Dear Soldier: I Am the One

I am the one that sent you to war. No, I am not the president of the United States who ordered your deployment under the War Powers Act. Nor am I a member of congress who voted yea or nay to authorize that use of force. Neither am I the general who drew up the plans and signed the orders for you to be deployed.

It is not arrogance nor with any sense of guilt that I claim to be the one. It is simply that, as a citizen of the United States who enjoys the privileges and rights of our nation, defended through your service, I am also responsible for the policies and actions of our nation including the decision to send you to war. I feel it is important to say that because there is no dearth people who spend time trying to mitigate that responsibility in one way or the other.

Some people claim it is not their responsibility because they did not vote for this or that president or congress person. Or, that the person they voted for did not vote to send you to war. Or, that, their authorization to use force was abrogated by some nuanced political statement that would allow them to claim victory if it could be had or to disavow defeat, if victory seemed impossible. Some believe that, because they did not support the war from the beginning, or ever, they cannot be held accountable for its conduct, the losses or the outcome.

I believe that is wrong. We live in a representative democracy. It is a form of government that allows for the most voices of our nation to be heard while insuring that necessary decisions are not lost in the cacophony of opinions and, often, the selfish demands of a minority or the majority. It also means that, when a decision is made on our behalf, based on that representation, it is the decision of our nation. As such, it becomes the responsibility of every citizen who lives in and enjoys the privileges and rights of our nation.

Once our armed forces leave our shores and go into harms way, I believe there is no room for political nuance, no gray areas to exploit. It becomes black or white: victory or defeat; supporting the mission or not supporting the mission; supporting our troops or not supporting our troops.

Still, I cannot speak for everyone. It is the beauty of our system that everyone has a voice and that individual responsibility is the cornerstone, the building block of our nation. You would know best since, as a member of an all volunteer force, your service is the epitome of that individuality and responsibility. So saying, I can only take responsibility for myself and my beliefs. Therefore, I say only that: I am the one.

I am not asking for forgiveness, only your understanding. When you are responsible for the safety and the future of your family, friends and neighbors, you must make difficult decisions under less than desirable situations and often without the optimal information. I believe that is the reason and the conditions under which we made the decision to go to war. I believe I can ask you for that understanding because I know that you make those decisions every day and know that it is a heavy burden to bear for yourself and others.

It is one of the few burdens that we share, though unequally. It is the soldier in a war zone and a soldier's family that bears the most burden while I am a civilian living here safely and comfortably at home with my family. Thank you for giving me that safety and comfort.

I am the one that sent you to war, to paraphrase former Secretary of Defense Rumsfield, with the army we had. I believed that it was paramount that we respond to the attack on our nation on September 11, 2001, as quickly and decisively as we were able. I did not know exactly the condition of our equipment, your training or the availability of forces to carry out these many missions. After watching the losses on that day, I believed we could not wait to respond or allow another attack on our country and our people by anyone. That is not an excuse, but a statement.

I am almost four decades old. I can remember the day that the Berlin Wall was knocked down and the day that the Soviet Union collapsed. I saw the last major deployment of our forces in Desert Storm and the quick and nearly bloodless victory that our forces had won. It was a period of great joy and hope. It seemed that the great shadow of a terrible war was gone from our nation and the world.

I am the one that allowed our armed forces and the spending on equipment and training to be reduced. We called it "the peace dividend". Someday, when this war is over and you come home, I hope you will experience the same hope and joy of peace; that period in time when you believe you can make the world as you want it and wish it to be.

It is not an empty hope or an illusion. I believe that time will come again when we can turn the great energies we have expended at war towards developing technology, improving the lives of people and building relationships with other people and nations; towards discovering life saving drugs, building international space stations that bridge the differences of nations and believing again in the better nature of mankind.

Still, I am the one who did not see, even during this time of relative peace, that the shadow of war was coming. I am the one that disregarded the attacks on our armed forces, our embassies and our citizens in places around the world as the work of malcontents who were unable to attack our nation directly or cause us great harm. Once again, I do not ask forgiveness. I ask only that you take this lesson from my generation: that even a nation at peace must be prepared to defend itself, its ideas and its people when the time comes.

