So, I've been asked to join the board of a small, mil-focused charity, and we're getting ready for a an upcoming board meeting where, among other things, they'll be voting whether to accept me on the board.
So, I'm trying to fit in, y'know. As part of the group emails, this pops into the inbox:
We'll see how well that closer works when it comes time to vote on my board membership. Seeing as how a quorum of the board members are... womyn.
So, I'm trying to fit in, y'know. As part of the group emails, this pops into the inbox:
Hey. I'm a TRADOC-certified platform instructor and CGSC-certified staff weenie. I've got my Powerpoint badge. Who does this punk think he is? So I sent the board a memo.Who's bringing the doughnuts? Can't have a meeting without doughnuts, an agenda, and a PowerPoint presentation, or two.
/attorney snark/
Powerpoint? You can't handle Powerpoint! Son, we live in a world that has briefings, and those briefings have to be prepared by men with Powerpoint. Who's gonna do it? You? You, barrister? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Harvard Business Graphics and you curse Microsoft. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that death by Powerpoint, while tragic, probably saves lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives! You don't want Powerpoint because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that computer! You need me on that computer! We use words and terms like bulletized, text box, "send to back." We use these words and phrases as the backbone of a life spent defending Powerpoint. You use them as a punchline! I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very Powerpoint that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it! I would rather you just said "Thank you" and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a keyboard, and start building. Either way, I don't give a da*n what you think you are entitled to!
Doughnuts, though. Now *thats* a good idea. Why don't one of you little womyn run out and rustle some up?
We'll see how well that closer works when it comes time to vote on my board membership. Seeing as how a quorum of the board members are... womyn.
Oh for winning over the estrogen rich you just need to know the magic word. It's.... 'chocolate'.
NB: Use of the magic word without delivery has been known to be fatal.
Methinks you don't care much either way, though. ;)
And I think doughnuts should be provided for ALL gatherings of people.
But powerpoint? Purlease..
Death by PowerPoint? I'm *immune*! I *deliver* it!
It's great for embedding subliminal messages, too -- between each bullet point, appearing and vanishing faster than the conscious mind can register, lurks the phrase "It's not his fault. He's only the briefer. Give him doughnuts..."