE I WAS NOT TRAINED FOR IT! (Hint, hint, Pentagon.)Talking about accurate, up to date intel, the people who trust you will help you. God bless this man and the American troops who treated him with respect. I have seen Brits, Aussies, Kiwis, and some Israelis act this way, but no other troops.
Watch your six, CW4BillT. My wife and I keep you in our prayers. (We also remember the rest of the Castle family! ;))
Alan Briley, RN
by Alan Briley, RN on May 14, 2008 7:51 AM
Six is covered, Alan -- my thanks to you and your wife (and everybody else who has been assaulting heaven -- Those Who Know, Know).
Prayers are coffee-equivalent to the squad of Guardian Angels trying to keep me intact for the duration...
That story brought tears to my eyes--sorrow for the mistakes that were made, joy/pride for the way it's being done right now, and awe for the courage of Hussayn and his countrymen.
I passed on this story which everyone I know hopes is true the writing team of the new Stability Operations Manual and I hope the 'long handshake' makes it in.
You will never have a perfectly surviveable system. And you cannot turn Humvees into tanks. You will bankrupt the country.
No one ever gave a tip to me when I was buttoned up. I never had an interaction with an Iraqi in an armored Humvee with the doors closed and the windows up. (We didn't have grenade screens in those days. Heck, most of my Humvees had CANVAS doors, if they had doors at all.!)
Part of the solution is going to lie not in making our vehicles invincible. You CAN'T make it invincible to a triple stacked anti-tank mine.
So don't even try.
Rather, the real solution to defeating this measure is not going to lie with the vehicles at all, but outside them.
Dismount.
Get into the communities. Leverage Iraqi contacts.
Yes, we're doing that already, as much as we can. But these knuckledragging trogs in Congress are focusing on the wrong things. And the ignorant press is dragging us along with them, and damaging the war effort, by pulling us into a defensive mentality.
The insurgency will not be defeated by putting an extra armor on our vehicles. The insurgency will be defeated by dismounts. Dismounts out there engaging with the Iraqi people and collecting real-time intelligence.
And THAT is the effort the Media should focus on. THAT is the effort that Congress should focus on.
Where is all the heat forcing colonels to jump through their asses to develop HUMINT? There isn't much. All anyone wants to hear about is armor this, and armor that.
Fuck the armor. Get out and clobber the enemy, and let HIS sorry ass wish he had more armor.
Get back on offense. Close with and destroy the enemy.
Thanks for making the point so directly and vividly. Your should be a must read for every counterinsurgent warrior.
Good Story, Thanks. Back in the states we know all Iraqis are not Terrorist, but we also know Congress and the Democrats are your worst enemies.
And, don't worry, I can't stand McCain because of his Global Warming BS and his Pro-Amnesty Policies, but I'll pull the lever for him in November and thats only because he supports the War.
So, Good Luck, God Bless, wear your seatbelts, don't run with scissors and come home safe.
by Ratt on May 14, 2008 10:21 AM
Always thought up-armored Humvees were a wrong solution to the wrong problem; neither fish nor fowl, not good at doing anything well.
Bet the second patrol leader never forgets that pistol lube/Wahabi swap!
by Brian H on May 14, 2008 10:26 AM
"That story brought tears to my eyes--sorrow for the mistakes that were made, joy/pride for the way it's being done right now..."
Sadly, humans learn as much from mistakes as from doing things right, primarily because you really don't know what right is until you can compare it to something thats obviously wrong. We are learning how to fight the war against terrorists and we'll win it if we can keep the left out of the White House. In the end we will win by gaining the trust of the innocent and becoming terrorists to the terrorists.
by willis on May 14, 2008 10:58 AM
Don't concentrate on the Humvees - it could be Strykers or Blackhawks for all that it matters - concentrate on the commander's mindset that put the soldiers in them instead of on foot.
Was this the same unit/commander who's troops had been visiting on foot or a new unit that just arrived and had a different attitude/belief in how to patrol?
If so, how to we pound into it at all levels of command that this is how it should be done, even through transitions?
See what I'm getting at here?
by SSG Jeff (USAR) on May 14, 2008 12:04 PM
"...the only thing that gets to them is my coffee."
If you'd stop using the dusty thong as a filter...
0>;~}
by DL Sly on May 14, 2008 12:28 PM
John Kerry, Teddy Kennedy and Marty Meehan used the death of PFC John D. Hart of Bedford, MA to plant in the minds of the mothers of America the notion that all soldiers are entitled to be bulletproof, that it is cruel and unusual punishment to be required to perform one's duty in an unarmored vehicle, and that US casualties in Iraq are not caused by the enemy but by incompetence, negligence and corruption on the part of the Commander-in-Chief and Secretary of Defense. This was part of the info war. Undermine the will, make casualties unacceptable, make force protection the primary mission, neuter the force.
Was this the same unit/commander who's troops had been visiting on foot or a new unit that just arrived and had a different attitude/belief in how to patrol?
It's been a couple of years between then and now, and Hussayn put the uniform on again over a year ago. He didn't mention specific units, but he knows divisional patches -- if the patrol had been "old friends" he'd have brought it up.
My guess is just that the new commander's savvy and so are his troops.
"...there's not enough material in a thong to filter a pound of coffee grounds..."
Well, I have heard that a thong is like a barbed wire fence, it protects the property without blocking the view.
0>;~}
And I'm guessing that you're using the standard formula -- 48 oz. of water:1 lb. coffee grounds. Wouldn't want to foul the caffeine particle accelerator and seepage system by removing any of the accumulated *flavor enhancing aging agents* off the sides of the pot.
by DL Sly on May 14, 2008 1:50 PM
And this thread is just impressing the helk out of the visitors...
Sigh.
Ah well, as I said in response to Chris: we're a whatever-we-collectively-feel-like-being-when-we-post blog.
The Iraqi airforce is building up again. My girlfriend is an air-traffic controller at an RAF airfield where some of them are being trained in elementary flying. The best way to get a country on side is to get an honest, uncorrupted military. The best way to do that is if we train them, in the West. Good luck to all those in the Iraqi armed forces!
by Richard on May 14, 2008 5:36 PM
Actually, John, it is impressing the 'helk' out of me. Not every interaction needs to be uber-serious, humour is a wondrous lubricant.
All the brave men and women who are out there defending us have my deepest respect. I cannot thank you enough.
BillT, boxers are comfortable, my boys don't like to be caged in too tight, they need room to breath. I've been called worse than square, I can take it.
by Jon on May 14, 2008 5:54 PM
We did the same type of policing in Karbala in 2003. Lots of foot patrols, knowing who's who in town, developing leads and trust and we had very little activity.
When the Active Army MP unit from the 101st came in to take over from us, they threw everything we did and told them into the trash, told off our guys, turtled up and then proceeded to get shot, rocketed and bombed.
by SGT Ted on May 14, 2008 6:05 PM
Wow. The behavior of the American troops is right out of Field Manual 3-24. They've obviously taken it to heart.
Reminds me of all those "elite" cavalry that considered fighting on foot an indignity. True warriors fought on horsies, after all. Course the English longbow kind of put the kibosh on that idea when the French tried to use shock cavalry rather than shock infantry.
Technology is always going to first give you the cavalry mount and then neuter it by giving ya a convenient way to take that mount out. We're just in one part of that cycle.
by Ymarsakar on May 14, 2008 11:40 PM
The best way to get a country on side is to get an honest, uncorrupted military.
Agreed, a hundred percent.
Among the latest group I trained was a pilot who wore US Master Army Aviator wings over his right breast pocket. I pointed to them and said, "I wore those same wings for twenty years. A gift from a friend?"
He said, "Yes, from my friend who flies Apaches. He went home to his family and gave me his wings as a gift."
I said, "That is a good gift for one friend to give another."
He said, "Yes. A very good gift." After a couple of seconds, he added, "I miss seeing my friend..."
You will never have a perfectly surviveable system. And you cannot turn Humvees into tanks. You will bankrupt the country.
No one ever gave a tip to me when I was buttoned up. I never had an interaction with an Iraqi in an armored Humvee with the doors closed and the windows up. (We didn't have grenade screens in those days. Heck, most of my Humvees had CANVAS doors, if they had doors at all.!)
Part of the solution is going to lie not in making our vehicles invincible. You CAN'T make it invincible to a triple stacked anti-tank mine.
So don't even try.
Rather, the real solution to defeating this measure is not going to lie with the vehicles at all, but outside them.
Dismount.
Get into the communities. Leverage Iraqi contacts.
Yes, we're doing that already, as much as we can. But these knuckledragging trogs in Congress are focusing on the wrong things. And the ignorant press is dragging us along with them, and damaging the war effort, by pulling us into a defensive mentality.
The insurgency will not be defeated by putting an extra armor on our vehicles. The insurgency will be defeated by dismounts. Dismounts out there engaging with the Iraqi people and collecting real-time intelligence.
And THAT is the effort the Media should focus on. THAT is the effort that Congress should focus on.
Where is all the heat forcing colonels to jump through their asses to develop HUMINT? There isn't much. All anyone wants to hear about is armor this, and armor that.
Fuck the armor. Get out and clobber the enemy, and let HIS sorry ass wish he had more armor.
Get back on offense. Close with and destroy the enemy.
Thanks for making the point so directly and vividly. Your should be a must read for every counterinsurgent warrior.
"Change of Unit" is no excuse, nor explanation either. Failure of command is the problem.
People say "We are learning" as though this were new stuff. It absolutely is not. The failure of big rich armies to recognise insurgents for what they are and use the time tested means to defeat them is so often repeated asto be easily predictable and a safe bet.
Sixty years ago, we WERE insurgents. Not to mention 235 years ago.
And we've successfully defeated insurgencies before, too.
Two trips around the circuit and two low passes in a pretty brisk crosswind (student's options for two of the three include touch-and-go or rejected landings, but he *must* land on the third pass). The pic below shows this particular kaydet's third approach.
He touched down a bit long, but he didn't balloon or bounce. I haven't OPSECed the pix yet, so you'll just have to take my word that he was wearing the world's biggest grin when he taxied past me on his way to the traditional mud-douse and fire-hose drenching.
Why all the excitement over one Iraqi student becoming the IqAF's newest pilot?
Because of what we promised if he soloed. We're gonna teach him to drive a car.
Heh I knew of an ex pilot air traffic controller of commercial flights, excellent at his job. But he drives a Volvo (cue Volvo jokes) like a blind man. Right over the top of roundabouts, turns from the wrong lane. Reverse at intersections, often hits the kerb and so on.
My theory is he treats roads like his open airspace.
I'm now working with my second group of IqAF helicopter pilots -- evidently, I didn't scare the first group that badly one single bit. These guys were evidently well-briefed before they came up here from Taji, because they opened the door to our office, looked around grinning and said, "Good morning!", made a beeline for yours truly and promptly introduced themselves. I saw two familiar squadron patches, so I've got a good idea who described me to them...
After the initial sim period (our sims are visual, non-motion, so there's a whale of a cognitive disconnect between what your eyes tell your brain and what the seat of your pants conveys), we were decompressing in the shade and started trading aviation background info. I thought you might like to know that there was one part of the Basra op that was planned *right* and went according to plan from Day One all the way through. I'll let Ali tell it -- it was his story, after all.
"So, on the first day, we knew the troops will be needing the ammunition, the food, the medicine for casualties. The C-130 [an IqAF Herky, BTW] lands and offloads the ammunition first. We put the ammunition into the Huey IIs and fly resupply. The Bad Guys shoot to drive us off, but we shoot back and continue into the area to land because the troops, our troops, need ammunition.
"More ammunition and food go on the Mi-17s because the packages are large and heavy, only ammunition goes on the Huey IIs. We all go, Huey IIs and Mi-17s. Again the Bad Guys shoot and try to drive us off, keep us from landing. Again, we shoot back and go in and land, we offload the ammunition and the food.
"Then we all go back to where the C-130 is, and we get more ammunition, more food, and fly it to the troops. The Bad Guys shoot, but not so much, because the troops are moving around in the city now, and we don't shoot because the Bad Guys are close to the troops, close to the people of the city and we land, again.
"My copilot says to me, 'This is not as bad as the Vietnam films on the TV, but now *I* will have a "Hey, No Sh*t" helicopter war story to tell!' "
So, are you going to be offering a TINS:Storytelling elective for this bunch of stoonts? Could be used if grounded by sandstorms, ya know. Covering
-scrubbing Identifying Information to protect the guilty
-proper utilization of the amusing side-anecdote
-dialogue and internal voice as a narrative aid
Wind's kicking up to 30mph, the next crew arrived early, the previous crew is stranded because of the storm, the PAR is overdue for calibration and tomorrow the generator goes offline for maintenance.
I'm now working with my second group of IqAF helicopter pilots -- evidently, I didn't scare the first group that badly one single bit. These guys were evidently well-briefed before they came up here from Taji, because they opened the door to our office, looked around grinning and said, "Good morning!", made a beeline for yours truly and promptly introduced themselves. I saw two familiar squadron patches, so I've got a good idea who described me to them...
After the initial sim period (our sims are visual, non-motion, so there's a whale of a cognitive disconnect between what your eyes tell your brain and what the seat of your pants conveys), we were decompressing in the shade and started trading aviation background info. I thought you might like to know that there was one part of the Basra op that was planned *right* and went according to plan from Day One all the way through. I'll let Ali tell it -- it was his story, after all.
"So, on the first day, we knew the troops will be needing the ammunition, the food, the medicine for casualties. The C-130 [an IqAF Herky, BTW] lands and offloads the ammunition first. We put the ammunition into the Huey IIs and fly resupply. The Bad Guys shoot to drive us off, but we shoot back and continue into the area to land because the troops, our troops, need ammunition.
"More ammunition and food go on the Mi-17s because the packages are large and heavy, only ammunition goes on the Huey IIs. We all go, Huey IIs and Mi-17s. Again the Bad Guys shoot and try to drive us off, keep us from landing. Again, we shoot back and go in and land, we offload the ammunition and the food.
"Then we all go back to where the C-130 is, and we get more ammunition, more food, and fly it to the troops. The Bad Guys shoot, but not so much, because the troops are moving around in the city now, and we don't shoot because the Bad Guys are close to the troops, close to the people of the city and we land, again.
"My copilot says to me, 'This is not as bad as the Vietnam films on the TV, but now *I* will have a "Hey, No Sh*t" helicopter war story to tell!' "
So, are you going to be offering a TINS:Storytelling elective for this bunch of stoonts? Could be used if grounded by sandstorms, ya know. Covering
-scrubbing Identifying Information to protect the guilty
-proper utilization of the amusing side-anecdote
-dialogue and internal voice as a narrative aid
Wind's kicking up to 30mph, the next crew arrived early, the previous crew is stranded because of the storm, the PAR is overdue for calibration and tomorrow the generator goes offline for maintenance.
...a snoot-whapping (I'd call it something else, but that would only draw Cassie's attention) from John with reference to my Early Onset Senility admittedly spotty intelligence reports, I figured you might like to see something that's worth a couple of thousand words.
Al Qaida claims 'defeat' for US troops in Iraq
Baghdad, 18 April 2008 (Gulf News)
Al Qaida has released a new audio recording saying that US troops in Iraq have failed.
The 16-minute message from Al Qaida deputy leader Ayman Al Zawahiri was posted on Thursday on several websites linked to militant Islamists.
"Where the American invasion stands now, after five years, is failure and defeat," Al Zawahiri said in the recording, the authenticity of which could not be immediately verified.
Uhhh, yeah, right, I'll believe that one when I see it. We're there, until it's over. It ain't over until it's over. But we should not go to war unless, we DECLARE WAR, under absolutely no other circumstances. This is the Constitutional standard.
Grumpy
by Grumpy on April 20, 2008 2:14 PM
I guess that explains where asshats like Pelosi and Murtha have been getting their GWOT Progress Reports!
by AFSister on April 20, 2008 6:13 PM
ZaWahabi would've gained a tad more cred if the tape hadn't sounded like it was recorded inside a sewer pipe... –Bill
Sewer pipe… Hey, you’re talking about Michael Moore’s Minuteman. You have heard the old saw: “One man’s terrorist is another man’s turd.” Or, something like that. 8 ^ )
Oh well, I never liked the guy anyway. Bill, if you get a chance will do us a favor and flush the old log away.
"I'm not surprised they are good pilots...they just flew in an air force owned by an a$$hole."
[Dusty said that, in response to Bill's email-turned-into-a-post below. It's kind of how I have viewed the French Army in my interactions with them - they really are good soldiers, and a pretty good Army, operationally. They've just been cursed with lousy ownership when it comes to the highest levels of management. I'll step aside and let Bill tell his story. - the Armorer]
Some of you may recall I mentioned this incident last month after John smacked me on the ass engaged me in some light-hearted electronic badinage. That item remained as sort of a subthread in subsequent e-mails -- background info only, because, like all aircraft accident investigations, the Investigating Board goes over all the evidence (wreckage, witness statements, the whole ball of wax) until they produce the final report.
In this case, mechanical failure and enemy action were pretty much non-starters -- no evidence, It looked like a simple case of spatial misorientation in a sandstorm -- the question was, *why* did it happen? Lotsa theories, but humor me and keep reading.
I sent this to John yesternight and he though it needed saying.
Too bad that story can't be told. It should be. All of it.
Sigh. And that's not because *we* can't run it, it's because, well, it's a good story about *them* and they can use 'em.
I've OPSECed the daylights out of it, but you'll get the picture...
I just blessed off on the four Iraqi stick-jockeys who came here to have their Instrument Instructor skills honed and evaluated. [names, ranks and squadrons redacted] all of them smacked their simulated birds into the simulated ground the first time I put them IMC, but they were "flying" an unfamiliar airframe. By the second hour, they were over being sim-sick and ready to go. No problem with their basic flying skills -- all were at least as good as the US helicopter pilots with the same flying hour level, and they all have multiple-thousand hours of stick time.
After the second sim period, I briefed them on attitude indicator failure and how to keep right-side up using only the non-electric instruments -- basically, the same things the pioneer mail pilots used in the 'Thirties. For the first two minutes, they were a bit shaky, but after they got their scan adjusted, they were good -- *very* good, in fact. After they landed, I got everybody outside for a break and one of them said, "Now I know why the Mi-17 crashed." He was on the IqAF investigation board.
Originally, everybody I talked to said all the IqAF pilots had zero instrument skills, but what I saw makes me call bullshit on that. These four were just plain *good* at instruments.
The Iraqi pilot continued, "When you started talking about the attitude indicator, I didn't realize you meant the artificial horizon, then when you failed it, I suddenly realized. And then I realized what killed the Mi-17 crew. I *knew*.
"In American helicopters, the little airplane stays still and the artificial horizon moves up and down and sideways. It is opposite with Russian artificial horizon -- the horizon stays still and the little airplane moves up and down and sideways.
"The Mi-17 has *Russian* artificial horizon."
