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Major Movie Star... the movie.

By The Armorer on March 15, 2008 | | Comments (41)

Yeah, yeah, Jessica Simpson is making a movie.

Let's get to the important stuff.

Who the *helk* taught Private Jeter how to wear a bloody beret? The technical advisor for this movie should be summarily executed.

Jessica Simpson, as Pvt Valentine, graduates basic training in this screen shot from her new film

Jessica Simpson, as Pvt Valentine, graduates basic training in this screen shot from her new film "Major Movie Star."

Seriously, take a closer look. That Private needs some serious help.

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41 Comments

By LT Nixon on March 15, 2008 9:16 AM
Sounds like it has the credibility of Major Payne starring Damon Wayans. Man that movie sucked.
 
By Decurion on March 15, 2008 10:07 AM
Ms. Simpson: Wearing Class Bs vice As which BCT always graduates in. Not wearing the three ribbons she'd be authorized. Has her marksmanship badge up too high. HAS F*CKING EARRINGS IN HER EAR. Those wouldn't be authorized if she was in a real unit, much less Basic Training.
 
By SoldierGrrrl on March 15, 2008 10:25 AM
*facepalm* For the love of all that's holy. I can nitpick this all to hell and back, but the one thing that's driving me nuts is the shirt. I just looked at my class a shirt and the princess seam (the one that runs vertically across the center of each breast) goes all the way up to my shoulder and there is NO side dart on the side of the breast. Oh, and her earrings are unauthorized in appearance, to say NOTHING of size. Thanks for making female soldiers look like idiots.
 
By jim b on March 15, 2008 10:29 AM
Beret? She's wearing a Beret? ... and earrings? I didn't notice. There are a couple of things that do stand out though. jim b goes for a Scoresby.
 
By OlafTheTanker on March 15, 2008 10:46 AM
"Has her marksmanship badge up too high" AR- 670-1 Para 29-16 "Female personnel. On the service or dress uniform coats and on the maternity tunic, marksmanship badges are worn on the left side, 1⁄4 inch below the bottom ribbon row, or in a similar location if ribbons are not worn. Personnel may adjust the placement of badges to conform to individual body-shape differences." Clearly, Jessica Simpson has a 'body-shape' difference. ;) I'll agree with the earing not being spherical, but considering no one else in that pic is wearing the basic graduation ribbon, let alone the other 2 "authorized" (Even though I fondly remember getting out of boot with just one ribbon myself a score and some years ago) it's a leap in logic that this pic actually shows them mid or post-graduation. Not one rank in sight either. As for summary executions, the asshat that forced the beret on the entire Army to begin with needs to line up first.
 
By OlafTheTanker on March 15, 2008 10:53 AM
And oh yea, and this could be the scene in the movie where the DI tells them all to go get their Class B's on for the first time and a snap inspection and "You're all ate up, soldier!" profanity-riddled "morale-boosting" criticism session. Now THAT would be more real-to-life. ;)
 
By fdcol63 on March 15, 2008 12:31 PM
Yeah ... what jim said. LOL
 
By AW1 Tim on March 15, 2008 2:12 PM
Huh... Army, eh? I thought they were UN Cops or something, what with that UN-looking device on the beret. Were it up to me, I'd take away all the A & B uniforms from everyone and have them wear field uniforms all the time. :)
 
By Heartless Libertarian on March 15, 2008 2:41 PM
Class B uniforms are worn for BCT graduation during warm weather months (roughly late April through September). You're welcome to try standing out on the Ft Benning parade field in Class A's in August if you want to. And yes, Ms Simpson definitely has 'body shape differences.' If she was actually wearing ribbons, they'd have to be WAY up there in order to make room for the qual badges. And everyone in that formation has jacked up berets, not just Simpson. The female immediately behind her (wearing glasses that wouldn't be allowed in BCT, either, BTW) has got the Pierre thing going on, and the next on back looks about 2 sizes too big and just dropped on her head. And, though I've never actually seen an entire graduating company composed of nothing but E-1s, such a thing is possible, which would explain the lack of visible rank.
 
By Carrie on March 15, 2008 3:52 PM
Oh for crying out loud.. they're called boobs. It's a pic of a boob with boobs. She's an idiot with a great singing voice and boobs.
 
By John of Argghhh! on March 15, 2008 4:45 PM
Hey - all *I* was after was the soldier two after Simpson with the hosed beret. *That's* PVT Jeter. I dunno what the rest of you are blathering about...
 
