Comments for It's always something...

It's always something...

2010-01-06T11:53:10Z

I've got a pretty good job, in that aside from the hard-date deliverables, time is pretty flexible, as long as the work gets done. Yesterday was one of those days where I actually had a "gotta be there at a certain time* meeting, with an officer of the firm I work for, to discuss an assessment I'm doing on one of their staff. We're a techie kind of firm, so we have an online tool for this. This tool is a little finicky, especially if you're not behind the corporate firewall - i.e., tunneling in from home like I was. Most of us end up composing offline, going online, paste in the words, and save the form. Well, I discovered yesterday that when you do that from a persnickety satellite connection, you have latency issues, and your save doesn't always take, as the autosave feature (that you can't turn off) kicks in and saves the document - without the words you just put in because, well, since you hadn't saved it yet, as far as the system's concerned, you have done it yet.

Heh. It's always something.

I finally get done what I need to get done and go start the truck. It's -14F out there, a little warm-up would be good, else the steam from the cuppajoe will become ice on the inside of the windshield. While I'm behind on my timeline a bit, I've got plenty of time to get to the office for the meeting. Hop in the truck, slap her into 4-wheel, and head down the road, around the corner, and what's that rumbling noise? Cursing under my breath, I stop the truck, pull it out of 4-wheel and start up again. Uh-oh, still rumbling. Stop the truck, get out, walk around to mebbe kick off some packed ice, walk 'round the back of the truck... and there's a flat tire. [many expletives were deleted]

It's always something.

Being a newer truck, it has air pressure sensors on the rim. I'm almost a quarter mile from home, about 200 meters from my neighbor. Rather than drive on the rim (much less change the tire on a 20 degree incline) I slowly motor up to my neighbors house and park the truck. Which they have no problem with and give me a ride back to the house where I'll hop in the Aztek and head out to my meeting. Telling Alan I'll come back at lunch to change the tire and get out of his driveway, I hop into the Aztek. It's snowed a lot here since Christmas. As the tractor is currently NMC (not mission capable) due to a brake problem, the snow isn't cleared like it normally would be. The Aztek, which hasn't moved since Christmas Eve, high centers and gets stuck, wheel spinning uselessly.

It's always something.

I'm beginning to think I'm not going to make the meeting on time.

I draft SWWBO, who clambers into her cold-weather gear (she looks like she's going to do some arctic exploring) as I pop down into the barn to fire up the Ranger, figuring I'll use the winch to ease the Aztek out of its little dilemma. The Polaris Ranger is a fine little machine, tough, powerful, and can go just about anywhere, but that battery has the cold-cranking power of an anemic mouse-powered waterwheel. It doesn't start.

It's always something.

I grab the battery charger, unplug the extension cord from the goat-waterer-heater, hook it all up and get her started. I've not really lost any time because SWWBO had only just now gotten kitted out. I pull the Ranger up a safe distance from the rear of the Aztek and start paying out the winch cable while SWWBO walks the cable to the stuck car. When she gets there, she gets down, looks under the car and says... "There's no place to hook up."

It's always something.

I find a way to hook on that I'm, oh, 70% sure will work without causing expensive damage, trudge back to the Ranger, SWWBO gets in the Aztek, I start reeling in the winch, she starts reversing and we're making progress! Then the Ranger starts pulling itself towards the Aztek, I put my foot on the brake, the engine drops to idle, and then dies because the load of the winch takes so much juice the engine quits. And, of course, won't restart.

It's always something. [many more expletives were deleted]

I trudge down to the barn, get the battery charger and the extension cord, SWWBO extends the cord while I'm popping the hood and hooking up the charger. We're a foot or so short.

It's always something.

I trudge off and rummage for another extension cord, hook it up, start the Ranger, SWWBO does her thing in the Aztek, and finally, the Aztek is free. It is now three minutes to meeting time (with an Officer of the firm, remember) and I've got a 15 minute drive. So, I'm going to be late. I thank SWWBO, and then tell her, "Um, I've got to get to this meeting, you've got the clean-up, sorry. Oh! And your goat-waterers are freezing, because that's where I got the extension cord.... Luv ya! Bye!"

Finally. Off to the meeting, which goes well because the Person Of Importance I'm meeting is in laptop helk so my lateness isn't an issue. Wrap that up, head back to the homestead to change the tire and get the truck back in business - because it's supposed to snow again, another half-foot or so, tomorrow.

Get home, grab a chock block and the floor jack, and head back to the neighbors. I have some choice words for the people who engineered the spare tire mechanism and the jack for the truck - but my choicest words are for the Armenian-speaking tribesmen from Chad who wrote the text, which was translated from Armenian by drunken college students and then published in the manual. It's clear, simple, and missing info. Guess that keeps publication costs down. Oh, and the glue doesn't like the cold, so it's now a 300-odd page loose-leaf manual without a binder.

It's always something.

