We're the Military and Airpower Guys of Jonah Goldberg of National Review Online + a stray we found wandering around looking lost. All original material JHD, BHD, JR, WT, and KA 2003-2010 http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html Sat, 24 Mar 2012 15:29:48 Z Movable Type 4.12 en Copyright 2012 http://www.rssboard.org/rss-specification Subject: -- DO NOT REPLY -- Action Required - CAC Reverification Warning From: [pentagonal addy redacted] Date: Monday, May 12, 2008 11:07 To: [my dot-mil addy redacted], [somebody else’s dot-mil addy redacted] Cc: [my dot-mil addy redacted] (yup – I’m primary *and* secondary recipient) Dear [somebody else’s name redacted], This message has been sent to remind you the prescribed time to re-verify contractor (william tuttle) has arrived. Please complete the verification process as prescribed. For the Contractor [IOW, * me *] -- there is NO ACTION required on your part [their emphasis -- remember that] unless you are aware... http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html Wed, 04 Jun 2008 01:34:34 -0600 You'd better not be "expired".... I have a box on the way to you http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73876 http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73876 Thu, 05 Jun 2008 22:25:18 -0600 You're thinking of Lex -- *he's* the squid. http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73866 http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73866 Thu, 05 Jun 2008 15:12:09 -0600 Didn't someone misspell 'cuttle'? Cheers http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73859 http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73859 Thu, 05 Jun 2008 14:35:30 -0600 I spent a week expecting to be arrested for being on a military installation without a valid ID... No worries on that part -- my mil-retiree ID will get me into the PX if the DFAC shuts me out. Although I'm wondering how long it'll take to get used to eating boiled thongs...]]> http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73835 http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73835 Thu, 05 Jun 2008 04:21:51 -0600 Touchy thing that it is. Huh? You're worried about triggering PG-17c and then you spout off about *touchy* things!?! ]]> http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73834 http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73834 Thu, 05 Jun 2008 04:17:33 -0600 mother was the one who taught me that line. And anything I could have come up with that was more original would have set off the NC-17 filter. Touchy thing that it is.]]> http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73830 http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73830 Wed, 04 Jun 2008 19:07:57 -0600 heh. Sounds like situation normal at the fortune one oil company where I contract. This happens EVERY FARKING YEAR. Only now I know to jump on it as soon as I get the automatic access expiring notice comes in the corporate email. And some buildings...and even some rooms in some buildings have their own seemingly random access expiration times, never revealed, but only experienced when you don't access door "x" within "y" number of days. I gave up and since I can work from home I rarely go into said building(s) anymore... BUT, I still get the access expiring notice every year, which I diligently pursue to ensure I continue at least to have network/systems access, whether I can ever get into a building or not. Thank Al Gore for the internet! (and CISCO for VPN capability) http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73829 http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73829 Wed, 04 Jun 2008 17:19:24 -0600 This happened to me, too. I got the renewal notice, did nothing, and then got word the next day that my CAC had been revoked. Turns out the lady at JCC had read her copy of the email as, "You need to renew this CAC if he will be staying past his contract's end, otherwise, revoke it NOW!" So she did. I spent a week expecting to be arrested for being on a military installation without a valid ID, but it never happened. Eventually I was re-authorized, sort of: she sent me a letter to carry in addition to my orders, explaining her mistake. The CAC was still invalid, but at least I had a letter explaining that this was perfectly OK. http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73828 http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73828 Wed, 04 Jun 2008 16:43:38 -0600 Oh, take it easy on HF6, John -- MacGyver's a ChitHook driver and probably told her that he'd *just* heard it... http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73823 http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73823 Wed, 04 Jun 2008 15:01:03 -0600 Oh, HFS, couldna ye have come up with sumthin' a *touch* more original? Pleeeeeze? http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73822 http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73822 Wed, 04 Jun 2008 13:51:07 -0600 The time allotted to verify contractor william tuttle has expired. As a result, that account has been revoked and the Defense Enrollment Eligibility Reporting System has been updated to reflect the change. WE can verify "contractor william tuttle". (obviously capital letters cost extra...) Does that help? Or does this mean that Bill ceases to exist? Hmmm...does that mean he can come home now? And Bill ~ 'tis always better to be pissed off than pissed on.]]