During Sunday service, the pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for prayers which had been answered.
A lady stood up and came forward.
She said, "I have a reason to thank the Lord. Two months ago, my husband, Jim, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."
You could hear an audible gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Jim experienced.
She continued, "Jim was unable to hold me or the children and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation.
They were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Jim's scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."
Again, the men in the Congregation squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Jim.
She continued, "Now, Jim is out of the hospital and the doctors say, with time, his scrotum should recover completely."
All the men sighed with relief.
The pastor rose and tentatively asked if any one else had anything to say.
A man rose and walked slowly to the podium.
He said, "I'm Jim and I would like to tell my wife, the word is 'sternum."
A lady stood up and came forward.
She said, "I have a reason to thank the Lord. Two months ago, my husband, Jim, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."
You could hear an audible gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Jim experienced.
She continued, "Jim was unable to hold me or the children and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation.
They were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Jim's scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."
Again, the men in the Congregation squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Jim.
She continued, "Now, Jim is out of the hospital and the doctors say, with time, his scrotum should recover completely."
All the men sighed with relief.
The pastor rose and tentatively asked if any one else had anything to say.
A man rose and walked slowly to the podium.
He said, "I'm Jim and I would like to tell my wife, the word is 'sternum."
Besides, *everybody* knows you don't use wire to hold a crushed scrotum in place -- you've gotta use 550 cord...
Huh.
I thought you pilot-types were partial to using 500-mph tape for the heavy duty jobs. Of course, getting the tape OFF wouldn't be too much fun for the subject.
Sis -- it's 100-mph tape. Easier to peel than the 500-mph stuff. However, I haven't heard of an Army aviator-type getting into a situation that would call for that particular application, since it's almost impossible to damage brass...
And where were *you* when we needed help distracting Maggie from Fleet Week?
Horrible... where will humanity find our last, best hope now? ^Prays for salvation^