Argghhh! The Home Of Two Of Jonah's Military Guys..: I think it's funny! Archives

I deny everything

ANGCOM would like to take the opportunity to state, for the record, that this purported Guardian Angel has absolutely no connection to them and they repudiate, with extreme prejudice and a ten foot pole, any and all responsibility for disasters associated with its use. Just to clarify, this fake GA is what you mortals call a computer program. Real GAs are numinous spirit beings with wings that don't have license agreements or inexplicable error messages. Further, when WE decide to do something to save your hides, we do not ask your permission or input. Just ask Tuttle. The real hint is the fake GA was spawned by B*ll G*tes. Do I really need to tell you we don't work with that guy? He's responsible for a significant percentage of current human moral decay, you know. Too many Blue Screens of Death lead to profanity, violence, and subsequent corrosion of the soul. And just look at what they want to do with this idiotic idea:

"In addition to protecting you from possibly diseased people, by detecting body temperatures, the Guardian Angel's 'monitoring component can take note of the number of conversations occurring in a room (and more specifically, a breakdown of the types of people in the room accompanied by a warning for dangerous persons, based on sex offender registration, FBI most wanted, etc.).' The versatile Guardian Angel, Microsoft notes, can also recommend restaurants, advise you on the appropriateness of your jokes, detect that your heartbeat has stopped, display targeted ads on billboards, and block spam."

I mean, nothing bad could possibly come of that. (courteous dip of the wings to Slashdot)

- Carborundum

Reporting As Ordered, Sir! �

by Carborundum on May 11, 2008 | TrackBack (0)

The Rooster Wranglers of Argghhh!

[Kat]

Since no one has offered me a bribe or generally genuflected in my direction and blackmail loses its power unless you're willing to do what you said you would do, I bring you your Sunday morning laugh: the Rooster Wranglers of Argghhh!

Reporting As Ordered, Sir! �

by Kat on May 11, 2008 | TrackBack (0)

Doggoned MSM

Talk about misleading headlines -- this one is just plain cruel...

Reporting As Ordered, Sir! �

by CW4BillT on May 10, 2008 | TrackBack (0)

It's Contest-In-Context Time!

Contest Space-Time Continuum Time, actually. Here's a sample from Abyss & Apex:

11/15/2104 At 14:52:28, FreedomFighter69 wrote: Reporting my first temporal excursion since joining IATT: have just returned from 1936 Berlin, having taken the place of one of Leni Riefenstahl's cameramen and assassinated Adolf Hitler during the opening of the Olympic Games. Let a free world rejoice!
At 14:57:44, SilverFox316 wrote:
Back from 1936 Berlin; incapacitated FreedomFighter69 before he could pull his little stunt. Freedomfighter69, as you are a new member, please read IATT Bulletin 1147 regarding the killing of Hitler before your next excursion. Failure to do so may result in your expulsion per Bylaw 223.

At 18:06:59, BigChill wrote:
Take it easy on the kid, SilverFox316; everybody kills Hitler on their first trip. I did. It always gets fixed within a few minutes, what's the harm?

At 18:33:10, SilverFox316 wrote:
Easy for you to say, BigChill, since to my recollection you've never volunteered to go back and fix it. You think I've got nothing better to do?

Got the idea? Go back in time, do something cool, then yak about it. Or *un*do somebody's cool deed or farcup.

My example, reference *this* episode:

08/25/2104 At 04:32:45, CageyHajii502 wrote: Just returned from 24 Feb 2008. Filched the last two soap dishes from the PX/BX at FOB Warrior, Kirkuk (old spelling) in Iraq, thus compelling one W. Tuttle, an obscure US contractor, to procure a soap dish from Husam ("Sam") Ramaad, future CEO of the Kurdish Free State and Alpine Resort Association, who was then-proprietor of a small sundries shop. The results of the transaction were two-fold:
1. Sam sold Tuttle the last soap dish available in what was then Northern Iraq, thereby compelling al-Qaeda-in-Iraq soap dish foragers to return to Mosul empty-handed one week later. AQI members were left with no option but to leave their sole bar of soap on a nearby rock during their ablutions; nettle spines which had settled on the rock during the previous day's sandstorm adhered first to the soap and then to AQI members during subsequent ablutions, resulting in a 99% death rate from terminal rectal itch and reducing the remainder of the organization to committing random acts of jaywalking.

2. Sam used the cash (USD1) to corner the dust market in Kurdistan and, when the haute coutoure bunch declared khaki talcum powder the "absolute must-have" accessory for 2009, Sam became the wealthiest man east of the Greenwich Meridian.

The rest, as we now know, is history. Go pound sand, SilverFox316.

