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April 24, 2008

Doggone Apache Pilots Have All The Luck

Well, *some* Apache pilots do, as John noted in yesterday's H&I.

Of course, the *Cobra* pilots (yeah, yeah, okay, I'm the only one -- sue me) of the SugarButtons Brigade Aviation Battalion have a few incentives to keep current, too.

The SBB Armament Section, for one. And I sure couldn't fly very far without the selfless devotion of my fuel handlers. Of course, since the dreaded AH-1F is a flying *crew*-served weapons system, I'd be just plain foolhardy to slip the surly bonds of earth solo and deprive myself of the services of my highly-trained, exceptionally-skilled gunner.

Ah-*heh*...

Reporting As Ordered, Sir! �

by CW4BillT on Apr 24, 2008 | TrackBack (0)

March 19, 2008

*Tap-tap-tap* Is this thing on?

19 Feb: Departed Philly for Atlanta, hooked up at ATL with the newbies I was to Father Goose into Iraq. Amused myself with fruitless attempts to access the "free" wireless net service.

20 Feb: Arrived Amsterdam, had a boring layover (terminal renovation in progress). Eight hours and four Time Zones later, arrived in Kuwait, got 90-day visa and hooked up with the LSA reps at 1830. Sent us to the USAF side to sit on concrete T-barriers for four hours, then got the bus for Ali al-Salem, which we could have caught from the terminal on the civilian side after spending four hours sitting in padded armchairs. Turned in 90-day visa and passport for outprocessing at Ali and got a tent for the next two days. Dust storm all night and most of the next day, tent canvas thumped like a clipper ship's sails in a gale – lucky me drew a corner cot so I received the full benefit of thwup-thoomp from two sides *and* the rogue fuh-WHAP charging through the storm flap without slowing one iota.

And that was the last entry in my ‘lectronic diary. The battery in this particular HP laptop is only good for about an hour – which I didn’t find out until *after* I brought it to Pakistan last year, but KtLW insisted it was a good deal (hey, it was on sale, and the Luddite Wife would buy Ebola-laced mouthwash if it was marked down 50%) – and I’d already shipped my transformer and adapter collection via DHL.

Meantime, aside from the week-late editions of Stars ‘n’ Stripes we get up here (mebbe a tad more than a week late – the Sunday edition features Calvin and Hobbes), I’ve been keeping up with the civil side of progress over here via a PAO-type at DA, of all places. I don't normally shill for the HeadShed, but these are some Big Picture Things you won’t get from the MSM:

-- The U.S. Army has rehabilitated and constructed nearly 1,100 schools, providing classrooms for more than 324,000 students.

-- By early 2009, Army projects will have completed 137 new primary healthcare centers that will serve a population of 5 to 6.5 million Iraqis.

-- An estimated 4.1 million more Iraqis now have access to clean, drinkable water that they didn't have before. [Two of my stoon'ts said they were surprised to find out that water was *supposed* to be clear]

-- Cities like Fallujah have their first sewage treatment plant. Before 2003, raw sewage in most of Iraq was discharged into rivers and waterways. [I can vouch that the one up here is operational]

Got a neat vid, too.

Aaaaand, to bring everybody up to date on the mil side, go see John’s post from yesterday.

Go ahead – I’ll wait.

All done? Okay, to continue: first, the Good News.

We got a new blast wall for our bunker!

Note the hi-tech support-construction equipment

Now, it may not seem like much to you, but it’s the simple, quotidian things that make a hootch a home.

Now, the Bad News.

We needed it.

Here, a near miss means they nearly missed

Heh. No, I didn’t just give the dirtbags a free BDA, it’s been a while since I took the pic. I mean, you wouldn’t expect me to stay someplace that’s actually *dangerous*, would you? Besides, my Iraqi neighbors are a nice, quiet bunch who don’t throw loud parties after dark – I wouldn’t want them all upset by an increase in the local noise factor.

ANYway, you guys don’t come visiting just to see if I’ve developed a sudden case of common sense, so I’d better get down to something serious or John will dock my pay.

Again.

Sooooo -- Whatziss?

