FOR: The usual occupants of the Wretched Hive of Scum and Villainy
FROM: BillT
SUBJECT: Your most recent rocket attack
1. You missed me.
2. Again.
3. Pthbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbt!
4. I hereby request that you notify me at least five minutes prior to your next predictably-futile attempt so that I can get a decent photo of the rocket in flight. John's been bugging me for an action shot suitable for use as a Whatziss.
In closing, KMA.
Bill
FROM: BillT
SUBJECT: Your most recent rocket attack
1. You missed me.
2. Again.
3. Pthbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbt!
4. I hereby request that you notify me at least five minutes prior to your next predictably-futile attempt so that I can get a decent photo of the rocket in flight. John's been bugging me for an action shot suitable for use as a Whatziss.
In closing, KMA.
Bill
Not a Katy, OFS -- this one was a local manufacture. Shoddy workmanship, too -- they oversprayed the body and the paint dripped abominably.
Unless they actually hit me, of course, and then I'll change the rating scheme...
Good catch on the cat hair, though.
0>;~}
(Asked under the category : The ultimate expression of victory is to display the weapon of your enemy on the wall behind your bar.)
Failing that, perhaps a few detailed pictures of the manufacture of the thing so that a suitable mockup can be fabricated - and, yes, they shot a few of those things at me in Balad, so, like Marlin Perkins used to say, "All scenes, whether actual or created, depict authenticated fact..."
BillT: Keep dodgin' those things, buddy: I still owes ya a few pints and I want to pay up when you get back to The World.
Luv ya, and glad they missed!
FROM: ANGSG Carborundum
RE: Request for Clarification re: recent rocket attack on Human Mortal Tuttle
1. As has been documented in my last FIVE reports, we are always short due to casualties after Cheesy Bean Burrito Night at the DFAC. My requests for reinforcements apparently were also ignored.
2. Despite lack of adequate resources Human Mortal Tuttle remains unharmed, at least last time I looked. Every minute I have to write one of these piddling reports and I'm not watching him he could be getting into trouble so can we keep this to a minimum?
3. No, we are NOT endangering cats by using them in our operations. The reference to a cat hair employed by Human Mortal Tuttle was a bit of light-hearted fibbing. Yes, there is a picture. The term that should be employed when describing said picture is "photoshop". It is not real. No responsibility is assumed for FAKE photographs implying a feline within the area of ANGCOM operations.
4. The method used in this instance was RDS-103 (Rocket Deflection System 103, or Acme Electromagnet, Buried, Array Of). This method is only used when interception is not possible (due, for example, to LACK OF REINFORCEMENTS needed by BURRITO-INDUCED CASUALTIES), since it causes power fluctuations noticable by humans and can cause Human Mortal Tuttle to leave the shelter and thump the generator so he can go back to reading comics on the internet, thus increasing risk factors 14a-23d, inclusive.
5. Speaking of missing documents, has anyone seen my request for leave? This isn't funny. I'm starting to molt.
Cherry bombs got a 10-meter bursting radius? Sounded like a grenade or a small mine when it went off, so it probably only had a 1.5kg warhead -- which is about the max you can pack into a 57mm can.
The Iranian 107mm rockets make a *much* bigger bang.
Failing that, perhaps a few detailed pictures of the manufacture of the thing so that a suitable mockup can be fabricated.
These things can be arranged -- as long as the server at work doesn't crap out before noon.
The method used in this instance was RDS-103 (Rocket Deflection System 103, or Acme Electromagnet, Buried, Array Of).
And it never occurred to you to bury one *in front of the launch site*, did it? Noooooooooo, you had to stick it next to the *water point*, so you could wash your *haaaaaands* and get all the *diiiiiirt* off without having to walk the twenty feet to the WC.
This isn't funny. I'm starting to molt.
How many times have I told you that sticking a double-handful of Hawli's curried pickled habañeros into the burritos would do *more* than just "make them more interesting" -- hah?
Firstly, the "launch site" is wherever Habib et al. stop the car and think they have enough time to aim before a cop shows up. Since you and your hooch move with much less frequency than friend Habib, it makes more sense to put the array near YOU.
Noooooooooo, you had to stick it next to the *water point*, so you could wash your *haaaaaands* and get all the *diiiiiirt* off without having to walk the twenty feet to the WC.
This is what I have to deal with, folks. Still traumatized after all these
years centuriesmillennia because he was forced to wash behind his ears as a sprout even after I patiently and repeatedly explained it wouldn't kill him.With what's been going on since May, it's a tie.
"In closing, KMA." You didn't get it, that was the "Kiss."
The big thing is you're OK. The other thing is this, you have been promoted to *Royal Status, a Royal Playful PITA*.
Cheers
Triple posts two weeks in a row? Not keeping you busy enought dodging various and sundry things that go boom?
And just because I'm in that kind of a mood I disagree with both Carborundum and J.M. Heinrichs - it should be Mortal - Human - Tuttle, from the general to the specific.
I will now duck and cover as I was taught as a young'un back in the day.
Joke.
Let us hope, then, that they learn - via being on the receiving end - that direct fire is sooo much more efficient.
"Hey, when I draw a cat hair on a rocket fin, I draw a *cat* hair!"
Yeah, but you used a *goat* hair as the model, hence the need for clarification.
heh
0>;~}
Oh, just like the EBO mortar bombs I used to buy from the Greeks You should have seen the re-paint jobs we used to get from their Lavrion Plant.
Doing "that" involved him in a Class D fire which burned about 40% of his skin off. He describes his experiences in not quite getting burned to death and dealing with the doodahs in the hospital, and the horrible pain, in such a way that they are actually funny.
Hey, as he says about himself, some of us are Severely and Profoundly Gifted.
Here's the site:
http://www.mazepath.com/uncleal/
I recommend you start with the Emergency Room post.