> http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73820 http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73820 Wed, 04 Jun 2008 13:15:27 -0600 If your TA has changed, please ensure they get a copy of this message. There's the problem. The Pentagon has outsourced its security staffing to the ChiComs...]]> http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73819 http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73819 Wed, 04 Jun 2008 12:59:44 -0600 "The time allotted for you to complete the verification will expire on 5/30/08 12:00 AM..." I don't suppose it matters, but there is NO SUCH TIME as 12:00 AM. I think they probably mean 12:00 Noon,, which, by definition can be neither before, nor after itself. There is a longer explanation, but what it boils down to is that Noon is Noon. The Meridian. Sun neither going up, nor coming down. Noon. http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73818 http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73818 Wed, 04 Jun 2008 12:03:30 -0600 Something about too evil even for them ... ...and it involves a computer program. Bill Gates, your fiendish plot will *not* succeed. Unless it was just designed to p*ss me right the f*ck off annoy me -- in which case, it was a success... [my note: Gates has evidently been messing with the strikethrough function, as well]]]> http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73814 http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73814 Wed, 04 Jun 2008 10:08:24 -0600 Typical. Tuttle is inconvenienced and it has to be *my* fault. I can't take credit for this one -- and strangely, the "other side" also denies involvement. Something about too evil even for them ... http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73813 http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73813 Wed, 04 Jun 2008 09:54:08 -0600 Actually, Argent - I suspect Carborundum may be behind it, hoping it gets Bill sent somewhere safer... http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73812 http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73812 Wed, 04 Jun 2008 09:29:33 -0600 You know there's a monty python skit in there somewhere. "The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of the expanding bureaucracy." 1 Bill doing Stuff That Matters. 10,000 office staff struggling mightily to ensure all incoming paperwork is churned until it falls in the shredder by accident. Or in this case making paperwork up it seems. Only occasionally someone makes a mistake during handballing and actually has to make Something(tm) happen. 1 Carborundum shaking his head. http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73811 http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73811 Wed, 04 Jun 2008 09:05:04 -0600 Fear not Bill. The Army has been FUBARED for 200 plus years, but they eventually get it right. I just Hope you don't end up being extended for a couple of years, since you obviously aren't there at present and have a valid contract to fulfill. http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73810 http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73810 Wed, 04 Jun 2008 08:31:37 -0600 contractor william tuttle has expired... Te power of a misplaced comma. Oh no, Unkabill!!!]]> http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73809 http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73809 Wed, 04 Jun 2008 08:07:45 -0600 Heh. I'm going through something similar, under much more comfortable circumstances. So, at least, Bill, they're treating the stateside contractor scum as well as they're treating the deployed contractor scum. Kat - you have to be careful where in the bilking process you want to be. In this case, the POE is selling the Pentagon a new computer system, with software and offshore support, that you are actually running on dial-up from the Apple IIe in the garage on your Cayman Island estate (so of course you don't have to pay those icky taxes). Oh wait - they already have that. http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73806 http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73806 Wed, 04 Jun 2008 06:32:08 -0600 Of course you realize that without a valid CAC they won't allow you to leave... ...or *stay*, either. Of course, what they'll allow and what'll actually happen may be two entirely different things. Chaos is my business...]]> http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73805 http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73805 Wed, 04 Jun 2008 05:46:50 -0600 To err is human, but to get a really good farkup, you need a computer. Now have the human enter a set of idiotic parameters into the computer and add an approaching holiday weekend. I'm still amazed the Pentagon doesn't implode every Friday due to the sudden outrush of warm bodies... http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73804 http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73804 Wed, 04 Jun 2008 05:34:26 -0600 Of course you realize that without a valid CAC they won't allow you to leave... (Strains of 'Hotel California' playing softly in the background.) http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73803 http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73803 Wed, 04 Jun 2008 05:30:23 -0600 Ahh...our Pentagon at work. [snarky comment about bad Pentagon management and why it is so easy to bilk such a farked up system of $millions self-edited to preserve said contractor's illusion of fine upstanding citizen ;) ] http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73802 http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2008/06/heh_just_plain.html#comment-73802 Wed, 04 Jun 2008 03:01:07 -0600