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A fine Fisking...

 File this under "Things I wish *I* had said!"

So, Chuck Ziegenfuss recently celebrated his "Alive Day."  For those who don't know what that means, it means it's the day that Chuck was almost, but not quite, killed by an IED.  Mind you, he did die a few times, in terms of his heart quit beating and had to be restarted...  so with Chuck, it is literal.

He also left his left nut along that canal bank in Iraq that day.  

So, back in 2010, Chuck did a post bitchslapping the Yonster. because the Yonster was saying we milbloggers were, essentially, a buncha pussies with no cred in the war.

Okay.  That describes me well enough (but unlike Mikey I did manage to stay in the Army for over 20 years and I get two checks, retirement and disability, but I digress), but it certainly doesn't cover Chuck.

So, Chuck does a post laying out his credentials for having a stake in the war.  You can click right here to read it -but be prepared for pics of Chuck's wounds,  Delicate stomachs need to stay away.  And you don't *have* to go there to get the point of this post.

So, here it is almost two years to the day after Chuck puts that post up, when someone shows up to Occupy Chuck.  Mind you - this twit's comment (and spam) are why comments close on Castle posts after 5 days.  Keeps the trash level down.

So, last week a new commenter appeared and stuck her finger down her throat and upchucked on Chuck's post (comment was moderated and does not appear in the post).  You can just hear the unctious pedantic earnestness in her crie de coeur, can't you?

Bobby  (IP Address Redacted)
Chuck,

I am truly sorry for the pain and discomfort you have experienced.

Why in gods name would you ever go back after suffering such horrendous wounds? Chuck you are not helping my freedoms by being in a foreign country. Plain and simple. You are being manipulated by rich politicians who have no interest in your welfare but who have vested interest in pleasing the CEO's of the major corporations with which donate to his political campaign. Please do not support this.

I know that your friends and family are over there but for your wife and children you should stay home. Please. The people of Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, and all of the Middle East are no threat to our nations well-being. You are a threat to their nations well-being, and are not supporting peace and freedom.

Again sorry about your wounds.

Peace and Love

Chuck's code monkey shared it with us.  Much was the chortling and derision.  But one of us, Old Blue, did a *standout* job of fisking.  He's in Afghanistan on his third tour... come, enjoy.

Chuck,

Below, in red, are just some recommended responses.

Bobby (IP redacted))
Chuck,

I am truly sorry for the pain and discomfort you have experienced. Why in gods name would you ever go back after suffering such horrendous wounds?

Hi Bobby! One of the reasons I have so much to live for is that I get to continue to serve my country... including you... in any country they need me in. I do this so that you can continue to remember to capitalize your own name and forget to capitalize God's even when invoking it. I go back because I get to do something that I believe in, for a country I believe in, while praying to a God who I believe in enough to capitalize. I do it because it needs to be done, and because even with my wounds, I've never met a better man to do it. When I do, perhaps I'll step aside. Until then, I will not refuse the call. Thanks for asking.

Chuck you are not helping my freedoms by being in a foreign country. Plain and simple.

Things are becoming clearer now. Let me explain my thinking, if you will. Perhaps that will help you to discuss it with me more completely later. Small children don't understand that things cost money or why someone has to earn that money, because their thinking is plain and simple. Teenagers don't understand that the electricity to run the X-Box has to be paid for by someone who pays the bills... again, their plain and simple thinking. You see, I was functioning under the obviously mistaken impression that your freedoms are actually paid for by someone. At least you understand that in terms that are plain and simple, so that's a start. I'm starting to think that you are on to something here.

You are being manipulated by rich politicians who have no interest in your welfare but who have vested interest in pleasing the CEO's of the major corporations with which donate to his political campaign.

That is such an incredibly constructed sentence that I am sure that the thought that drove it is as well thought-out. You are truly beginning to awe me.

One question... who is "his?" I'm not sure that a name was brought up, but now there is a rich politician... or a group of them who are all his... whose campaign(s?) benefits from the also-nameless CEO's, and they are all manipulating me. I am developing a growing sense of my own powerlessness and idiocy as well as a profound sense of gratitude that you have finally appeared to save me from all of these manipulations, from which I have apparently suffered through my entire adult life. To think that all this time, I functioned under the illusion that I was an educated adult professional. Your superior comprehension skills (you obviously understand more than me, because you know who "his" is/are) may yet save me from the incomprehensible stupidity from which I am clearly in need of saving. So thank you for that. I think. I'm starting to regret the somewhat aggressive tone I started off with.


Please do not support this.