Hat ~~Trick~~ Tip to JMH, via the Flea.

Reporting As Ordered, Sir! �

by CW4BillT on May 09, 2008 | TrackBack (0)

Mix 'n match cultures... dangers thereof.

Yesterday, in the H&I Fires, I pointed to an article about Golf in the Green Zone.

Bill chimed in with the observation that if you are an inveterate golfer, you need to have a care that just because *you* golf, doesn't mean everybody does - and that which looks "golf-ish" just might be something altogether different...

Photo copyright Akinoluna at: http://akinoluna.blogspot.com/2006/03/golf-iraq-style.html

There's a driving range up here, according to a couple of the guys who think golf is actually a sport of some sort. They checked it out last week -- spotted chunks of red-painted rebar driven into a flat spot, figured those were the Permanent Tees, and started popping balls downrange.

Couple of Iraqi Engineer types came sauntering up and casually informed them they were teeing off on suspected UXO markers...

This PSA is brought to you as free service of Castle Argghhh!, a painful grip on the obvious for 5 years and counting...

The photo above was sneekily snatched from Akinoluna and her blogpost on Golf, Iraq Style.

Reporting As Ordered, Sir! �

by John on May 08, 2008 | TrackBack (0)

Sent along by the Auld Soldier...

With this kicker: "Having just spent your inheritance for a couple of squirts of printer ink, I can relate to this."

Seen some like this before but they are always fun to read again. Enjoy and feel better about the price of gas.
I guess the next time I spend $9.00 for an 8oz. bottle of shampoo, I won't feel so guilty! The price of Gas versus Printer Ink

All these examples do NOT imply that gasoline is cheap; it just illustrates how outrageous some prices are....

You will be really shocked by the last one!
(At least, I was...)

Compared with Gasoline......

Think a gallon of gas is expensive?

This makes one think, and also puts things in perspective.

Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 ... $10.32 per gallon

Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 ..........$9.52 per gallon

Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 ..... $10.17 per gallon

Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 ........ $10.00 per gallon

Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 ...... $33.60 per gallon

Vick's Nyquil 6 oz $8.35 ... $178.13 per gallon

Pepto Bismol 4 oz $385 .. $123.20 per gallon

Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 ..... . $25.42 per gallon

Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 .....$84.48 per gallon

And this is the REAL KICKER...

Evian water 9 oz $1.49..$21.19 per gallon! $21.19 for WATER and the buyers don't even know the source

(Evian spelled backwards is Naive.)

Ever wonder why printers are so cheap?

So they have you hooked for the ink.

Someone calculated the cost of the ink at...............

(you won't believe it....but it is true.......)

$5,200 a gal. (five thousand two hundred dollars)

So, the next time you're at the pump,be glad your car doesn't run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, Pepto Bismol, Nyquil or God forbid, Printer Ink!

Just a little humor to help ease the pain of your next trip to the pump...

And - If you don't pass this along to at least one person, your muffler will fall off!!

Okay, your muffler won't really fall off...but, you might run out of toilet paper

Reporting As Ordered, Sir! �

Having narrowly escaped paying $4 a gallon for gas yesterday, I did stop and think about how cheap it is compared to a lot of other stuff we buy. Still, I miss the days of paying under a dollar.

by Da Goddess on May 2, 2008 4:20 PM

And bread was a nickle.

Just think of all the Tata autos being built in India for $2500. Or all the cars and trucks being built in China. The demand for oil will not come down any time soon.

The other big problem is that we were always blessed with cheap food compared to percentage of income for other contries. I just bought a box of Wheaties and it wasn't even a pound. I almost couldn't afford the bananas.

This could get very complicated.

by Fishmugger on May 2, 2008 4:45 PM

Just six years ago I was paying $.84 a gallon for gas in Indiana. *sigh*

And like da Goddess, I feel lucky that I'm still under $4/gallon.

*waves to da Goddess* Long time, no see! :)

by FbL on May 2, 2008 5:38 PM

I just got a motorcycle endorsement on my DL, and am gonna buy an Asian-made scooter next week.