Oh, go ahead -- take a guess

That oughta keep John off my case for a couple of hours. In the meantime, while he’s burning up bandwidth googling "thingies that have threaded receptacles,” meet Hubert, 21st Century version. The Huey II.

Parasite Drag Revisited

Despite the cosmetics, such as the radar altimeter, ECCM suite, wirecutters (sorry – I meant to say Wire Strike Protective System, which are those, uh, wirecutters top and bottom of the cockpit), GPS, upgraded nav-comm avionics package, Cobra engine, drive train and tranny, exhaust diverter, additional cooler intakes in the tailboom and IqAF desert cammy paint job, it’s the same plain-vanilla UH-1H that served as the foundation for most of my TINS.

BTW, if anybody (or anybody’s – * sigh * – dad) flew 68-16473 in the Land of the Two-Way Gunnery Range, that’s what the ol’ girl looks like today. Hi-rez here, for us fling-wing grognards.

Ooooops – short-term memory lapse alibi. There’s something * else * different (ever so slightly) from the RVN config. I’ll wait while you try to figure it out.

Come to think of it, I’ll wait until tomorrow.

If our sat-link doesn’t crap out.

Heh – it’ll give John *another* reason to hope the bottle rocketeers take the night off…

Reporting As Ordered, Sir! �

by CW4BillT on Mar 19, 2008

February 22, 2008

Someone you should know... but probably don't.

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Frank Piasecki

Aviation pioneer Frank Piasecki, inventor of the tandem-rotor helicopter used in troop-transport missions and land and sea rescue flights, died Monday (11 Feb). He was 88.

Igor Sikorski was the first American to build a helicopter - Frank Piasecki was the second. His were more interesting, in the end (sorry, Igor, but hey, you'll always have the Illya Muromets!).

Born in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania to an immigrant Polish tailor, Piąsecki worked for autogyro manufacturers while still in high school. With his college buddy Howard Venzie he founded a small aeronautical company, Piasecki Helicopter. He built a single-person, single-rotor helicopter designated the PV-2 and test-flew it on April 11, 1943. This helicopter impressed the US Navy sufficiently to win Piasecki a development contract.

We know him because Piąsecki invented the concept of the tandem bladed helos. After the war, Piąsecki received a contract to build several military prototypes and this design principle came to be used in a number of helicopters that were very successful in both military and civilian use. These include the Piasecki H-21 (better known as the Flying Banana), which entered service in the 1950s, the Boeing Vertol CH-46 Sea Knight, and the CH-47 Chinook.

Piasecki eventually left Piasecki Helicopter Co. In 1955, he formed Piasecki Aircraft Corp. to continue exploring new technology. Piasecki Helicopter became Vertol Aircraft Corp. and was acquired by Boeing in 1960. Boeing still makes the Chinook and Sea Knight helicopters.

Apparently not one to slow down, a 88 Frank was still chief executive of Piasecki Aircraft, and testing is under way on his latest innovation. Seeking a new idea to replace the tail rotor of single rotor designs like the Blackhawk, the Speed Hawk helicopter has a rear-facing ducted propeller designed to improve stability and forward speed.

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The music may be a little different for the non-veterans we honor here at the Castle, but now is the time at Castle Argghhh! when we dance: In Memoriam, for Frank Piasecki, whose aircraft (including the Flying Banana) I've flown in, and upon whose ideas America's warriors still rely - as illustrated in the pictures that accompany this post. I'm guessing over in the Rotary Wing section of Fiddler's Green, there's a seat for Frank.

H/t, Mike L.

Reporting As Ordered, Sir! �

by John on Feb 22, 2008

October 31, 2007

For What It's Worth...

...you've seen me give hat-tip credit for the atrocious puns and oddball jokes with which V29 and Doc E bombard me (thereby reinforcing my rep as a real stand-up, albeit strait-laced, individual) and you've "met" V29 via his semifrequent comments and the TINS Times Two we tag-teamed on a while back.

So, I figger it's time to introduce Doc E.

Second Platoon: Act Sillyyyy -- ACT!