The Iraqi Mi-17 pilots got their instrument training in the Huey. When they took off, they were nose-low -- *all* helicopters take off nose-low, it's the only way to get the beasts in the air, The little airplane on the artificial horizon went to the bottom of the gauge, as it was designed to do, and when they went IMC, the frikkin' Russian attitude indicator made them believe they were still straight and level for the first couple of seconds. By the time they got their scan going, they were still in a dive, probably only fifty feet above the ground.
Crunch.
I sent each one of the students off with a packet of instrument training pubs and slides. Got a couple of squadron patches in return -- [redacted] flies the Mi-17.
On a related note (related to oft-cited US opinion of Iraqi flying skills based on Gulf I and OIF), I think we might be painting with too broad a brush. [names and units redacted] flew fighter-bombers in Iran-v-Iraq and both had their bacon saved by the US Navy. The Aegis picket ships (who painted everything within 500 miles or so) would often give egressing Iraqi aircraft notice of bandits closing on their locations. When DS kicked off, most of the Iran-v-Iraq vets decided they weren't going to shoot up people who'd previously saved their asses -- but if they'd flat out refused to fly, they would have been shot; if they flew to Syria, they thought they'd be shot down by the Iraqi ADA ring oriented on Israel; they couldn't go to Turkey because Turkey was a Coalition partner. So, they went to Iran, got thrown in jail and beaten up for a while, and then were released at the end of hostilities. Most of the non-flying done in OIF was due to the Saddam's Got Control of the Situation Syndrome, but a bit of it was Iran-v-Iraq vets -- fixed- and rotary-wing -- hot-starting engines on purpose and frying them to ground the aircraft.
How much is true and how much is eyewash for the old gringo? Dunno, but both Su-7s on display here have slag for engine guts.
Now, before you lump me for telling tales out of school, consider the following:
1. The Iraqi board *knew* that spatial misorientation killed the Mi-17 crew, but they couldn't figure out *why* -- all the instruments were working normally and the crew, although inexperienced, had instrument training. Knowing the *why* won't change the causal findings, but it'll take a smidgeon of the onus off the dead pilots.
2. That's not the first time I've heard stories about what went on in the Gulf during Iran-v-Iraq -- just the first time I've heard them from the ones who were warned.
And now Dusty provides the coda:
"He's right about the Russian ADIs...they are the reverse of our design and VERY difficult to use the first time you try (given my MiG-23 sim experience in Hungary)...check that--it's impossible the first time. Everything is exactly backwards in the fixed-wing aircraft, i.e., what looks like a right bank in a US attitude indicator is a left bank in a Russian one, etc. If the little airplane moved as they say, that would be OK, but the ones I saw were out-and-out nauseatingly difficult to decipher.
As far as foreign pilot skills go, every fight I've ever been associated with assumes every SOB on the other side is an Eric Hartmann about to be unleashed. If they turn out to be less-than, so much the better. Then again, ask Randy Cunningham (on visitors' day) about Major Tomb.
I'm not surprised they are good pilots...they just flew in an air force owned by an a$$hole."
And to top it off - this might be the first "Marquee Post" where all the headliners of this space contributed something!
Wow. That is some fascinating stuff. Thanks so much for sharing it!
A question: So the Iraqis are training on one style of artificial horizon, then using another style for operations? Was that something that nobody had picked up on?! If so, is anything going to be done to align the training and operational equipment?
I wonder how difficult it is, institutionally speaking, to overcome problems like the one you described? Up in the snowy, white north, we get people arguing all the time that we should be buying relatively cheap Russian or even more expensive European kit (especially aircraft). The example usually cited is the Indian military, which buys from whomever they can.
I wonder what a hodgepodge of equipment like that does to your safety, interoperability, orphan stock costs, and training costs?
Damian,
This story is EXACTLY what happens when you get a hodgepodge of equipment. Tragic.
by AFSister on April 16, 2008 10:26 AM
Well, it's what happens if you can't maintain some structural separation.
Back when I weont on my final trip to the Sandbox for saber rattling, Operation Desert Thunder, the Kuwaiti Army had a brigade each of Pact gear, French gear, and US gear, and kept track of it that way. They didn't swap people out from unit to unit willy-nilly.
But it certainly complicates things, no matter how you manage it.
This also brings up an interesting additional facet concerning when people accuse the US of aiding Iraq against Iran back in the day.
In real life, actions have both negative and positive consequences. People who either focus all on the negative or the positives, to the exclusion of the real deal, are bombs waiting to go off if you strap them to your mission payload.
And they're not going to go off when you think they are going to go off either.
Such people make an extreme disaster of operations, precisely because they either look at America's support of Iraq and try to use it to destroy America's support of Iraq in the here and now by overplaying the negatives, or they look at the so called "positives" of cheap, inaccurate, "better" Russian hardware for the Iraqis in order to discount the advantage of interoperability and training which would come from getting the Iraqis the M-16 family of armaments.
Russia's quality control seems to be rather weirdly different to AMerica's, if not in the suckage compartment. Their industrial or technological base isn't the problem, it's the way they do quality control. Take a look at how they maintain, or rather don't maintain, their nuclear armaments. Which is probably why their most popular armaments like the Ak 47 don't need quality control because they have low tolerances. The popular refrain seems to be that you could bury an AK 47 underground for years, dig it back up rusted and gunky, then fire it off. It won't be very accurate though...
Little things like making the artificial horizon more intuitive, doesn't really seem to factor in for the Russians compared to the American or Western obsession with making things more streamlined and intuitive. Different philosophies, different methodologies.
For people, whether Leftists or not, just interested in the minor tactical advantages of Russian arms and their lack of a need for maintenance, are ignoring the logistical question. It's one thing if it is a tactical choice between more firepowr and less firepower. It is one thing if it is a tactical choice between weapons that work and weapons that just don't work even if you did everything you could to clean them, sort of like VIetnam plastic rifles. But this is a difference between solidifying American and Iraqi logistics by cutting out foreign equipment, or stay as we are while we try to get the Iraqis logistically independent of us.
Better logistics in the lnog run is always better than any slight improvements in tactics that could be effected, in my view.
On another note, it is always fascinating to see the perspective from another party in a warfare, rather than your own. Makes learning things faster.
by Ymarsakar on April 16, 2008 10:55 AM
Damien wrote:
wonder how difficult it is, institutionally speaking, to overcome problems like the one you described? Up in the snowy, white north, we get people arguing all the time that we should be buying relatively cheap Russian or even more expensive European kit (especially aircraft). The example usually cited is the Indian military, which buys from whomever they can.
You could go with the Israeli model and buy the A/C w/o instruments, and install your own
by Tim on April 16, 2008 11:16 AM
This is the first I’ve written about the Iraqi Air Force Mi-17 Crash last month. I didn’t personally know Staff Sergeant Chris Frost, the US Air Force Gunner who was killed in the crash, but do I remember seeing him whenever I was up at Taji. I had the highest respect for the USAF gunners and pilots who flew with and trained the Iraqi Airmen. Those men and women are the unsung heroes of the US effort to rebuild the Iraqi Air Force. I worked with several Iraqi Air Force Mi-17 crewmen, so odds are I knew some of those who were lost in the crash. I wanted to wait until the official report was released before discussed the situation. After reading the comments to this post regarding the after action report, I couldn’t remain silent. I’m very proud of the Iraqi Air Force, and proud of the Airmen of the United States Air Force who are training their fellow Iraqi Airmen.
The Iraqi Air Force does not have a 'hodgepodge' of equipment as is assumed by many. Their Mi-17 fleet, though currently small, will triple in size over the next couple of years. The Iraqi leadership chose to purchase more Mi-17s because they're good at flying them, and their maintainers are very experienced working on them.
We pushed the Hueys on them because the Huey II is an excellent helicopter and we could bring them in faster than the Mi-17s. We almost convinced the Iraqis to purchase another 30+ Huey II’s last fall, but the Iraqi Air Force rightfully decided they should stick with what they're good at and purchased more Mi-17s.
Ironically last August when I was ordering the Mi-17s for the IqAF I was asked by the Iraqi Air Staff time after time to make sure the helicopters had two modern radar altimeters, something not standard on the Mi-17. I was told that during the Iraqi invasion of Kuwait in 1990, 80+ helicopters crashed in the early morning darkness enroute to Kuwait because their altimeters were sub-par. The Iraqi leadership still remembers that lesson, and they stressed the importance of ordering only the best altimeters for their helicopters. I did just that. The new fleet that is inbound this year will be modified immediately after they leave the Russian assembly line by a US company. They will all have the appropriate altimeters, and hopefully a tragedy like this won’t happen again.
As for the transition from Hueys to Mi-17s being a contributing factor in the accident, what else could the Iraqi Air Force do? The Hueys were the only operational helicopters available to the Iraqi pilots first, so most pilots trained on them. The ones who transitioned to the Mi-17 were limited to flying inside the perimeter of their base because of a lack of defensive systems and trained gunners. Once those limitations were overcome, the Iraqis began flying operational Mi-17 missions outside the wire with great success.
Their first missions were to Basra last fall. They did an outstanding job and the crews quickly learned to adapt. The flight that crashed this March was flying north of Mosul, something the Iraqis haven't done in years, but they had to fly up there to provide the support their nation is asking of them. The Iraqi Air Force sortie rate increased from 30 per week in January 2007 to 300 per week in December 2007 because the Iraqi government desperately needs organic air power in the Counter-insurgency war they are fighting. This ‘surge’ in air power will most likely double throughout 2008, so the pressure is on for the US and Iraqi Airmen to train, equip, and join the fight.
Are the pilots inexperienced? Some of them. Are they learning and adapting quickly? Absolutely. Are our US Air Force pilots training the Iraqi pilots to the same standards as we train our own. You bet. Still, it's a new, young Air Force. No matter how many obstacles you overcome in your training and maintenance, mistakes will still happen and lives will tragically be lost.
And remember, the Iraqi Pilots and Crewmen are all learning how to operate in a combat environment, which makes this entire enterprise even more difficult and costly. They’re dodging small arms, missile fire, sand storms, and a “quazi-free for all” VFR combat air space while they’re learning how to fly in an operational capacity.
Yet they're still flying, and we're still training them. Why? Because no nation can be secure without Airpower, and the Iraqis have always known this. It's just taken us 4 years to finally do something about it.
I worked directly for the Iraqi Air Force for 6 months, and I'd do it again if called upon. Our Air Force is doing an outstanding job growing and developing what once was, and soon will be again, one of the most respected Air Forces in the region.
El Capitan, no disrespect was intended in my remarks. Canadian Forces aircraft are currently all American in pedigree, but we are constantly being pushed to buy something other than U.S. designs. I have concerns about mixing and matching, and was honestly asking for feedback, given that this post made me reflect on an issue that touches my military, but also quite a number of others.
Same here.
The point is that training on American helicopters and then flying Russian helicopters seems to be an issue due to the instrument panel differences. That's what was meant by hodgpodge- not that they have shoddy equipment, or that they're trying to put Russian parts in American copters or visa versa. And no one is saying that the IrAF pilots are incompetent- quite the opposite. After you read Bill's AAR, you understand exactly how this kind of thing could easily happen.
It's like driving in America your whole life, and then renting a car in England for a week's vacation- you're bound to screw up the right-sided steering, or at least struggle with it. Being in the air has far more dire consequences though.
by AFSister on April 16, 2008 2:27 PM
This is why I am a landlubber and don't like heights and don't like to fly and and and...WOW.
I am impressed. This is Good Stuff.
by Cricket on April 16, 2008 2:38 PM
Damian
The Forces may purchase American sourced equipment, but it is not USAF or USN standard. Back in the 80's we lost three Hercs and were offered replacements by Lockheed at a must-buy price. The aircraft were sitting unsold at the factory; the price to be charged was for the bare airframe. Unfortunately, the aircraft would have required partial stripping to remove the wiring/electronics and install the RCAF standard kit. The rebuild would have brought the acquisition cost up to the price of a Herc purchased the 'normal' way, which the Air Force could not afford.
There's a company in Kelowna which tries to sell Russian hels to the Air Force, but their aircraft are fitted with Canadian standard avionics, not Russian.
Cheers
by J.M. Heinrichs on April 16, 2008 2:55 PM
The Forces may purchase American sourced equipment, but it is not USAF or USN standard.
Uh...yeah...which is why I purposely used the phrase "American pedigree." Are you forgetting I've actually flown in most of them?
They’re dodging small arms, missile fire, sand storms, and a “quazi-free for all” VFR combat air space while they’re learning how to fly in an operational capacity.
Substitute "torrential rain" for "sandstorms" and you've got Vietnam. We lost a lot of helicopters *there* due to weather-related accidents before we taught ourselves how to survive.
That lesson wasn't lost on the Iraqi Air Force, either -- which is why they insisted that us rotary wing instructors have an Army Aviation background, rather than a USAF one.
When the Flight School Commander found out that two of us *were* Vietnam helicopter vets, he was ecstatic...
John, Damian, AFSister... my apologies if I sounded a little gruff on that comment. Guess I'm still a little emotionally attached to the folks out there, as well as their mission. Hard to leave for home when you're so attached to the mission.
Thanks for putting the good word out on this situation and the many others out there that go unreported.
The walking areas around the IqAF Flight School are all covered with river-rock -- "small jacks" -- if you're from the Nor'East. Smooth, rounded, water-washed pebbles varying in size from thumbnail to tie-it-to-a-stick-and-it's-a-sledgehammer. Mostly dove-gray with chunks of Concord-grape purple.
It's there so the inside of the classrooms don't wind up covered with three inches of outside every time the wind blows.
Hussan saw me snapping pix of the flightline and walked up with a grin on his face. He picked up a stone and said, "This is *Iraqi* rock!"
Go read what John wrote here, then come back. It's okay, I'll wait.
Hassan continued. "In the old days, this area would have been left open. Breathe at it and you would get a face full of dust. Look at the part of the base that is still as it was in the old days. Bare. It is dust waiting to blow in your face. But here, where the Flight School is, where learning is happening, it is covered to keep the dust down. Here. Covered with Iraqi rock."
He closed his fist over the stone like it was a five-dollar gold piece and grinned.
"*This* is Iraq."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I was gonna send this out by e-mail, but I figger I'll eliminate the middleman and post it instead:
I'm gonna be busier than a one-legged man in an a$$-kicking contest for the next two weeks, and Generator Cutoff Time will prolly kick in before I get the chance to show up and play. *Good Deal*-type stuff, so don't go spreading rumors that I eloped with the Warrior Princess (she hangs out with me because her *dad* flew in Vietnam, too) or that I got nailed by a bottle rocket. It won't involve thongs or thinging -- thorry, Cathth.
The first time the Deployed Gentleman (DG) enters the Dining Facility and encounters, in order,
1. The Lady Contractor, clad in either shorts or spray-on jeans,
2. The Lady Contractor, clad in full-up battle rattle and spray-on cargo pants, and
3. The Warrior Princess, clad in full-up battle rattle, packing enough heat to fight (and win -- single-handed) the Napoleonic Wars, and displaying more cutlery than Emeril ever owned,
the DG is faced with a quandary. How to comport himself during Polite Social IntercourOOOPS Conversation with his Feminine Potential Dining Companion.
They didn't cover *that* at CRC.
To correct that unfortunate, but forgiveable, oversight, The Castle has instituted still *another* One-Off, Never Go There Again chapter in its miniseries of Public Service Symposia.
Lesson One: Mastering Polite Table Talk
First, the DG should be aware of the length of time his Dining Companion has In-Country, which will enable him to expand upon their mutual experience. Fortunately, the Gentler Sex communicates this information through body language, and the astute DG should key on these subtle signs.
Been Here One Week: Observes DG in peripheral vision, recoils.
Been Here Two Weeks: Makes inadvertent eye contact with DG, recoils.
Been Here Three Weeks: Makes inadvertent eye contact with DG, shrugs.
Been Here Four Weeks: Makes inadvertent eye contact with DG, smiles.
Been Here Five Weeks: Makes deliberate eye contact with DG, smiles.
Been Here Six Weeks: Asks DG to get her a cup of coffee when DG gets up to refill his.
Been Here Seven Weeks: Mentions that the PX has just received a new shipment of stationery.
Been Here Eight Weeks: Mentions that the PX has just received a new shipment of military accoutrements.
Been Here Nine Weeks: Mentions that the PX has just received a new shipment of combat cutlery, but it consists of "the same crappy Chinese KaBar knockoffs" as usual.
Been Here Ten Weeks: Slams tray on table, says, "Geez! What a farking day *this* -- hey! Don't you *dare* move! -- has been! I swear to..."
Ahem.
Next Lesson: Complimenting the Warrior Princess on Her Choice of Fighting Knives...
Having been there, done that a couple of times, I think Bill's dead on the money here. I have to admit, though, that I've far less practical experience in these matters than he, mostly because the love of my life is a red-haired Irishwoman with a short temper who is a somewhat better pistol shot than I am...
by Blake Kirk on April 11, 2008 8:17 AM
and here I thought I was the only redheaded short tempered irish woman to lurk around here .pot
I would not suggest, "My...those ARE sharp and pointy." Translatory problem may occur.
Nor..."I'll show you mine if you show me yours." Unless the object(s) in question have already been established in a previous sentence.
by kat-missouri on April 11, 2008 9:03 AM
"I like a gal with a nice, wide ricasso..."
Try that one, Chief...
by Neffi on April 11, 2008 9:32 AM
I lurk, then I report to oldloder , his internet access is very limited and he feels deprived.he should be all connected by sunday inshalla , then watch out , inshalla .
by pot on April 11, 2008 9:40 AM
Gee, sounds remarkably similar to encounters in *some* parts of SoCA. Well, maybe the other way around. Start with the discussion of available *cutlery* and work your way up to shy eye contact. lol
Heh. pot understates herself. She's not Irish by linear extrapolation from some immigrant shambling through Ellis Island... she's a *recent* import [erm, 'transplant'].
bee nice , I'm really a just a kitten with large claws, ask oldloader, got him to go back to the mid east didnt I ?? soon i'll be there too . Proud to be an import.
by pot on April 11, 2008 10:29 AM
preferr term transplant, then I feel I did some good since coming here !!!!!
by pot on April 11, 2008 10:34 AM
With full Battle Rattle none of the tried and true one liners would work.
"Gee...you've lost weight".
"I like what you've done with your hair".
"Nice shoes".
Then again you can try humor..."I'd like to kiss you in a place you've never been kissed before".
If she doesn't draw down on you...tell her Kuwait.
by Fishmugger on April 11, 2008 10:40 AM
LOL FM that was funny.
by kat-missouri on April 11, 2008 11:16 AM
Spray on cargo pants? Doesn't that defeat the whole purpose of them being cargo? I'll never figure our women(contractors) and fashion. (Sigh).
Pot, getting Loader to go back? Naw, I likes him here. Whist both o' yas stayed Stateside if you could.
Dinner tonight, sitting across from a female contractor...the standard-issue plastic knife snapped at the first attempt to cut the standard-issue roast beef...expletive muttered under my breath as I pulled out the Gerber Guardian and surgically sliced my roast beef...aforementioned contractor sighs and nearly swoons...and promptly snaps out a 7" switchblade and attacks her roast beef...how cool is that?
by SFC D on April 11, 2008 12:26 PM
Now I know why oldloder gave me my very own swiss army knife for xmas ............
by pot on April 11, 2008 12:44 PM
When do you get to sing her the latest thong?
by rikkochet on April 11, 2008 1:44 PM
Well, If I were sitting across the dining table in that room, across from a gal wearing "spray-on cargo pants" and the subject came up, and I was feeling courageous, I might say something like "You're not serious!"