I may still have to pay a LOT for a gallon of gas like everyone else, but I'm not gonna buy any more than I have to! LOL

It's the start of my own small protest against Detroit, the UAW, Big Oil, OPEC, and the Feds. Ha!

by fdcol63 on May 2, 2008 8:14 PM

Now, if only a tank of gas would last as long as a printer cartridge or bottle of shampoo! -- Especially when a unit (tank) of gas costs upwards of of $50 compared to a $25 printer cartridge or $8 for a bottle of shampoo.

by Shawn on May 2, 2008 9:10 PM

It cost me $1.296 CDN/ litre for regular 87 octane today, that works out to $4.905 per U.S. gallon. That was a drop from $1.334/l ($5.05/G)on Thursday.
Pat

by Pat on May 2, 2008 10:57 PM

In The Netherlands a gallon wil cost you 9,83 dollar! That is why we use euros and liters for measurement, because it will only cost 1,56 euro a liter! Feels a lot better.

by eric on May 3, 2008 3:57 AM

Buying gas in Austria the other day, the Hubster reached for the lower octance pump automatically, as we are accustomed to it being cheaper than the higher octanes. The attendant pointed out (with a little language juggling, since we don't speak German), that the price for the available selections of unleaded were all the same price, so why not use the higher octane?!

by Barb on May 3, 2008 8:14 AM

I saw essentially this same story back in the eighties. IIRC the final item was red ink - at twice the cost of black ink.

by Glenmore on May 3, 2008 3:13 PM

I am paying $US5.24 per Gallon in Australia. I see here US paying just below $4.00/Gal, Canada $4.91/Gal and the Netherlands $9.83/Gal

It would be interesting to see it compared with incomes and the amount of driving needed. Here the amount needed is high for the locations like shops, schools, work are far apart and poorly connected by public transport.

I hope very much we start using less so it does last more like bottles of shampoo. Public transport, better car efficiency etc. We also need to examine these fuel substitutes and non petrol cars as well as how to get the most out of the oil the earth has to offer.

I suspect many in the world cannot even touch the idea of consuming petrol.

by Argent on May 4, 2008 2:18 AM

� Dismissed, Soldier!

by John on May 02, 2008

Doggone Apache Pilots Have All The Luck

Well, *some* Apache pilots do, as John noted in yesterday's H&I.

Of course, the *Cobra* pilots (yeah, yeah, okay, I'm the only one -- sue me) of the SugarButtons Brigade Aviation Battalion have a few incentives to keep current, too.

The SBB Armament Section, for one. And I sure couldn't fly very far without the selfless devotion of my fuel handlers. Of course, since the dreaded AH-1F is a flying *crew*-served weapons system, I'd be just plain foolhardy to slip the surly bonds of earth solo and deprive myself of the services of my highly-trained, exceptionally-skilled gunner.

Ah-*heh*...

Reporting As Ordered, Sir! �

by CW4BillT on Apr 24, 2008

Doggone Apache Pilots Have All The Luck

Well, *some* Apache pilots do, as John noted in yesterday's H&I.

Of course, the *Cobra* pilots (yeah, yeah, okay, I'm the only one -- sue me) of the SugarButtons Brigade Aviation Battalion have a few incentives to keep current, too.

The SBB Armament Section, for one. And I sure couldn't fly very far without the selfless devotion of my fuel handlers. Of course, since the dreaded AH-1F is a flying *crew*-served weapons system, I'd be just plain foolhardy to slip the surly bonds of earth solo and deprive myself of the services of my highly-trained, exceptionally-skilled gunner.

Ah-*heh*...

Reporting As Ordered, Sir! �

by CW4BillT on Apr 24, 2008

A look at the campaigns from across the pond...

Subject: One Foreigner's Opinion
We in Denmark cannot figure out why you are even bothering to hold an election.

On one side, you have a witch who is a lawyer, married to a lawyer . . . and a lawyer who is married to a witch who is a lawyer.

On the other side, you have a war hero married to a good looking woman with big gazongas who owns a beer distributorship.

Is there a contest here?"

H/t, Princess Crabby

Aside from the fact that it's funny (and probably is even to many Democrats) the alignments, laid out like that, are... interesting.

Not that war hero, large glands and beer are qualifiers - but that the contrast, I'm thinking, does serve to show a possible source of the Dem's candidates troubles in connecting to significant chunks of the electorate which would otherwise seem an easy-to-connect constituency.

Reporting As Ordered, Sir! �

by John on Apr 22, 2008

My Sibs Are As Odd As I Am

And as proof, I offer this from My-Sister-the-Forest-Ranger, who dwells in -- ahem -- Tucson.

DOG DIARY
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

CAT DIARY

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless torso at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.

B*st*rds!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

Heh.

Reporting As Ordered, Sir! �

grinning... ear to ear... that's awesome.

Kinda like that ol' "men: how to please your woman" list, finished off with "women: how to please your man: show up nekkid with cold beer"

by AFSister on April 14, 2008 11:13 AM

'Ritas - nekkid with 'ritas, on the rocks with salt.

by John of Argghhh! on April 14, 2008 12:01 PM

That's my cats. I think they have tried to kill me at least five times this week. When I go into the kitchen, they walk with me, sit by their bowls, even if the bowls have food in them, and stare at me while I get a drink or whatever out of the fridge.