He's the guy on the left who forgot his sunblock. And, yes, he really *is* a doctor (even though he's never played one on TV), or, more precisely, he's now a *retired* doctor. But he prefers playing with his 'puter to playing with golf sticks -- he's a hi-tech hobbyist who's translated some of his pix from the Ol' Days into some YouTube vids, and I think you'll find his most recent effort a bit thought-provoking.

I'll link it after this caveat: although the pix and music are work-safe, there's a picture at the 6:35 mark you might want to view alone, or forego viewing altogether.

It's a shot of one of our cockpits after a typical day suddenly became a really bad one. The pilot was from my platoon.

It's a reminder that there's a price tag on freedom.

And so long as we would have freedom, there will be a price upon it, and so long as there is a price, there must be those willing to give what is asked, or we will no longer have freedom. Now transfer the image of that Huey cockpit to the interior of a Hummer or a sandbag checkpoint...

We're a fortunate people to have among us those who have given what was asked. We have the freedom for which they have paid -- and continue to pay.

It's only fair that we return them something in the way of repayment, isn't it?

Valour-IT: for what it's worth...

Reporting As Ordered, Sir! �

by CW4BillT on Oct 31, 2007

October 26, 2007

The howitzer at Rucker...

CAPT H suggested the gun was sitting in a Choctaw.

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Nope. It was in a Mohawkve [grumble - geez, I did link to a pic of same meaning I really did *know* it, he sniveled.]. A beast of a bird with two piston engines in nacelles standing out from the fuselage.

I feel old. I've flown in one of these. Okay, I was 7 or 8. Still....

Reporting As Ordered, Sir! �

by John on Oct 26, 2007

October 25, 2007

Continuing the "What's wrong with this pic?" meme...

Here's a another shot of the Boeing 347 down at Rucker, this time from the flank. There's your turbine nacelles, NinjaFluff - though, as I noted in the comments other post, they're empty.

Boeing 347 at Fort Rucker Army Aviation Museum.

Larger version can be had here.

Now here's one that will turn a few heads around here - though I'm sure the Vulture Brothers are familiar with it.

An Army RP-2E Neptune at Fort Rucker.

Who knew the Army operated the RP-2E - a variant of the only purpose-built anti-submarine bomber the US fielded (The others were derived from transport aircraft...)? It is also the last piston-engined bomber to be delivered into US service, or so I understand.

These aircraft were flown by an Army electronic warfare unit in Vietnam - the 1st Radio Research Company , aka the- "Crazy Cats" - from 1967 to 1972. That was news to me... and you can see a larger version here.

Reporting As Ordered, Sir! �

by John on Oct 25, 2007

October 24, 2007

So, what's wrong with this picture?

I don't think we can blame Bill, though I'm working on it.

Why's this helo look funny?

Nope, it's not a Chinook parked in front of an engineless C-17.

And there's something else funny about it.

Slightly larger pic available here.

Bill can't play, except to provide appropriate misdirection and snark. You snipe-hunters will have to do it on your own.

Ready, set, Google!

Reporting As Ordered, Sir! �

by John on Oct 24, 2007

October 23, 2007

On how the Cheyenne came to be...

So, given what we know about Sugarbuttons Bill, ya gotta think it went down something like this...

Bill and V29 (or someone very much like V29) are sitting at a table in a bar in Enterprise, Alabama, telling war storys. The TINS are flying so fast and hard the air has taken on an ochre tint... kinda like a dust storm, only... messier. Anyway, sitting at a table slightly behind them is a white-shirted, dark-pitted, greasy-haired, taped-glasses pocket-protector wearer with pimples, slipstick clipped to his belt. Yeah, an engineer.

Taking copious notes on his napkin, because he desperately wants to get the lingo down so he can sound like an insider on the flightline. Nope, couldn't be me - I was too young at this point. Besides, I'm not an engineer, however much the rest of the description may, or may not, fit.

Bill cocks his head towards the engineer and in a voce all sotto tells V29 (or someone much like V29) "Watch this!" Raising his voice, and maneuvering his hands to match his narrative, Bill sez, "Yeah, I got this from guys flying for the 11th ACR - they're out flying the border, when this new Rooshian bird comes up to 'em - a big brute of a beast, with wings, cannon, stacked drivers, and get this - it was a pusher! Yep - they hadda look twice, they said - thought the commie bassids were bringing in some kinda turbo-prop or something... but nope - it's a helo awright. Said it took off like a bat outta hell and scared 'em sober for 15 minutes!"