By Fderfler on March 15, 2008 7:19 PM
Visual proof that the beret for all troops (regardless of the branch of service) is stoopid. I spent 8 years in the Pentagon and had the joy of watching a couple of "uniform boards" at work. In my not-at-all humble opinion, it is all about the manufacturers finding ways to get new money for uniforms from the services. If the service didn't go along with the recommendaiton of the civilian-dominated uniform review board, some senior senator squawked. Shocked? Why? If the weasels can find a way to siphon off taxpayer bucks (and pass a few pennies of each buck to Senators and Representatives) they will. And so, the USAF changes shades of blue like K-Mart at Christmas (and winds up looking like the frigging Navy) and the Army gets (shudder) Black Berets all around and looks like the Serbian military police.
 
By R. Jewell on March 15, 2008 8:15 PM
Hollywood seldom gets the little fiddly bits right. "We were Soldiers, once, and young" was fraught with Helicopter Model faux paus and footage without the right gun mounts, etc. Sometimes it just ain't right.......and you have to overlook it and just enjoy a good story. Scorsby's? We burried the last Scorsby's drinker in Union County Indiana about 5 years ago.......I thought for sure that would put them out of business.......
 
By Glen on March 15, 2008 11:16 PM
What beret?
 
By Kevin on March 15, 2008 11:56 PM
Aw right soldiers! Ah-ten... shun! Suck in that stomach! Stick out that chest! And... and... and.... er, ah... ah.... umm.... Dismiss!
 
By HomefrontSix on March 16, 2008 2:03 AM
It's a pic of a boob with boobs. She's an idiot with a great singing voice and boobs.
EXACTLY.
 
By John Cunningham on March 16, 2008 4:15 AM
Been the first time I've seen her in a shirt where all the buttons were being used.
 
By John Cunningham on March 16, 2008 4:17 AM
Let alone a shirt that even had buttons.
 
By Pat on March 16, 2008 8:10 AM
The guy in the fifth rank, with his finger in his ear, is committing the worst offense, in my opinion. Pat
 
By GM Cassel AMH1(AW) USN RET on March 16, 2008 8:47 AM
"Dramatic License?!?!?" Ok, the Old Retire Petty Officer does not pretend to know anything about Army Uniforms.
 
By Tin Ma'am on March 16, 2008 9:03 AM
It's a pic of a boob with boobs. She's an idiot with a great singing voice and boobs.
Sounds about right. That woman is a few fries short of a happy meal.
 
By Carrie on March 16, 2008 9:42 AM
I just don't think the ability to grow large mammary glands is worthy of much admiration but then...I'm a woman and don't have booby ADD.
 
By Fishmugger on March 16, 2008 10:14 AM
Marksmanship Badge? How could she possibly shoot rappid fire prone and steady up for the second shot? Nice recruiting posters though.
 
By dogtlosba on March 16, 2008 10:14 AM
Yeah, this photo has already flown around a lot here, being that I've been part of a Jessica investigation... pics in the barracks, oh no! Makes me love the maroon beret tha much more!
 
By John of Argghhh! on March 16, 2008 11:04 AM
Snerk. I just love the baggage this thing brought out. Boy, girl, young, old, Army, Navy... Looks like the link from Noonan brought a few people by... I figured it was going to go something like this - at least I hoped so. Heh. I'm old enough, I actually *did* jump all over the beret - and realized what that said about me - so I thought I'd see what would get a rise outta you guys. Me? I like my wimmin with some brains, and the boobs are just a nice afterthought. Ergo, Jessica doesn't twitch my meter. Believe it or not.
 
By Sly2017 on March 16, 2008 11:30 AM
Booby Add? (I took the liberty of correcting the extra caps for ya.) Is that a new breast enhancement drug? *snicker* 0>;~}
 
By Carrie on March 16, 2008 12:45 PM
Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) Thanks for the correction though it wasn't necessary.
 
By Boquisucio on March 16, 2008 4:26 PM
If we could just PEEK into Pvt. Jeter's thoughts, wouldn't that be a hoot!
 
By Grumpy on March 16, 2008 5:45 PM
John, times have changed! Sir, that is what you call, an OUTSTANDING soldier. They are surely standing out! I might be old, but I'm not dead yet! Grumpy P.S. - John, The best thing you could have done. Laughter is still the best medicine.
 