Everyday, I have to fight them for the door. I am convinced the only reason they come back when they do get out is because the neighbors have dogs all around us and they are too afraid to leave the yard.

I am also certain that they put the rug in the backroom in their litter box and poop on it for the same reasons.

Cats are evil.

by kat-missouri on April 14, 2008 12:21 PM

Heh. Are not. Yeah, they do barf a lot, but other than that, and constantly trying to smother me by sitting on my chest, they're a pretty lovable group...

by John of Argghhh! on April 14, 2008 12:23 PM

Uuggh..

I nearly forgot how one of the little hair balls barfed on my bed the other night. Just as I was dozing off to sleep, I heard this horrendous wretching sound and the cat stood up at the end of the bed. I couldn't find it with my feet to push it off before the inevitable, so there I was, trying to search for the light, not put my foot in cat barf, change the sheets (only to discover the cat had barfed on the floor as well) and go back to bed to get the usual six hours sleep.

At which point, trying to make it up to me, the cat walked up the bed, walked across my chest, stuck its tail in my face before curling up on the other side.

Then again, I don't think that was "making it up to me" so much as giving me an Obamaesque "thanks for doing your job, lowly human".

by kat-missouri on April 14, 2008 1:12 PM

LOL- I'll remember that, John.

Kat-
Are you sure your cat and my cats haven't been talking? If the litter box isn't clean enough, mine go in, turn around, stick their butts out of the box, and then do their business! And THEN... they cover it up with the bathroom rug.

Claire is also insanely jealous of my keyboard for some reason. I guess she figures that if my fingers are doing some walking, they should be walking down her back and chin instead of the keyboard.

by AFSister on April 14, 2008 2:00 PM

Little Orphan Annie has a neatness fetish. When she discovers one of her tribe has made a boo-boo, whether barf or out the other end, she searches until she finds a sock and then takes it and places it over the offending pile...

by John of Argghhh! on April 14, 2008 2:21 PM

Having had many dogs and having to put up with a number of cats it is my understanding that:

Dogs have owners,
Cats have staff.

Oh well.

by Fishmugger on April 14, 2008 4:08 PM

"Dogs have owners,
Cats have staff."

I like that one.

by Trias on April 14, 2008 4:29 PM

So cats live in the 'The Prisoner'

by ry on April 14, 2008 4:56 PM

TRias,

I learned it as:

Dogs have masters.

Cats have servants.

I would own a dog. Dogs go hunting with you and fishing with you, and catch frisbees and balls. Cats seems to just sort of lay around and leer at you. I mean, seriously... what's a cat supposed to do on it's day off? It can't lay around the house, 'cause that's it's job... :)

by AW1 Tim on April 14, 2008 5:12 PM

...she searches until she finds a sock and then takes it and places it over the offending pile...

Ah. So *that* explains why you're not wearing them.

by BillT on April 15, 2008 6:49 AM

There is one last paragraph which isn't in your version,

"The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe... for now."

by Gary on April 15, 2008 4:06 PM

"My Sibs Are As Odd As I Am"

They claim you.
'Nuff said.
*snicker*

*skipping away through the trees and breeze*
0>;~}

by DL Sly on April 15, 2008 9:13 PM

� Dismissed, Soldier!

by CW4BillT on Apr 14, 2008

Breaking news! New Acquisition for the Arsenal of Argghhh!!!

Eschewing contact with shady arms dealers in the Miami area (based on Boquisucio's advice) I worked with reputable Merchants of Death in the DC area... and the Armorer of Argghhh! can definitively support Senator Hillary Clinton's "dodged sniper fire in Bosnia" story!

We have acquired the *actual* rifle used in that event! The Senator is un-equivocally telling the truth.

(click the pic for a better, more stealable view)

Unsurprisingly, when we examined closely, we discovered that this rifle, like most phallic objects in the Senator's orbit, only shoots blanks, and displays a disturbing tendency to deposit firing residue on the person pulling the trigger.

Reporting As Ordered, Sir! �

by John on Apr 14, 2008

The Deployed Guy's Guide to Dining Hall Etiquette

The first time the Deployed Gentleman (DG) enters the Dining Facility and encounters, in order,

1. The Lady Contractor, clad in either shorts or spray-on jeans,

2. The Lady Contractor, clad in full-up battle rattle and spray-on cargo pants, and

3. The Warrior Princess, clad in full-up battle rattle, packing enough heat to fight (and win -- single-handed) the Napoleonic Wars, and displaying more cutlery than Emeril ever owned,

the DG is faced with a quandary. How to comport himself during Polite Social ~~IntercourOOOPS~~ Conversation with his Feminine Potential Dining Companion.

They didn't cover *that* at CRC.