I get the bleeping tire winched down and released, get the truck chocked, brakes on, and jacked, and just about about get a hernia getting the lug nuts to break free.

I reach down, grab the wheel and give a good, hefty pull. Nothing. No movement at all. Get a *really* good grip, and just about pull the truck off the jack. Wheel doesn't budge. Sigh. Get in the Aztek, go home, and grab a small sledge and some two-by-four pieces, small remnants from the last go-round of chicken-coop repair and target stand construction (no, separate items, not dual-purpose). Go back, and proceed to whale on the wheel (well, on the wood, which protects the wheel).

Nothing. [Many many many expletives are deleted.]

It's always something.

Go home, call the dealership, talk to the service department to see if there's something I've missed. They basically say, "Oh, no sir, that's not really unusual at all with aluminum rims on steel hubs. You'll just have to work it carefully off the hub." Resisting the urge to reach through the phone to choke the guy, I hang up and surrender. I call our mechanic, and ask 'em to come change my tire for me. Like that doesn't strike at the heart of a man.

Out they come. They can't get that wheel off for anything. They tow it back to the shop. SWWBO and I are pondering the possibility we may be snowed in, because the Aztek isn't going anywhere, with chains or no, if the snow is deep enough.

But wait! There's more! This is going to be a perfect day - aside from having to charge most of it to leave. Because after all that I had to slam 4 liters of blech-tasting water so that I could stress the septic system because... today I have a colonoscopy....

*Update - it only took the mechanic 25 whacks with a 25 pound rubber hammer to finally free the wheel. And the Doc told SWWBO while I was in recovery that my pictures are "Lovely." Apparently I am also very talkative when lightly sedated. Very. Whodathunk?

I am *soooooo* tempted to succumb to the innate narcissism of the 'net and post the pics...

Comment from The Thomas on 2010-01-08

2010-01-08T15:03:32Z

What is this "having a colonoscopy" at your age. Didn't you pass the first one after you turned 50?

Normally its 10 years between them if you have a clean (no problems) scoping.

I had lots of interesting findings on my first one and was told to come back in 5 years (passed that one).

What gives?

Comment from Rivrdog on 2010-01-07

2010-01-07T22:37:37Z

A year ago, I was up in the Cascade Mountains going to my eledest daughter's wedding. I stopped at an intermediate level to switch cars (I had gone up to Timberline Lodge @ 6,000 feet as a pax in an SUV, but had left my truck at 3,500 feet so as to not have to chain up). I noted a family across the parking lot, whaling on the rear wheel of a Yukon. Stuck parking brake, drove up the hill in slush and now it was frozen.

I walked over to him to offer him a tip, and found out that the hammerer was a paid mechanic. I found the owner and told him to dismiss the mechanic, send out his two teenagers to round up cardboard, and make a hot-exhaust tent under the vehicle to thaw out the frozen cable.

He was amazed at the simplicity of that suggestion, but alas, he had paid the mechanic $150 up front to do the work. Peeved a little by the gouging mechanic, I asked HIM why he didn't use a cardboard enclosure to use exhaust heat to melt the ice out of the brake cable and wheel drum. He thanked me profusely, knowing that on the next one of those calls he got, he could set the cardboard and just sit back and wait for the heat to do the job, thereby earning his pirate fee much more easily.

From my Northern MI days, I learned to ride the brakes the last quarter mile before parking to melt off the slush and heat the wheel so all would go round and round again next time. BTW, you probably just rolled that tire off the rim. You might have reseated it, ON THE RIM, using the Exploding Ether Trick: http://tinyurl.com/yctedqr A little Spare Air to re-inflate the tire after reseating any you would have been on your way in a couple of shakes, with nothing worse than snow on your boots.

Comment from DL Sly on 2010-01-07

2010-01-07T18:25:47Z

Compliments of the ever-inspirational Dr. Harden Stuhl from VC. Nothing makes the day move along like a catchy little tune.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_N0w2rORwSc
heh
0>;~}

Comment from BillT on 2010-01-07

2010-01-07T09:20:56Z

When I went back the gizmo they were going to use looked exactly like the one they shoved down my throat the week before.

It *is* the exact same gizmo, Steve. The problems arise when they don't sterilize it properly after utilizing it -- from either direction.

Which is the reason a certain VA hospital is infamous, and has a lot fewer patients than it used to...

Comment from Oldloadr on 2010-01-07

2010-01-07T08:03:04Z

AW1 Tim - That was too much! LOL

John, that story takes the wind out of a lot of pity-party sails!

Comment from AW1 Tim on 2010-01-07

2010-01-07T06:51:00Z

Colonoscopy, eh?

