A primer for those of you who are planning to undertake a visit to The Home Of Maggie. For whatevah reason.
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The geographical center of Boston is in Roxbury.
Due north of the center we find the South End. This is not to be confused with South Boston which lies directly east from the South End. North of the South End is East Boston and southwest of East Boston is the North End.
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The bridge connecting Boston and Cambridge via Massachusetts Avenue is commonly known as the Harvard Bridge . When it was built, the state offered to name the bridge for the Cambridge school that could present the best claim for the honor. Harvard submitted an essay detailing its contributions to education in America, concluding that it deserved the honor of having a bridge leading into Cambridge named for the institution.
MIT did a structural analysis of the bridge and found it so full of defects that they agreed that it should be named for Harvard.
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There is no school on School Street , no court on Court Street, no dock on Dock Square , and no water on Water Street .
Back Bay Boston streets are in alphabetical awddah: Arlington , Berkeley, Clarendon, Dartmouth , etc. So are South Boston streets: A, B, C, D, etc.
If the streets are named after trees (e.g. Walnut, Chestnut, Cedar), you are on Beacon Hill . If they are named after poets, you are in Wellesley .
Massachusetts Avenue is Mass Ave. Commonwealth Avenue is Comm Ave.
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South Boston is Southie. The South End is the South End. East Boston is Eastie. The North End is east of the former West End . The West End and Scully Square are no more; a guy named Rappaport got rid of them one night. Roxbury is The Burree, Jamaica Plain is J.P.
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How to pronounce these Massachusetts city names correctly (Say it wrong and be shunned).
Definitions:
Frappes are made with ice cream; milkshakes are not.
If it is carbonated and flavored, it is tonic.
Soda means CLUB SODA.
Pop refers to DAD.
When we want Tonic WATER, we will ask for TONIC WATAH.
The smallest beer is a pint.
Scrod is whatever they tell you it is, usually fish.
If you paid more than $7/pound, you got scrod.
It is not a water fountain; it is a bubblah.
It is not a trashcan; it is a barrel.
It is not a spucky, a hero, or a grinder; it is a sub.
It is not a shopping caht; it is a carriage.
It is not a purse; it is a pockabook.
They are not franks; they are haht dahgs; franks are money used Switzahland.
Police do not drive a patrol unit or a black and white; they drive a crewza. If you take the bus, your on the looza crooza.
It is not a rubber band; it is an elastic. It is not a traffic circle, it is a rotary.
"Going to the islands" means going to Martha's Vineyard or Nantucket .
Things not to do:
Things you should know:
There are two State Houses, two City Halls, two courthouses, and two Hancock buildings (one is very old; one is relatively new).
The colored lights on top the old Hancock tell the weathah:
Most people live here all their lives and still do not know what the hell is going on with this one. Route 128 South is I-95 south. It is also I-93 north.
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The underground train is not a subway. It is the T, and it does not run all night (fah chrysakes, this ain't Noo Yawk).
Order the cold tea in China Town after 2:00 am; you will get a kettle full of beer.
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Bostonians:
So -- now you know.
Heh. Tip o' the dinged steel pot to Baby-San.
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The geographical center of Boston is in Roxbury.
Due north of the center we find the South End. This is not to be confused with South Boston which lies directly east from the South End. North of the South End is East Boston and southwest of East Boston is the North End.
* * * * * * * * * *
The bridge connecting Boston and Cambridge via Massachusetts Avenue is commonly known as the Harvard Bridge . When it was built, the state offered to name the bridge for the Cambridge school that could present the best claim for the honor. Harvard submitted an essay detailing its contributions to education in America, concluding that it deserved the honor of having a bridge leading into Cambridge named for the institution.
MIT did a structural analysis of the bridge and found it so full of defects that they agreed that it should be named for Harvard.
* * * * * * * * * *
There is no school on School Street , no court on Court Street, no dock on Dock Square , and no water on Water Street .
Back Bay Boston streets are in alphabetical awddah: Arlington , Berkeley, Clarendon, Dartmouth , etc. So are South Boston streets: A, B, C, D, etc.
If the streets are named after trees (e.g. Walnut, Chestnut, Cedar), you are on Beacon Hill . If they are named after poets, you are in Wellesley .
Massachusetts Avenue is Mass Ave. Commonwealth Avenue is Comm Ave.
* * * * * * * * * *
South Boston is Southie. The South End is the South End. East Boston is Eastie. The North End is east of the former West End . The West End and Scully Square are no more; a guy named Rappaport got rid of them one night. Roxbury is The Burree, Jamaica Plain is J.P.
