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Some observations...

...not by me.  I dunno who by.
I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I am perfect.
(a fine example of Deductive Reasoning - - poorly applied)

1. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Shithead's.

2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol
content.

3. I live in my own little world but it's OK, everyone knows me here.

4. I saw a rather large woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I
said,'Thyroid problem?'

5. I don't do drugs 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing
up really fast.

6. A sign In a Chinese Pet Store: 'Buy one dog, get one flea.'

7. Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with.


8. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

9. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the 'terminal'?

10. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get
elected.

11. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no
trade-in value.

12. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes,
make Bloody Marys.

13. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

14. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.

15. I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I am perfect.

16. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days
I've stayed alive.

17. That Claudia Schiffer must be a genius because I told a friend my plan
to attain world peace, and he told me I have 'Schiffer Brains.'

18. No one ever says 'It's only a game!' when their team is winning.

19. Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and
lottery tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not feeling
well?

20. How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door you're
on.

21. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing
section in a swimming pool?

22. Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

23. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

24. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

25. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words:
Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!'

 
H/t, Jim C.

15 Comments

I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I am perfect. (Lead and #15)

First time I've seen the Great Hall Echo hit a *post*...
 
Welp, that's it.  I quit.
 
Why? Nobody's perfect, yanno...
 
You're missing some.....

FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!
Except that one where you're naked in church.

Kinky is using a feather.  Perverted is using the whole chicken.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory

Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.

Red meat is not bad for you.  Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

0>;~}
 

DL, the "reality" quote sounds like an old Robin Williams line: "Reality is for those who can't handle drugs." :)

Alternate for #7 above: Money can't buy happiness but I wouldn't mind renting it for a while.


 
I've always preferred the line: "People do drugs because they work."

Speaking of Robin Williams of old, riddle me this, Casey:  What does a chair think all day?
(Yes, this is a test for you semi-old pharts)
0>;~}
 
We all know and don't debate the idea that, "nobody is perfect", that is not the question. But we all know the people, who strived to be perfectionists. The question, to these people striving for perfection, we have a question. You are trying to be a perfect *WHAT*? To the Castle, What say you?  
 
Sly - "Here comes another politician."
 
 "9. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the 'terminal'?"
1. It's the end of the line.
2. Jet fighter pilots.

Cheers
 
John, missed it by thatmuch!  But, I'll give you full *semantic* credit......Mr. Williams actual phrasing was, "Oh, here comes another a$$hole."
politician.....a$$hole
potayto.....potahto
0>;~}
 
DL Sly, *Perfection!*   
 
Well, I guess it was my turn to screw up. My apologies for the double enter.

V/R Grumpy   
 
Grumpy, "to strive" is not a regular verb. You shoulda wrote, "strove."  That is all.

-yer friendly pedantic local aspie.
 
JTG, Why don't you go to your search engine (Google), and enter "strive", without the quotes. I used "Merriam-webster.com as my resource. "Strove"  is the wrong word. Your dang Gnomes must be really be hungry, They're eating comments again. This the second one on this same thread.  
 
I suppose this means I don't have to answer the riddle now. :)

As for sayings -given our host's fondness for "Zen"- I offer the following from Jack Vance:

A note about the obvious. It is always obvious.
Reflect & consider...