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So, whatcha been up to, Bill?

Funny  you should ask.

*ringing phone*

Me: Hello?

Female Animal Rescue Volunteer: Bill? [name redacted]. Listen, we've got a dog and she needs some help.

Me: As in...?

FARV: Well, she's not socialized, and she's never had any training, and you're good with big dogs, and ['nother name redacted] won't go near her because -- well, the people we got her from say...*conversation trails off*

Me: *What* did they say, specifically?

FARV: They said she hates men.

Me: Ahem. I'm a man.

FARV: Yeah, but you're *really* good with big dogs, and she's really a sweetheart, except for... that... you know...

Me: Did she bite ['nother name redacted]?

FARV: No, he was afraid to get that close.

Me: *sigh* How big is she?

FARV: Big.

Me: *'nother sigh* Does this feminist with a fur coat have a name?

FARV: They called her "Meadow" because of her color.

Me: The dog is *green*?!?

FARV: No, tan and white.

Me: Fine. When do I get to meet her?

FARV (hopefully): Ten minutes?

Soooo, that's what I'm going to be up to.

Interim report to follow, if I still have my fingers...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

UPDATE: About an hour ago, FARV arrived with the entourage and I realized several things:

1. Ten minutes in my dimension does not equate with ten minutes in FARV's.

2. FARV's definition of "big dog" and mine vary considerably. By an order of magnitude, actually.

3. Meadow didn't "not like" men -- she's *afraid* of men.

Long story short, meet Meadow.

She's *maybe* about forty pounds, and I think she's probably a pit bull mix, which means she'll be a quick learner.

After an hour of watching me doing nothing except sitting on the basement steps and holding a one-way conversation with her, she came out from the corner she was sitting in to pose.

And then walked up to me, flopped onto the floor, and promptly went to sleep.

Heh -- I have that effect on women, too...


 Good luck, Bill!  Hope you can get some pictures. I wonder if she is as big as Molly (9 months old) is.
 Big huge dog. Not socialized. Hates men. Scared previous male who came into contact with her. *sigh* I guess that weathervane-stab musta healed, and...
There goes my interest in paying a visit to Mercer County.  I DO value my doo-dads you know.
Go for it!  No mission too difficult!  No sacrifice too great!  Duty First!

If *anyone* can schmooze some dogwomyn, it's our Bill.
I MAY get spanked for this, but I really do mean this in the technical sense (but only for the pun, as you are no doubt aware)... but am I to understand that Bill is good with the bitches?
No, Mike, I think that about encapsulates it.
*still waiting for FARV and entourage to arrive*
Tell her *I* say you are trainable. ;-)  From a safe distance, if needed.  Poor puppy.  And the curse of a thousand gods on the bastard(s) who did that to her.
 When we first got Kiki, she was afraid of men.  It took John a really long time to gain her trust - but she never, ever acted like she would bite him.

Good luck, Bill.  We definitely want pics.  Of the dog - NOT bite marks ;-)

Aww.  What a cute dog.  She knows yer all right.  Nice relaxed ears.
I'm sitting here typing with a dog nudging my elbow, telling me she wants a walk.

I don't think she's afraid of *all* men anymore...
I have such confidence in your local animal-control folks.
She's not afraid of "men" per se.  She's afraid of certain men, and any man with certain body language (like the raised-to-strike hand).

Like Kiki was.
Well, it is all about them in the end, isn't it?
Nup -- we went for a walk and she didn't want anything to do with my neighbor, who's the world's biggest dog fan. Kids don't scare her and neither do women.

Anyway, this afternoon, she's learned "sit," "don't climb on my lap," and "cookie"...

...and we're working hard on "it's nap time"...
Order of magnitude indeed. My lovely spousal unit rescued a 10 month old puppy from the pound. A 130#, papered, Swiss born, Saint Bernard.

I need to get a bigger couch.
Well, there's any number of breed-lines that can produce that general body shape, so I wouldn't be too sure of the 'pit bull mix' part. 

And no, forty pounds is not "big."  Akitas are big.  Newfies are big.  Kuvaszok, Komondorok, Wolfhounds, Great Danes are very big.  But this?  Nah, not big.  Just a plain old ordinary medium-sized Heinz-57. 
 That's our Bill. A big, tough, Pussy Cat.

For a retiree, nap time is most important.

I remember as a kid thinking it funny my dad would come home from work and sit down and fall asleep for a nap before supper - I now realize he was a role model. I find myself nodding off during the news, just like he did. Like the old saying - at 18 I thought my dad an idiot, at 21 I was amazed at how smart he got in the intervening years.
 "... but she never, ever acted like she would bite him."
You did train her out of that?


It's not her body shape, WW, it's the proportions of her skull and muzzle, and the muscles attaching her lower jaw. When she's working, her tail has the typical pittie loft. But she's definitely a GOK*, and a sweet-tempered one, from what I've seen so far.

That's the nice things about mutts -- the undesirable traits of the purebred genetic nightmares usually get left out of the mix, and the good traits predominate.

*GOK = God Only Knows...
she is very sweet :o)
Somehow I knew that you would be great with dogs :o)
Give her a hug and a cookie for me :o)
Awwwww.... *melts* She's adorable.

She's a good pup -- no food aggression, no "other animal" aggression, she learns pretty quickly, and she's scored well on the two "smart" tests I gave her, both of which involve acting counter-instinctively to accomplish a task. Just gotta train her to perform normal doggie tasks and work her out of being afraid of men in general.
I have such confidence in your local animal-control folks.