To correct that unfortunate, but forgiveable, oversight, The Castle has instituted still *another* ~~One-Off, Never Go There Again~~ chapter in its miniseries of Public Service Symposia.

Lesson One: Mastering Polite Table Talk

First, the DG should be aware of the length of time his Dining Companion has In-Country, which will enable him to expand upon their mutual experience. Fortunately, the Gentler Sex communicates this information through body language, and the astute DG should key on these subtle signs.

Been Here One Week: Observes DG in peripheral vision, recoils.

Been Here Two Weeks: Makes inadvertent eye contact with DG, recoils.

Been Here Three Weeks: Makes inadvertent eye contact with DG, shrugs.

Been Here Four Weeks: Makes inadvertent eye contact with DG, smiles.

Been Here Five Weeks: Makes deliberate eye contact with DG, smiles.

Been Here Six Weeks: Asks DG to get her a cup of coffee when DG gets up to refill his.

Been Here Seven Weeks: Mentions that the PX has just received a new shipment of stationery.

Been Here Eight Weeks: Mentions that the PX has just received a new shipment of military accoutrements.

Been Here Nine Weeks: Mentions that the PX has just received a new shipment of combat cutlery, but it consists of "the same crappy Chinese KaBar knockoffs" as usual.

Been Here Ten Weeks: Slams tray on table, says, "Geez! What a farking day *this* -- hey! Don't you *dare* move! -- has been! I swear to..."

Ahem.

Next Lesson: Complimenting the Warrior Princess on Her Choice of Fighting Knives...

Reporting As Ordered, Sir! �

by CW4BillT on Apr 11, 2008

I've been pretty resistant...

...about getting all snarkily political this silly season.

But sometimes, you just can't resist, and I *do* have Photoshop®. There *is* this thing called the Internet...

So, Senator Clinton, in Philadelphia yesterday, compared herself to... Rocky.

I had a very strong mental image of Senator Clinton's arrival at the Democratic National Convention this summer...

Rocky VII - The Horror...

Reporting As Ordered, Sir! �

by John on Apr 02, 2008

From an un-named source at the MANSCEN*...

Classification: UNCLASSIFIED Caveats: NONE Our doctrine guys getting bored...
______________________________________________

This is an actual military working dog in Iraq.

You Engineer and MP types are cool.

We in the Chemical Corps are catching up…

HazmatDog!

Working dog envy. MPs have em, EN has em...

Or, this is what happens when the bugs & gas crowd uses a little too much of their own product.

Don't attribute me...I got it from our doctrine folks:) Just credit the think tank at Leonard Wood.

Snerk. *MANSCEN = Maneuver Support Center. The home of the Engineer Corps, the MP Corps, and the Chemical Corps at Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri. "Fort Lost-in-the-Woods"

Reporting As Ordered, Sir! �

by John on Mar 29, 2008

Seen around New York.

Hosting provided by FotoTime

Heh. Speaking of politicians from the Empire State...

From the fertile mind that resides here: http://directorblue.blogspot.com/

The latter comes from the man who gives us bucket's o' snark at Doug Ross@Journal.

Reporting As Ordered, Sir! �

by John on Mar 27, 2008

Major Movie Star... the movie.

Yeah, yeah, Jessica Simpson is making a movie.

Let's get to the important stuff.

Who the *helk* taught Private Jeter how to wear a bloody beret? The technical advisor for this movie should be summarily executed.

Jessica Simpson, as Pvt Valentine, graduates basic training in this screen shot from her new film

Jessica Simpson, as Pvt Valentine, graduates basic training in this screen shot from her new film "Major Movie Star."

Seriously, take a closer look. That Private needs some serious help.

Reporting As Ordered, Sir! �

Sounds like it has the credibility of Major Payne starring Damon Wayans. Man that movie sucked.

by LT Nixon on March 15, 2008 9:16 AM

Ms. Simpson:

Wearing Class Bs vice As which BCT always graduates in.

Not wearing the three ribbons she'd be authorized.

Has her marksmanship badge up too high.

HAS F*CKING EARRINGS IN HER EAR. Those wouldn't be authorized if she was in a real unit, much less Basic Training.

by Decurion on March 15, 2008 10:07 AM

*facepalm*

For the love of all that's holy.

I can nitpick this all to hell and back, but the one thing that's driving me nuts is the shirt.

I just looked at my class a shirt and the princess seam (the one that runs vertically across the center of each breast) goes all the way up to my shoulder and there is NO side dart on the side of the breast.

Oh, and her earrings are unauthorized in appearance, to say NOTHING of size.

Thanks for making female soldiers look like idiots.

by SoldierGrrrl on March 15, 2008 10:25 AM

Beret? She's wearing a Beret? ... and earrings? I didn't notice.