I do not wish to place an even greater burden on you by saying "when the time comes", as if war was the never ending story of mankind or our nation. I do not know what the future will bring. I only know that the story of mankind and our nation has been fraught with many such years as this and it may yet be generations to come before war has passed away from us, before man values the lives of others more greatly than his own desires or his own worst instincts.

Yet, as a soldier at war, I believe you understand better than most that there is a time to fight and a time for peace. Between the times of great strife, there is a time of peace when life should be lived to the fullest, dreams should be pursued relentlessly and love should be shared as if there were no tomorrow. It is these better times, sometimes all too brief, that we build upon and use to shore up against the worst of times. I hope that you have many better times to come in your future. Thank you for purchasing those moments of peace with your service.

This is one time I'll ask for your forgiveness. I apologize if this letter sounds maudlin or too full of self examination. You were probably hoping for something simple, funny or uplifting to make you forget for a few minutes that you were in a war zone, half a world away from home. I simply felt that, since you are there on behalf of our nation, on my behalf, someone should take responsibility and try to explain why. It seems there is a serious lack of people who are willing to do that these days or even acknowledge that we, you, are at war.

I am the one that sent you to Afghanistan with a small number of troops and limited, old equipment. I explained why I felt that we needed to act as soon as possible, even under those conditions. You did a fantastic job, with limited resources. You carried the message and strength of our nation to an enemy who had no regard for innocent life and continues to show that disregard every day against the people of Afghanistan. Thank you for taking up the fight for me and my family.

I am the one that has not always remembered you or sought out your story or worried about whether you had everything you need while continuing to struggle in a complicated and difficult theater of war. I am the one that allowed the little coverage in the media about your struggle to inform my decisions. I am the one that did not seek out the information that I should have had nor did I ask enough questions of my government, my representatives, about what we are doing for you or how we will work to bring that battle front to a close.

I am the one that has kept you there these many years because the same forces, the same conditions that had wrought such destruction on our nation and the people of Afghanistan have not yet been overcome and defeated. Thank you for continuing to carry out the struggle even when you felt I had forgotten you.

I am the one that sent you to Iraq. I made that decision based on fourteen years of knowledge about Saddam's regime in Iraq. It was not just because Colin Powell went to the United Nations and talked about the dangers of weapons of mass destruction. It was not because I believed that Saddam had colluded with or ordered Al Qaida to attack our nation on September 11, 2001.

I did not know then if he was involved, I only knew the history of that nation and the nature of the man who had murdered and massacred. After so many years of debate, the questions and answers to why and how we went to war have left the path of truth and reside solely in the domain of personal belief and ideology.

I did believe that he was still the open and mortal enemy of the United States. I did believe that, given the chance, with the United States weakened after the attacks and with our efforts focused on Afghanistan, that Saddam would use every weapon, every tool that he could provide to anyone that was willing to hinder our forces or attack us again. I did believe, and I still do, that we could not afford to leave Saddam in power. Thank you for going when you were asked, even as our country struggled over that decision.

I am the one that believed, and still do, that we could not leave Iraq to fester in its terror and murder, to become like Afghanistan, forgotten and abandoned to those same forces that had already wrought such death and destruction. I am the one that has kept you there these many years, fighting to save Iraq and to defeat those forces. Thank you for stepping forward, for serving so many tours away from your family, for doing what I asked, what I could not do and what many would not do.

I am the one that almost lost faith, who considered the cost of the war in blood and treasure and wondered if Iraq could be saved or was even worth it. I am the one that considered bringing you home even when you wanted to stay and finish the job. I am the one that could not see that you wanted your sacrifice and those of your comrades to be worth something, to have accomplished something, to mean something.

I am the one that debated while you sacrificed, fought and sometimes bled in a theater of war whose value I questioned. I finally realized that, if you could stay, if you could carry on the fight, even in the darkest hours, while we debated here, I could keep the faith with you. I am the one that sees that you have triumphed over your own fears, your own limitations and those imposed upon you by the very act of war. I am the one that realizes you have worked hard and brought a measure of peace to such a troubled country. You have done what many have thought, what I thought, was impossible. Thank you for showing me the spirit and strength of our nation.

