I was checking out Lela's place and came across this great little piece that will resound with all the disgruntled majors and harried First Sergeants who have ever tried to figure out what exactly some policy in this or that manual meant or whether their last evaluation was good, bad or indifferent.
Modern Pentagonese
A taste...
Shakespeare wrote:
Check it out and then try your own "Pentagonese".
Pentagonese translation:
Modern Pentagonese
A taste...
Shakespeare wrote:
Translated into Modern Pentagonese:We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blod with me
Shall be my brother;
The problem, of course, is that "Pentagonese" is full of "legalese" that amounts to orders with caveats and butt covering "what ifs" in case something goes to hell or someone in a position to care doesn't like it.The smaller and more agile forces collected here represent a select and elite band of highly motivated warfighters. In the event of adverse battlefield consequences, senior leadership will ensure that participants are suitably recognized in thier next quarterly evaluation.
Check it out and then try your own "Pentagonese".
But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
Pentagonese translation:
Attention all DoD, Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine, and Coast Guard Personnel. An unauthorized light source has been reported in the window of the second floor, Ring A, Corridor 10, Wedge 5. The source of the light appears in the east. Its peak wattage is reported to resemble the sun. All personnel are instructed to immediately investigate the source of this light and report its appearance to the nearest security officer or department head. All personnel are hereto further instructed to refer to this light source as "Juliet" in all official Department of Defense documents and communications.
All department heads are instructed to educate staff on appropriate use of light and expected performance to meet Department of Defense guidelines and regulations for conserving energy as outlined in the Pentagon Plant Management Manual 300-19, Chapter 5, Section 20.1: Conservation and Energy Efficient Lighting.
Me: "The extant synaptic paradigm precludes the six-sigma process from being a contemporaneous application in this instance."
AFB: "Uhhh -- I don't understand what you just said."
Me: "That's exactly what my comment was."
Kat, thanks for the endorsment! I do have to mention, that a couple of years ago, while working in the Pentagon, I had the wonderful job of "coordinating" on draft regulations being circulated for the Chief of Staff's signature. I saw more "Modern Pentagonese" than was good for any soul! There were, however, a number of very funny "oops, did they really say that?" moments in some of the draft regulations. I found one in a regulation concerning the proper handling and transporting of military working dogs. The regulation required a placard to be placed in the window of any government vehicle used to transport the dog. The regulation also required the placard to read, "Caution, Exploding Bomb Dogs." I laughed so hard I almost exploded.
Now that is extraordinarily humorous.