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April 01, 2006

H&I Fires* 1 April 06

Open post for those with something to share, updated through the day. New, complete posts come in below this one. Note: If trackbacking, please acknowledge this post in your post. That's only polite. You're advertising here, we should get an ad at your place...

Go have fun today. I intend to. In fact, I already have, being 15 hours ahead of y'all... Tanks! Airplanes! Artillery! Odd artillery! Ships! Ammunition! Old Guns! Younger guns! Guns the Arsenal has! Museums! Whee!

SWWBO is enjoying the day. -The Armorer

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News Roundup [I'm procrastinating...]:

Germany's defence minister says he would shoot down 9/11-style planes only if all the people on board were terrorists [no, that's not an April Fool's joke].

Salamander highlights what happens when you "mishandle" classified information and you're not Sandy Berger.

Jill Carroll's propaganda video was the price of freedom

China opposes sanctions for Iran because they don't want "new turmoil" in the Middle East.

Adults encouraging/coordinating student walkout protests in Fresno.

Provocative reading: Did you know, there are really only two branches of government?

Lighter Stuff:

Nothing at all sexual about this photo...

Eat this! I dare you...

Addicted to tanning?! - Fuzzybear Lioness

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Senators Reid and [Representative] Pelosi on the new Democrat Security Plan.
-The Adjutant on behalf of JMH [Happy now, HL?]

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The Sub Service torpedoes one of their own. Good riddance to Bad Rubbish, I say. ;^)

Carnival of the Recipes, April Fools Edition, is up at Blog 'O Ram.

Heh. One wishes this were an April Fools joke. Never would I have imagined I would read charges like this:

Each man faces 10 felony counts _ five each of castration without malice and conspiracy to commit castration without malice _ as well as eight misdemeanor counts of performing medical acts without a license

Read the whole bizarre thing here. -The Armorer

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Flash Traffic (extended entry) Follows »

by Denizens on Apr 01, 2006

April 01, 2005

Interview Game.

Spd Rdr of The Ebb and Flow Institute submits the following (cuz I had fun here):

Okay, John, thanks for being a good sport. Here's your questions.

The first one's a softball:


1. 9mm or 45 ACP? Why?

>45ACP. I like the knock-down power and feel of the .45. Other people's mileage vary, and they can back up their feelings with numbers, too. Doesn't change my mind. Article of faith and some minor experience. Nothing I ever shot with a .45 got back up to annoy me. Not true of the 9mm. Of course, now that I've converted to Bradyism, I don't touch guns anymore.

2. In your opinion, who was history's greatest General/Admiral? Why him?
You do know people write books to answer this question? Belisarius. Doing a lot, with not enough, and always knowing that if he was too good, his boss would find a way to kill him, yet if he failed, civilization as he knew it would be destroyed. Yet still he served loyally. I just like his style. Not really competent to answer about Admiral... but always liked Sir Francis Drake. The whole Armada thing. Of course, it's always nice when your enemy is an idiot.

3. Your favorite nephew has just informed you that he is marrying a girl that you don't really like, and he's doing it on Superbowl Sunday. You just won two tickets to that very game.
What do you do?

>Give the tickets to the nephew, precipitate first marital crisis. Heheheheheheh. I could care less about the Superbowl, World Series, Ryder Cup, Stanley Cup, NBA Playoffs, etc. Too much other stuff to do than get tied to the tube watching overpaid people perform. Don't grudge 'em a dime. They don't tax me for their money. Their teams do - for their venues, but, that's just another reason I don't live *in* the KC metro area... I will watch the Olympics, though I prefer the Winter to the Summer.

4. How many times does it take your wife to say "no" before you take that for an answer? Did you just lie?

>1. No. Problem is keeping her to keep to the "no," which she really doesn't say very often, anyway. Except to the dogs.

5. What is the one occupation that you've always wanted to try but never did (assuming that your body could still take the abuse). Why?

>Aviator. Astronaut. As a pilot. 'Cuz they're cool, and generally sleep on cots, or better.

Have fun, buddy!

spd rdr

Heh. Except for number 2, they were whiffle-balls.