By Justthisguy on March 16, 2008 8:56 PM
What with having mixed-sex units, I think there is something to be said for loosely-fitting uniforms, for the sake of freedom of movement, or something. No, wait, that sounds titillating to my dirty mind, too... Ok, let's just get 'em to wear the silly hats right, and we'll work on the rest later. As a former bandsman, I recommend shakos. You can keep all kindsa stuff up in one of them. Besides, all of the mechanical killbots in "Girl Genius" wear shakos. Makes you look taller, and all.
 
By Justthisguy on March 16, 2008 9:08 PM
P.s. Of course, the Poles have always had the weirdest and silliest hats, not to mention the Angel Wings on their cavalrymen.
 
By jim b on March 16, 2008 9:16 PM
Me? I like my wimmin with some brains, and the boobs are just a nice afterthought. Ergo, Jessica doesn't twitch my meter. Time to get a new meter
 
By Justthisguy on March 16, 2008 9:58 PM
As somebody who gets laid maybe once/decade if he's lucky, I prolly shouldn't get into this, but, hey, it's the Internet, it's late at night, and I've been drinking... Dang, Jim! Context! The boy is married! The wife is a proven good shot! He _has_ to say that! That said, I'm older than The Donovan by a bit, and I, too, find that images of good-lookin' wimmin are more likely to make me think "Wow, that's nice!" than they are to make me think "OMG, gotta have it right now!" as used to be the case.
 
By AgPilot66 on March 17, 2008 5:01 AM
I'm not sure if it's the light or if the two top buttons are a different color than the bottom two. That said, Who cares?,,,It's a movie for gosh sakes. Hollywood is supposed to get it wrong, don't they get nearly everything else wrong? Look at the Girls Of The IDF. Their uniforms don't exactly match everytime. I ain't stupid enough to pick a fight with any of them. For those that have forgotten, back when Jessica was still married, she and hubby went overseas and entertained the troops. There are no rumors of her doing drugs or going into rehab. There are no videos of her having sex with some hollywood birdbrain. Her singing abilities are not all that great, but WHO CARES? She looks great and when she was touring she went to the hospitals to be with the wounded and gave them some extra attention and TLC. As I remember she sat on the bed with some and gave a few hugs. When in public she seems to have some dignity and I have never seen her dressing like some of the real idiots like B. Spears or Paris Hilton. For the most part her publicity has been good. She is smart enough to be a multi-millionaire and that's more than most of the rest of us can say. And she is a whole lot smarter that most of the old New York women that retired to Florida and couldn't work a simple voting machine. AND she doesn't act like a spoiled brat. Jessica does a commercial for an acne skin treatment with some of the women actors on CSI Miami. I thought she did a very good professional job,,,just like the other professionals did. Emily Proctor is a south eastern born & raised girl that used to go hunting with her dad and she and Jessica both did a good job on the commercial. Jessica Simpson seems willing to work and not cause any trouble and with her tour for the troops that is enough for me to give her an OK an a good luck. (that is unless she does something really stupid) She has some personality and probably would be a fun girl to be out on a date with.
 
By Da Goddess on March 17, 2008 6:14 AM
Quibble all you want about the details, but the thing that bugs me most about this movie is that it stars Simpson. Isn't her fifteen up yet?
 
By MajMike on March 17, 2008 8:51 AM
AgPilot66: re: the different color buttons. they are really all the same color. some are in the shade, others are at an optimal angle for reflecting the lights... optimal. and shady...
 
By Damian on March 17, 2008 1:14 PM
Isn't her fifteen up yet? The honest truth is that her fifteen won't be up until her rack sags down. And then she'll likely wonder why nobody's paying attention any more. I'm as prone to gawk as any male with functioning parts, but I've been around long enough to separate looks from substance, which is why I'm with John and Carrie on this one: "I just don't think the ability to grow large mammary glands is worthy of much admiration"..."I like my wimmin with some brains..." Just as my wife of more than twelve years will watch the beach volleyball scene from Top Gun with you as many times as you're willing to press rewind, but would cringe if ever asked to shake Tom Cruise's hand.
 
By SSG Jeff (USAR) on March 17, 2008 4:23 PM
Okay, I thought I was told in 2003 when I got yanked out of the IRR and shoved back into the active green machine that the beret was issued at a Soldier's first permanent party station - or at AIT graduation, perhaps. Wouldn't Basic Trainee's be wearing a Garrison Cap (which, in the female version, would be worthy of even more commentary)?
 
By dref uzyebimr on March 20, 2008 12:46 AM
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By dref uzyebimr on March 20, 2008 12:47 AM
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By dref uzyebimr on March 20, 2008 12:49 AM
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