There are a couple of things that do stand out though.

jim b goes for a Scoresby.

by jim b on March 15, 2008 10:29 AM

"Has her marksmanship badge up too high"

AR- 670-1 Para 29-16
"Female personnel. On the service or dress uniform coats and on the maternity tunic, marksmanship badges are worn on the left side, 1⁄4 inch below the bottom ribbon row, or in a similar location if ribbons are not worn. Personnel
may adjust the placement of badges to conform to individual body-shape differences."

Clearly, Jessica Simpson has a 'body-shape' difference. ;)

I'll agree with the earing not being spherical, but considering no one else in that pic is wearing the basic graduation ribbon, let alone the other 2 "authorized" (Even though I fondly remember getting out of boot with just one ribbon myself a score and some years ago) it's a leap in logic that this pic actually shows them mid or post-graduation.

Not one rank in sight either.

As for summary executions, the asshat that forced the beret on the entire Army to begin with needs to line up first.

by OlafTheTanker on March 15, 2008 10:46 AM

And oh yea, and this could be the scene in the movie where the DI tells them all to go get their Class B's on for the first time and a snap inspection and "You're all ate up, soldier!" profanity-riddled "morale-boosting" criticism session.

Now THAT would be more real-to-life. ;)

by OlafTheTanker on March 15, 2008 10:53 AM

Yeah ... what jim said. LOL

by fdcol63 on March 15, 2008 12:31 PM

Huh...

Army, eh? I thought they were UN Cops or something, what with that UN-looking device on the beret.

Were it up to me, I'd take away all the A & B uniforms from everyone and have them wear field uniforms all the time. :)

by AW1 Tim on March 15, 2008 2:12 PM

Class B uniforms are worn for BCT graduation during warm weather months (roughly late April through September). You're welcome to try standing out on the Ft Benning parade field in Class A's in August if you want to.

And yes, Ms Simpson definitely has 'body shape differences.' If she was actually wearing ribbons, they'd have to be WAY up there in order to make room for the qual badges.

And everyone in that formation has jacked up berets, not just Simpson. The female immediately behind her (wearing glasses that wouldn't be allowed in BCT, either, BTW) has got the Pierre thing going on, and the next on back looks about 2 sizes too big and just dropped on her head.

And, though I've never actually seen an entire graduating company composed of nothing but E-1s, such a thing is possible, which would explain the lack of visible rank.

by Heartless Libertarian on March 15, 2008 2:41 PM

Oh for crying out loud..
they're called boobs.

It's a pic of a boob with boobs. She's an idiot with a great singing voice and boobs.

by Carrie on March 15, 2008 3:52 PM

Hey - all *I* was after was the soldier two after Simpson with the hosed beret.

*That's* PVT Jeter.

I dunno what the rest of you are blathering about...

by John of Argghhh! on March 15, 2008 4:45 PM

Visual proof that the beret for all troops (regardless of the branch of service) is stoopid.

I spent 8 years in the Pentagon and had the joy of watching a couple of "uniform boards" at work. In my not-at-all humble opinion, it is all about the manufacturers finding ways to get new money for uniforms from the services. If the service didn't go along with the recommendaiton of the civilian-dominated uniform review board, some senior senator squawked.

Shocked? Why? If the weasels can find a way to siphon off taxpayer bucks (and pass a few pennies of each buck to Senators and Representatives) they will. And so, the USAF changes shades of blue like K-Mart at Christmas (and winds up looking like the frigging Navy) and the Army gets (shudder) Black Berets all around and looks like the Serbian military police.

by Fderfler on March 15, 2008 7:19 PM

Hollywood seldom gets the little fiddly bits right. "We were Soldiers, once, and young" was fraught with Helicopter Model faux paus and footage without the right gun mounts, etc.

Sometimes it just ain't right.......and you have to overlook it and just enjoy a good story.

Scorsby's? We burried the last Scorsby's drinker in Union County Indiana about 5 years ago.......I thought for sure that would put them out of business.......

by R. Jewell on March 15, 2008 8:15 PM

What beret?

by Glen on March 15, 2008 11:16 PM

Aw right soldiers!

Ah-ten... shun!

Suck in that stomach! Stick out that chest!

And... and... and.... er, ah... ah.... umm....

Dismiss!

by Kevin on March 15, 2008 11:56 PM

It's a pic of a boob with boobs. She's an idiot with a great singing voice and boobs.