And then she might answer back, "Not serious about what?"
Got the sequel ramping up, even as we speak. In reverse.
It seems The Neighbors (us) are irked about what's happening to some of Fraser's compatriots. Got an e-gram last night from the blogfirm of Potfry and Williams, better known as the guys from TNOYF:
Hey Bill -- we're selling Ezra Levant t-shirts and donating all profit to the Canadian blogger legal defense fund.
R.J.'s been on this particular case for months -- he raised the initial hue and cry with one of his Patent-Pending Top Nine Little Known Facts gems:
The Top Nine Little Known Facts About Richard Warman
9. Has never been able to recapture the glory he achieved after he defeated Bobby Riggs in the famous "Battle of the Sexes."
8. Once played lead air guitar in a Milli Vanilli tribute band.
7. Only needs to file 137 more lawsuits to finally gain complete and utter revenge on the ruffians who used to steal his lunch money in grade school.
6. Performed an interpretive dance entitled, "The Genius of Alan Alda" for his high school talent show.
5. Coined the phrase, "You can't spell 'team' without 'm-e'."
4. Is perpelexed that his former employer refuses to change their name to the Human Lefts Commission.
3. Is so sensitive that after watching prescription drug commercials on television, frequently comes down with at least two of the major side effects.
2. Would never admit it, but secretly wears Mark Steyn footie-pajamas.
1. Feels very inadequate because…because…well, let's just say that if he had a blog it would be named "3 Inches of Fury."
Heh. R.J. doesn't call a spade a spade -- he calls it a farkin' shovel...
Now, I don't shill for something unless it's a worthy cause or a noble fight (in which case, like John, I'm a total pushover), and IMHO, this is worthy. Stop in at TNOYF's shop -- it's worth the trip just to see the shirts. And when casting starts, I got dibs on the role of Diefenbaker.
How could it be this dark out? It’s only a little after seven. And the wind! This dust blowing -- I can’t see more than fifty feet…
She walked slowly along the roadside, stopping every so often to look around for something she remembered seeing before. And seeing nothing but the sand.
I haven’t seen anything I recognize! Lost. I’m lost.
She hadn’t even seen a T-barrier in the last ten minutes...
My first day here, and I’m lost. And I don’t know if anybody even knows I’m out here…
Thank God the road is paved. If I keep following it -- what if it stops? What if it turns? Whywhywhy didn’t I leave the chow hall with the other guys?
The road abruptly turned to gravel and the dust storm abruptly turned worse.
Okay, don’t panic, she thought. I don’t remember any stretch of gravel, but maybe I just walked a little bit too far--
Barbed wire? Omigod -- I'm on the perimeter! Okay, now's the time to panic! Waitaminnit -- that looks like a light! It is! There’s a light over there! Pleasepleaseplease let it mean there’s a person there, a real person, not just a security light! It’s so dark out here…
A window! I can see desks and computers! There’s somebody working in there! Window’s too dusty, I can’t see who -- oooooh, there’s the door!
She tried the door and found it unlocked. She peered in and --
“Hello? Can you help me?”
-- promptly jolted the daylights out of me. I turned away from the class I was preparing and saw an armed Munchkin in full body armor, standing just inside the door, fetchingly shedding dust all over my rucksack.
"I'm lost."
"No, you're *found*. The hard part's over -- all we have to do now is get you from here to where you're supposed to be."
Well, it took a lot of backtracking and some judicious enroute questioning (“Okay, do you remember *anything at all* about what’s around your hootch? Ummmmm, *aside* from the 12-foot T-barriers?”), but eventually we figured out where she’d made the wrong turn. I calculated a correction for wind drift, sand drift, and spindrift and had her back home less than half an hour after she'd interrupted my class prep.
By the time I'd walked back to the office, the nightly "Turn Off the Generator to Conserve Energy" time had kicked in, so I *still* have to finish that class. 'Nother prime example of the dictum that no good deed goes unpunished.
John ‘n’ SWWBO get furry refugees from the storm showing up on the Castle doorstep in the middle of the night.
I get li’l Navy chicks on their first deployment with no sense of direction showing up on mine.
I could find my way back home
And never have to roam
If I only had a thong....
I'd be happy, there's not middle
I'd be singing as a fiddle
If I only had a thong
Actually, the conversation went something like this:
Cass - "Dear Lord Sly,"
Me - "'Dear Lord Sly.'
Oh, I like the sound of that....
0>;~}"
However, it seemed a bit pretentious if only ever so slightly less than accurate.
0>;~}
Besides, Dark Lord Sly just rolls off the tongue as smoothly as frozen SoCo.
by DL Sly on April 9, 2008 9:47 AM
Dark Lord Sly just rolls off the tongue as smoothly as frozen SoCo.
Ah -- you mean it *sings*!
*********************** Sergeant Muldoon: Are you sure that's what he wanted? Colonel Mike Kirby: Affimative! Sergeant Muldoon: Maybe he liked so many guys thinking about him. Colonel Mike Kirby: Besides that... It SINGS!
[exits] Sergeant Muldoon: [to himself] It sings? That's what he said. Provo's Privy -- it DOES sing!
**********************
February 8, 2007 • In Iraq, improvised explosive devices pose a constant threat to security forces. The makeshift bombs are stashed on the sides of roads, buried in trash or hidden just about anywhere. The U.S. military has sought to train Iraqi security forces to handle them on their own.
But things don't always go as planned.
U.S. Army Sgt. Ryan Lord hadn't driven his Humvee more than 50 yards out of Forward Operating Base Warrior when he came upon Iraqi police standing in the middle of the road. An IED had been spotted up ahead, they told the Americans.
In most cases, that means a U.S. explosives ordnance team comes in to defuse the bomb. But in this case, an Iraqi explosives team is on the case.
The Iraqi police start shooting at the potential bomb, hoping to set it off. But to no avail. The convoy continues to sit and wait. An hour passes. As Sgt. Lord watches, the Iraqi police move closer to the suspected bomb.
The first IED turns out to be a fake. To the surprise of the American soldiers, this emboldens the Iraqi police, who are now focusing on the second suspected bomb.
"Oh, he kicked it," says an American soldier watching.
"The second one must have been safe," Lord says, "because they went over to it, kicked it over, and then threw it across the road."
An hour and a half after first stopping, the convoy moves on.
That was newsworthy-by-MSM-definition because it showcases the US *failure* to
a. instill a healthy respect for IEDs in the local Iraqi cops *and*
b. teach them the proper method of IED neutralization.
However, take note of the glossed-over facts that
a. Iraqi police have taken on the task that *used* to be reserved for US EOD folks *and*
b. shooting an IED (from a distance, naturally) is an accepted field-expedient method of dealing with one of the beasts.
And now, I'll bet a two-liter plastic bottle of generic agua caliente that you won't see this one:
Kirkuk, Mar 12, [2008] (VOI) - Police forces on Wednesday defused a roadside bomb placed near a bridge in central Kirkuk, north Iraq, a security source said.
Kirkuk police forces on Wednesday evening discovered a rocket tied to wires near the directorate of Accounting at a bridge in central Kirkuk,” a security source, who requested anonymity, told Aswat al-Iraq - Voices of Iraq - (VOI)
The source added “the explosives expert defused the rocket.”
Kirkuk lies 250 km north-east of Baghdad.
Heh. Same area, same local cops. But *not* newsworthy, because it shows they've learned the *professional* way to deal with IEDs. They're not still in the learning stage -- now they *know* and they're applying that knowledge.
"B-b-b-but Bill, they're still planting IEDs -- that means The Surge Isn't Working!"
That's like saying NYC's Rodent Control program isn't working because there are still rats in the sewers. I've got cop buddies who remember when they *used* to promenade down Broadway, following the trash trucks...
If the story doesn't meet the spin, don't put it in.
At times, when I'm more positive, I have hopes that the influence of new media and history will prove just how much bias we've had pushed down our throats by the MSM.
And then I remember what a stranglehold liberals still maintain within journalism, broadcast media, academia, and Hollyweird.
Until that changes, they will continue to spin the historical narrative according to their liberal bias to advance their own agendas.
All while gullible Obamaniacs accept it as the complete truth.
TGIF. LOL
by fdcol63 on April 4, 2008 7:03 AM
If it doesn't bleed, vomit, spew, or otherwise meet a certain level of negativity they are not "informing" us.
but what about the mutiny of shiite troops who were supposed to attack positions of the Sadr Army? Do I read about it here? If not, was there a good reason for that? I like to know, because I try to read info from both camps and make up my mind myself.
by eric on April 4, 2008 12:06 PM
eric: mutiny and desertion are practiced as a fine art in Iraqi military culture (see Desert Storm and OIF battle reports for quantification). "going over to the other side" has varying degrees of "gone" to it, and i wouldn't put overly much stock in any report that breathless exclaims that "all" the members of a unit "mutinied".
my brief assessment of the sparse reports i had seen would be thus: "guys who never could have passed a decent background check" may have walked off their current job in order to report back in to whomever their real allegiance was due. such is life.
by MajMike on April 4, 2008 12:48 PM
Eric...there are multiple reports that say different things. According to Kaboomjournal.blogspot.com (I can't link right this second), there were reports that police and others "defected" and handed over their weapons, but LT G said he made the rounds of the check points in his sector and they were all covered.
He notes that, if any did, they did not effect his over all area and may have been very limited.
I say alleged because many of the "officials" in Basra are also Sadr mahdi army or have sympathies to that cause. Noting that an alleged battalion refused to fight is pretty big not to be also validated by the American military. I would look there first before I accept that it was an entire battalion of the army. The police, on the otherhand, I would believe.
In 2005, Steven Vincent, author of In the Red Zone, was murdered in Basra and his interpreter critically wounded because his daily dispatches noted the "criminals", the corruption, and, most importantly, the police being infiltrated by Mahdi militia who posted signs of Sadr and were going around at night kidnapping and killing people for their "un-Islamic" behavior, dress, etc.
Does the possibility of the Basra police "mutinying" against attacking Sadr bother me or portend something that we didn't know already? Nope.
however, I would look to Centcom to see if they have any confirmation of the number, size and organizatoin within the Iraqi army that did or did not "mutiny" before I would accept Basra/Mahdi propaganda that is basically trying to portray even the Iraqi Army under Sadr's control.
A British military official said that Mr. Maliki had brought 6,600 reinforcements to Basra to join the 30,000 security personnel already stationed there, and a senior American military official said that he understood that 1,000 to 1,500 Iraqi forces had deserted or underperformed. That would represent a little over 4 percent of the total.
Context. and even then there is the qualifier of "he understood" which means he is getting his information from a secondary source as well.
by kat-missouri on April 4, 2008 1:57 PM
thank you all and long live the internet!
by eric on April 4, 2008 3:01 PM
thx for the numbers kat...
now to apply the "Iraqi fudge factor" calculation to it.. "about 4% loss" = "bodaciously fantastic attendance today" = "slightly less than a recruiting drive" all in all i would say that was a great show of force.
Net connectivity has been a bit hinky the past week, but I've been able to pop in often enough to read what's been going on -- although my comments usually earn a "Gee, IE can't display that page, and it's really, really sorry about that. Try again next month" message.
So, I have a bit of time after work to yak with the Junior Birdmen. The following came out in a one-on-one that took place a couple of days ago, and I think it ties in nicely with what Kat's been saying, particularly in her Global Jihad All Star Team and FuzzyBee's Disturbing. BTW, I *had* comments, but I see the Regulars did their usual sterling job of covering for me...
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Hussan (not his real name, for a very good reason) had just finished a couple of bumpy trips around the traffic pattern (okay, they call it a “circuit” -- ‘nother Brit legacy) and I was quizzing him about what the winds were doing at 2,000 feet. After about five minutes, the topic shifted to flying in general, then to combat flying in particular. Then it took a turn I hadn’t expected.
“There is a mosque in [town name redacted], the mosque is Wahabi. One day, there is a sniper in the minaret with a Dragunov -- you know this rifle?”
“Yeah -- Russian sniper rifle. The VC had Sov advisors and they used it on us in Vietnam.”
“Yes, the Russian rifle. The sniper in the minaret, he is a good shot, a very good shot with the Dragunov. He begins shooting at people in the street, not hitting, just shooting. A police car drives up in front of the mosque and the two policemen get out. The sniper shoots the driver *bip* in the head, and the driver falls down. The other policeman goes to his friend to pull him behind the car and the sniper shoots him *bip* in the head also. So two policemen are dead in the street.
“The people run to the policemen and the sniper shoots *bip*--*bip* and the people run to the doorways. He does not shoot the people, just shoots so more policemen come so he can shoot them when they get there. Soon some more cars with policemen come and the sniper shoots one *bip* and the other policemen shoot back and take cover, they do not run away like they do in the time of Saddam. The sniper hides and the policemen stop shooting. The sniper looks up over the balcony and all the policemen shoot. They stop shooting when the sniper hides, then all shoot when he looks up over the balcony, then they stop when he hides again. All at once, all the policemen come out from cover and shoot. They move into the street and keep shooting up at where the sniper is, they keep him from looking up.
“Suddenly, there are some American soldiers running around the corner toward the mosque. They run to the door with a shotgun, they shoot the hinges and kick the door in, then they run inside, then some of the policemen stop shooting and run inside with them. The other policemen stop shooting at where the sniper hides in the minaret, but they keep aiming up there. Then one gets a call on his cell phone, and he tells the others to stop aiming, and some go over to the dead policemen and some go into the mosque.
“I saw this, it was in my town. My little brother -- not *smaller-than-I-am* little, *younger-than-I-am* little -- he was with me and saw this, too. I am already in the Army, on leave from Army cadet school. My little brother now joins the police.
“When the soldiers and the police go into the mosque, there is a fight. When it is over, they search the mosque and find IEDs, mortars, RPGs. The Wahabis are two Afghans, one Syrian, three Saudis. No Iraqis.
“So, why do the CNN reporters say this is *Iraqi* insurgency?”
Sign me up with Trias - there are two stories here... the one you emphasize with the closer, and the one you notice, if you're of the bent to - about the performance of the Iraqi police - a good performance.
I was just thinking that about the police action. Really interesting to see them acting in unison and not getting crazy.
On the "global all star team" that the media seems to miss routinely, I can't fully answer that but don't miss the link to bad voodoo's story. another instance of what the media don't get.
I wondered how long it would take somebody to twig to the cops. Two items struck me when Hussan was talking about them:
1. These weren't National Police, they were locals -- in "the time of Saddam" they'd have been Ba'athist flunkies gathering an easy paycheck and augmenting it by shaking down the locals. Note the local folks ran to help the first cops who went down? That's a *huge* change.
2. The cops moved into the open and oriented their weapons on the sniper as the US troops moved up, which said to them "We're friendlies and we've got yer six."
“So, why do the CNN reporters say this is *Iraqi* insurgency?”
Good fraggin' question!!!
With time passing by quickly, I'm trying to gather up as much information on our destination as possible. Our home base over there is by no means a fighting hole half filled with water in the middle of Hades, which comforts these old bones... But all of the pertinant questions are more along the lines of what's going on outside of the wire...
And, ya know, it's not as scary as I had first thought it to be. There are more and more stories about the Iraqis coming together. Signs that the infrastructure is jelling, that old ideas are taking a step aside in favor of new ones.
We'll have to stay frosty, of course, but it doesn't look like we'll be facing anything even close to the combat seen in the past.
Makes me feel a whole lot better, even if the prospect of earning that CIB starts diminishing.
I'm hoping that this will be one long and boring year... I'm counting on increasing a majority of my skills set, and doing a lot of self improvement. I'm taking it as a good sign that my mind is thinking beyond this deployment (that hadn't always been the case)...
In an absolutely positive spin, I might be able to link up with the Chief, and I'm sure that the Denizennes will keep me on my toes...
Nice to see you, Oh Trivety One. Tell Hussan we are axing the same question too...and we are proud of you both!
Gots me an Afghan cookbook and have been skewering Many Things. The back deck is off the house, making that first step out the back door a doozy...
thinking of y'all...
by Cricket on April 3, 2008 11:07 AM
Excellent reporting Bill!
If Saddam’s family still has power – let them be rooted out.
If the MSM has slanted reporting – let them be rooted out.
Keep the information flowing.
Btw, it will be argued in the military if you could have destroyed Saddam with proper ammo in the first strike (incendiary bombs, or cluster bombs, mines or small nukes).
Certainly, it would have been best to destroy Saddam and his daughters in the first strike – but it’s unsure whether it could have been done.
Bush hit them with only 4 penetrator bombs, and rest of the air package was cruise missiles – it only damaged Saddam’s arm.
As I recall, Clinton hit that target with over 70 tons of explosive and Saddam got away. I don’t know if Bush's Air Force could have done better than Clinton.
Q: Would it have been best to destroy Dora’s Ranch with any/all ammo?
Sgt B. Get "Outside the Wire" ASAP and take a look at Bad Voodoo's PBS Frontline Special. So far, those are the two best videos I've seen showing multiple aspects of the different objectives (ie, three block war, convoy duty).
As you are a marine, Outside the Wire is probably the best considering the area you are likely going to.
See my post below for ordering information.
I don't know when you are going, but I hear that Michael Yon's "Moment of Truth" is an excellent book as well. It's not out for another week or so but you can pre-order it.
by kat-missouri on April 3, 2008 11:19 AM
Good story, Bill. Tell Hussan he's one of the good guys, and we're proud of him!
I noticed the good work of the cops as well, very good to see how professional they have become.
And I'm not sure Iraq will survive having Unka Bill and Godzilla ranging together - but the Denizennes will surely love it !!!
Sarge B -- Your future home just upgraded the hospital from semi-temporary (aka "Big Tent Over Aluminum Framework") to semi-permanent (aka "Aluminum Skin Over Aluminum Framework") -- not to handle a huge increase in casualties, but as a base for the increased number of MEDCAPs going on the road to organize civilian clinics.
Cricket -- Keep the Engineer and the CLUs happy; marinate goat for at least 36 hours.
kat -- Sarge B's wearing a *different* set of cammies these days, but OTW's a good suggestion. BTW, I'll be his forward LP/speedbump if al-Q-I goes all blitzkrieg 'n' stuff.
Bill, you are a good man. -- Dagnabbit, Ledger, I've got a *curmudgeon* rep to maintain!
Thanks for all the e-mails (mostly inquiries as to when I expected to regain my sanity and take up housekeeping *inside* a bunker) and comments expressing concern for my post-bottle rocket wellbeing, but geez, it's not like I'm doing rilly *dangerous* stuff anymore [note to Twin: Try a spoonful of Pepto before bedtime].
Besides, the dirtbags don't know me from any other grey-haired, mustachioed, devilishly handsome, shades-'n'-Paki-bush-hat-wearin' contractor over here -- it's not like it's personal or nuthin' this time around.
