The Deployed Guy's Guide to Dining Hall Etiquette
The first time the Deployed Gentleman (DG) enters the Dining Facility and encounters, in order,
1. The Lady Contractor, clad in either shorts or spray-on jeans,
2. The Lady Contractor, clad in full-up battle rattle and spray-on cargo pants, and
3. The Warrior Princess, clad in full-up battle rattle, packing enough heat to fight (and win -- single-handed) the Napoleonic Wars, and displaying more cutlery than Emeril ever owned,
the DG is faced with a quandary. How to comport himself during Polite Social IntercourOOOPS Conversation with his Feminine Potential Dining Companion.
They didn't cover *that* at CRC.
To correct that unfortunate, but forgiveable, oversight, The Castle has instituted still *another* One-Off, Never Go There Again chapter in its miniseries of Public Service Symposia.
Lesson One: Mastering Polite Table Talk
First, the DG should be aware of the length of time his Dining Companion has In-Country, which will enable him to expand upon their mutual experience. Fortunately, the Gentler Sex communicates this information through body language, and the astute DG should key on these subtle signs.
Been Here One Week: Observes DG in peripheral vision, recoils.
Been Here Two Weeks: Makes inadvertent eye contact with DG, recoils.
Been Here Three Weeks: Makes inadvertent eye contact with DG, shrugs.
Been Here Four Weeks: Makes inadvertent eye contact with DG, smiles.
Been Here Five Weeks: Makes deliberate eye contact with DG, smiles.
Been Here Six Weeks: Asks DG to get her a cup of coffee when DG gets up to refill his.
Been Here Seven Weeks: Mentions that the PX has just received a new shipment of stationery.
Been Here Eight Weeks: Mentions that the PX has just received a new shipment of military accoutrements.
Been Here Nine Weeks: Mentions that the PX has just received a new shipment of combat cutlery, but it consists of "the same crappy Chinese KaBar knockoffs" as usual.
Been Here Ten Weeks: Slams tray on table, says, "Geez! What a farking day *this* -- hey! Don't you *dare* move! -- has been! I swear to..."
Ahem.
Next Lesson: Complimenting the Warrior Princess on Her Choice of Fighting Knives...
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