Bobby, forgive my stupidity, but are you asking me not to support "his" personally, or "his" political campaign? The complexity of your thought processes is so profound that a grown man with only years and years of education and experience cannot be expected to understand it without further clarification. Thanking you in advance for explaining that after you solve the global warming crisis, and especially for your patience as I struggle with comprehension.

I know that your friends and family are over there but for your wife and children you should stay home.

Now that, Bobby, is a great idea. I wish I knew what you were talking about. I have friends all over the place and my family is all in the United States. Thanks for your concern for my wife and children, whom you don't even know, and since you are aware of "his," I can only assume that your mastery the topic is on par with that of greats like Iva D'Aquino. Being too simple to understand the complex relationship between "his" and the CEO's, I can't fathom it. Still, you make me want to cry.


Please. The people of Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, and all of the Middle East are no threat to our nations well-being.

Wow. Thanks. Now I'm SO relieved that I didn't kill every single one I saw. I am, however glad that I shot the dogs, donkeys, and goats... and that one monkey in Jalalabad... because they, Bobby, ARE a threat to our nation's well-being. The goats in particular, since their horizontal pupils make them more effective guidance mechanisms when flying airliners into buildings less than 20 stories tall, such as the Pentagon. It also makes them crafty developers of medium range ballistic missiles, which is why I'm looking forward to getting a crack at those pesky Iranian goats. I knew that there was a reason why I didn't shoot every living person I saw, I just never knew what it was. In my gratitude, I will share a secret; Afghanistan is not in the Middle East, but is actually in central Asia. However, I've been wrong about all kinds of other things, so perhaps I'm wrong about that, too.

You are a threat to their nations well-being, and are not supporting peace and freedom.

Ouch. Now that hurt. It does, on the other hand, give me VERY warm feelings for you, Bobby. I think that you are the very first person EVER to care sooooo much for me and my family that you would be honest enough with me to tell me that. To think; all of these years, no one could step forward and tell me what a danger to world peace I am. And freedom? Wow... if I had only known. To think of the millions I've subjugated in the name of his. It's staggering. I clearly need to rethink my entire existence, and I owe it all to you. But this professional officer crap is really hard to kick. Would you come to my house and lead an intervention for the sake of my wife and children... and for me, of course? I'll serve nachos. It'll be a hoot.

Again sorry about your wounds.

Thank you. I'm just so touched that somebody finally cared enough about me to really show me what I victim I am, and what a heel, too! And I, Bobby, am sorry for my entire life. What I really need is for you to take all of this wisdom and put it on a scroll for me, to immortalize it for me and for posterity. Use real parchment and real India ink, and don't scrimp on the details, especially the parts about why I'm not helping your freedoms, and most especially explaining how I am a general menace to peace and security world-wide, because I'm going to struggle with that in my recovery. Remember, I'm kinda thick, so the scroll should be, too. Calligraphy would make it more decorative and weighty, but is not completely necessary. Once completed, you'll need to take the scroll and soak it in sea water for about 20 minutes or so, but no more than 25. It shouldn't get mushy. This sets the ink and helps it to remain flexible. Then, carefully remove the scroll from the sea water, check to make sure it is wound tightly, and fuck yourself with it. Thanks for your outpouring of wisdom, you incipient twat.

Peace and Love

Uh-huh. Buh-bye.

That was fun.  I wish I'd said that...  



6 Comments

Now that's gonna leave a mark... ;)
 
My poor computer.

I snorted Mountain Dew all over the keyboard reading this. Old Blue has a way with words...
 
Amen, Chuck Z!

Yon IS a good photographer, and WAS a good correspondent/reporter.  But the reporting eventually morphed into self serving promotion and arrogance and irrationality.  If I never see another work from Yon, I will be happy.

My thoughts, prayers, and grateful appreciation go to our actual troops who serve, not the media types who seek glory by reporting on what others have done, and criticize those with actual skin in the game.
 
Chuck should get one of those T-shirts like Dr. Helen has. I believe the legend on it is:

DEATH

Been there, done that.

Got the t-shirt.
 
P.s. I don't mind the icky-poo pics.  I believe the only fun part of being a revolting casualty is grossing out the "sensitive" people. I had a slight taste of this when a kid, grossing out the gurlz with the ugly, but really quite inconsequential, powder burns on my face. 

A few years back, I had a bad tooth come loose, and made a point of pulling it out of the socket in front of a fellow parishioner. He said, "That's disgusting!"

I was proud of myself for that: I had succeeded in grossing him out, and he had actually been in prison.
 
P.p.s.  There is a good reason why the name of my blog is "Peeking Under Bandages."