After about an hour of map-snooping and flash-to-bang comparing (we're not allowed to meander until they sound the All Clear, which they forget to do sometimes), we figured it hit a (vacant) vehicle storage lot a couple-hundred meters away. An on-scene meander after brekkies confirmed it.
A new axle-breaker slightly off dead-center of nowhere, a lot of singed gravel, and that was about it. Until I realized what was along the line-of-flight not more than a football field or two (give-or-take an end-zone) from the crater.
I had a very restless night of sleep last night, but nothing compared to yours. Sheesh.
I did dream about you though. honest.
I had a dream that you came to visit me and the boys for a few days after you came home from the Sandbox. Nothing exciting, but I *did* dream about you.
Reminds me a little of my wife's story about the Air Force guys at Binh Thuy airfield, back around '68 or so, who had built themselves a nice above-ground swimming pool with a little deck around it and everything. And then one night an enthusiastic VC mortarman walked a line of shells down the runway and put the last round dead-center in their pool, which did its watertight integrity no good at all.
But then I've always figured the VC would have eaten the Iraqi insurgency for lunch and been asking for seconds by 1500...
by Blake Kirk on March 28, 2008 9:01 PM
I get so confused...
Cassie -- it's simple.
John is the grey-haired, good-lookin', retired artillery guy who makes fun of helicopters.
Bill is the grey-haired, *really* good-lookin', retired helicopter guy who makes fun of artillery.
See? Now let's go over "back azimuth" and "buttstock"...
"Well, gosh-all-hemlock, Bill, you have *dogs* -- wazzup with the *cat* deal?"
Patience. All will be revealed in good time. If the bandwidth budget holds...
First off, I believe I can lay claim to being the smallest deployed Task Force in the Army. Nope, not "in the smallest Task Force" -- I *am* the smallest Task Force. Y'see, my 'Structor Pilot gig is supporting a Joint Mission. It falls under DoS, the USAF is the Service Lead and the Army was tasked with providing the expertise for the Rotary-Wing portion. When I got here back in December for the site survey, I got a scorecard, met the management, the coaches and the players -- and any time there's an Army side to a mission that doesn't require employing a "normal" unit, the Army tailors a Task Force (usually smaller than needed, but they're getting better at it) to accomplish the Army side.
"Yeah, yeah, I've read history -- get to the *cats*!"
Re. Lax.
As I was saying, the Army drops the Task Force where it's needed, but in order to identify it (because it's an ad hoc organization, after all), the Task Force usually receives a name, rather than a numerical designator (yeah, I know about TF 160 -- different ballgame altogether). When I met the Army IPs, they figured it was only right that I be brought into the Task Force -- I am, after all, a retired *Army* aviator. So, I learned the seekrit password, the seekrit way to hold the coffee mug and got the official TF patch.
When I got here last month, the Army IPs left on the C-130 that brought me here -- we high-fived each other when we passed on the ramp.
I'm the only one over here, hence my claim to being the smallest deployed Task Force in the Army.
"The cats! What about the *cats*, you addlepated--"
Heh. Remember I told you that Task Forces were *named*? Well, "Army Air Expeditionary Advisory Group" proved a tad cumbersome, so the semi-official title became TF Wildcat.
Heh. I was wondering who'd be the first to twig the VPB-71 link. The Black Cats were a WWII Catalina outfit that operated in the Pacific; one of the Army IP's had a family tie to it -- google VPB-71 and click on Dave's Warbirds:
"The cat chosen by the squadron was a tough-looking customer all in black, wearing a flotation vest, seaman’s cap, cigar stub in mouth, holding a smoking Colt .45 in both paws. Colors: cat, black with white muzzle and yellow eyes; seaman’s cap, white; flotation vest, yellow; Colt .45, gray."
The mascot's accoutrements were updated, eye color changed to NVG green, Army wings added and voila!
No PhotoShopping needed. A stateside patch-maker did 'em up and the local tailor added the velcro backing...
Dunno JTG. Gustatus Simili Pullus, just sounds all wrong. Not that we don't taste like chicken. Who am I to know.
Its just that believe that the sentence requires an Ablative form of Chicken. Thus it should read: Gustatus Simili Pullo. I have to check my good ol' trusty Wheelock, to make sure though.
by Boquisucio on March 28, 2008 7:42 AM
It'll be cool to see that patch up close...
I wonder if, since we're gonna be in the same AO and all, if the whole "Joint Operation" concept would entitle us - that is, you and me (and anyone else who can occupy the same grid)- to form another TF...
Castle correspondants tend to gravitate towards the sound of the guns (it's who we are, it's how we roll...)
I'm not sure if Castle Argghhh was opened before or after we started combat operations, but I'm pretty sure ya'll never expected to have a few Denizenes actually knee-deep in the hoo-ya...
I've seen enough un-authorized patrol flags (courtesy of my dad's Silent Service days) to know that the decorations and accolades he's most proud of are NOT the ones that an Admiral pinned on his chest... The tradition of unofficial awards and such is alive and well (wouldn't mind hearing some of the TINS tales about 'em, by the by...) Up until now, my favorite is an empty .50 cal casing with a projectile on a rough-hewn piece of ammo crate and a stamped dog tag with "LCPL B[redacted] HVY GUNS PLT WPNS CO 2/6 [date redacted] - [date redacted]"
As I have more than a passing affection for Company Argghhh, I think it would be neat to have something I could show the grandkids someday:
Li'l Squirt #1: Grampa, what's 'Task Force Argghh'?
Says me: Well, my boy, there was once a forum dedicated to the freedoms granted us by our founding fathers, and the folks who contributed to it were thinkers, war-fighters, and compassionate souls who supported the fight against the enemies of freedom. They discussed pertinent issues and formed well-prepared arguements in support of these issues.
Li'l Squirt #1: Okay, but what's 'Task Force Argghhh'?
Says me: Why, beloved child, some of us were privilaged to be on the first string of the debate team...
Well, just shows what happens when ya don't keep an eye on your Warrants and NCOs... We get into all kinds of trouble... Junior officers too, I'm thinkin'...
And as for YOU, Kat, and YOU, FBL, and all ya'll G-2 folks...
Without you folks breaking it down into single syllable words for us combat arms types, we might not be as imboldened and truly appreciate the importance of the fight, so..
Sgt B, I know what you mean about the unauthorized flags. The day I left Kabul headed for home, I was summoned to the Recruiting Assistance Team office. I traveled around Afghanistan with the 'RAT Team' as they established Afghan National Army recruiting centers. I always went with the advance security team to have more photo time on the ground. And I wrote a nice article about them. Anyway, they presented me with one of their guidons. It had King RAT from the old surfer comics as the logo with all of the RAT Team signatures. It meant more to me to receive that than it did to receive the Defense Meritorious Service Medal for my tour. Although, I was already pissed because I got the DMSM instead of a Bronze Star, but that's an entirely different story. That guidon is one of my most cherished items from that tour.
by 1sg keith on March 28, 2008 1:54 PM
I think you're right too, John......
by 1sg keith on March 28, 2008 1:57 PM
purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.............
by WereKitten on March 28, 2008 2:06 PM
Get a room, you two. This post got linked by The Tank!
And Keith - you were screwed. As were two officers I know who had similar experiences in Afstan. Both called-up Reservists. Pure BS.
A most excellent patch. Needs more bionics, so it can be elevated to a Bad Cat Robot. Or is that a tab that goes above it?
That cat, though, looks very much like one who lived on base at the Naval Research Laboratory in DC. He was properly Navy black, and an inelastic collision with a car (and tough-guy evasive maneuvers to avoid the vet-medic) left him with a permanent list to port, but he was still one tough kitty. Although a civilian, I was occasionally allowed to pet him since I knew where the itchy spot was on the jaw ...
It isn't often I score a brag on John, so I've gotta milk it for all it's worth.
But I'm also sure I wouldn't have gotten it anyway... because all the late model 18 pounders with the armored box have taller boxes on the recuperators.
And it sure *ain't* a late model. A bit of charm applied to my Lady Captain acquaintance, followed by a bit of cheesecloth (and a lot of spit) applied to the breech revealed the following inscription:
Q.F. 18-Pd Mk 1.M[obliterated by shell-splinter gouge] 1917 [indecipherable] 6107
I'm not positive about that 6107, because the paint's super-thick over the preceding portion -- the first number could just as easily be a 3 or a 9.
Meanwhile, that's a bit more info for the grognards...
And my Lady Captain is *not* a romantic interest. She's one-third my age and actually *likes* the M9...
Well you know, that you can convert any standard axle grease to a high pressure resistant lubricant by adding graphite powder to it. The recuperator will appreciate it.
Did someone note that the Brits were supplying the Iraqis until c.1960. The Sovs took over after the King was deposed. Thus the 18lbr could be direct from Brit stocks.
Cheers
by J.M. Heinrichs on March 27, 2008 4:54 PM
Could very well be. More than one of my stoo'nts opines that the wheels were an Iraqi mod.
Yeah, like *that's* an original title. However, since FbL was kind enough to quote me in her latest post -- despite almost choking on something else I said (and which I’ll trot out whenever her keyboard needs washing again) -- so, I figured I'd add today's installment on Iraqi terminology.
The stoo'nts gave all the instructors nicknames (wotta surprise, eh?).
I've discovered that *mine* is "Haji," which, in this neck of the woods, they use to designate an elder as "Patriarch" or "Father-figure" -- but, knowing their sense of humor, I suspect is somewhat more akin to "Gramps"...
* * * * * * * * * * Thing A Thong Of Thick Pens
Wheee! We just got a shipment of sundries from the Home Office: paper clips for the memos we haven't been producing (no printer or paper), staplers (sans staples) for the schedules we haven't been printing (no printer or paper), medical kits for the wounds we haven't sustained (no paper = no paper cuts) and big ol' thick Magic Markers™ in designer colors that we don't use (presently, a black entry on the whiteboard means it's scheduled this week, a red one means it's scheduled next week -- since we're all guys, the concept of a *chartreuse* task is beyond us).
On the bright side, our USAF Official PX/BX Thong Monitor reports that two-thirds of the thongs nestled coyly between the SWAT-style pistol lanyards and the "Writes Underwater!™" Pens appear to have been purchased. Back to you, Cassie.
On the even-brighter side, the warmer weather (it hit 35C at 1000) has encouraged those contractors of the female persuasion to dress in a somewhat breezier style, resulting in some amusing near-collisions in the chow hall between guys paying more attention to the scenery than to the guardrails lining the salad bar at just-below-belt-buckle level...
On the even-brighter side, the warmer weather (it hit 35C at 1000) has encouraged those contractors of the female persuasion to dress in a somewhat breezier style,
What? No Pictures?
by Yu-Ain Gonnano on March 25, 2008 9:07 AM
Nope, no pix. After the suicider set himself off in that chow hall south of here, taking *anything* inside (other than your weapon) is verboten.
Regarding the celsius/farenheit thing, consider yourself lucky if you feel completely comfortable in one or the other.
Up here in the frozen white north (it's going to snow again today in Toronto), we're not quite sure which to use for any given purpose.
For example, I'm currently trying to get a bit healthier. Since Christmas, I've lost almost thirty pounds. I'd have to actually do the math to know the kilogram equivalent. I happen to know my height in centimetres because it was on my military ID those many years ago now, but I think of myself as five-foot-ten. If I'm working around the house, the studs are still sixteen inches apart, the ceilings are eight feet high, and the fence I'm building outside this spring will be six feet tall.
But if I'm driving down the highway on my commute, I'm monitoring my speed in kilometres per hour, and my hike or run is always measured in kilometres. I buy litres of milk or gasoline. And twenty five degrees is pleasantly hot, whereas thirty five is make-sure-you-stay-hydrated weather.
Unless I'm cooking, in which case I'm still setting the oven to 375 before I put the chicken in.
Yet another example of how Canadians remain torn between the European and American influences in our day-to-day lives...and damned inconvenient if you ask me.
Oddly enough there was a similar thong situation that I noticed while stationed at Camp Taji, Iraq. AAFES could never keep Dr Pepper in stock, but there was a constant flow of assorted thongs. Actually made me wonder who the hell was buying these things...because I never saw that many women about.
Fahrenheit does not allow for finer gradations. That's why fractions and decimal points exist.
And it isn't ever below zero if you use Kelvin.
-41F is -40.6 Celsius.
Actually the American system is just a muddled British system (the US altered it to Americanize it to be Not British because of of Independence) so in effect it's the Brits fault. The British system was always built on muddle in the first place.
The 10 basis system I think developed by the French SI (who hated the British dominating even the tiniest bit of culture) was probably the best thing since sliced croissant and one of the few things I have enormous respect for the French with. It's superior in it's simplicity and that really is the end of the story.
It replaced the British system in Australia and even Britain eventually and is the most widely used system across the world, the primary exception was always the US. A fact which has forced me and every other scientist or engineer and probably commerce handlers to muddle through conversions back and forth.
Oh, Trias, that's just dog poo, 'specially since computers were invented. 12 is factorable by 2, and 3, and 4, and 6. 10 is factorable by what, 2 and 5?
The common gradations on English-speaking rulers are in negative powers of two; 1/2, 1/4, ... 1/64, 1/128, etc.
If it weren't for the French system, we wouldn't have round-off errors in bank computers.
The decimal system is for people who can't do arithmetic in their heads without looking at their fingers.
I suppose you think we should adopt the French Revolutionary Calendar, too?
May I remind you, that of the objects on the moon, the ones left there by humans who rode them there had the threads of their fasteners described in inches, their velocities described in feet per second, and their weights and masses described in pounds and slugs, respectively.
12 for what inches to a foot? How many feet in a yard? is it 12? How many yards in a mile? 12 as well?
Perhaps in your head (no cheating now) you can tell me how many feet in a chain. If that's too easy what about the number of cubic feet in a gallon? Or better yet the number of grains in a dram. And this is easy, just one unit conversions. Tell me, for the number of grains per dram, just what that's factorable by?
The common graduation on US rulers may be that but you are wrong when it comes to most English speaking rulers outside the US.
Re: blame the French for your bank errors. Do you even use the French banking system? If not how are you blaming them for the mistakes of your own system? Prove your system would never have a rounding error.
No the decimal system is for those who count on a a basis of one to ten. You know.. most people.
Why do you make that assumption? Is the calender better? Does it have worldwide use and acceptance? No. You are just letting your dislike of the French blind you.
And you should be proud of US achievements. BTW As of 1980 NASA implemented going metric. Because it's better.
For daily, casual use, there are reasons why the older Brit/SAS standards are sensible. Metric units are relatively-speaking, "arbitrarily" sized --- the measurement is designed by a physics person, not by associated daily uses. A yard is about the length of a man's arm. "A pint's a pound the world around", etc. By contrast, a liter of beer is too much, a deciliter too little. A half-liter is about right, but that violates the powers-of-ten metric principle, doesn't it? The average person does not have to convert in daily life -- who buys exactly a mile of yarn? Who needs to covert drams to bushels? (If you're buying a bushel of Oxycodone, you're involved in illegal activities, aren't you?) Right -- the average person doesn't really gain the advantages of the metric system for the most part -- it's only in commerce, design, and shipping that it really gets felt -- so it makes inarguable sense in any technical usage, but it's at least arguable in day-to-day life.
As to the argument that Fahrenheit does not allow for finer gradations, that shows a lack of basic mathematical understanding. 9F=5C, so you get 9 "integral" divisions in F for five such in C. Duh, and QED -- Fahrenheit allows finer gradations "without resorting to decimal points", which was the statement being made. Argue whether the difference is relevant, sure, but make your arguments make sense.
My Sur'n Baptist bud was a tad taken aback to learn that Iraqis know what Easter's about. So, in return for the enlightenment, he introduced the stoo'nts to an ancillary side of the day -- the Chocolate Easter Bunny.
Heh. Ever seen a bunch of 25-year-old 12-year-olds?
Aaaand speaking of 25-year-olds(Oh, right. Like, *that* will get me off the hook), Happy -- Albeit Belated -- Birthday(s) to Maggie and kat!
However, as a (very) belated, Joint Present, here’s the Whatziss in context.
The muted *thud* you just heard was John’s bewhiskered chin hitting the bedrock floor of ry’s digs under the sub-sub-dungeon. And the ahr-tees-teec effects in the background are the results of me OPSECing the need-to-know-only stuff. The Whatziss itself appears in all it's un-PhotoShopped, hullycarp-it's-been-there-a-while condition.
Yeah, I *know* what it is and I can even hazard a guess as to how it got here and why it’s got the unorthodox accessories.
Meantime, you've got about three minutes to google the beastie before John recovers and starts flailing his arm and hollering, "Ooooh! Ooooh! *I* know!"
Relax, John, the dataplate's gone but I got the fiddly bits on digits.
Whoops. Almost forgot (*sigh* -- what *else* is new?) about the post's title. See, Kirkuk Regional Air Base is Joint US Army, US Air Force, Iraqi Air Force and US Cavalry (hey, they *think* they're a separate service, so I'll humor them just in case they've gotta come pull me out of a jam. Uhhhh, make that *when*). FOB Warrior *was* the Army side of the runway(s), but it's now the USAF side and sandwiched between the USAF side and the runway(s) is the Iraqi Flight School compound where I work. The Iraqi staff calls it "Hurriyya Base."
Hurriyya means "Freedom"... does it get any better than that!!!
I was reading a CNN article this morning which quotes Iraq's national security advisor as saying "This is global terrorism hitting everywhere, and they have chosen Iraq to be a battlefield. And we have to take them on. If we don't prevail, if we don't succeed in this war, then we are doomed forever....I understand and sympathize with the mothers, with the widows, with the children who have lost their beloved ones in this country. But honestly, it is well worth fighting and well worth investing the money and the treasure and the sweat and the tears in Iraq."
Well said, Mr. Mowaffak al-Rubaie! And that's exactly why we need to finish this thing the right way, so that ALL Iraqi's can experience hurriyya.
by AFSister on March 24, 2008 6:52 AM
Here's the link to the CNN article- it's actually the transcript of Wolf Blitzer's show last night. The part I quoted is maybe halfway through the script.
by AFSister on March 24, 2008 6:57 AM
Heh. The ultimate expression of the 18 pounder QF gun on the Mk 2 carriage with the WWII pneumatic tires and smaller gun shield.
The wheels don't look quite right, but the Finns used these guns and mebbe they used that kind of wheel.
I wasn't looking far enough back, and I admit I was focused more on AA weapons, given where you're located.
But I'm also sure I wouldn't have gotten it anyway... because all the late model 18 pounders with the armored box have taller boxes on the recuperators. Got more pix? 8^ )
...the Finns used these guns and mebbe they used that kind of wheel.
So did the Sovs, and that's Russkie rubber on them thar disks. I figgered the carriage for a Mk 1, but you're the expert.
Dunno if the Brits left any souvenirs here after they pulled out, but my Most-Logical-SWAG on it is that it went from GB to the USSR, got the Sov wheels installed, got fired until the lands wore down, then was foisted off on Saddam (along with at least one MiG-15bis) as part of a Fraternal Socialist Military-Modernization Aid Package -- which would also neatly explain why all the *other* artillery I've seen here is of -- heh -- ChiCom origin.