Bill checks out of the corner of his eye and Engineer-boy is scribbling furiously, reaching for his slipstick.

One year later...

cheyenne%20small.jpg

It's all Bill's fault, I tell ya.

Oh, sure, this is the *official* story. But which one sounds more real?

Larger image available by clicking here.

Reporting As Ordered, Sir! �

by John on Oct 23, 2007

October 2, 2007

TINS! You Picked It (Again)

Well, the voting was close, in keeping with the spirit of the TINS!, in which *all* the calls are close. And at least nobody said, "Hey, all that stuff happened while you were still in Flight School!"

Nooooo, they *didn't*, and I have the best witnesses a quart of muscatel can buy.

Unfortunately, Real World reared it's misbegotten multiple heads so often I didn't get the chance to write anything for the past two days. *But* -- because I like ya, and you've waited so patiently to see me get my ass shot off yet again something tangible, here's a preview of what Numbah 10 was all about:

I *knew* I hung on to those maps for a reason...

Yup, all those pretty colored kindergarten shapes actually *mean* something. I won't tell you exactly what, of course, until I figure out how to keep from getting my ass shot off actually type up the story. I'll give you a couple of hints, though.

The Plan.
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Me.


Them.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Off to Bollimer. With any luck, I'll be there before any of you can wake up, read this, and ask me to retrieve a certain stuffed marmoset...

Reporting As Ordered, Sir! �

by CW4BillT on Oct 02, 2007

September 28, 2007

Friday Two-Fers

Yesterday, ry walked all over it with golf spikes was kind enough to remind me that I walked all over it with football cleats hadn't yet announced the winner of the new tagline contest from a couple of weeks ago.

Ahem.

According to the rules of the contest, which you *all* read, agreed to, and then consigned to memory -- with the evident exception of ry -- nobody won. There were some really, really, *really* good one-liners that *nobody voted for*. So, it looks like I'm stuck with answering the once-a-month e-mail with "It's an OH-58D" in the subject line. For the time being. And it's all your fault, slackers.

Eeeep! I'm channeling John...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
However, with me, you always get a shot at redemption. First, for those of you who have been stuck in a two-year time warp remember this one from a little while ago, congratulations on your admirable ability to restrain your curiosity for this length of time. Second, for those of you who are new to the site (and we *all* know who you are, but like you a lot anyway), here's the synopsis:

Every once in a while, regardless of what your particular job happens to be in the military, you hear a comment or a call over the radio that makes you realize how badly it sucks being you at that particular instance and in that particular point in space. One morning, I shook a bunch of them out of the *Ohhh-Boy!* compartment and listed them -- there's a TINS! that accompanies each -- and I asked you to vote for the particular one you figured would bore you the least deemed most interesting.

1. "Ooops!" [#1] -- from a gunship, two seconds after his rocket hit the (flooded) paddy I was just about to land in. Right underneath me. Instant concussive waterfall.

2. "Holy sh*t! They said Charlie didn't have any flak down here! One-Five, are any of you guys still alive in there?"

3. "Ooops!" [#2] -- from a different gunship, one nanosecond before my crewchief screamed that a rocket had just passed between our right skid and the belly of the aircraft.

4. "Hey, One-Five, you look like Niagara Falls. I thought those fuel cells were supposed to be self-sealing."

5. "Aaaaah! One-Five's dead!" -- from my copilot, right after I took a direct hit in the chicken plate that slammed me flailing off the controls while we were at flat pitch in an LZ. I thought I was dead and his squeak didn't do anything to lessen my depression.

6. "Sir? The world's biggest tracer just came offa Nui Coto an' -- geez, it's following us!" -- my introduction to the game of helicopter vs. heat-seeking missile. I won. Barely.

7. "Chalk Four, you've still got a tailboom. Couldn't say for how much longer, though."

8. "The SEALs are ready for pickup, sir. Along with about a platoon of VC on the other side of the treeline they're in."