Reminds me of this video..

http://www.b50v.com/b50vdisplay.php?categoryId=1&videoId=5592

Comment from Barb on 2010-01-06

2010-01-07T05:50:12Z

What a couple of days you've had! Luckily you should be good for another 10 years or 100,000 miles :-)

Comment from JoeC on 2010-01-06

2010-01-07T03:05:05Z

John,

Thanks for the laugh at your expense! I think we all have those days. I became a fan of Roseanne Roseanndanna years ago with the "It's always something" saying. I repeat this often. And I have learned to never ever say "What else could go wrong" since the day I had a painter in screwing up enough stuff it took a week to repair..... and my wife called and said honey, I wrecked the car (totaled, but thankfully no one hurt).

So, I laugh WITH you in sympathy, not AT you in schadefreude. (well, maybe a little. heh.)

Comment from NevadaDailySteve on 2010-01-06

2010-01-07T02:22:04Z

John,

I had to have both the upper and lower GI tract checked out, fortunately a week apart, with the upper GI getting done first. When I went back the gizmo they were going to use looked exactly like the one they shoved down my throat the week before.

I'm just glad they scheduled them the way they did because I don't think I could have gone through with it the other way around.

Comment from og on 2010-01-06

2010-01-07T01:23:49Z

We all have 'em. I get about two a month.

Best deal with a recalcitrant rim is to crack the lugs loose- but JUST loose, and drive a couple hundred feet. Usually loosens the worst. Good idea to loosen the REST of them now, so you're prepared when the next episode arrives.

Comment from steve cpo ret on 2010-01-06

2010-01-07T01:16:52Z

And another Fine Navy Day comes to a close!

Comment from John of Argghhh! on 2010-01-06

2010-01-07T00:40:14Z

Having had my cheap shot at HL, I will offer fires in support - it did take 30 minutes to remove all the crap I had to remove in order to change out a burned-out turn-signal bulb, and it takes a full hour to get the battery out and new battery into the Aztek.

Comment from emdfl on 2010-01-06

2010-01-07T00:37:22Z

Get the boyos to loosen up the other three wheels for you. Then pull them at the first opportunity, apply a coating of Never-Seez on the axle where it contacts the wheel and replace the wheel(s). Done this on the Merkur for years. Saves lots of cussin' time when it's time to pull the wheels for a brake job.

Comment from John of Argghhh! on 2010-01-06

2010-01-07T00:09:30Z

In re: Heartless (insert any one of a number of "infantryman" jokes here)

Comment from bad cat robot on 2010-01-06

2010-01-06T23:52:27Z

Just so you know, that "blech" water tastes even worse coming back up. Cue the sound of an extremely pathetic Bad Cat Robot trying to explain to the emergency doc on the phone that no, I really COULDN'T finish the whole gallon of prep. (It all worked out in the end, ha aha, look, a joke! but I was very very unhappy.)

Comment from DL Sly on 2010-01-06

2010-01-06T23:13:18Z

Coulda been worse.......
The doc coulda forgotten to check for his watch.

Jus' sayin'.......
0>;~}

Comment from John (Not The Armorer) on 2010-01-06

2010-01-06T22:58:58Z

Uhh, thanks for sharing?

Bet your Momma never told you there would be days like THAT!

At least there were no bayonet wounds involved, or at least admitted to.

Comment from Heartless Libertarian on 2010-01-06

2010-01-06T22:27:07Z

Complain all you want about winching that spare down...in my 13 months at Ft Bragg, I had 4 flats from embedded nails, woodscrews, and the like (versus, um, none, in my previous two decades of driving). Three of those were on my truck (Dodge Dakota, pre-bailout) and one on my wife's Honda Pilot.

Getting the truck's spare tire is a piece of cake compared to the Honda. As is jacking up the vehicle.

Modern vehicles were not designed with field maitenance in mind. Hell, I had to take my truck to the shop - to change a headlight bulb. And it took them 90 minutes and consultation with a body shop to accomplish. Believe it or not, changing the bulbs on my Germanically complex Audi (since traded for the aforementioned Honda) was easier than that damn truck.

OK, slightly off topic rant complete.

R&R in less than 3 weeks!

Comment from Fred on 2010-01-06

2010-01-06T22:03:36Z

Darn. I was waiting for the Jeep to make an appearance.

Comment from Casey on 2010-01-06

2010-01-06T21:22:46Z

At least you got some practice in at the doctor's office for paying your taxes this year...

Comment from Acad Ronin on 2010-01-06

2010-01-06T21:14:22Z

As we used to say, a long time ago in a galaxy far, far way, "It's all good training."

Comment from John of Argghhh! on 2010-01-06

2010-01-06T21:11:02Z

Kevin - whattaya think a colonoscopy is, dude?

Comment from Beth on 2010-01-06

2010-01-06T21:02:30Z

Oh, dear, no pics! They belong in a biology textbook, not a blog!

Comment from Kevin on 2010-01-06

2010-01-06T20:55:38Z

Take heart in small victories.

At least it was only 'blech-tasting' water.

It coulda been worse.

You might have been met at the Doctors office with the staff all covered in aprons, masks, rubber gloves and holding the medical version of 'roto-rooter"....

For then, the day truly would have been a royal pain in the ass.....