EXACTLY.

by HomefrontSix on March 16, 2008 2:03 AM

Been the first time I've seen her in a shirt where all the buttons were being used.

by John Cunningham on March 16, 2008 4:15 AM

Let alone a shirt that even had buttons.

by John Cunningham on March 16, 2008 4:17 AM

The guy in the fifth rank, with his finger in his ear, is committing the worst offense, in my opinion.
Pat

by Pat on March 16, 2008 8:10 AM

"Dramatic License?!?!?"
Ok, the Old Retire Petty Officer does not pretend to know anything about Army Uniforms.

by GM Cassel AMH1(AW) USN RET on March 16, 2008 8:47 AM

It's a pic of a boob with boobs. She's an idiot with a great singing voice and boobs.

Sounds about right. That woman is a few fries short of a happy meal.

by Tin Ma'am on March 16, 2008 9:03 AM

I just don't think the ability to grow large mammary glands is worthy of much admiration but then...I'm a woman and don't have booby ADD.

by Carrie on March 16, 2008 9:42 AM

Marksmanship Badge? How could she possibly shoot rappid fire prone and steady up for the second shot?

Nice recruiting posters though.

by Fishmugger on March 16, 2008 10:14 AM

Yeah, this photo has already flown around a lot here, being that I've been part of a Jessica investigation... pics in the barracks, oh no!

Makes me love the maroon beret tha much more!

by dogtlosba on March 16, 2008 10:14 AM

Snerk. I just love the baggage this thing brought out.

Boy, girl, young, old, Army, Navy...

Looks like the link from Noonan brought a few people by...

I figured it was going to go something like this - at least I hoped so.

Heh. I'm old enough, I actually *did* jump all over the beret - and realized what that said about me - so I thought I'd see what would get a rise outta you guys.

Me? I like my wimmin with some brains, and the boobs are just a nice afterthought.

Ergo, Jessica doesn't twitch my meter.

Believe it or not.

by John of Argghhh! on March 16, 2008 11:04 AM

Booby Add? (I took the liberty of correcting the extra caps for ya.) Is that a new breast enhancement drug?
*snicker*
0>;~}

by Sly2017 on March 16, 2008 11:30 AM

Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD)

Thanks for the correction though it wasn't necessary.

by Carrie on March 16, 2008 12:45 PM

If we could just PEEK into Pvt. Jeter's thoughts, wouldn't that be a hoot!

by Boquisucio on March 16, 2008 4:26 PM

John, times have changed! Sir, that is what you call, an OUTSTANDING soldier. They are surely standing out!

I might be old, but I'm not dead yet!

Grumpy

P.S. - John, The best thing you could have done. Laughter is still the best medicine.

by Grumpy on March 16, 2008 5:45 PM

What with having mixed-sex units, I think there is something to be said for loosely-fitting uniforms, for the sake of freedom of movement, or something. No, wait, that sounds titillating to my dirty mind, too...

Ok, let's just get 'em to wear the silly hats right, and we'll work on the rest later.

As a former bandsman, I recommend shakos. You can keep all kindsa stuff up in one of them.

Besides, all of the mechanical killbots in "Girl Genius" wear shakos. Makes you look taller, and all.

by Justthisguy on March 16, 2008 8:56 PM

P.s. Of course, the Poles have always had the weirdest and silliest hats, not to mention the Angel Wings on their cavalrymen.

by Justthisguy on March 16, 2008 9:08 PM

Me? I like my wimmin with some brains, and the boobs are just a nice afterthought.

Ergo, Jessica doesn't twitch my meter.

Time to get a new meter

by jim b on March 16, 2008 9:16 PM

As somebody who gets laid maybe once/decade if he's lucky, I prolly shouldn't get into this, but, hey, it's the Internet, it's late at night, and I've been drinking...

Dang, Jim! Context! The boy is married! The wife is a proven good shot! He _has_ to say that!

That said, I'm older than The Donovan by a bit, and I, too, find that images of good-lookin' wimmin are more likely to make me think "Wow, that's nice!" than they are to make me think "OMG, gotta have it right now!" as used to be the case.

