Heh.
Tennessee
The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Tennessee and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everything but my earrings."
Alabama
A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?" the others asked.
"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.
"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired.
"A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry..."
Texas
The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch.
The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don' t you see that sign right over your head?"
"Yep, " he replied. "That's why I dumpin' it here, 'cause it says 'Fine For Dumping Garbage'."
Louisiana
A senior at LSU was overheard saying, "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana -- because everything happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world."
Mississippi
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?"
The young man answered, "Nope, but I got his license number."
Georgia
A Georgia State trooper pulled over a pickup on I- 75. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"
The driver replied, "Bout whut?"
North Carolina
A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put one bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it.
Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, "I have a flat."
The passerby asked, "But what's with the bouquets?"
The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. Heck, it don't make no sense to me, neither."
Tennessee
The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Tennessee and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everything but my earrings."
Alabama
A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?" the others asked.
"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.
"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired.
"A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry..."
Texas
The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch.
The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don' t you see that sign right over your head?"
"Yep, " he replied. "That's why I dumpin' it here, 'cause it says 'Fine For Dumping Garbage'."
Louisiana
A senior at LSU was overheard saying, "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana -- because everything happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world."
Mississippi
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?"
The young man answered, "Nope, but I got his license number."
Georgia
A Georgia State trooper pulled over a pickup on I- 75. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"
The driver replied, "Bout whut?"
North Carolina
A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put one bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it.
Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, "I have a flat."
The passerby asked, "But what's with the bouquets?"
The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. Heck, it don't make no sense to me, neither."
:-p
The Wisconsin niece of a friend of mine was doing student teaching in an unnamed Southern state (OK, it has a name. I'm just not going to tell you.)
The dismal results of the first test she gave the class prompted one student to ask accusingly, "You gave us the yankee test, didn't you?"
Now excuse me, I have some southern friends to harrass... :D
think about it.
In Texas, however, the most common last recorded transmission was "Hey y'all watch this!"
Oh, wait. That was Wisconsin.
Never mind.
One day I joined the conversation late, and near as I could tell, it had something to do with "tahr" and "fahr." Being that I was somewhat familiar with the accent, I was beginning to get the idea that it involved a vehicular mishap (tire and fire)... until someone said something about "hot tahr" on their head.
Huh??!
Turns out the subject was a house fire melting the tar on the roof.
Fortunately, I had soon refined my language skills enough that I could clearly distinguish between tire and tar, and fire and far. Believe it or not, there IS a difference in pronunciation... ;)
I miss those people--I worked in the engineering department, where many of those guys ran intellectual circles around me while they worked their tails off... between bouts of discussing "huntin', fishin'" and how to skin a squirrel (really!). Fine folks, and more proof of what my parents had taught me: accent/culture, career/intelligence and character are NOT related to each other. I was attending a major state university at the time, and it was fascinating to have one foot in the world of "higher education" (school of music) and another in the down-home world of real folks the academics probably despised.
Upper Corner of Lower Alabama.
Where "tahr" can mean road surfacing, the things that go flat on your auto, or the elevated building housing the ATC folks at an airport...
*thud*
Yes, but they only go *up*. You have to walk down the stairs from the second floor.
Old son, these are some terrible jokes.
Thanks, Grim. 'Bout time you stopped laughing and typed something. I went easy on Joejah out of respect for you and Mizz Cricket -- I could have said something about Peachtree-DeKalb Interdimensional Airport...
I thought everybody knew that.............
Here is one for you and it is true: Utah has Jell-O as the official state snack. I have always maintained that the only reason Jell-O is worth having on the planet is because it is the only thing that trembles in my presence. Having said that, go watch 'Monsters vs. Aliens' and pay attention to the B.O.B. character's tender exchange with a Jell-O salad. I am a sick puppy.
Personally, I always thought things would have been better if Sherman had spared Atlanta and burned Hartzfield instead.
I just think yer feeling the itching from the dormant Naval Aviation Cootie larvae there, which woke up and jumped on you when they detected your presence.
........