Update: Whee! Scored the Corner! Still got the Mojo!Er, disregard. *hand wave* There's nothing to see here. No out-of-characterness here! *hand wave* Move along!

Update the Second. Carnival of the Recipes!

by John on Apr 01, 2005

This is an outrage!

HOW DARE THEY! HOW.DARE.THEY!

How dare they smear a fine public servant, a loyal Democrat, like Sandy Berger!?! President Clinton *clearly* established the limits of accountability for Party Loyalists. Brief public flogging with wet noodle in public, and fuggeddaboudit.

This is a travesty of Justice:


WASHINGTON, March 31 - Samuel R. Berger, a national security adviser to President Bill Clinton, has agreed to plead guilty to a misdemeanor charge and give up his security clearance for three years for removing classified material from a government archive, the Justice Department and associates of Mr. Berger's said Thursday.

It only gets worse!

Mr. Berger has also agreed to pay a $10,000 fine as part of an agreement reached recently with the Justice Department after months of quiet negotiations, the associates said.

Thrice-damned Rethuglicans. Well, *there's* cash that won't be going to a charity anymore!

But are they satisfied with this? Nooooo! They make him admit that he actually destroyed documents! Hmmm. He was low on the radar screen some months ago... could it be he was holding these discussions with the Minions of Satan in Gitmo? Abu Ghraib? Amnesty International and the ACLU should visit Mr. Berger and look for scars. Look at this - obviously obtained under duress:

When the issue surfaced last year, Mr. Berger insisted that he had removed the classified material inadvertently. But in the plea agreement reached with prosecutors, he is expected to admit that he intentionally removed copies of five classified documents, destroyed three and misled staff members at the National Archives when confronted about it, according to an associate of Mr. Berger's who is involved in his defense but who spoke on the condition of anonymity because the plea has not been formalized in court.

Go here and read the whole sad story in the sold-it's-soul-to-the-Rethuglicans litter box liner - The New York Times.

As a recovering conservative and former tool of the Illuminati, it would only be appropriate that I lose my clearance for life, pay the fine, and do time. Which I would. But that would be right, because I was wrong to be Right.

See how others of the VRWC are smearing the name of this patriot! That weasel hack academic Shackleford. The small-minded at BlogsofWar. The journo-wannbe at INDC. This fine left-winger is ignoring the issue. Good. Then there's this hag. (note to the Divine Miss M - read closely...) Outside the Beltway bloviates. The Goons at Powerline. That skank SondraK. The follicly challenged. The Whizzer in the Sink. The lost-in-the-woods conservative. Oh, it's just too depressing to continue.

Caption Contest! Win a Mug!


by John on Apr 01, 2005
» JackLewis.net links with: Today's blog roundup
» JackLewis.net links with: Today's blog roundup
» No Oil for Pacifists links with: Sandy the Burglar

We have acquired some disturbing videos.

The editorial stance of the Castle is (and it's best to right click the link and save as):

1. No one should be allowed to do this except for government officials in Democratic Administrations. Rethuglicans, when they steal elections or otherwise dupe the electorate cannot be expected to adequately supervise, so we support a Constitutional Amendment that forbids the arming of the Government when a Rethuglican is in charge. You can read more of our good ideas here.

2. We think that it is shameful that the current administration (which shouldn't be allowd to play with rubber balls in rubber rooms) is using advertising like this - targeted at Young People! Still in High School!

3. We believe the US Navy is just too arrogant to be allowed out unsupervised, and call on the government to put civilian monitors on their ships.

4. We are appalled at this video of Bill's first solo attempt.

5. We want one of these.

6. Lastly, if you disagree with us - go see Staff Sergeant Boquisucio, in 3W.

by John on Apr 01, 2005

Oh, so you *don't* believe in Angels, huh?

You think that Bad Cat Robot just lied, and made it all up, don't you?

Well, it's true! They Exist! The Castle Photographic Section has Proof!

Look at the picture in the post below, where BCR shows the fruits of her dangerous levels transiting the meta-planes.

