Comments for On being comfortable in yourself

On being comfortable in yourself

2009-09-19T15:45:12Z

Opening the closet.

That's what did it.

It's interesting what triggers the memories and starts the train of thought careering down the line, snatching you into a bout of reverie.

When I opened Dad's closet the day after he died, I looked at the row of nice suits and sport-coats he had. I was looking for his uniform, as that was what he was going to wear for the rest of his corporeal existence.

Not there.

Next room. Some of Mom's stuff, but not much. No uniform, certainly.

Next room. More suits. Nice ones. Too bad Dad and I weren't a physical match, even before I became a walking shade tree. My wardrobe would have been seriously enhanced. Ah, there's the uniform. Whew!

Stepping back, it hit me. Dad, those last 15 years or so, had finally let go of Colonel Donovan, and gotten comfortable in himself, as "Mr. Rotary," as a grandfather, and most recently as a great-grandfather, albeit to my lasting sorrow, he just missed actually seeing his great grandson Miles.

One of his Rotary friends told me at the reception following the funeral about an conversation she'd had with Dad after he'd told everybody he was going to be a great-grandfather. She asked him, "Hows it feel to know you're going to be a great-grandfather?" His answer? "I don't have any problem with being a great-grandfather. It's thinking of John as a grandfather that has me bemused."

It's the little things like that which still cause me to seize up.

Anyway, when Dad retired in 1975, (on the same day as I joined the Army because it wasn't big enough for the two of us, he said...), Dad bought himself a linen suit. It was something he'd apparently wanted for a long time. Dad had an image of himself as a retired officer and educational administrator.

The salesman must have laughed his ass off as Dad walked out with that suit.

Dad wore it to some social events. And looked liked he'd stepped right out of the 20's. People laughed at him. Out loud. Not something that proud man took well.

Hey, he'd just spent 27 years wearing the prescribed clothing of his profession, and his sense of civilian fashion was in stasis. He put his social life on hold for a while, much to Mom's chagrin, as he worked through the embarrassment.

He finally did work through it, and found trustworthy salespeople to help him get conservative but current clothes.

Dad was a packrat. A very organized packrat (that's the part of the gene I'm missing). He kept all his Rotary badges. And mounted them on a plaque. Just as he had done with all his unit crests from his Army career. And from 1974 through to about 1998 they all say "Colonel Tim Donovan." But then they just started saying, "Tim Donovan."

At that point, Dad was finally comfortable in himself.

He was "Mr. Rotary."

Make no mistake, he had to be something. Dad not being involved in some form of community service is literally something I cannot imagine. Nope. Don't have the brain cells that could reconcile that image.

I relate because it has been very hard to me to let go, too, and lord knows I didn't have a career the likes of Dad to hold onto. Of course, unlike Dad, I never really left the fold, seeing as how I've worked for the Army (albeit laundering the money through another set of hands) for the 10 years since I retired.

It's time I got comfortable in myself. It would make life easier for SWWBO, I'm thinking.

Look at him there, with my sister and her husband, about two weeks before he died.

That's a man comfortable in himself.

It's time for me to get there, too.

Picture courtesy the Rotary Club of Columbia, Missouri, and their tribute to Dad webpage.

Comment from Cricket on 2009-09-20

2009-09-20T22:14:43Z

I think you are comfortable with who you are. Your father is what I would call a gentleman. The fact that his group came to rescue him speaks volumes about his character.

Comment from Arditi on 2009-09-20

2009-09-20T18:51:19Z

I wish you the best during this tough time. A touching tribute my friend.

Comment from John of Argghhh! on 2009-09-20

2009-09-20T13:44:27Z

Snerk. Inside, I am not what I appear to be on the outside, clearly.

But I can act, apparently.

Argent - in the mid-70's, outside of perhaps San Francisco and New York the City, style wasn't as socially flexible as things are these days.

Comment from Argent on 2009-09-20

2009-09-20T12:49:38Z

A rather heartfelt post. I'll gloss over closet snarkage which would be far too easy.

The 20s look can be a style, possibly the suit is good now huh? I'm surprised you suggest you're not comfortable with yourself.

Comment from Maggie on 2009-09-20

2009-09-20T12:07:16Z

Very nice post.

Comment from Barb on 2009-09-19

2009-09-20T04:20:23Z

John, it seems to me that you are doing well in the 'comfortable in myself' category. That's definitely a nice relaxed pic, all three look happy to be spending time together, and that's just plain wonderful.

Comment from Fishmugger on 2009-09-19

2009-09-20T00:13:16Z

Hey Grumpy,

Even though I didn't want or need it, they issued me a Medicare card, which I guess tells you I've been around lots of blocks. Livingston High School, Class of '61.

Comment from BillT on 2009-09-19

2009-09-19T21:47:35Z

It's time I got comfortable in myself.

I'd say you seem to be pretty much there already. SWWBO will probably have a few astute suggestions as far as fine-tuning goes, but, as I said, it seems you're pretty much there...

Comment from RetRsvMike on 2009-09-19

2009-09-19T21:22:49Z

when i was going thru my Dad's things back in April, picking out his own outfit for eternity, we came across a dark blue tie with a gold stitched pattern of three masted, square rigged sailing ships.... Squid that he was, we all decided it would be the most appropriate (besides being the only one w/o a gravy stain), so we got it all ready for him to be laid out in....

so there we were at the wake, and a familly friend leaned in closer for a look at the tie, and then smirked at what he supposed to be Dad's final joke statement, spening eternity saying "frigate". how appropriate. he was comfortable too.

still looking for just the right tie for myself to be comfortable in.

Comment from Grumpy on 2009-09-19

2009-09-19T21:07:46Z

John, well done. "On being comfortable in yourself", a goal many strive for, but never reach.

@Fishmugger, "I can be an Aussie on campaign to Gabby Hayes." If you recognize the name of Gabby Hayes, that sorta says, you've been around the block a few times.

Comment from JimC on 2009-09-19

2009-09-19T20:19:13Z

Really nicely done Armorer. Nicely done.

Comment from Ky Woman on 2009-09-19

2009-09-19T18:14:03Z

Sometimes, the littlest things will set off the memory chain of my Daddy. Like tripping over the awl and sledge hammer that he used to split wood for the fireplace. For the hundredth time.

Your Dad sounds so very special. Thank you for giving us a glimpse of him through your eyes. A tremendous tribute to a great man.

Comment from Fishmugger on 2009-09-19

2009-09-19T18:02:26Z

Even though I never had the privilege of meeting your Dad, I like him even more now that I know he was a man with a serious hat. I too have a collection of floppy, personality enhancing head gear. They can be crushed and shaped to the attitude of the day. I can be an Aussie on campaign to Gabby Hayes.

Nice piece John.

Comment from Chris H. on 2009-09-19

2009-09-19T17:00:43Z

Beautiful.

r/
Chris