9. "Sector TOC wants you to check out a possible 37mm site west of Nui Hon Soc. The others they sent there never called in."

10. "Hey, One-Five -- uhh, ya do know yer on fire, don't ya?"

Number 6 won. 'Fess up. You guys wanted to see if I really *did* get out of these things alive, didn't you...

However, there are still nine more to go, each one a bigger yawner than the last leading to a small vignette of a TINS! Pick a number and pop it into the comments -- the biggest vote-getter gets posted. And remember, one legit addy,

*glowering at a certain Denizenne blogtwin with multiple persona disorder*

one legit vote.

And then we'll do it again. And again, and again, and again until I figure you're ready to take on the sidebar -- again.

Two-Niner's allowed to pass, although he'll probably pop in to snark, because he either made some of the calls or knows the story already.

He *thinks* so, anyway.

Heh -- you don't think I only have *nine* stories left, do ya?

Reporting As Ordered, Sir! �

by CW4BillT on Sep 28, 2007

September 3, 2007

Tagline Contest Redux

Okayyyy, the tagline contest generated more responses than I figured, but it won’t be a genuine contest until The Winnah is picked.

Unlike those "contests" at -- ahem -- some *other* sites.

So, I figure our weekenders (technically, it's still the weekend) deserve a shot at it, too. Here’s the deal.

A. Go back to the link in the first sentence (you know, the one you ignored in your hurry to see what this is all about) and get the gist of what I’m hoping to achieve.

B. Snarken up your #2 posting finger and get ready to play.

You can either vote for one of the previous entries (by number) or submit one of your own. Or, you can score major points by picking one of my brilliant gems modest suggestions.

Ready? Go!

From Denizenne BlogTwin and perennial favorite (and not just in caption contests) AFSister comes this:

1. Aw, come on, Bill! I LIKE IT!

BlogNeighbor (and part-time blonde) Cassandra came up with:

2. [tapping foot]...

Mmmmmm – I predict I'll have to put Damage Control on Immediate Response status when / if she gets here.

We have two entries from the Castle’s Mistress of the Snark, Bad Cat Robot:

3. Ignoring the law of gravity since 1857!

4. If you throw yourself at the ground and miss really fast, you might be in a helicopter.

Chiming in from the Land of Backwards Seasons is trias with:

5. Bill's new copter with its Advanced Bill Correction Device (ABCD). This fantastic marvel of engineering automatically adjusts helium levels to make the CG move around wildly thereby providing Bill with normal operating conditions. AI could, unfortunately, not be included in the extensive feature list due to it's propensity to eject before takeoff.

Journalist NevadaDailySteve proves that the MinisculeStreamMedia does, indeed, have a sense of humor (a small one – but a sense of humor, nonetheless)

6. If you build it, some idiot will fly it.

Pat has been weeding in his DVD collection:

7. That's not a TINS, this is a TINS!

John, as usual, hit the wrong comment box – the one he obviously wanted concerned somebody’s guess about the Whatziss:

8. BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

Castle newbie NinjaFluff has a twofer, too, fer ya...too...fer...*whap!* Owwww!:

You guys are great... This is why I love this site so much!

Okay, so that *wasn’t* one of her suggestions, but I'll take any compliment that staggers into the area. Geez, can’t I throw myself a bone, here?

9. Chief Sugarbuttons... flying the helicopters American's won't!

10. Bill, the Rotorhead - STILL flying faster than his Guardian Angel!

*sigh* Now I know who's been hounding me to join the Carborundum Fan Club...

Fellow GuardBud Pogue whaps my aged snoot with:

11. Four decades of combat operations.

Ymarsaker managed to avoid the firewall between Cassie’s place and the Castle:

12. Bill needs a helicopter to escape Cass's wrath.

Okay, he’s not *that* funny, but he thinks *I’m* funny and since he’s probably smart enough to take me two falls out of three in brain wrestling, I’m hedging my bets.

And perennial favorite in her own right (and another BlogNeighbor and demi-Denizenne), HomefrontSix tosses out:

13. Helicopters Don't Fly: They're So Ugly the Ground Repels Them.

Which I choose to take as a compliment, because I fall down a lot and have yet to miss the ground.

