t’other day’s H&I kick-started the Muse.
The Auld Soldier tells the story of the issuance of suede combat boots when he was a soldier, and young. His sergeants told him they would be spit-shined by formation the next morning.
Hmph. I'm not even allowed to roll up my BDU sleeves in the first place, until Field Training this summer.
I do remember when there were staffs and gunnies out and about making a fuss about Marines not having their sleeves done up in the "NBC Roll" silliness.
Such shenanigans are the hallmark of garrison life, because the vacuum left by the distinct absence of things to break and bad guys to whack gets rapidly filled with meaningless activities known to their devotees and promulgators as “meaningful activities.”
Everybody else calls it “chicken sh*t.”
Which brought to mind some recent incidents I – ummmmmm -- *observed* at close range in the Facility of Dining:
Sergeant Major (standing next to headcount GI and addressing civilian contractor): “You need to remove your headgear before you can come into the DFAC.”
Civilian Contractor: “I’m not *wearing* a hat.”
Sergeant Major: “That (pointing to sunglasses pushed up on contractor’s forehead) is headgear. You need to remove it.”
Civilian Contractor: “*These* are sunglasses. Sunglasses aren’t headgear.”
Sergeant Major: “You need to get them off of (pointing) up there.”
Civilian Contractor: “Okay (slides sunglasses down over eyes).”
Sergeant Major: “You can’t come in here with sunglasses over your eyes.”
Civilian Contractor: “Ummmm – I can’t come in here with sunglasses, but it’s okay for her (pointing to female sojer heading for Ladies’ Room) to come in with a mag in her M-4?”
Sergeant Major: “Whhhaaaaat!?! Where?!?! Ah, sh*t! (bolting after female sojer who had entered Ladies’ Room before he could see that she did *not* have a mag in her M-4) Ahhhhhh, sh*t!”
Civilian Contractor casually strolls into DFAC with sunglasses pushed back atop head.
* * * * * * * * * *
Later that evening…
Sergeant Major: “You’re an American? You can’t come in here wearing a Turkish uniform. That’s not authorized.”
Different Civilian Contractor: “This isn’t a Turkish uniform. These are ABDUs. This is a *flight* suit.”
Sergeant Major: “ABDUs aren’t authorized.”
Different Civilian Contractor: “It’s not only authorized, it’s mandatory. Sez so right on my LOA (Letter of Authorization – the contractor’s Hall Pass for being in-country). See? (flashing folded printout of local five-day weather forecast under SM’s nose, then rapidly tucking it back into his pocket)”
Sergeant Major: “All right for now, but keep that LOA with you whenever you come in here.”
* * * * * * * * * *
AF Major at weekly briefing: “…and finally, the Safety Briefing. The Force Protection guys will be issuing tickets to civilian vehicles exceeding the 20mph speed limit on the perimeter road.”
Civilian Contractor: “Will they cut you a break if you’re being shoved along by an MRAP doing 65?”
* * * * * * * * * *
Interestingly enough, right after we took an evening salvo of ten rockets (which broke a month-long lull), the Sergeant Major started toting his bang-stick into the DFAC and has since become an extremely pleasant dining companion.
But for a while there, our catchphrase was, “Typical -- ya go to a war zone and all of a sudden a garrison breaks out...”
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