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Falling somewhat into line with DBD

Act now!  Act fast!  Technological advances like this can only come from Congressional Motors!  Be the next buyer - only 100,000,000 left!  Do your bit to save the vinyl record industry while saving the US Automotive Industry! 

Act now!  Be the next buyer!  Only 100,000,000 left!

This from an e-gram from one of my buds with an automotive bent:

New from Congressional Motors!

It's in the way you dress. The way you boogie down. The way you sign your unemployment check.

You're a man who likes to do things your own way. And on those special odd-numbered Saturdays when driving is permitted, you want it in your car. It's that special feeling of a zero-emissions wind at your back and a road ahead meandering with possibilities.

The kind of feeling you get behind the wheel of the Pelosi GTxi SS/Rt Sport Edition from Congressional Motors.

All new for 2012, the Pelosi GTxi SS/Rt Sport Edition is the mandatory American car so advanced it took $100 billion and an entire Congress to design it. We started with same reliable 7-way hybrid ethanol-biodeisel-electric-clean coal-wind-solar-pedal power plant behind the base model Pelosi, but packed it with extra oomph and the sassy styling pizazz that tells the world that 1974 Detroit is back again -- with a vengeance.

We've subsidized the features you want and taxed away the rest. With its advanced Al Gore-designed V-3 under the hood pumping out 22.5 thumping, carbon-neutral ponies of Detroit muscle, you'll never be late for the Disco or the Day Labor Shelter. Engage the pedal drive or strap on the optional jumbo mizzenmast, and the GTxi SS/Rt Sport Edition easily exceeds 2016 CAFE mileage standards.

At an estimated 268 MPG, that's a savings of nearly $1800 per week in fuel cost over the 2011 Pelosi.

Even with increased performance we didn't skimp on safety. With 11-point passenger racing harnesses, 15-way airbags, and mandatory hockey helmet, you'll have the security of knowing that you could survive a 45 MPH collision even if the GTxi SS/Rt were capable of that kind of illegal speed.

But the changes don't stop there. Sporty mag-style hubcaps and an all-new aggressive wedge shape designed by CM's Chief Stylist Ted Kennedy slices through the wind like an omnibus spending bill. It even features an airtight undercarriage to keep you and a passenger afloat up to 15 minutes -- even in the choppy waters of Cape Cod inlet..

Available in a rainbow of color choices to match any wardrobe, from Harvest Avocado to French Mustard. A special high capacity hatchback holds up to 300 aluminum cans, meaning fewer trips to the redemption center. And the standard 3 speaker Fairness ActoPhonic FM low-band sound system means you'll never miss a segment of NPR again.

Best of all, the Pelosi GTxi SS/Rt is made right here in the U.S.A. by fully card-checked unionized workers and Detroit's famous visionary jet-set managers. Even if you don't own one, you can enjoy the patriotic satisfaction that you're supporting the high wages, good benefits, and generous political donations that are once again making the American car industry the envy of the world.

But why not buy one anyway? With an MSRP starting at only $629,999.99, it's affordable too.

Don't forget to ask about dealer incentives, rebates, tax credits, and wealth redistribution plans for customers from dozens of qualifying special interest groups. Plus easy-pay financing programs from Fanny Mae.

So take the bus to your local CM dealer today and find out why the Pelosi GTxi SS/Rt Sport Edition is the only car endorsed by President Barack Obama.

One test drive will convince you that you'd choose it over the import brands.

Even if they were still legal..

Heh. Tip of the dented steel pot to Larry the Crane Pilot.

[Update: Iowahawk wrote this.  Well, in Bill's defense, he is over in a war zone, ducking the occasional rocket or three, and I know what it's like to be on the slow end of a sattelite internet link.  Ya don't surf *near* as much as you used to.  Besides, let's face it, plagiarism is the sincerest form of flattery... H/t, Boquisucio for the record player ad. -the Armorer]

15 Comments

Seen it before -- the first time three or four months ago.  Nice bit of satire.  The frightening thing is, like most of the best satire, it contains enough of the truth to be very scary.  Look down that list of "features," and there are liberals who believe each and every one of them is a good idea.


 
Yup. Loved the references to all the "gas-saving" measures we endured under Carter.

Especially the PSAs telling us to turn our engines off if it looked like we'd be spending more than five minutes waiting in line at the gas pump to buy our allotted 10 gallons of gas.
 
Credit where credit is due.  This is an Iowahawk original: iowahawk.typepad.com/iowahawk/2008/11/lemon.html
 
 AKA as a Trabant.
 
Great. Iowahawk goes viral and I'm just getting it *now*?

That's what I get for hanging out with guys who use Macs.
 
Citicar. 'Nother words, a plastic Trabant.
 
The Internet slows down in Iraq, Bill.  From all the power outages, y'know, stuff gets stacked up.

Don't forget the latest in acoutrements for tail-gating at those ballot-counting parties!  The Wranglin' Rangel Hand-Crank Victrola, complete with AlGore Seal of Green Approval!
 
@wolfwalker, Satire? You better let them know! Grumpy 
 
 IE on a Mac; always problems.

Cheers
 
@J.M. Heinrichs, you write, "IE on a Mac; always problems."  According to CERT, Mac is not the issue. US-CERT, had a warning on all versions of IE. This is the reason I stayed with Mac OS X.

Grumpy 
 
I think gearheads across America have known it would come to this ever since 1966.

Although I will say this...as a gearhead, I think 6-point racing harnesses should be a factory option on EVERY car...
 
And seeing as how I now make my living driving people and things over the road anyone who thinks that a racing harness is necessary is someone I wouldn't mind running over with sixty thousand pounds of vehicle.   Stupid is as stupid does. 
 
I don't think it's NECESSARY.  I just think it would be cool if it were offered as an option.
 
There's a reason I call KtLW the "Luddite Wife" -- she has issues just trying to figure the inertia reel on a lap belt / shoulder restraint combo.
 
Option, necessity, whatever.  If gearheads showed as much understanding and control of vehicle(believe me, you all aren;t as skilled a driver as your ego assures you that you are) as they did interest in Fram/twin exhaust/Hemi engines I wouldn't be of said opinion.  But y'all don't.  One of y'all killed my friend last December, and another damn near killed me on I-70 out in the hills near Wheeling, NVa a month ago.  SO to hell with it.  Show some brains and I won't run you over, off the road, or slam the door on you.  Fair 'nough? 

It ain't in 'all fun, son'.  It simply isn't, and it never was.