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How to pronounce these Massachusetts city names correctly (Say it wrong and be shunned).
- Worcester : Wuhsta (or Wistah)
- Gloucester : Glawsta
- Leicester: Lesta
- Woburn: Woobun
- Dedham : Dead-um
- Revere: Re -vee-ah
- Quincy: Quinzee
- Tewksbury : Tooks ber ry
- Leominster : Le-min-sta
- Peabody: Pee-ba-dee
- Waltham : Walth-ham
- Chatham: Chaddum
- Samoset: Sam-oh-set or Sum-aw-set, but nevah Summerset!
Definitions:
Frappes are made with ice cream; milkshakes are not.
If it is carbonated and flavored, it is tonic.
Soda means CLUB SODA.
Pop refers to DAD.
When we want Tonic WATER, we will ask for TONIC WATAH.
The smallest beer is a pint.
Scrod is whatever they tell you it is, usually fish.
If you paid more than $7/pound, you got scrod.
It is not a water fountain; it is a bubblah.
It is not a trashcan; it is a barrel.
It is not a spucky, a hero, or a grinder; it is a sub.
It is not a shopping caht; it is a carriage.
It is not a purse; it is a pockabook.
They are not franks; they are haht dahgs; franks are money used Switzahland.
Police do not drive a patrol unit or a black and white; they drive a crewza. If you take the bus, your on the looza crooza.
It is not a rubber band; it is an elastic. It is not a traffic circle, it is a rotary.
"Going to the islands" means going to Martha's Vineyard or Nantucket .
- The Sox = The Red Sox
- The Cs = The Celtics
- The Bs = The Bruins
- The Pats =The Patriots
Things not to do:
- Do not pahk your cah in Hahvid Yahd. They will tow it to Meffa (Medford) or Summahville (Somerville) .
- Do not sleep on the Common. (Boston Common)
- Do not wear orange in Southie on St. Patrick's Day.
Things you should know:
There are two State Houses, two City Halls, two courthouses, and two Hancock buildings (one is very old; one is relatively new).
The colored lights on top the old Hancock tell the weathah:
- "Solid blue, clear view."
- "Flashing blue, clouds due."
- "Solid red, rain ahead."
- "Flashing red, snow instead." (except in summer, flashing red means the Red Sox game was rained out!
Most people live here all their lives and still do not know what the hell is going on with this one. Route 128 South is I-95 south. It is also I-93 north.
* * * * * * * * * *
The underground train is not a subway. It is the T, and it does not run all night (fah chrysakes, this ain't Noo Yawk).
Order the cold tea in China Town after 2:00 am; you will get a kettle full of beer.
* * * * * * * * * *
Bostonians:
- think that it is their God-given right to cut off someone in traffic.
- think that there are only 25 letters in the alphabet (no Rs, except in idear.
- think that three straight days of 85+ temperatures is a heat wave.
- refer to six inches of snow as a dusting.
- always bang a left as soon as the light turns green, and oncoming traffic always expects it..
- believe that using your turn signal is a sign of weakness.
- think that 63 degree ocean water is warm.
- think Rhode Island accents are annoying.
So -- now you know.
Heh. Tip o' the dinged steel pot to Baby-San.
I will nevah go back. Boston, though, sounds like it could be fun.
I passed the time watching panes of glass pop out of their frames and smash on the sidewalk.
They drive with a cup of coffee in one hand...and the finger in the other...and the men are worse.
Apparently, engineers funally got the glass problem solved with the Hancock Building. Before that, though, every day was an adventure for people on the ground nearby, as well as those in the various offices. Heh...
For those planning to visit: Come by bus or train. You go right into South Station (except when coming from Maine, where the train drops you at North Station. The bis still goes to South Station, though.) Once you get to South Station, you can walk or take the T anywhere elxe you need to go. Seriously. Plus China Town is right across the street, etc.
There are two VA hospitals in Boston: Roxbury, and Jamaica Plains. Both are in high-crime areas, so loitering outside is ill-advised. Take a cab.
If you are having surgery, most of it is done at Jamaica Plains. Afterward, they take you to Roxbury to recover. If you need follow ups, they will transport you back to JP. Blame Clinton, it was his idea.
Great place, Boston.
BiiiT wrote: Boston is Iraqi Driver Ed.
Bill, who do you think is driving most of the taxis in Boston? Last time I was there it was mostly Iraqi refugees. It made getting to the airport at rush hour interesting.
When I used to live in Taxachusetts, on those rare occasions when I had to drive into Boston, I would generally drive immedaitely to a parking garage near a T station, and then take public transport. Driving in Boston sucks big rocks.