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Caption Contest - Champagne Wishes & Caviar Dreams Edition



The real caption reads:
First Lady Michelle Obama christens the USCGC Stratton with a bottle of champagne, during a ceremony at the Port of Pascagoula, in Pascagoula, Miss., July 23, 2010. White House photo by Samantha Appleton.

But what are they really saying?

Boq

14 Comments

"First Lady Michelle Obama christens the SS Taxcheat with a bottle of champagne, during a ceremony at the Kennedy Compound , in Hyannis Port, Massachusetts before is sailed off to it's new home in to Rhode Island to avoid a half mill in taxes. It is reported that the champagne used was a recently discoverd Shipwrecked 1907 Heidsieck (worth an estimated $275,000 each and paid for out of Obama Care bill riders), and she had to use three seperate bottles to accomodate the punch-drunk MSM which couldn't coordinate taking their pics all at once."
 
Sad day when the Prez or FLOTUS are off christening little toy Coast Guard cutters.

I guess with the dearth of actual warships being built, they will go anywhere for a photo-op, especially if they can do it on the Gulf course...er COAST to show their concern for the voters living there.

The USCG deserved a better sponsor than this, perhaps someone named Stratton, or the duty mess cook, or an oil slick skimmer deckhand.  You know, someone who actually works and understands our country and loves it.
 
I guess with the dearth of actual warships being built, they will go anywhere for a photo-op

Maybe next year, one of them will be christening an oil skimmer -- then sending it to the Gulf to start where A. Whale left off...

 
Maybe next year, one of them will be christening an oil skimmer -- then sending it to the Gulf to start where A. Whale left off...

The USS Gore.
 
"I hereby christen this huge ship, with one little 2" gun, USCGC Dorothy Stratton."

Srsly, a what, a 6000-ton ship with one itty-bitty gun? Dorothy Stratton would be ashamed. According to Wikipedia, she was a tough old gal who lived to the age of 107.

Born in the 19th Century, survived the 20th Century, died in the 21st.  Not many folks can make that claim.



 
"Oh. My. Gosh. I have had this much stuff on my hands since..."

 
Srsly, a what, a 6000-ton ship with one itty-bitty gun?

Don't forget the four Ma Deuces and the pair of M-240s.

Heh. I had more firepower on Hubert when we were going out Nighthawking...

 

What a difference a vowel makes, an 'o' vs. an 'e'.  This wasn't the Dorothy that first came to my mind. 

And a huge difference between the two.  No pun intended.
 
@Bill: I think it's because she's not so much a warship as a copship, Coasties being cops. They started out as Treasury Agents, you know. Lifesaving is just a sideline.

@Kevin: Could you please explain what you meant, there? We literal-minded people have to have jokes explained to us; it's the LAW! (Americans with Disabilities Act, or something)
 

@JTG.

Do a search for Dorothy Stratten vs. Dorothy Stratton.  "E" vs. "O". 

If ya do an image search, be sure your safe filter is on.

or not... you have been advised.

Typos aren't always a bad thing and I thought the name was familiar.. somehow....

Let the snarkage commence....
 
 JTG, your history of the USCG is in a changing process. Originally, they were members of the US Dept. of the Treasury, to stop counterfeit money. They were later transferred to the Dept. of Transportation, later transferred to Homeland Security, after 9 SEP 2001. By the way, who has the responsibility for Security in the Military District of Washington, DC? You would be surprised at everything they have at their disposal.
 
Coast Guard cutters serve around the world, frequently as part of Task Forces in war zones. Senior officer is normally the Commodore and we have had several instances of cutters acting as Task Force flagship because of that. Not really warships, though.

Coast Guard 82s and 327s stooged around in Viet Nam, not doing much except eradicating the coastwise infiltration of arms and insurgents. Not really warships, of course, just doing the jobs of warships. WWII; name the campaign and you'd find the Coast Guard, including assaults across the Rhine.

Really, name the war and if there were waterways or seacoast, you probably found Coast Guard.

The first warships of the United States were ten cutters of the Revenue Cutter service, crewed by many officers and men from the old Colonial Navy.

Senior service. 'Navy' make way!
 
Oh yah Grumpy, and Dennis.  I know.  They were originally invented to stop smugglers and make sure people paid up at the custom house.  Having itty-bitty  vessels and having to stay out in all conditions, they acquired a well-deserved reputation for first-class seamanship. They are also famous for selfless courage.  I just don't like the idea that they can arrest me if I'm out in a rowboat and maybe don't have the correct kind of life jacket.

My high-school band director was an old Coastie, as was the director of the Hialeah high school band.  When our football teams played each other, we competed to see who could do the best rendition of the Coast Guard March.  I think my band did better.









































 
Ok, I'll be rude.

Guy in white choker suit: "Look  at that gal! Her ass is "this" big!"
Other guy in white choker suit: "No, her ass is "this" big!"
Guy in business suit: "Nah, yer both wrong, her ass is "this" big!"