And -- a new record. I only got bumped offline by *two* power failures during the composition of this po

Reporting As Ordered, Sir! �

by CW4BillT on Sep 03, 2007

August 28, 2007

A New Contest

Relax, Cassie -- it's *not* a caption contest (mmmm, technically, it might be -- but it's not the one she's gonna damage me for).

Whatzis helicopter and why does it have a balloon on top?

Every month or so, I get an e-gram with the correct answer. OH-58D. Kiowa *gag!* Warrior.

Unfortunately, it's not supposed to be a serious question. Y'see, a couple of years back, when John first dragged me squalling and scratching into this mess suggested I start doing actual posts, rather than sending his spam filters into overload mode merely e-mailing him vignettes, he asked me what I wanted above my sidebar pic.

And he attached a jaypeg of a KW. If I hadn't thought he was kidding (I've never even been off the ground in one), I never would have replied with the phrase

Whatzis helicopter and why does it have a balloon on top?

because it's sort of an "in" joke in the fling-wing community, to wit -- "The aircraft's got such a high c.g. [translation -- it's so topheavy] it needs helium in the MMS to keep it from rolling over on the helipad."

If I'd known he was so freakin' Machiavellian serious, I would have come up with a cooler meme. Something like,

Proof that there *are* old, bold aviators! Ummm -- *old* ones, anyway...

Soooooo, that's the contest -- "Give Bill a new sidebar blurb." Winner gets brag rights and a free Urdu pronunciation lesson *or* a hi-res pic of a Cobra you can PhotoShop your face into and impress your friends, especially if they think you've never been in the Pakistani Army.

Changing the pic out will be the object of a future contest.

*waving hiya to Cassie*

Meantime, go for it!

Reporting As Ordered, Sir! �

by CW4BillT on Aug 28, 2007

June 27, 2006

WHATZISS "DNOUEMENT" STUFF?

Okay, SangerM gets the brag. He undoubtedly remembers looking down at it on more than one occasion...

It's the skid toe shoe for Hubert.

I don't care *what* kind of shoe it is--it's too tight around my toes!

MajMike was savvy enough to guess that Sanger knew what he was talking about, but he muffed the location. Nope, not vegetation-dings, either, John. The chipped areas are from gravel 'n' stuff kicked up by the rotorwash in "unimproved" LZs (never did see an "improved" LZ, except the hot ones that got worked over by suppressive fires) and the abrasions (red circle) are from contact with the towbar during ground-handling. The towbar attaching ring is on the inside of the skid, just aft of the skid shoe and the bar angles up when it's hooked to a tug; hence, the abraded area is always on the side facing toward the fuselage. In this case, the fuselage was to the right, so the toe shoe was on the left. Elementary, my dear Mikey.

A little tip-toe on the skid-toe, eh, AFSis? Makes getting in-and-out of a Huey a whole bunch easier than a Cobra...

Reporting As Ordered, Sir! �

by CW4BillT on Jun 27, 2006

Whatziss, indeed...

Whatziss? sez John. And, after a torrent of guesses (Its the nano-black hole that ry installed in the garderobe to to keep from having a Kevin moment. Its an aerial view of Tehran on the Day After. Et cetera), the dnouement.

Nope, its the ventilation hole in the spike of an uhlan's pikelhaub from the Franco-Prussian War. Snerk.

*sigh.* But do *I* post a picture like this

Huh?

and say, Whatziss?

Nope. Not I. You guys get to see the *entirety* of the whatziss.

Huh?

Yup, thats the whole thing.

And it even comes with clues--you may not have consciously absorbed the information, but if you saw The Green Berets, or Hamburger Hill, or We Were Soldiers Once or even Cartoon --uhhhhh--Platoon, you should be able to dredge the image up through the neuron net.

Ummmm--and it's been cleaned up. A *lot*...

Heh.

[Apropos of Bill's comment - it could be here. Or here. Or several other places. If you are new to the Castle, you should *definitely* click the first link. Actually, you should click through and read *both*. -The Armorer]

Reporting As Ordered, Sir! �