Unless that's one of the Finn guns - both in your pic and in the link above.. Britain sold 30 Mk 2 guns on Mk 2 carriages with pneumatic tires to Finland during the Winter War but they arrived too late to be used. They were used as "84 K/18" during the Continuation War of 1941 - 1944 by Field Artillery Regiment 8, 17th Division, so the one in the link might be a captured gun - and the Finns using Russian tires makes sense, too.
Regardless, she's had an interesting life to end up there as yard art.
[For people new to the Castle, Carborundum is CW4(Ret) Bill T's Guardian Angel, who has suffered for decades, since Bill flew Hueys in Vietnam, trying to keep Tuttle and the people around him alive. Since Bill is back in Iraq, teaching the Iraqi Air Force how to fly, Carborundum was recalled from his comfortable retirement to make sure the Castle doesn't lose it's funniest resident. So he periodically checks in with us, to keep us abreast of what Bill's up to. - the Armorer]
Greetings, mortals. Just checking in to let you know we haven't lost a GA all week, despite Tuttle's best efforts. The Surge really is working! Not that it's all manna and ambrosia, of course. I begin to suspect that T'u T'il means "come here, sandstorm" in the language of the djinn. And these misguided humans are *paying* him to corrupt the young! You'd think they would learn, or at least read the file that's thicker than the Oxford Unabridged Dictionary *before* hiring him. And why is it he always ends up in horrible climates? The jungle bottom-of-the-aquarium experience was bad enough (feather mites, and if I didn't air out my wings, mold) but here we get vast quantities of very fine, very sharp dust that gets down in my pinfeathers and itches like you would not believe.
And if all that wasn't enough, ANGCOM has been seized with a fit of just in time/ efficiency nonsense. Maybe there are GAs that get to think about what to do before their human gets in trouble, but this detail is ALWAYS "just in time". Fortunately. There were a few close calls, like the beer/spider/water buffalo incident, but we pulled through. With losses. So now they want us to analyze our response patterns to see if there is anything we can do to improve efficiency. I had lots of ideas, and they shredded every single one of them. Even keeping Tuttle in a body cast. The one idea I had that *did* improve our efficiency I can't tell them about--creating "pre-filled" AAR forms for recurring incidents. I've even got sub-categories for "Helicopter, malfunction, life-threatening" and "Helicopter, impact, in flight". No, ANGCOM doesn't know and doesn't need to. What they NEED is Good Idea Fairy repellent.
(Ed. note: Carborundum is BillT's chief Guardian Angel, who occasionally provides an ... alternate perspective of events)
Not content with getting *himself* in trouble, now Tuttle has to spread the joy around. That went over like an end-stage bean burrito in a Bradley with the malaika (local GAs). They are a tough bunch -- well, they have to be. But now some Ameriki has taught their humans about helicopters and they are crying into their mint tea. I did my best to cheer them up but I couldn't lie to them. They aren't dumb, they see the scars. The missing feathers. The meds. Pookie the therapy bear.
And there he goes again. "Minor booms around, but nothing close," he says. Yer welcome, you damn bomb magnet. They *would* have been close, but Desiderata is getting really good with the "oo shiny!" distractions that make you wander out of the blast zone. Which is why you have so many interesting photos. Unfortunately you like to get "the perfect shot" which ALWAYS seems to involve
a) standing in the middle of the road
b) dangling from non-structural elements,
c) ignoring oncoming, limited-visibility, LARGE tracked vehicles,
d) all of the above.
Since the last of us helicontractor pilots have arrived back in the Land of Continuous Electricity, OPSEC's no longer a factor and I won't have to worry about a satchel charge going off outside my door if I tell you where we were when we weren't where we were.
Legend has it that Alexander the Great was wounded there and eventually died from the infection. That's the rationale for not cleaning the streets -- they keep it dusty in self-defense.
Multan, Pakistan, the City of Dust. Or, in this case, the Airfield of Dust.
It's one of the oldest continuously-inhabited cities in Asia, if not the oldest -- it's definitely one of the *hottest*...
And, since I was the oldest continuously-breathing pilot the company -- *not* "The Company" -- sent over, I felt right at home (snarking myself so *you* don't have to; that's the kind of service the Castle provides, yessirree).
More later -- right now, I'm off to lovely, dust-free Carlisle, PA, to see if I can turn that Shangri-La gig into another paying job...
Dang, Chief, you shoulda had a mystical Masonic pendant depending from your neck. You Would Be King. (One of my favorite movies, but am glad your whole body came back, not just the head)
P.s. Yeah, Alex got hit and infected, but I don't think Roxane did him any good, either.
I'd take it as a personal favor if you would decline any job offers in locations where the paper has "detonation forecasts" right next to the weather report. You think *you* feel old? It feels like I just added a few millenia myself between your shenanigans and the FNGs. Oh, and the local GAs weren't too happy with you teaching your students the "Tuttle's Maneuver for avoiding sudden Giant Man-eating Spiders in Trees". Quite profane on the subject, they were. Especially when I told them we had never encountered Giant Man-eating Spiders in 'Nam. Or even in Joisey.
by carborundum on September 13, 2007 11:15 AM
Oh, and the local GAs weren't too happy with you teaching your students the "Tuttle's Maneuver for avoiding sudden Giant Man-eating Spiders in Trees".
I wasn't teaching them to avoid the spiders, I was teaching them to avoid the *trees*.
Well, okay -- the *tree*. There's only one in the entire Indus Valley. But it's chock-full of Giant Man-Eating Spiders.
Well, okay -- they're only about the size of a squirrel. And they eat mangoes. But they could get bigger if they wanted to...
I wasn't teaching them to avoid the spiders, I was teaching them to avoid the *trees*.
Suuuuure. That's why you told them to keep the rotor(s) "perpendicular to the ground and facing the tree so if the spiders try and jump you, they get creamed! Ahahahahaha"
There might have been more but I couldn't make it out over the screaming.
by carborundum on September 13, 2007 12:43 PM
What about all the longstanding lessons they never take down off the shelf and bother to learn?
They held the shindig in the Community Club. *Not* dusty-musty. Except for the coffee...
Since the last of us helicontractor pilots have arrived back in the Land of Continuous Electricity, OPSEC's no longer a factor and I won't have to worry about a satchel charge going off outside my door if I tell you where we were when we weren't where we were.
Legend has it that Alexander the Great was wounded there and eventually died from the infection. That's the rationale for not cleaning the streets -- they keep it dusty in self-defense.
Multan, Pakistan, the City of Dust. Or, in this case, the Airfield of Dust.
It's one of the oldest continuously-inhabited cities in Asia, if not the oldest -- it's definitely one of the *hottest*...
And, since I was the oldest continuously-breathing pilot the company -- *not* "The Company" -- sent over, I felt right at home (snarking myself so *you* don't have to; that's the kind of service the Castle provides, yessirree).
More later -- right now, I'm off to lovely, dust-free Carlisle, PA, to see if I can turn that Shangri-La gig into another paying job...
Dang, Chief, you shoulda had a mystical Masonic pendant depending from your neck. You Would Be King. (One of my favorite movies, but am glad your whole body came back, not just the head)
P.s. Yeah, Alex got hit and infected, but I don't think Roxane did him any good, either.
I'd take it as a personal favor if you would decline any job offers in locations where the paper has "detonation forecasts" right next to the weather report. You think *you* feel old? It feels like I just added a few millenia myself between your shenanigans and the FNGs. Oh, and the local GAs weren't too happy with you teaching your students the "Tuttle's Maneuver for avoiding sudden Giant Man-eating Spiders in Trees". Quite profane on the subject, they were. Especially when I told them we had never encountered Giant Man-eating Spiders in 'Nam. Or even in Joisey.
by carborundum on September 13, 2007 11:15 AM
Oh, and the local GAs weren't too happy with you teaching your students the "Tuttle's Maneuver for avoiding sudden Giant Man-eating Spiders in Trees".
I wasn't teaching them to avoid the spiders, I was teaching them to avoid the *trees*.
Well, okay -- the *tree*. There's only one in the entire Indus Valley. But it's chock-full of Giant Man-Eating Spiders.
Well, okay -- they're only about the size of a squirrel. And they eat mangoes. But they could get bigger if they wanted to...
I wasn't teaching them to avoid the spiders, I was teaching them to avoid the *trees*.
Suuuuure. That's why you told them to keep the rotor(s) "perpendicular to the ground and facing the tree so if the spiders try and jump you, they get creamed! Ahahahahaha"
There might have been more but I couldn't make it out over the screaming.
by carborundum on September 13, 2007 12:43 PM
What about all the longstanding lessons they never take down off the shelf and bother to learn?
They held the shindig in the Community Club. *Not* dusty-musty. Except for the coffee...
And this'll probably be my last postcard from this edge of the Edge, so it'll be a bit eclectic.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
In no particular order and for no particular reason...
We spent the day on CSMO at the base; tomorrow (today, rather -- I'm still tryin' to figure out if I'm ten hours ahead of you guys or if you're ten hours behind), we finish the equipment transfer -- it's "Defense of Pakistan Day" (commemorating the 17-day Indo-Pak war of 1965) and the troops will be primed for their half-day off. Friday, we pull the pin and launch for the safe house. If the gear gets here from Islamabad today/tomorrow, we trade signatures and if not -- shuk'riaa an' kudaa hafiz, handshakes all around, and we blast off anyway.
A couple of shiny items that caught my eye this morning -- uhhh -- tomorrow lasterday night in H&I:
I don't know why this made me think of The Chief.........Maggie
This could be the answer. Personally, if I'm gonna go wing-riding, I prefer to be within sliding distance of terra firma,
As far as the next item goes,
Before anyone says anything about "Let the Canadians take care of their own!" I'll just throw out two things.
1. If you think like that - you'd be *very* surprised at how much Canadian money has flowed into Project Valour-IT. To include Alan's money, which gives him every right to make this request.
2. Yer a poopy-head.
I second that. Us washed-up old has-beens Viet Vet helicopter drivers have a special reason for appreciating the Soldiery of the Great White North.
Not surprisingly, ye olde captioneer made a few errors on this entry in The US Army At War: The Vietnam Years -- the pic shows a Pickup Zone (note that the troops are moving *toward* us, all the M60s are in *relax* mode and we're spread out, not bunched up to mass our fire) and us One-Six-Deucers belonged to the 1st Aviation Brigade, not the 1st ID. What's the link between John's comment and the pic, you ask? Simple. At least *two* of the pilots in the helicopters pictured were Canadians.
Might as well show you an overview of what Shangri-La looks like, and a generic photo won't bust OPSEC.
Of course, all we see at ground level is along our high-speed route.
And if you don't think that's a high-speed area, you oughtta see the places we travel s-l-o-w-l-y through. Got some neat vids...
* * * * * * * * * * * * In the Op Area: Convoy bombings are becoming more frequent up north (Miranshah, Rawalpindi, Peshwar) and drive-by shootings of troops and security personnel are on the increase in Quetta, Baluchistan. The 19 troops captured in the Mehsud/Betani tribal areas were freed. The Taliban opened a regional office -- literally -- in Saam. The Mehsud tribe is almost evenly divided between pro-Taliban and we-think-you-idiots-will-get-us-all-killed factions. Currently, the elders are of the latter opinion, and elders wield major clout in Pak socety, tribal or urban. Meanwhile, 150 troops left stranded by a flood in the Khar region have been surrounded by militants and presumed captured -- four militiamen kidnapped from a checkpoint on 6 July were released yesterday.
On the Street: A suicider boarded a bus transporting Defense Ministry employees through rush hour traffic and detonated himself as the bus neared General Musharraf's military residence -- 17 dead, 70 wounded, including pedestrians and cycle riders near the bus. Most of those on the bus were reported to be ISI, and two of our own ISI shadows headed north as soon as word reached Shangri-La. Minutes later, a motorcyclist suicided near the Royal Artillery Bazaar, which is a choke point for Army personnel traveling to work in the area -- eight people reported killed, no word on military casualties. Both military and ISI spokesmen stated the methods, personnel targeted and attack timing pointed toward al-Qaeda rather than pro-Taliban dissidents or home-grown jihadis.
Further afield, German police arrested two Germans and a Turk and confiscated 700kg of hydrogen peroxide, the same stuff used in the 2005 London bombings; Danish police stated their arrest of eight men tied to al-Qaeda had "foiled a terrorist attack" -- location not stated.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Sarge B snarked me (sorta) and I returned the favor. The *real* reason they say there's no such thing as an ex-Marine is because They. Never. Learn...
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Addendum: It's monsooning outside -- the first rain this place has had since before I got here in July. And the first time I've seen horizontal rain since the pic of the paddies was taken. And a comment (well, an excerpt of a comment) from one of our crewchiefs about that pic: "Supposedly, being fired upon without the incurred damage expected by the initiator is a rush beyond belief. Ha. What would any of us know about that?"
*snicker*
Kerry would'a got writer's cramp from putting himself in for PHs, Walt...
Trackbacked by The Thunder Run - Web Reconnaissance for 09/06/2007
A short recon of what’s out there that might draw your attention, updated throughout the day...so check back often.
There's a lot of 5606 on the ground under that old bird. No, not the one on the stub-wing, I'm talking about the aircraft. Is that an 'E' model(no air-data probe)? I note it's got intake mods, as the front-facing turtle-shells are gone. Particle-separator?
BTW: I've done a wing-ride on an 'F' Model at Ft. Lewis, WA. Feb '91 and 10 degrees F. With the part-power-stop in place, the air was so thick that the bird wouldn't stay on the snow-covered ramp. Someone came up with the brilliant idea that they could get a bunch of us 'wrenches' to hang on the wings while they reached for torque. The bird lifted-off anyway and the wind-chill in the rotor-wash sucked 'big-time'.
We rebuilt a bunch of P, E, and F models for foreign sales and the guard units that still flew Cobras(the 'F' mods). As I recall, Turkey got the 'P' models(hydraulic turret, 40mm Chunker, and mini-gun). We put a half-tank of gas and a new ni-cad battery in 'em, loaded them into a C-5, and delivered them. They put the flippers back on, topped off the tanks, and the ammo-drums, and went off to show 'em off to their neighbors. Fun times!
So, I figure our weekenders (technically, it's still the weekend) deserve a shot at it, too. Here’s the deal.
A. Go back to the link in the first sentence (you know, the one you ignored in your hurry to see what this is all about) and get the gist of what I’m hoping to achieve.
B. Snarken up your #2 posting finger and get ready to play.
You can either vote for one of the previous entries (by number) or submit one of your own. Or, you can score major points by picking one of my brilliant gems modest suggestions.
Ready? Go!
From Denizenne BlogTwin and perennial favorite (and not just in caption contests) AFSister comes this:
1. Aw, come on, Bill! I LIKE IT!
BlogNeighbor (and part-time blonde) Cassandra came up with:
2. [tapping foot]...
Mmmmmm – I predict I'll have to put Damage Control on Immediate Response status when / if she gets here.
We have two entries from the Castle’s Mistress of the Snark, Bad Cat Robot:
3. Ignoring the law of gravity since 1857!
4. If you throw yourself at the ground and miss really fast, you might be in a helicopter.
Chiming in from the Land of Backwards Seasons is trias with:
5. Bill's new copter with its Advanced Bill Correction Device (ABCD). This fantastic marvel of engineering automatically adjusts helium levels to make the CG move around wildly thereby providing Bill with normal operating conditions. AI could, unfortunately, not be included in the extensive feature list due to it's propensity to eject before takeoff.
Journalist NevadaDailySteve proves that the MinisculeStreamMedia does, indeed, have a sense of humor (a small one – but a sense of humor, nonetheless)
6. If you build it, some idiot will fly it.
Pat has been weeding in his DVD collection:
7. That's not a TINS, this is a TINS!
John, as usual, hit the wrong comment box – the one he obviously wanted concerned somebody’s guess about the Whatziss:
8. BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!
Castle newbie NinjaFluff has a twofer, too, fer ya...too...fer...*whap!* Owwww!:
You guys are great... This is why I love this site so much!
Okay, so that *wasn’t* one of her suggestions, but I'll take any compliment that staggers into the area. Geez, can’t I throw myself a bone, here?
9. Chief Sugarbuttons... flying the helicopters American's won't!
10. Bill, the Rotorhead - STILL flying faster than his Guardian Angel!
*sigh* Now I know who's been hounding me to join the Carborundum Fan Club...
Ymarsaker managed to avoid the firewall between Cassie’s place and the Castle:
12. Bill needs a helicopter to escape Cass's wrath.
Okay, he’s not *that* funny, but he thinks *I’m* funny and since he’s probably smart enough to take me two falls out of three in brain wrestling, I’m hedging my bets.
And perennial favorite in her own right (and another BlogNeighbor and demi-Denizenne), HomefrontSix tosses out:
13. Helicopters Don't Fly: They're So Ugly the Ground Repels Them.
Which I choose to take as a compliment, because I fall down a lot and have yet to miss the ground.
And -- a new record. I only got bumped offline by *two* power failures during the composition of this po
If you want something a touch risque, well, a few years back I was reading a discussion thread on the relative merits of the fixed-wing and rotary-wing methods of temporarily defying gravity. In said thread, a fixed-wing devotee commented:
"Getting airborne by screwing yourself into the sky is an unnatural act."
Myself, I would suggest:
"You can't do THAT in a helicopter .... can you?!?"
Or an old standby for anyone lucky enough to have a job he/she enjoys:
"Can you believe they pay me to do this?"
by wolfwalker on September 3, 2007 8:20 AM
WW - We prefer to think of it as beating the air into submission. And you'd be surprised what you can do in a helicopter.
Probably wouldn't be surprised at the things you can't or shouldn't though...
"Always spinning; sometimes controlled."
"I never spin; I gyrate, I whirl, I pirouette."
"Beating the air into submission, in more ways than one."
"Auto rotation: it's not just another spin."
"Formation flying, the individual way."
Cheers
by J.M. Heinrichs on September 3, 2007 11:39 AM
The extra bit on top is for the pilot's ego to be stored. Otherwise his head would be too big for the cockpit!
The unfortunate result of a tank that was designed by a government commitee and built by a lowest bidder whose staff couldn't read English or follow the plans.
by Murray on September 3, 2007 5:24 PM
Swing-wing aviation: we swash plates for a living!
by Neffi on September 3, 2007 5:44 PM
or...
Life is Cyclic; Ups and Downs But With Forward Progress Always
by Neffi on September 3, 2007 5:51 PM
OK, here’s a slightly obscure one, and I don’t know if the last bit applies.
SugarButtons, beating the air into submission since Christ was a corporal. TINS, fiddly bits, and so, so much more. And somewhere, a nun’s ears are burning...
by Blackhawk on September 3, 2007 5:58 PM
SNAKES! They're Not Just For Breakfast Anymore!
(with an appropriate change of pic, natch)
by Neffi on September 3, 2007 6:08 PM
*grin*
You *KNOW* I like it.. perhaps another "name it" contest should be "What does Sis like?"
hehe
btw... I'm pretty partial to the cartoon Boq 'shopped for ya!
by AFSister on September 3, 2007 10:07 PM
Wow...I've moved up to demi-Denizenne. I'm FLATTERED!!!
