Comments for My Sibs Are As Odd As I Am

My Sibs Are As Odd As I Am

2008-04-14T15:50:30Z

And as proof, I offer this from My-Sister-the-Forest-Ranger, who dwells in -- ahem -- Tucson.

DOG DIARY
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

CAT DIARY

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless torso at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.

B*st*rds!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

Heh.

Comment from DL Sly on 2008-04-15

2008-04-16T02:13:19Z

"My Sibs Are As Odd As I Am" They claim you. 'Nuff said. *snicker* *skipping away through the trees and breeze* 0>;~}

Comment from Gary on 2008-04-15

2008-04-15T21:06:24Z

There is one last paragraph which isn't in your version, "The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe... for now."

Comment from BillT on 2008-04-15

2008-04-15T11:49:08Z

...she searches until she finds a sock and then takes it and places it over the offending pile... Ah. So *that* explains why you're not wearing them.

Comment from AW1 Tim on 2008-04-14

2008-04-14T22:12:46Z

TRias, I learned it as: Dogs have masters. Cats have servants. I would own a dog. Dogs go hunting with you and fishing with you, and catch frisbees and balls. Cats seems to just sort of lay around and leer at you. I mean, seriously... what's a cat supposed to do on it's day off? It can't lay around the house, 'cause that's it's job... :)

Comment from ry on 2008-04-14

2008-04-14T21:56:16Z

So cats live in the 'The Prisoner'

Comment from Trias on 2008-04-14

2008-04-14T21:29:03Z

"Dogs have owners, Cats have staff." I like that one.

Comment from Fishmugger on 2008-04-14

2008-04-14T21:08:56Z

Having had many dogs and having to put up with a number of cats it is my understanding that: Dogs have owners, Cats have staff. Oh well.

Comment from John of Argghhh! on 2008-04-14

2008-04-14T19:21:35Z

Little Orphan Annie has a neatness fetish. When she discovers one of her tribe has made a boo-boo, whether barf or out the other end, she searches until she finds a sock and then takes it and places it over the offending pile...

Comment from AFSister on 2008-04-14

2008-04-14T19:00:27Z

LOL- I'll remember that, John. Kat- Are you sure your cat and my cats haven't been talking? If the litter box isn't clean enough, mine go in, turn around, stick their butts out of the box, and then do their business! And THEN... they cover it up with the bathroom rug. Claire is also insanely jealous of my keyboard for some reason. I guess she figures that if my fingers are doing some walking, they should be walking down her back and chin instead of the keyboard.

Comment from kat-missouri on 2008-04-14

2008-04-14T18:12:31Z

Uuggh.. I nearly forgot how one of the little hair balls barfed on my bed the other night. Just as I was dozing off to sleep, I heard this horrendous wretching sound and the cat stood up at the end of the bed. I couldn't find it with my feet to push it off before the inevitable, so there I was, trying to search for the light, not put my foot in cat barf, change the sheets (only to discover the cat had barfed on the floor as well) and go back to bed to get the usual six hours sleep. At which point, trying to make it up to me, the cat walked up the bed, walked across my chest, stuck its tail in my face before curling up on the other side. Then again, I don't think that was "making it up to me" so much as giving me an Obamaesque "thanks for doing your job, lowly human".

Comment from John of Argghhh! on 2008-04-14

2008-04-14T17:23:49Z

Heh. Are not. Yeah, they do barf a lot, but other than that, and constantly trying to smother me by sitting on my chest, they're a pretty lovable group...

Comment from kat-missouri on 2008-04-14

2008-04-14T17:21:11Z

That's my cats. I think they have tried to kill me at least five times this week. When I go into the kitchen, they walk with me, sit by their bowls, even if the bowls have food in them, and stare at me while I get a drink or whatever out of the fridge. Everyday, I have to fight them for the door. I am convinced the only reason they come back when they do get out is because the neighbors have dogs all around us and they are too afraid to leave the yard. I am also certain that they put the rug in the backroom in their litter box and poop on it for the same reasons. Cats are evil.

Comment from John of Argghhh! on 2008-04-14

2008-04-14T17:01:20Z

'Ritas - nekkid with 'ritas, on the rocks with salt.

Comment from AFSister on 2008-04-14

2008-04-14T16:13:21Z

grinning... ear to ear... that's awesome. Kinda like that ol' "men: how to please your woman" list, finished off with "women: how to please your man: show up nekkid with cold beer"