I am the one that did not pay attention to our veterans' care or the care that your wounded brothers and sisters were receiving. I am the one that did not ask what our government was doing for these deserving citizens of our nation. I am the one that thought that our nation would take care of them and did not worry or wonder after their care. I was reminded, when the story broke, that I am the one that must ask, that must direct our government to its responsibilities because I am the one that the government represents, works for and listens to. Thank you for reminding me of my duties as a citizen.

I am the one that has not given you the support that you need or deserve while you are serving our country. Oh, I have done many things to show my support and send it to other soldiers like you, but they seem all too small and inconsequential in comparison to your service.

I do remember one rally for our troops where one of your fellow soldier's mom gave me a big hug, cried on my shoulder and thanked me for supporting her son who had recently been deployed. I found myself saying what every soldier says, "I am just doing my job." I believe that very much. It is what we are supposed to do when we send our men and women, our mothers and fathers, our brothers and sisters off to war. It is no great deed. In fact, it is painful to recognize that, that support may have been so lacking, that someone thought it was worth appreciating as if it was some great rarity.

I must humbly acknowledge, again, that, however much I will do, it will never equal what you have done for me. Writing this, though, it does not depress my spirits or make me unwilling to carry on. In fact, it has given me a renewed drive and strength to do more. Thank you for being my inspiration.

I am the one that has continued to go to work, to come home, to enjoy my family with sometimes too little thought to where you were, what you were doing and the stress it has placed on you and your family. I am the one that has watched bad movies, read many books, stayed on the internet too late at night, ordered pizza to be delivered, driven to the store for a late night snack and, generally, done all of the things that I have always done here at home; the things that you cannot do, without giving you a thought. Thank you for giving me that freedom from want, from fear and from care.

I am the one that sent you those Christmas cookies that probably arrived there hard as a rock and as tasteless as cardboard. I hope that they at least made good tree decorations and that they reminded you, just for a moment, that someone at home was thinking about you. Thank you for saying they were the best gift ever.

I am the one that stood at the back of the crowd of family and friends, snapping pictures as you prepared to depart. I am the one that you wanted to disappear so you could have that one more moment alone with your wife and children or your mother and father. Thank you for allowing me to share that time with you and your family.

I am the one that sat next to your wife in the restaurant, talking too loudly about the war, as if I knew anything really about it. Please, thank your wife for her patience with me and tell her that I appreciate her support for you while you have served our nation, her strength and her courage.

I am the one that stood in the cold, listening as the taps played for one of your brothers in arms. I did not know him, but felt that I should be there because I am the one that asked him to lay down his life for me, for my family and our nation. I am the one that had to turn away for a moment as his young wife cried and his family hugged each other. Not because I was embarrassed, but because I was ashamed that I had ever thought my own struggles and strife were so great or tragic. She will not remember me. I am the one that will remember her. When you see her again, please thank her for showing me what real courage, strength and sacrifice means.

I am the one that stood on the side of the road with a flag and waved as your bus drove by. I was a face in the crowd, someone you did not know. I am the one that watched you return, getting off the bus, standing in formation and finally being dismissed. You ran to your family and they ran to you, hugging, kissing and hardly believing that you were finally home. I am the one that was taking pictures. Again. Thank you for allowing me to share that love, that relief, the sheer joy of having you home again.

On this day, I am only one of many who will take the time to reflect upon the anniversary of our battle for Iraq. In that reflection, many will seek to discover some unknown truth, but, the truth is, we have traveled these paths before, in this war and others. There will be great speeches and many editorials that will ponder why we are at war and what we should do about it.

Some will no doubt claim some great knowledge that allows them the right to define this war, its value and the worth of your service. In many cases, they will find the value greatly diminished and will seek cynically, once again, to mitigate any responsibility. Others will, no doubt, claim a great victory is imminent and the struggle to be worth every moment. You will carry on as you have because that is what you do, because that is what you must do in the middle of a war and because I asked you to.

I just wanted to write to tell you I was thinking about you and to say, "thank you."

Who am I?

I am a United States Citizen.

E Pluribus, Unum

Out Of Many, One