I would say that anything that screws its way into the sky flies according to unnatural principals. Just another take on beating the air into submission.
Don't get too excited, HF6. Demi-Denizennes have to dust ry's comic book collection and chaperone Maggie during pub-crawls. The pay is lousy, but you get to read the comic books...
The Shadows were watching TV at late chow (2330 Pakitime) and I was curious to see what they were watching (they *love* "Indian Idol"). Considering all the action up north, I wasn't really surprised to see it was the news. I haven't mastered Urdu by a long shot, but the broadcaster was speaking Hindustani, which uses quite a few words from both English and Urdu, so I was able to get the gist of it.
There was a big dustup in southern Afghanistan earlier. No word on coalition casualties yet, but at least a hundred Taliban KIA. Right across the border from where the Frontier Forces were firing H&Is the other night.
The strategy of find 'em, flush 'em and fight 'em seems to be working so far.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
In other news, all nineteen kidnapped troops (fifteen local militia and a Frontier Forces colonel and his traveling party) were due to be released yesterday afternoon (today's early morning for everybody except Murray, Trias and OFS) -- no official word on their release yet. The Mehuda tribal council is still speaking softly, but the pro-Taliban militants in their area can definitely see the big stick that's only a cellphone call up the road -- about 40,000 Army and Frontier Force troops.
Relax, Cassie -- it's *not* a caption contest (mmmm, technically, it might be -- but it's not the one she's gonna damage me for).
Whatzis helicopter and why does it have a balloon on top?
Every month or so, I get an e-gram with the correct answer. OH-58D. Kiowa *gag!* Warrior.
Unfortunately, it's not supposed to be a serious question. Y'see, a couple of years back, when John first dragged me squalling and scratching into this mess suggested I start doing actual posts, rather than sending his spam filters into overload mode merely e-mailing him vignettes, he asked me what I wanted above my sidebar pic.
And he attached a jaypeg of a KW. If I hadn't thought he was kidding (I've never even been off the ground in one), I never would have replied with the phrase
Whatzis helicopter and why does it have a balloon on top?
because it's sort of an "in" joke in the fling-wing community, to wit -- "The aircraft's got such a high c.g. [translation -- it's so topheavy] it needs helium in the MMS to keep it from rolling over on the helipad."
If I'd known he was so freakin' Machiavellian serious, I would have come up with a cooler meme. Something like,
Proof that there *are* old, bold aviators! Ummm -- *old* ones, anyway...
Soooooo, that's the contest -- "Give Bill a new sidebar blurb." Winner gets brag rights and a free Urdu pronunciation lesson *or* a hi-res pic of a Cobra you can PhotoShop your face into and impress your friends, especially if they think you've never been in the Pakistani Army.
Changing the pic out will be the object of a future contest.
[quickly tosses the trivet to divert Cassie's attention (she's easy that way)]
BTW, newbies (or even not-so-newbies, it's been a while since the trivet was tossed around here)...
Don't let all this insidery-blog-joke stuff deter you.
Jump in. Participate. *That's* how you become a Denizen/ne! We won't scorn you for not knowing all the inside jokes - like the trivet that used to hang over the lintel at Cassie's joint - speaking of Cassie's joint - don't ask about *why* that marmoset is so scared. Just, well, let's just say Cassie has a *history* with marmosets that hasn't been good. For marmosets.
One day i'll get half these injokes, then my conversion to true insanity will be complete.
taglines? for that pic? hmm?
Bills new copter with its Advanced Bill Correction Device (ABCD). This fantastic marvel of engineering automatically adjusts helium levels to make the CG move around wildly thereby providing Bill with normal operating conditions. AI could, unfortunately, not be included in the extensive feature list due to it's propensity to eject before takeoff.
Is suggesting a new pic a faux pas?
by Trias on August 28, 2007 8:14 AM
Certainly not, Trias - Bill alluded to a new pic in the future - so, suggest away!
that's the way, uh huh uh huh, I LIKE IT, uh huh uh huh....
OK all you Photoshop Jockies out there... I have a mission for you.
Take Twitchy Bill's picture, coat the bird with candy dots, add some feeee-male passengers and a title bar "Chief SugarButtons and the SugarButtons Brigade".
by AFSister on August 28, 2007 8:36 AM
Kiowa airlines motto: "If you build it, some idiot will fly it."
I hesitate to list my only other motto, it might run afoul of "Da Rulez" but it could be paraphrased as "I have big spheres, you have big spheres, we all have big spheres, but I have the biggest spheres of all."
i'm kinda partial towards that part about "fiddly bits flying in formation".
kinda sez it all...
by MajMike on August 28, 2007 9:22 AM
(Channeling Mick Dundee) "That's not a TINS, this is a TINS"
by Pat on August 28, 2007 10:13 AM
And he attached a jaypeg of a KW. If I hadn't thought he was kidding (I've never even been off the ground in one)
PHEW!
I hadda read that twice just to make sure it said 'KW' and not 'WK'. As far as I know, you've never been off the ground in WK either. I'm pretty sure I would have remembered that.
Don't let all this insidery-blog-joke stuff deter you.
All the inter-blog-joke stuff as well.
I might *need* the Red Cross...
Either that or you'll be on the Cross.
by Ymarsakar on August 28, 2007 12:11 PM
Don't let all this insidery-blog-joke stuff deter you.
All the inter-blog-joke stuff as well.
I might *need* the Red Cross...
Either that or you'll be on the Cross.
by ymarsakar on August 28, 2007 12:14 PM
ohhhhh my... ymarsaker, you have *no* idea how much that made me laugh!
You see... I'm in the Red Cross. SO. If SugarButtons is ON the cross... I have a lot of 'splainin to do!
Boq... that's AWESOME.... Now, if we can only make that blonde a brunette! With red highlights of course.
by AFSister on August 28, 2007 12:41 PM
You guys are great... This is why I love this site so much!
Playing off of AFSister's suggestion, how about "Chief Sugarbuttons... flying the helicopters American's won't!"
Or how about "Bill, the Rotorhead - STILL flying faster than his Guardian Angel!"
by NinjaFluff on August 28, 2007 4:24 PM
The balloon is on the top cause putting it on the bottom created a rocky situation at best.
I prefer to think of it as a Flying Bullet Magnet.
Coalition forces hit Taliban inside Pak
Say raid carried out after permission from Islamabad: Pakistan military denies claim
Kabul (AFP) -- US-led and Afghan troops struck Taliban positions in fresh clashes with the extremist militia that left at least 19 rebels dead, security forces said Sunday.
The US-led coalition said it received permission from Pakistan to attack across the border on Saturday, but this was denied by the chief military spokesman in Islamabad.
Relevant excerpts follow.
Afghan and coalition forces used mortar and artillery fire to destroy insurgent attacking positions on both sides of the border after a military post in Afghanistan came under attack, the coalition said in a statement. The Afghan army saw Taliban fighters firing mortars and rockets from several positions and Pakistan's military confirmed three of the firing sites were on their soil, the statement said...Six insurgent firing sites were destroyed, three on each side of the border, and more than a dozen insurgents were killed...US military spokeswoman, Captain Vanessa Bowman, insisted to AFP that "this was fully-coordinated with Pakistan and agreed on. There is a very close working relationship (with Pakistan) to eliminate this kind of threat," she said.
In the Op Area -- North Waziristan: In Miranshah, pro-Taliban militants rocketed and then assaulted a checkpoint in Ismailkhel, killing a soldier. Troops then counterattacked, killing five and wounding seven. In Banda, troops walked H&I fires along the border for ninety minutes -- no report of the results, but the Taliban and their allies have been restive in that area.
-- South Waziristan: Negotiations are underway between the tribal council of the Mehuda and militants who kidnapped nineteen government officials (note: around here, a government official is any public servant, from local postman to local senator). In Ladha, a Frontier Forces colonel "and three others" were kidnapped; negotiations are continuing for the release of the fifteen troops kidnapped earlier in the same region.
On the Street: Four policemen were killed in Machar when a suicide bomber they halted at a checkpoint blew himself up to avoid arrest. Police in Karachi killed a recently-released-on-bail bomber in a shootout -- he was a late member of a militant Sunni group calling itself Lashkar-e-Jangvi, which appears to specialize in badly-made parcel bombs; they sent out ten a few years ago and seven of them fizzled. Baluchistan, just across the river to the west of Shangri-La (if you think I just blew OPSEC, guess again -- Baluchistan's a thousand klicks in length) is heating up. Local pro-Taliban types have been grenading barber shops and threatening to kill Baluchi men who trim their beards.
Cass... who do you think gave him the SugarButtons name? hehe...
Honey Bun
Love Muffin
Sugar Pie
Sweetie-kins
Pie Man (that one shamelessly stolen from a comedian on the Bob and Tom Show)
Cuddle Bear
27" Zipper Boy
.. and of course HWSBSH- He Who Should Be Seckshully Harassed, pronounced "Who's Bush", or something like that.
;-)
by AFSister on August 27, 2007 2:07 PM
I see that *some*one has entirely too much time on her hands. I have an excuse for hanging around here -- I'm a contractor.
And it's "Stud Muffin" -- *John* is "Love Muffin"...
Must've been some party -- although I notice nobody cranked up the 'ritamatic.
Cassie asked me what I did to celebrate having survived this long (something that never ceases to amaze John -- and anybody else who knows me), but yesterday's power
*thwoomp! -- pappffft!*
hiccups kept me from sticking anything new in Fototime. Until a couple of minutes ago.
Sooo, what sort of excitement marked the preceding day's prestegious Pak event?
I donned the new body armor and -- ummmmmm -- I got a haircut. Okay, technically, I got 'em *all* cut.
At least the body armor John got me fits, even though I'm not wild about the color. Matches my hair, though...
FWIW, my goatee matches you hair color these days, maybe even a tad lighter. Funny that. All the things I did when I was young and immortal, and not a single grey hair. Plenty of scars, etc, but no grey.
However, within 6 months of the arrival of the first child, there it all came. Making up for lost time with the vigorousness of it's arrival it seemed.
Ah well. As a trade off, the kids at the local McDonalds give me the senior discount without asking to see my ID. As I have many years to go, yet, I'm not quibbling :)
Respects,
by AW1 Tim on August 26, 2007 12:17 PM
Hmmmm. My first grey hairs coincided with the first time I got shot down.
I'll let the psychologists ponder the ramifications of that. Raising kids right ain't for sissies...
Aside from the heat, humidity, bugs, gekkos, insomniac birds, hot 'n' cold running power failures and vehicle operators who think the horn is a primary control device, you'd probably think this place was just as cozy as the Jungle Room.
Ummmm -- just as *dark* as the Jungle Room, anyway...
You spent the entire weekend writing a proposal to redesign a firken *coin*?!? WTF, over? You score a bunch of jinglies and turn them into a Nuestra Señora de Atocha diorama and you're the Army's *coin* expert? Kee-ripe, they've got a *building* full of four-eyed heraldry gurus and they pay *you* to--
This staffer spent the day helping the hubster manhandle (womanhandle?) 45 pound wall pieces into location. Plus shoveling and such for prep-work. Hands hurt, knees hurt, back hurts.
*oof* Now I need a winch to stand up straight. Time for sleep.
Seriously, there is one other character in this whole story. To put it politely, she is a "REAL HAG", her name is "History". We better start listening to this old gal. I believe there has been a conscious choice by our leaders to drive her out. The problem is this, she has a "pushback" deeply laced with vengence. There is an old saying, "He who does not learn from history is condemned to repeat it."
Grumpy
by Grumpy on August 26, 2007 2:36 PM
It seems that a lot of the insurgents are being driven out of Baghdad into other parts of Iraq. That's what the MSM is reporting in the states. They are bringing the violence with them too. I would be glad if the insurgents were also being worn down too and not just building up strength and waiting for a troop draw down.
...and not just as storage facilities for a certain Armorer's chump change superb coin collection (see yesterday's H&I comment thread -- skip past the nose-whacking parts).
From this morning's below-the-fold:
Troops foil attack on Hangu fort
PESHAWAR (AFP): - Pro-Taliban militants attacked a paramilitary camp in northwestern Pakistan overnight in a clash that wounded a dozen soldiers, officials said Thursday.
One militant was killed in the hour-long shootout following the raid on the fort by more than a dozen heavily-armed men...[who] attacked with rockets, hand grenades, and Kalashnikov rifles, but were beaten off.
It gets more interesting.
[Hangu police chief Ghulam Mohammad] said the body of a militant killed in the fighting was lying in the fort. Others fled in the darkness...the attackers are thought to have come from the nearby tribal region of North Waziristan where the army is hunting pro-Taliban and al-Qaeda militants who fled Afghanistan...
The fort at Hangu is a two-story Brit edifice -- if you read any of Kipling's ghost stories from the Raj, you can probably visualize it. Mud brick, loopholes, parapet, the whole nine yards. *No* moat, *no* massive wooden main gate, night assault with modern weapons into -- for all intents -- a barracks with a sentry box and a couple of roving fireguards. At least one attacker, who may (or may not) have been wearing a boom-belt, penetrated and was promptly dispatched.
Attacking a castle, even when most of the inhabitants are asleep, is not a good idea.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Thanks for all the offers of CARE packages (both here and via e-gram), but I dragged all the need-to-haves over with me, and, given the Byzantine routing of our mail (more on that later), we'll be out of here before anything from stateside arrives at Shangri-La.
One need-to-have suite I was *specifically* told -- in writing -- to bring was dress-me-ups so that I wouldn't embarrass the United States of America at Ambassadorial functions.
Kids, *that* is funnier than you could ever possibly imagine.
I learned the valsalva trick first week in aircrew school. Came in handy, too.
But i digress. TINS alert: French Embassy, Dakar, Senegal. 1979 or thereabouts.....
My crew was invited to attend a party at the French Embassy in Dakar along with the US Embassador and other such Nabobs. We were based there while support a US Carrier task group.
Long story short, we arrived all a-medalled and spit-polished like, hairs priperly cut and all such things squared away all Navy-like, etc.
Apparently, the theme was "Zulus & Colinial" night. The waiters were spiffily dressed locals, all wearing matching white choker-collar jackets and red fez's, black pants. Everything gleamed and the tables were piled high with various foodstuffs, sweet meats, and the bar was properly stocked and easily located. By the pool. Outdoors. Torches. Then there was the French....
The French embassador and all his entourage, etc, were in mufti, as it were. Grass skirts. Blackface. Plastic bones through noses. Afro-wigs. I kid you not. It was the most surreal experience in my life, and between the places I've been and the amount I've drank, that's saying something.
Here were these supposedly cultured Euro-Elites and they were dancing around in costume whilst the locals were all dressed to the nines with proper servant's clothing. No wonder colonialism died out.
Our Navy staff took one look, made some quick rounds, we had one drink, and took our leave, thank you very much.
To this day I fully understand whY the French were so loathed in certain quarters.
by AW1 Tim on August 24, 2007 1:28 PM
BCR - Clothes are a feature?
Okay, after reading Tim's TINS, I concede that clothes are a feature.
Just a *peripheral* feature. Uhhhh -- the *type* of clothing is peripheral, not clothing per se. Or the occasions of the wearing thereof.
Gratuitous Disclaimer: No Zulus or Squids were injured during the preparation of this comment.
do *try* to pay attention, SugarButtons. Embarrassment, lack of, is your feature. I'd say it had been surgically removed but that would require some proof that it ever existed.
There are two types of electrical power interruption here in Shangri-La -- planned and unplanned.
An example of the first type: a typed note -- "Our engineers will be performing normal maintenance on the generator. This is an emergency which will take three or four hours" -- slid under the door during the blackout. You track the messenger's progress down the hall by counting the number of objects he bumps into in the dark, then listening for the *skkkt* of paper sliding on tile and retrieving and reading same by flashlight.
An example of the second type: *thwoooom -- papppffffft!*
One of us contractorslug pilots never had the advantage of acquiring military rotary wing flight time, so he also never acquired the military rotary wing flyer's habit of keeping a flashlight within easy reach (it only takes one total electrical failure during a night flight to instill the habit). One of the Shadows observed that John's room (I'll call him John because three of the guys here are named John and you don't know any of them from Adam, anyway) was the only one without artificial illum during one recent blackout, so the next morning, he brought a candle to John's room.
Shadow: "For power failure, sir."
John: "Well, thanks, but there aren't any candle-holders in the room. If it falls over, it'll start a fire, and when the power is off, the fire alarm won't work -- there'll be a *big* problem."
Shadow: "Do you have matches, sir?"
John: "No."
Shadow: "Then there is not a problem."
And he walked out.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
A quick background brief -- both North and South Waziristan were granted a semi-autonomous status by the Pakistani government in return for keeping a lid on al-Q and the Taliban. The current dust-ups (since February, anyway) are a result of those organizations refusing to be kept lidded.
Monday, "Taliban spokesmen" (unnamed in the article, but definitely not "pro-Taliban tribal spokesmen") declared that the modus vivendi (see the background brief) in South Waziristan was null and void. South Waziri tribal council chiefs slapped the spokesmen's noses on Tuesday and reminded them that it was the tribes, not the Taliban, who made the agreement with Islamabad and it was the tribes, not the Taliban, who would announce any change to the status quo. And, since the alternative is a full-blown confrontation with a central government which already has 90,000 troops on their turf, the tribes prefer to keep the status as quo as possible.
Pashtuns will tolerate some failings in their guests, but they draw the line at creating a nuisance which draws attention from iron sights.
In the Op Area: Pak Cobras in North Waziristan conducted gunship raids yesterday, pounding the daylights out of terr strongholds around Miramshah with the objective of making local Taliban sympathizers realize the jirga's pronouncement of zero-tolerance for terrorists wasn't just political lip-flapping. An aerial op outside Mahsud in South Waziristan -- a four-ship tag-team -- hit three al-Q staging areas Tuesday; ground followup found fifteen late members of the Uzbek tribe. There's also an ongoing ground sweep in SW to recover fifteen troops captured by pro-Taliban terrs who ambushed their convoy (they were travelling in civilian vehicles, unarmed). There were sixteen survivors, originally, but one was found the next day, beheaded, outside the airfield the Cobras were using as a refuel/rearm point. The terrs are demanding the release of ten of their brethren scooped up in Islamabad and intel reports from locals focused Army attention on the Mahsud region.
The three most-recent VBIED incidents against guard posts in the Northwest Frontier Provinces involved high-end SUVs rather than junkers or the traditional white minivans -- the bombers figure an expensive vehicle is less-likely to arouse suspicion at the checkpoints. Judging by some changes I've seen around this area, the troops already got the word on that.
On the Street: Security forces penetrated a nascent terror cell in Islamabad, arrested two organizers previously connected with the Red Mosque and charged them with training and launching suiciders -- local police arrested two of their trainees separately (and rapidly) in a nice display of interservice cooperation.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
On the front page of today's paper (Really-Early Edition). Maulana Merajuddin, chief of the tribal council for Mahsud (the same council delivering the Talib Smackdown on Tuesday), announced the "militants have agreed to the unconditional release of the fifteen kidnapped personnel." Sole condition of the "unconditional" agreement is that the Cobras remain on the ground during the release proceedings.