And look at the picture in this post... See that Being peeking out from behind Twitchy? That's an ANGEL! They're REAL. And we believe. How else could Bill have survived this long as a pawn of the Corporate Oligarchs of the Illuminati, who really run the Government? Hmmmmm?

by John on Apr 01, 2005

G-o-o-o-d Morning, All

Okay, my Cricket impersonation is nowhere near as good as my Tom Selleck, but here goes...

[*a-hem* *chirp*] [*flawless cricket*] Good morning, all! Brekkies will be served in continuous seating by your wait-scruple. Mimosas for starters, made with a charming asti left over from the party last--ummm--week, was it?--artfully mixed with freshly-defrosted jus à l'orange, garnished with marshmallows that Were-Kitty found stuck to her--um--oh, dear.

Never mind.

Oh. And decorated with festive white mini-umbrellas hand crafted by Fuzzybear Lioness (take a bow, o serene one!) from some latex balloons she found behind the red couch in the library where she hides from Neffi.

Your appetizer will consist of eggs Benedict served on oat bran muffins, so they're actually heart-healthy! These specially-procured bedoodlewhoopie eggs...*?*... [*reverts to normal reverberant baritone*] Punctilious, darlin', where did you say you got those eggs? Bedoodlewhoopies are marsupials, hon, they don't--the sub-basement??! Oh, geez, when? Uhhh...okay, scruples, another round of mimosas and don't forget the rubb--uhhhh--mmmmmbrellas...I gotta go mend a fence. Oh, man--that's gotta be one torqued Komodo dragon...

Geez, Punctilious, chickens have feathers f'gosh sakes...no, no, no--I'll go down first...drat.

by CW4BillT on Apr 01, 2005

Surreptitiously acquired AAR.

Regular readers know that the Armorer finds Bill the Rotorhead's flight safety stories bemusing - because they are all in the first person. This would indicate that Bill is perhaps, well, a *lucky* pilot. Or something else.

It's something else. There has been a horrific price to pay. A Castle Argghhh! TINS Productions, Special Report:

To: Mortal Plane Command, Guardian Angel Rapid Deployment Base ARCHON Re: AAR- Tuttle Squad, [date redacted]

Relief Commander Tertius sends:

1. Current Squad Status:
ANG1C Dolorius - severe wing sprain, slight loss of sanctity (doubting
wisdom of Command). Unable to resume duties.
ANGSPC Effluvius - MIA. Last seen holding on rotor of Tuttle's
helicopter with bare hands.
ANGSPC Malodorus - minor wing sprain, 30% loss of feathers, currently undergoing gravel removal surgery at Celestial General Hospital. Has requested transfer to war zone "for rest and recuperation".
ANGMSG Carborundum - severe loss of sanctity (profanity, rude gestures, anatomically implausible suggestions sent to Command).
Mental Health reports slight progress using thorazine and stuffed
animals. Unable to resume duties.
ANG1LT Excelsius - 20% loss of feathers, structural damage to halo,
shell shock. Recommend light duty where unlikely to experience sudden loud noises.

2.Squad Activity: during the 24 hour duty cycle, squad successfully defended against the following

a) Suicide Bird attacks
b) gremlins
c) Maint. crew errors
d) meteors
e) High-energy cosmic rays
f) rain of frogs
g) REE (Random Entropy Events, e.g. "Jesus Nut" loss)

[details redacted]

3. Recommendations:
a) Duty cycle reduced to 12 hours or less
b) Emergency Interceptor Teams on call for high-speed incidents
c) If 24 hour duty cycle retained, 2 or more squads for this human. We just can't keep up!
d) Issue improved Shield of Righteousness to Angels given first-contact roles
e) hazardous duty bonus increase

So. Now we know the cost. I hope the end result is worth the price they are paying.

(rubbing head)

(raspy whisper)

"The horror... the horror..."

Many bedoodlewhoopies died to get this information. They literally had to go through Hell to get to the MPC. BCR barely escaped with her chassis!

Hat tip to Bad Cat Robot for providing this vital information!

by John on Apr 01, 2005