Tell me about it. The former ACO did six months for animal cruelty and snagging pets from people's yards -- *fenced* yards.
Hopefully, a little love from Bill will do the trick.  Good luck!
 I'm so tempted to ship Suellen to you, Bill. She's the pup we can't find a home for that was dumped nearly a year ago.  She has a lot of rat terrier in her, and she's a major pain in the ass.  She thinks she is an alpha dog, and tries to boss our behemoth dogs around (the ones who weigh over 80 pounds), and now she has taken to annoying the cats.  
I have no problem with big dogs, I let them know from the start that I am the alpha dog and make them lay down when they are puppies.  Now that they are big, I am the alpha dog.  But with Suellen, she's so little (about 25 pounds) it just has not worked.

I don't like terriers.  At least not this one!
"Terrier" = "big dog attitude in little dog body" 

Takes a VERY good trainer to train terriers.  Most folks, the best you can do with a terrier is reach a truce. 
Terriers are a challenge -- you have to get them to believe that you *will* kill them unless they pay attention. Remind them that you're carnivorous, too.

With most breeds, you have to be a firm but loving partiarch, but with the smaller (under 40 pounds) terriers, you have to be 51% benevolent despot and 49% bipolar tyrant, and never let them establish the tipping point on their own -- keep 'em guessing. Make them play *your* games by your *rules*, otherwise they'll invent their own games, and you won't like most of them...

And I never let a dog win one of my games, but they get rewarded for enthusiastic participation.
Heh -- I have that effect on women, too...

 I think she knows I will kill her if she ever kills another one of my chickens! The last time she did that, it was all I could do to NOT end her little life.

The big dogs, as puppies, did kill one or two chickens, but the extreme event that became was ingrained in their brains, and they don't mess with my birds anymore, except to steal eggs, because they are so yummy and make their coats all shiny!

Suellen has such a huge killer instinct that she is not allowed outside at all unless she is leashed or on the deck, which has become a fortress to keep her on the deck.  There is no changing that aspect of her.

On the other hand, she is very well-behaved with our grandson.  She's not all bad.
If I were non-feckless and non-poor enough to have a dog and do right by it, I would want me a pit bull bitch. I even have a name picked out: Velda. (She was Mike Hammer's secretary.)  Pits get an undeserved bad rep, they being the only dogs specifically bred to offer no violence to humans, no matter the provocation. (Unlike Dobermann Pinschers, specifically bred to go after humans by a Prussian tax collector)

Oh, on the breeders?  The cat breeders are the worst! At least some of the dog breeders still breed for behavior.

The cat breeders, like entirely too many of us human self-breeders, seem to breed strictly for appearance.

I can tell you horror stories about the husbands and offspring of an old lady I used to know who picked her husbands for handsomeness, with no other considerations, because "I knew I wanted to have children, and wanted them to be good-looking."
That's how we got good-looking criminals like Bill Clinton and Barry Soetoro.

I hear that the cat breeders have even managed to mess up the Maine Coon, the best kitteh evar!
Mutts, JTG.  Mutts.  Whether feline or canine.
@UnkaBill @10:16am:  There was an old lady on the corner near where I usedta live for years who had a typically obnoxiously annoying little Yorkshire Terrier. Every time I walked by the house, the critter would bark at me. Of course, I barked right back, which drove the little monster into a frenzy. 

One of my late-night drunken fancies was imaging holding the little bitch in my arms (having first ascertained that her rabies shots were up to date) and then feeding her my left hand while motorboating her on the tummy with my lips, thereby giving the worthless frenetic frantic useless waste of dog food a heart attack, or stroke, right there.

I prefer mellow dogs and mellow cats. (and humans!)
@JoA@2:57: Not necessarily. That is the safest default, of course.  The problem is that the breeders are breeding for the wrong qualities, i.e., appearances.

  In naturally self-breeding, or rationally-bred varieties, the appearances are markers for the underlying behavior.

  It's the part between the ears which is the important part, both of genotype and phenotype.

  Oh, yeah, it's also nice if the guy or gal is good-looking, but, hell, Romeo and Juliet got what they deserved and I hope it hurt, and they should have listened to their parents, and it's a damned shame they got all of those innocent folks killed.
JTG: "a typically obnoxiously annoying little Yorkshire Terrier."

Yorkshire Terriers aren't dogs.  They're mutated rats. 

wolf, I have known at least one rat who was right friendly, and much quieter and much better company than any Yorkshire Terrier ever whelped. As far as pooping everywhere, it's about even, except that the rat turds are much smaller and drier than dog turds.
Mutts, JTG. Mutts.

Amen to that, John.

...and then feeding her my left hand while motorboating her on the tummy with my lips,

That prolly would have worked well with the old lady, too...

Pardon the complete O/T-ness, but I have a most urgent question for Bill:  Whatzis?  Inquiring minds want to know before they lose it trying to decypher that blasted cuneiform.
Suellen is gonna need some *tough* training -- training that's aggressive to the point of freaking out a casual observer, but it will turn her from being a random killer.

She's a warehouse dog, and she's definitely out of place on a farm. On the plus side, she'd be a good protector for a family with no other pets.
... she'd be a good protector for a family with no other pets.

Which is *exactly* how we placed her sister.  If Prodigal Son moves from his current abode to a place that allows pets, he and Ashes want her.

But I'm not willing to load on a mortgage just to unload the dog.

You drive us mild?  Aww...what a sweetie.  She looks like she might have some boxer, too.  Speaking of mild kittehs,  ours are just plain mellow.  Even Severus does nothing more than meow really loudly when he is put outside.  How have Maine Coons been spoiled?  I would love to get one, but would like to get one from a reputable breeder.
I wouldn't be surprised, Mizz Cricket. I suspect a bit of Generic Houn' Dawg, too.
Whatzis? Inquiring minds want to know before they lose it trying to decypher that blasted cuneiform.

It's a Sumerian joke with a Middle Kingdom punchline. Why? It's not all that funny, unless you've got a background in steam-driven nanites....