My guess is that the troops were local militia going home on leave (civilian cars and no weapons, remember?) and had relatives who leaned on the council, who quietly reminded the "militants" that their continued well-being depended on whether or not the council considered them guests or nuisances.
Like I said, Pashtuns will tolerate *some* failings in their guests...
In case anybody's curious about the frequency of electrical bloops, I came over here with a 16-pack of AAs (and two spare bulbs) for the Minimag. Got 10 batteries left.
Pogue - Over here, the phrase "routine maintenance" refers to anything that's covered in the operator's manual which has come a cropper because none of the manuals cover operations in an atmosphere that you can *see* or a situation where the air going into the cooling fans is hotter than the exhaust coming right out of the combustion chamber...
I had the opportunity to visit Karachi many years ago and the air was kind of thick back then, and a little warm. Sounds like the regional conditions haven't changed much. Also, have you tried the little Inova LED lights? I keep a green one on my kneeboard, and they fit in the pocket comfortably. (Not sure if it's NVG compatable, though.) If you've got access to an AFEES they probably have them. If not, email me a shipping address and I'll put together a care package for you.
Bill...you should send us your mailing address so we can get you a care package.
On another note, examining John's coin collection, some of those actually look like dinner plates he stole out of the officers' mess.
Does the Chief of Staff for the Army know you walked out with his gold dinner plate charger? Bet he was a little ticked off when the set wasn't complete.
No, not *that* one -- *this* one, from the AKO website.
Mild Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI) and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Training Requirement
ALARACT 153-2007 DTG 171457Z JUL 07 directs all Soldiers (AD, USAR, and ARNG) to participate in training on Mild Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI) and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) by 18 OCT 2007. This chain teaching program will inform leaders and Soldiers of the causes and physical and psychological effects of mTBI/PTSD and provide information on how to seek subsequent treatment of those conditions. In order to remain Army Strong, every leader and Soldier must be capable of identifying symptoms and ensuring that treatment is available to every Soldier who requires or requests it.
In 1976, the Powers That Be in the Joisey Guard declared that Agent Orange exposure and / or PTSD (especially that icky “and” part) rendered the exposee physically and mentally unfit for future combat and thus ineligible for membership in the NJARNG. Translation: We’re gonna get a black eye with the Big Army if anybody signs up for that AO class action suit or freaks out on a weekend drill.
Then somebody did the math -- they’d wind up with a bigger black eye if they tossed out 90% of their helicopter pilots because of politics. The end result was that nobody got bounced and several of my buds made some significant contributions in various aspects of the aviation field.
And we kept the PTB from resurrecting the PTSD issue by keeping our ghosts to ourselves -- or among ourselves.
Nice to see that somebody's finally deciding to take the long view…
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Meanwhile, somebody was busting caps down the block last night; a couple of MP5s and at least one AK-type from the sounds. The Shadows think it was the local cops going after a bunch of dacoits, because they weren't put on alert. Being a cop over here is particularly dangerous -- three were killed in a firefight last week -- since even the bicycle thieves can scrape up significant firepower.
Along the border, ground troops are sweeping the area around Chaghmalai in South Waziristan to recover the survivors of an ambushed convoy. "Militants" are holding them and demanding the release of ten terrs (including three suspected bombers) caught in the sweep following a suicider's attack in Islamabad. Several firefights erupted in Tora Teegha and Ghut Khawa when troops were sweeping the towns -- seven friendly KIA and at least fifteen terrs dead, four more wounded and captured. The "militants" forebade the townsfolk to evacuate, but the "swim in the sea of the people" tactic seems to have backfired -- the locals have started warning the troops about ambush sites and pointing out terr strongpoints.
And, further north, two men were killed when a bomb exploded in a house in Swabi. Both were in close proximity to the bomb when it went off, which could lead one to speculate along certain lines...
'Mild traumatic brain injury.' mmmmkay. I must use the ten foot pole standard in this, especially when it comes to politicians and the military.
Glad to see the politicos recovered from MTBI.
by Cricket on August 18, 2007 8:30 AM
Well, as I've said before, I think Senator McCain had his head slammed up against the wall at least one more time than was good for him, when he was living in Hanoi. Or maybe he was always like that. I dunno.
On the PTSD, have you read Mason's book "Chickenhawks" and the later one written by his wife? In her book she quotes Shakespeare, among others, to point out that just being present for the ultraviolence, let alone inflicting or suffering from it, messes with one's mind.
The point of the Shakespeare quote, I think, is that vets have been waking up in the middle of the night screaming and reaching for weapons for a *long* tim
It's the monsoon season in this portion of SWA; I believe the travel guides employ the understatement "hot and wet" to describe it. However, there *are* exceptions: just north of Shangri-La, it's hot and it floods; just to the west, it's hot and it floods; just to the south, it's *really* hot and it floods; just to the east is the biggest %$#@ing desert on the subcontinent, and Shangri-La's perched on an arm of it.
The temps here have been running in the mid-forties (okay, that’s Celsius, but it *feels* cooler saying it that way -- and it's a bit chillier than the low-fifties of the last two weeks) and the grass -- in those spots where it *does* grow -- is doing fine, thenkew veddy much, unlike the fescue fringing the Castle. Zero rain, but the humidity runs about 78%, so it (and the mold) gets all the moisture it needs right from the air.
Ummmm, leastways, I *think* it’s grass -- it could be a species of exceptionally thin, nano-saguaro…
Results from Talking the Talk: I’m not sure what the coverage has been in MSM-Land, but the four-day Afghani-Pak jirga produced some interesting results. The closest suitable English translation I can conjure for jirga is “a summit conference incorporating national and trans-national entities” -- the trans-national entities being seven hundred Pashtun tribal delegates. And every tribe was *not* represented.
Next time you want to get a glazed look from your confreres in the conference room, ask them, “Did you know that there are sixty distinct Pashtun tribes in Pakistan?”
The jirga began with the usual Inter-Stan “You’re the reason we have the Taliban problem because you can’t control your own borders” cross-accusations, progressed to the Intra-Stan “We’re never going to be able to control our joint border unless we both cooperate” and finished with the Trans-Stan “None of us will tolerate terrorist sanctuaries or training centers in our territories.” Now it’s time to see how the pro-Talib tribes -- who boycotted the jirga because the Taliban was *not* invited -- will react. The jirga closed on Sunday after
1. establishing a fifty-member joint council to promote Afghani-Pak GWOT cooperation,
2. issuing a statement calling for a push to “reconcile the opposition (i.e., clansmen with Taliban relatives who support them solely because of family ties) with the rule of law” and
3. calling for both governments to “wage an all-out war” on the “nexus between narcotics and terrorism.”
Left undetermined: who will enforce the decisions and who will monitor the effectiveness of the enforcement.
Results from Walking the Walk: Pak Army Air and Frontier Forces have been lumping those members of the opposition who have previously (and vehemently) declined to reconcile with the rule of law – and every couple of days, a few Cobra crews return here to change boots and grab fresh note pads. NAI for the Cobras last week were several valleys near Datta Khel, where “militants tied to Al-Qaeda and the Taliban” have arms caches, training camps and staging areas. The “militants” have been taking casualties and losing turf and responded by murdering several tribesmen and two Afghans they accused of being “American spies.” Earlier this year, they killed three Chinese engineers on a border survey in Kashmir and claimed that they, too, had been American spies.
Ground actions included a VBIED which killed four villagers in Swat and an assault on a security post in Tanai, in South Waziristan, which left the troops unscathed and four attackers deceased. Firefights erupted in Darghai, Mana and along the Bannu-Miranshah Road -- no Army or paramilitary scout casualties; the attackers retreated. The spate of activity in Tanai and Darghai may be an indication that the terrs are being pressured from the Afghan side; most of the "opposition" in that area are Uzbeks -- they're AQ, not Taliban, and when the Pak Army cleaned their clocks in a series of fights earlier, they retreated across the border.
Note to the DNC: there are now 90,000 Pak troops deployed and fighting religious extremists on their own turf and neither the media nor the political opposition are squeaking "sectarian strife" or "civil war" because they know they'd be pilloried as fools. What they *do* call it is -- GWOT...
Meanwhile, the fire blazing in one of India’s largest ammo depots continues into its third day, with debris from explosions – including live rounds – impacting two klicks away. Two dead, thirty injured and 20,000 people evacuated from the villages surrounding Khandroo, in Indian Kashmir. Two separate Kashmiri “liberation” groups immediately claimed responsibility for the fire, but Indian authorities state “the cause is still under investigation.”
One of the customs India and Pakistan observe during their respective Independence Day celebrations is a prisoner exchange. Both sides routinely patrol (and sometimes probe) along the ill-defined Cease-Fire Line splitting Kashmir, and sometimes those patrols are discovered in the wrong place at the wrong time. When the troops know they'll be spending less than a year behind wire if they're captured, they're less likely to resist-by-fire, which helps keep the tension up there at Moderate-Extreme High rather than Critical-Extreme High.
Among those released yesterday were one hundred Indian and forty-eight Pakistani fishermen who are going to have a rough time explaining where they’ve been to their wives…
Wonder how long it will be before Obama claims victory over Pakistan for his "efforts" toward getting them to stop aiding AQ and the Taliban? Recent events there had NOTHING to do with efforts already underway. Nope. Nothing at all.
good on ya, Pak warriors!
by AFSister on August 14, 2007 11:48 AM
How come that so called GLOBAL WARMING hasnt effected the MANSOON season? AL GORE is a idiot
From the front page of the “Daily Times” -- NWFP, Tuesday: At 0500, artillery supported by Cobras destroyed two fortified compounds in Daygan, North Waziristan, used as “militant” staging areas for assaults against Frontier Corps security forces. The occupants (all armed) returned fire; ten were killed and several wounded during the firefight. I presume the wounded were captured by troops supporting the op, but those details weren’t included in the report.
Collateral damage included ten (unoccupied) houses in the vicinity destroyed by "stray shells from artillery fire from...Miranshah fort" and three wounded civilians.
Four klicks south of the shelling, a thrown IED killed a soldier manning a checkpoint – the remainder of his squad killed the thrower. Two soldiers were also killed in two separate drive-bys.
A bomber hit a police station in Bannu at 2030, wounding five and “militants” launched a ground assault on an Army checkpoint in Bagh Deri as a diversion for a bomb placement. No friendly casualties and the troops defused the bomb, which had been placed against a rear wall.
The connotation of “edge” here is changing from “periphery” to “pointy”…
* * * * * * * * * * * *
I had an informal debrief / brain-picking session with the new Attack Squadron Commander which would have lasted about forty-five minutes – because of staff popping in with reports and phone calls from *his* commander, I was there for about three hours. Halfway through one call, he covered the mouthpiece and said, "I'd rather be getting shot at." About ten minutes after the phone barrage ended, he grinned, shook my hand (over here, all meetings, briefings and intrusions into same require handshakes from all concerned), grabbed his helmet and started back to the flight line.
No neat pix that I can even edit for OPSEC – sorry, the aircraft types are just *too* informative, given the present context. You guys will have to wait for a while.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Oh, all right. The power's back on and the laptop's back over 78%.
The nice thing about owning your own aircraft is that you can paint 'em in neat-o camouflage patterns, like this. Hi res, suitable for you modellers really picky about authenticity -- and OPSECed.
And, since things are getting "pointy" hereabouts, hereabouts is something pointy for John.
And, if John's running true to form, by Friday we'll be numbah one in Google for "I impaled myself on a picture of a lance."
Remember a while back there was an H&I link from Fuzzybee on the subject of BCR Natick Labs fiddling with scent-killing underwear? The theory goes that the bad guys won’t be able to sniff out – literally – a sniper-snooper team operating in the local scenery for a week sans showers if they’re clad in XM37 Odor-Muncher™ undies. Which launched a sub-thread about the next-best thing – tactically, rather than socially (sometimes) – which is eating like a local rather than a GI so you wind up smelling like a local rather than a GI.
Now watch closely as I segue effortlessly into a dissertation on local chow, which is the reason for the title of the post, after – oh, Geez – *tell* me you didn’t think it was because of the underwear…
Breakfast items you’d recognize are fruit juices, diced melon (various sorts), hard-boiled eggs, baked beans (Boston-style – just like Maggie makes when she pops them from the can into the nuker), milk, boiled chicken livers, yoghurt (unflavored) and a variant of French toast – Alan will have to make do with honey, rather than maple syrple. And, of course, coffee and tea. And a surprisingly good assortment of pastries. You'll find them available at the better hotels in the capitol.
But, since I'm *not* in the capitol (and the Guide Michelin ain't made it to these parts, podnuh), I've been eating items you probably wouldn’t recognize: qeema – minced, curried mutton or goat, paratha – a kind of fried pita with the consistency of a soft taco, kulcha – a smallish pancake sprinkled with sesame seeds, allo bhujia – boiled, sliced potatoes, banana peppers and cayenne in hot sesame oil, channa – chick peas and hot peppers in a kind of lentil puree, and biryani – a rice-veggie stir-fry. Pick any three in combo, add a cardamom-apple turnover and wash down with coffee or tea.
Lunch and dinner usually start out with soup – spiced pumpkin (take equal parts of pumpkin puree and chicken broth, bomb it with chili powder and a teaspoon of cayenne), chicken and mushroom, or mulligatawny – lentil puree with ground mutton (or goat) and rice, with a hint of napalm. You wouldn’t recognize the luncheon entree, although you may have seen it wandering around earlier: boti – cubed critter, charcoal grilled with peppers or murgh qorma – a chicken stew, heavy on the cayenne; paratha and jelly. Lunch is pretty light and generally finishes up with fruit or shahi tukra – a bread pudding made with the French toast left over from breakfast.
Oh, yeah – and coffee.
Dinner (or supper, depending whether you dine or just chow down) is lunch with all the stops removed, featuring soup, salad, kebabs – mutton, minced lamb, chicken, reshmi (meatballs), or veggies, fish – usually local and usually fried, goat cheeses, biryani with lamb or chicken added, bhuna gosht – a mutton casserole, dal palak – spinach steamed with lentils, spaghetti (yup – good ol’ number eight with Bolognese sauce), tikka – chicken in spiced yoghurt, chawal sabzi – boiled rice and veggies (unseasoned except for a bit of salt), jalferazi – chicken with chili sauce, kulcha, paratha, and desserts. And they *do* like desserts – pastries, rice pudding (kheer), mousses (meeses?), chocolate, fruit and some local novelties. Most interesting one I saw was a steamed, sugared meringue balloon (literally) called – I think – puri (I can’t swear to the pronunciation, ‘cuz the guy I asked was talking with his mouth full of ‘em). It looked like the perfect complement to a Cosmo, in case the Ladies are pondering light munchies for the next Castle shindig (gotta keep ‘em warm, though, or they deflate before they hit your plate).
Almost forgot the coffee.
And – ummmmm – I’m gonna have to auger another notch in my belt.
On the *inside* side. Lost about five pounds in a week and I haven't the foggiest notion of where I left 'em.
Prepping for another tapeworm jape from Barb...
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Of course, I realize that folks usually come here for the ambience and not the food. The vid that John gave me the other day came with the caveat that it wasn't the right mod, which may have caused some head-skritching among the folks who figure a Cobra is a Cobra is a Cobra.
*This* is the mod (one of the mods, anyway) that I fly -- the AH-1F. Ahhhhh. Ambience...
Chucklingly enough, the 'Structor Pilot in the pic is also named Bill. And yeah, I OPSECed the traceables...
Looks like I will have to get an Afghani cookbook.
It sounds fantastic. I have several ME cookbooks in my wishlist; any chance of writing those down?
One thing that has always fascinated me is how the US soldier and immigrant to the US has enriched our cuisine. I can get goat here in Hotlanta; the DeKalb International Farmer's Market sells Halal meats, and the employees are mostly from India, the ME, and the Horn of Africa.
Carry on, Chief. Keeping an eye out for you...
by Cricket on August 6, 2007 5:13 PM
Just make sure you bring your @55 home, who cares how skinny it when it crosses into CONUS airspace Chief.
by ry on August 6, 2007 5:16 PM
Hmmm - no tapeworm jokes here, Bill. But I'd better write down the recipes and learn to cook ME style - if you're able to eat all that and lose weight!
Cricket -- You might already have representative samples in your colletion -- check your e-mail.
Ry -- Got my @ss shot off in Vietnam, so I can't comment on its present appearance. Ask Barb, BCR or FbL -- not that I expect they'd have noticed. ALa or AB probably *did*, though...
Barb -- Don't assume *all* those goodies are around at any particular meal. Or in unending quantity. It's a pretty decent representation of the variety, though.
And my arcane eating/catnapping cycles prolly have as much to do with slenderization as working in a sauna -- yesterday's OAT (outside air temp) hit a hunnert 'n' leben.
[For newer visitors to the Castle - Carborundum is Tuttle's Guardian Angel - an overworked creature if ever one existed. Yes, it's true. Guardian Angels, (GA's in Denizen-speak) *do* exist. - the Armorer]
Greetings, mortal humans. ANGSGT Carborundum here. The higher-ups saw Tuttle warming up the TINS generator and authorized me to release certain documents and transcripts, pursuant to providing a *complete* and accurate depiction of the situation at hand.
The following is a briefing transcript, shortly after the incident described here took place .......
All right, you lot, listen up! First, I'd like to commend the teamwork that went into the sandstorm operation. Not only did we keep Tuttle on the ground, we kept him distracted with the *possibility* of flying so he didn't get into more trouble. [sound of cheering] And then Calamitus and team redirected our sandstorm assets to help shield his car from that roadside explosives vendor looking for a target. Superior tactical thinking and adaptability, in the finest tradition of the GA Corps!
Now some efforts didn't pay off -- Crepusculum, the hot-sauce pizza with bacteria topping would have been a better idea if Tuttle didn't have the digestive system of a goat. I recommend you -- ALL of you -- review my notes from previous campaigns [stifled mutters and grumbling], especially the section headed "Cam Tranh and the Unfortunate Kimchee Incident". Did it ever occur to you geniuses that maybe, just maybe, us old guys TRIED THAT BEFORE and it DIDN'T WORK?
Now pay attention and wipe those smug grins off your faces! *Tuttle is going to fly eventually*, no matter how clever we are. [weeping and consternation] Why? Because life isn't fair, that's why! What kind of moth-eaten cherubs do you think you are? You are GUARDIAN ANGELS, chumps. They don't send us in for the easy ones. And when they do, most humans only need one. Think about that. Take a look around. Lot more than one on this cloud, ain't there. You think ANGCOM skipped the decimal point over by mistake? Twice? Think ol' Carbo was just giving you busywork with the wire-strike teams and the meteorite and lightning deflection drills and the cosmic ray decontamination manuals? Think I'm DEAF? That's the kind of thinking that can get you, your teammates, and our target in trouble. That. Will. Not. Happen. Got that? I've seen too many good GA's [choke, cough] .... this detail is hell. Pardon my French. Just remember Detrius, and remember he's one of the lucky ones. We brought him back, what was left anyway. Want to be like him, splashing red fingerpaint around in a room with rubber wallpaper? Just get careless. ONCE. *He* thought, "Oh, that's just a banana peel, I can handle that," when it was actually a banana peel covering a spherical pellet of compressed C-4 resting on a bed of experimental high-temp flash powder. In front of a cage with a defective frame that was full of gouty tigers. Take NOTHING for granted around Tuttle!