by Justthisguy on March 16, 2008 9:58 PM

I'm not sure if it's the light or if the two top buttons are a different color than the bottom two.
That said, Who cares?,,,It's a movie for gosh sakes. Hollywood is supposed to get it wrong, don't they get nearly everything else wrong?
Look at the Girls Of The IDF. Their uniforms don't exactly match everytime. I ain't stupid enough to pick a fight with any of them.
For those that have forgotten, back when Jessica was still married, she and hubby went overseas and entertained the troops.
There are no rumors of her doing drugs or going into rehab. There are no videos of her having sex with some hollywood birdbrain.
Her singing abilities are not all that great, but WHO CARES? She looks great and when she was touring she went to the hospitals to be with the wounded and gave them some extra attention and TLC. As I remember she sat on the bed with some and gave a few hugs.
When in public she seems to have some dignity and I have never seen her dressing like some of the real idiots like B. Spears or Paris Hilton. For the most part her publicity has been good. She is smart enough to be a multi-millionaire and that's more than most of the rest of us can say. And she is a whole lot smarter that most of the old New York women that retired to Florida and couldn't work a simple voting machine. AND she doesn't act like a spoiled brat.
Jessica does a commercial for an acne skin treatment with some of the women actors on CSI Miami. I thought she did a very good professional job,,,just like the other professionals did. Emily Proctor is a south eastern born & raised girl that used to go hunting with her dad and she and Jessica both did a good job on the commercial.
Jessica Simpson seems willing to work and not cause any trouble and with her tour for the troops that is enough for me to give her an OK an a good luck. (that is unless she does something really stupid) She has some personality and probably would be a fun girl to be out on a date with.

by AgPilot66 on March 17, 2008 5:01 AM

Quibble all you want about the details, but the thing that bugs me most about this movie is that it stars Simpson. Isn't her fifteen up yet?

by Da Goddess on March 17, 2008 6:14 AM

AgPilot66: re: the different color buttons.

they are really all the same color. some are in the shade, others are at an optimal angle for reflecting the lights... optimal. and shady...

by MajMike on March 17, 2008 8:51 AM

Isn't her fifteen up yet?

The honest truth is that her fifteen won't be up until her rack sags down. And then she'll likely wonder why nobody's paying attention any more.

I'm as prone to gawk as any male with functioning parts, but I've been around long enough to separate looks from substance, which is why I'm with John and Carrie on this one: "I just don't think the ability to grow large mammary glands is worthy of much admiration"..."I like my wimmin with some brains..."

Just as my wife of more than twelve years will watch the beach volleyball scene from Top Gun with you as many times as you're willing to press rewind, but would cringe if ever asked to shake Tom Cruise's hand.

by Damian on March 17, 2008 1:14 PM

Okay, I thought I was told in 2003 when I got yanked out of the IRR and shoved back into the active green machine that the beret was issued at a Soldier's first permanent party station - or at AIT graduation, perhaps.

Wouldn't Basic Trainee's be wearing a Garrison Cap (which, in the female version, would be worthy of even more commentary)?

by SSG Jeff (USAR) on March 17, 2008 4:23 PM

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by dref uzyebimr on March 20, 2008 12:46 AM

icsvwbd fjbyxp yvrtwfcxz axpm axcoy clokshg tbnvgx

by dref uzyebimr on March 20, 2008 12:47 AM

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by dref uzyebimr on March 20, 2008 12:49 AM

� Dismissed, Soldier!

by John on Mar 15, 2008

British Speed Trap

Heh. It's not new, but it's still funny...

Two British traffic patrol officers from North Berwick were involved in an unusual incident while checking for speeding motorists on the A-1 Great North Road. One of the officers used a hand-held radar device to check the speed of a vehicle approaching over the crest of a hill, and was surprised when the speed was recorded at over 300 mph. Their radar suddenly stopped working and the officers were not able to reset it.
Just then a deafening roar over the treetops revealed that the radar had in fact latched on to a NATO Tornado fighter jet, which was engaged in a low-flying exercise over the Border district, approaching from the North Sea.

Back at police headquarters, the chief constable fired off a stiff complaint to the RAF Liaison office. Back came the reply in true laconic RAF style:

"Thank you for your message, which allows us to complete the file on this incident. You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Tornado had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked onto, your hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it.

"Furthermore, an air-to-ground missile aboard the fully-armed aircraft had also automatically locked onto your equipment.

"Fortunately, the pilot flying the Tornado recognized the situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile systems alert status, and was able to override the automated
defense system before the missile was launched and y

May 11, 2008

I deny everything

The Rooster Wranglers of Argghhh!

May 10, 2008

Doggoned MSM

May 9, 2008

It's Contest-In-Context Time!

May 8, 2008

Mix 'n match cultures... dangers thereof.

May 2, 2008

Sent along by the Auld Soldier...

April 24, 2008

Doggone Apache Pilots Have All The Luck

Doggone Apache Pilots Have All The Luck

April 22, 2008

A look at the campaigns from across the pond...

April 14, 2008

My Sibs Are As Odd As I Am

Breaking news! New Acquisition for the Arsenal of Argghhh!!!

April 11, 2008

The Deployed Guy's Guide to Dining Hall Etiquette

April 2, 2008

I've been pretty resistant...

March 29, 2008

From an un-named source at the MANSCEN*...

March 27, 2008

Seen around New York.

March 15, 2008

Major Movie Star... the movie.

March 14, 2008

British Speed Trap