Assignments--I've changed you around a bit. Aphasia, you are on Paperwork, Permits, and Paraphernalia. Decimus, you've got Entropy Enhancement, Mechanical. Don't forget to do a full job on a component, we aren't supposed to be helping the enemy here. Keep him on the ground, OR flying safely. Nothing in between. Inflatius and team, Advantageous Random Weather. Review the "Sudden Updrafts in the event of an Imminent Prong" manual, and come up with some similar ideas. Vacuus, you're on Inter-Team Communication. Don't screw up. Please. The rest of you, check with your section leader for any updates to your missions. I'll be on general overflight, and with Busty the Wrench here, Jesus Nut Maintenance. [nervous laughter]
"Sudden Updrafts in the event of an Imminent Prong"
That's "Imminent *Prang*" -- all an imminent *prong* will do is attract WK at hypervelocity.
And whoinell dumped my Vitamin C tabs and substituted the Name-Brand-ADHD meds?!? And took my can of double-whammy, industrial-strength espresso and replaced it with Wuss Brothers Decaf?!?
Sigh. FNGs give me wing cramp. Crepusculum really tries, I'll give him that, but he just doesn't think it through. ADHD is our *friend*, Crep. We WANT Tuttle distracted, remember? So we can do the "OOoooh shiny!" drill and make him duck just when the wrecking ball swings through? And the coffee? Not smart. The world does not need foggy-minded helicopter pilots, and he's so addicted to the stuff he'll do something *really* stupid to get more. Like go to the local souk in his Uncle Sam PJs and yell "Staaaarrrrrbuuuuuuuucks!"
by Carborundum on August 1, 2007 1:06 PM
Like go to the local souk in his Uncle Sam PJs and yell "Staaaarrrrrbuuuuuuuucks!"
Don't want the word to get out I don't wear jammies, eh? Prolly not a bad idea at that -- I need to get *some* sleep.
Every so often.
And "Staaaarrrrrbuuuuuuuucks!" is "Oooooooverrrrrrrated!"
...and (luckily) you're in the hemisphere that still believes your requesting prelate should be ANG instead of MUS.
I gotta have a chat with Corborundum about that ANGSGT moniker. I've told him a thousand times (once a year, anyway, so it's gotta more than that), it's *ANGST*...
So, do the GAs draw hazard pay as well? Good grief. You couldn't PAY me to do that job!
As for the "prong" and WK's hypervelocity...she had best slow down on approach. I think a prong at hypervelocity could sting a little. Then again, it's been a while so I may be wrong. It has happened a time or two...
Warning note on bottle: Avoid Prolonged Or Excessive Exposure To Direct And/Or Artificial Sunlight While Taking This Medication. Remind me to pass on all the tanning salons around here.
When I first got here (last week), the mosquitoes acted like they were WereKitty and I was a pole -- I took a cue from the locals and made a sorta Tuareg headwrap from an Army sling to keep the little bassetts out of my mouth, nose and ears. This, thought I, was not even going to be as much fun as Vietnam was -- at least we could bathe in malathion back in those days.
"Don't worry about the mosquitoes too much," said one of the mechanics. "They'll be gone soon."
"Why? Are the local bats gonna start doing their job?"
"No. In two days, banut garam. It will be too hot for mosquitoes."
Too hot for *mosquitoes*?
[Flashback to last month, Deep in Dixie: "Wow. The temp on the ramp is 40˚C? *That* can't be right -- but if it is, it's gonna limit our available power a *lot*. Lucky you'll be doing most of your flying at night, where you're going..."]
Banut garam happened two days later, just like the mechanic said. No mosquitoes. None. Soooo, what's too hot for mosquitoes, you ask?
Ummmm, I couldn't tell you about the temperature at noon (I was Avoiding Excessive Exposure To Direct Sunlight) but right around midnight, the temperature finally dropped down to a point we could read on the free-air temp gauge.
40˚C. Roughly 113˚ Fahrenheit. And, no, it's *not* a dry heat.
Just as an aside, they've improved the efficacy of the malaria pill since the last time I consumed massive quantities of 'em -- you still got malaria, sometimes, but the meds masked the symptoms to allow you to keep flying.
Sounds like DA helk... mebbe that Colorado training will come in handy, eh?
by Neffi on August 1, 2007 9:16 AM
Ahhh, The-Island-of-Tropical-Breezes' very own state bird: The Aedes Aegyptis.
Growing-up during the rain season, dusks would be heralded by the high pitched hizzing sound of the city's Malathion Truck. This sonorous fanfare, would be segued by the Alto-Soprano tones of home-makers up and down the road: "OPEN THE WINDOWS - OPEN THE WINDOWS. THE TRUCK's COMING"!!!
***hizzzz***
A rush - Doors would slam open, hand-cranks of shutter windows would furiously whirl, as if every house got ready to take in a deep cleansing breath.
***hizzzzzz***
We kids would drop everything and rush to the street, in excited anticipation of the praesaged hizzing cloud.
***HEEEZZZZZZZZ***
"Here it comes, its rounding the bend" someone would exclaim, as the first sweet-smelling whiffs would reach us.
***HEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ***
All of a sudden our world became a noisy and fragrant white cloud.
***heeezzzzz***
Alas, The Malathion Truck went as it came; bringing white clouds of relief to all who lived on our little corner of the world.
***hizzz***
'Till tomorrow Malathion Truck, 'till tomorrow.
I do miss running behind that malathion truck.
by Boquisucio on August 1, 2007 10:01 AM
Snerk... I remember those. Here at Fort Leavenworth the bug truck still comes and goes now and again, depending on how much stagnant water there is laying about breeding 'skeeters.
Oh, Man...I remember that Big, Green pill...'bout the size of a "Duz" laundry detergent tablet...you took those whole? I split 'em, took it half-n'-half over a couple of meals to avoid the "Hershey™ squirts", an occasional hazard.
Or is that TMI?
Had little faith in "bug juice"...I think they thrived on the stuff...
by DougK on August 1, 2007 11:14 AM
DougK -- 'course we swallowed them whole. Once they hit your stomach, there wasn't any room for mess tent chow, which is how we avoided the "projectile voiding" aspect.
Remind me to tell you about the time one of the cooks used powdered laundry detergent as a field expedient extender for the mashed potatoes...
Just saddle those skeeters and take 'em for a ride.
by WereKitten on August 1, 2007 9:40 PM
Trying to get a saddle on a mosquito would be about as easy as trying to give Gaby a bath. Visualize 25-pounds of popcorn with claws all going off at once...
Melaluca oil. Works great. It is also a great
antiseptic and will numb topical pain. I dont suggest ingesting it...but you can use it for a mouthwash too. It isn't like the wimpy ChiggerX
stuff...this really does repel the wee bloodsucking nasties.
Want some? I'll be happy to send ya some.
by Cricket on August 1, 2007 11:47 PM
Cricket! Hiya! -- Thanks for the offer of the melaluca oil, but it really *is* too hot for mosquitoes. We haven't even seen a housefly since Saturday.
Yesterday's Weatherbug listed the "Comfort Index" at a balmy 146˚F.
Which, in turn, is a marginal improvement over 153˚F.
Which, in turn, is a marginal improvement over a Bessemer oven...
Shoot. With temps like that, you could use the melaluca oil to fry yourself up some dinner right there on the ramp. Good grief.
Three years in Alaska (state bird is the 'squito) and those bassids started to drink DEET like it was KoolAid. Can't say I miss that. They'd bite you THROUGH your jeans. OUCH.
Melaluca oil is nasty tasting and smells like eucalyptus mixed with turpentine. Even repels vampires.
by Cricket on August 2, 2007 1:51 PM
Wouldja like some ice? I *know* what triple digits are like, but not like those. Will send cool California breezes your way, sped along by
prayers. Oh, and when it cools off, you will be reporting that too, right?
I found a plan to make a tandoor oven. I am not sure if I have the gutz to use it. It would involve much swearing on my part, especially if
food was sacrificed to the fire demon.
On The Differing Definitions of International Internet Connectivity
Dialup: Means you've got an extra jack in your room phone, which turns into a party line whenever there's a dust storm and requires the intervention of a Higher Power to get an overseas connection.
WAN/LAN: Means you've got dialup via a (bootleg) connection to the server in the -- ummmm -- establishment.
Wireless: Means you bought a phone made in China with operating instructions written in Urdu. But it's got a USB port.
FiOS: Lift the receiver, try to Find the Operator while Swearing under your breath.
As I watched the moon rise just before sunset (my sunset – you guys will see it in saw it [grabsnabbing dust] six or seven or eight hours later), I thought it was just about perfect – almost full and at least 92% ambient illumination. With that much light, flying with NVGs is almost like cheating.
So, we didn't fly with goggles.
And we didn't fly with bare nekkid eyeballs.
*sigh*
We didn't fly at all.
The monsoon clouds off to the east were moving south and the sky had been clearing all afternoon, so when the weather-guessers said that conditions were perfect for a dust storm from the west right after sunset and issued a Severe Weather Warning, I figured they were just being conservative (these folks lost an aircraft – with crew and pax – in a dust storm a while back and it made a lasting impression).
Note to self: the weather-guessers've been here a lot longer than you have, dummy.
Sooooo, about 2015, the other Cobra IP and I were leaning against the side of the hangar, twiddling our thumbs and watching the moonlight go to waste. I felt a sting on my cheek. Then a couple more. The moon disappeared five seconds later, the red "Please Don't Fly Into Me" lights on the cell towers three klicks west started fading *fast*, our Security Shadows popped out doorway defilade, gave us the Get Outta Dodge sign and joined us as we scooted toward the ramp where our transportation was parked.
When the driver hit his headlights, the whole world lit up in a bright amber glow. Problem was, the whole world consisted of a fifty foot bubble, with us in the center.
By the time we hooked up with our escort vehicle, viz was maybe thirty feet.
I didn't check the speedometer on the trip back – I was too busy marveling about how fast the exterior world was disappearing and how skillfully our driver managed to dodge the oncoming vehicles coming at us out of the murk -- and passing us on both sides.
I still think he found his way back by Braille.
And, for a short time, I had sandy brown hair again. And face, and hands, and shirt…
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Notes and Asides:
1. Most of the Scholarly Country Information in the Forty-Page Scholarly Dissertation I was given back in Fayetteville has proven to be about 30 years out-of-date. I showed it to one of the Shadows because he was curious about it – he started laughing when he started reading and was still in tears after he'd finished (he reads English a lot better than I read Urdu or Pashtun).
2. Folks here don't have the Middle/Near East taboo against showing someone the sole of your shoe. They'll sit cross-legged as readily as Americans will.
3. Cricket: For munchies during the next 'Ritamatic bash, drizzle some hot pepper sauce over a chapati, sprinkle with boiled, shredded chicken that's spent the week marinating in hot pepper sauce, add juliennes of hot peppers, cover with a couple of pounds of mozzarella cheese mixed with minced hot peppers, bake at 350 for 20 minutes, then dust with Parmesan and spritz with hot pepper sauce. Presto – Tandoori Pizza. Keep a bottle of hot pepper sauce on the side for those foolish souls who'll drench it without first tasting it. Make sure there's a charged battery in the camcorder.
4. A dust storm will bollix your internet connectivity in a heartbeat – see first paragraph. It'll also knock out your cable TV reception, or so the guy next door tells me. I haven't watched the tube in a week, so I can't verify that particular attribute, but I *can* verify that, if you've been out in one, your spit'll be brown for a good ten minutes. And I won't even mention what your handkerchief will look like after you've – never mind.
5. The guy in the striped shirt and cargo pants sitting next to you is just as likely to be a businessman as a post-grad student. Or a Shadow. Nothing against them, BTW (Hiya, guys! My treat for coffee and cookies later, same time, same place!), because they're 90% interested in keeping us alive and well and only 10% interested in reporting on our comings-and-goings. Which, in our case, are extremely limited and extremely coordinated.
6. Over here, olive drab is now a decorator color. We gained a massive amount of regional good will for that humanitarian assist after the 2005 'quake, and if Foggy Bottom plays that card the right way, al-Q will be in a world of hurt in the neighborhood regardless of how the various local power plays eventually shake out. If we do a unilateral strike on a target on their turf, we lose the PR war instantly.
6a. The Taliban's another matter entirely, even though most folks here disagree with their interpretation of Sharia. Hint: Pashtunwali. Google it. Interestingly, the various councils governing the South Asian madrassas are using peer pressure to convince the radical schools to join the mainstream – and some of them have, warily.
Only the *elite* read the comments, m'dear. The *public* sees the sidebar and then fixates on the Blog Nekkid link to SqueakySquirrel and never gets this far.
Uhhhhh -- took me darn near a month to realize that there was actual *writing* going on in this place...
Harumph! No seatbelt extenders needed, pencild***, er, neck.
Of course, considering this is a chinese-built tractor (as were some of the US nameplated equivalents I looked at) this must have been made by Manchurian-sized Chinese... because really, no seatbelt extender was needed.
And not that I'm sensitive or anything, I don't need extenders on airplanes, either.
Tandoori chicken pizza? I love the pepper saturated chicken idea. We did a milder version of tandoor poultry with turkey. It was tender enough, but lacked a really good punch and I used cayenne. We marinated it in yogurt with a hit of lemon, salt and spices, but it didn't taste like a curry blend. It was not uuuummmm...the savory sweet heat of a curry.
And I don't have a tandoor oven. I have a smoker.
I likes it for fish, pork, jerky and other treats, but it doesn't get hot enough. BUT there is hope. 'Tis close to the end of summer and the grills go on sale. I have my eyeball on a charcoal/woodburning model.
Pizza's on me. I will even practice grilling it.
Be safe.
by Cricket on August 1, 2007 12:36 AM
A *grilled* Tandoori Pizza? Intriguing. And probably crunchier than the local version.
If cease fires in the name of peace actually produced peace the Middle East would be the most peaceful place on earth by now.
.
Mebbe it's just Clobbering Time.
.
Just sayin'
.
"The Iraqis don't want Saddam back - they want the
stability. But they want the stability without being
fed into industrial chippers."
.
-The Armorer, on Hugh Hewitt, 27 December 2006.
Project Valour-IT - Providing voice-activated laptops to wounded soldiers - 1,600 and counting! Click the graphic above for more information and to donate!
Every deployed military service member and veteran has one final, over arching mission: to come home as physically and mentally fit as possible. While we are quick to recognize that physical wounds occur in combat, we aren't always willing to look at our mental or emotional health, but it is imperative for completing the mission. By working together, we can make "coming home" a successful mission.
Please review the following mission information:
PTSD: Facts and Information
NCPTSD Fact Sheet: The Impact of Wars in Afghanistan and IraqReturning From a Warzone: Guide for Military Personnel for Transitioning Home
Families are part of the final mission and can assist in transition by being prepared with information:
Returning From a Warzone: Guide for Families on Transitioning Home
Where To Get Help
Dispensing Depleted Uranium for Truth, Justice and the
American Way!
Bill, the Rotorhead
Whatzis helicopter and why does it have a balloon on top?
Email Us!
Rude trash thrown out unread! (Yes, we're psychic) And all email sent us is presumed for publication unless you note otherwise. Not to worry, we hardly ever do that, except in the case of ranting trolls, and even then we'll give you warning.
Stories From the Front
Welcome to Castle Argghhh!
This site is in no way affiliated with the Department of
Defense, Department of the Army, the Department of the
Air Force, or the National Guard Bureau and nothing said herein should be considered to have any official sanction by those (or any other)
agencies. We're just retired warriors, fellas, and
all opinions expressed herein are mine or Dusty's or Bill's (and the odd guest-poster like Cassandra and the Wicca Pundit)
unless quoted from other sources. This site does *not* have
the Rumsfeld Gates Seal of Approval and we doubt he knows (or
cares) it exists! Though we *have* seen the Official Army Blog Training Brief, and we know that the *Counter-Intel* people know it exists... [Waving vigorously] "Hi fellas! How are ya?" However, we *do* know the blog is read at the White House. Because we got invited there. Kewl, huh?
The Following Castle Argghhh! Fighting Fusileers for Freedom! Support Project Valour-IT!
Legal Notice To Spammers
Unsolicited advertising. If you place, or cause an
agent to place, any unsolicited ads via any means, not
limited to so-called 'comment spam' or
'trackback spam' you are assumed to agree to
pay at the rate of $500USD per unsolicited URL. Contact
the site owner for remittance instructions. Attempts
will be made to collect this tariff, and a failure to
make payment will result in formal actions against the
advertising site.
Notable Quotes
"It's not difficult to understand why
somebody might pick up an AK-47 against us. Maybe we killed
his father in the first Gulf War, maybe in this Gulf War,
maybe he's just a dick.
~Sgt. Reginald Abram
Third Armored Cavalry Regiment in western Iraq.
Quoted in the Asia Times, Oct. 24"
Ex-Sgt Shep - a Canadian commenting on the deserters:
Time for these so-called "resisters" to go home and face the music. I don't want my tax dollars going to support these bozos who volunteered and then decided they didn't want to play by the rules they agreed to. I'd have a lot more time for them if they decided to make their stand without turning tail and without abandoning their oaths and their comrades (although I suspect their comrades are better off without them.)
We'll drive 'em to the border. You guys pick them up.
President Bush on terrorists in Iraq:
"They can't whip our militaries. What they can
do is get on your TV screens and stand in front of your
TV cameras and cut somebody's head off, in order to
try to cause us to cringe and retreat. That's their
strongest weapon." . . .
Joe Honan, Castle Afghan Correspondent Sez
Two things that were going through my mind were: Uncle Joe never went through this to bring his Luger back from the ETO, and what use was it voting for Republicans all my life if I can’t just mail a gun back from a war zone? Where are we, Canada?
Carrie Sez:
" Perhaps we should have another category of conservatives besides paleocons and neocons.
"Narcissocons" with the motto "We are always on our minds". If you happen to be one, you are not allowed to have or spend the older quarters because there's a MEXICAN EAGLE on the back. Oh the horror." . . .
Marc Danziger (Armed Liberal)
"As most of you know, I'm a liberal Democrat (pro-gay marriage, pro-choice, pro-progressive taxation, pro-equal rights, pro-environmental regulation, pro-public schools) who supported and supports the war in Iraq. As I tell my liberal friends, "Did I miss the part where it was progressive not to fight medieval religious fascists?"
Princess Crabby on Iraq:
" Maggie said:
"If you believed an incident such as this could change your mind then
you really weren't supporting OIF/OEF for the right reasons." " . . .
Red Ensign Bloggers - Fighting to Keep Canada Free from
the Yoke of Excessive Political Correctness!
© Pamela Bobik
