Phrases for Frequent Deployers: Lesson the First

January 14, 2008 | | Comments (20)

The Defense Language Institute has a bunch of handy-dandy downloadable (except to machines running Vista) English-to-Whatever common phrase pamphlets for folks going to pretty much anywhere. Problem is, the subject matter is limited to items like, "Halt! Put the pin back in the grenade and place it gently on the ground!" and "You have a sucking chest wound. Shall I notify a medic?"

Personally, I prefer my Phrasebook for Frequent Deployers. Not only are the phrases more appropriate for social situations, but the languages are limited to French, Spanish, German, Russian, Italian, Norwegian and Dutch, which makes them both easier to memorize and pretty much insures that you'll only be conversing with someone who's not about to stick a shiv into your spleen.

Today's lesson:

I understand your language perfectly.
· Je parle français comme une vache espagnole.
· Hablo español como un gringo borracho.
· Ich sprechen deutsch wie italienisch Fußballtrainer.
· Ya govoryu po-russki kak gruzinskiy pederast.
· Parlo italiano come un cameriere di un ristorante cinese.
· Jeg forstår dig fuldstændigt.
· Ik spreek Nederlands zoals een Fransman Engels.

See how easy that was?

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20 Comments

By John of Argghhh! on January 14, 2008 8:16 AM
Hee! "I speak German like an Italian soccer coach!"
 
By MajMike on January 14, 2008 8:55 AM
"Would you like to come up to my place bouncy-bouncy?"
 
By BillT on January 14, 2008 9:03 AM
"I speak German like an Italian soccer coach!" Geez, with all the time you spent there, I figgered you'd have a better command of the lingo. Got the Norwegian translated yet? Heh. Waiting for Boq to chime in...
 
By Neffi on January 14, 2008 9:09 AM
...mosh sherveza, por (hic) fay-ver!
 
By FbL on January 14, 2008 9:43 AM
Nearest I can figure with the Norwegian is, "I speak Norwegian like a French angel." Hunh? "I speak Spanish like a drunk Gringo." "I speak French like a Spanish cow." Here's my guess for the Italian: "I speak Italian like a waiter in a Chinese restaurant." And then there's, "I speak Russian like a ______ homosexual." Heh. The only language on the list that I claim any fluency in is Spanish. But, interesting how much language one picks up from singing...
 
By FbL on January 14, 2008 9:49 AM
That Norwegian one is bugging me... "English Frenchman??"
 
By AFSister on January 14, 2008 9:52 AM
I speak italian with a camera in a chinese restaurant. I speak spanish with a boring gringo accent-o. snerk
 
By bad cat robot on January 14, 2008 10:07 AM
gack. My google-fu is weak this morning. I once came across a collection of strange phrases found in actual tourist guide books. Things like "Please accept my expensive camera as a gift" and "It is not necessary to shoot me". This comes close, though.
 
By John of Argghhh! on January 14, 2008 11:17 AM
"I speak Dutch like a Frenchman speaks English?"
 
By BillT on January 14, 2008 2:06 PM
Everybody's been mistookin' the Dutch for the Norgish (John got the Dutch idiom okay, though). Closest I can figure for Jeg forstår dig fuldstændigt is "I string random sounds together" -- 'cuz Jeg snakker ikke Norsk as well as I sprech Fron-say...
 
By Polyglotic-Boquisucio on January 14, 2008 2:20 PM
I hate those shivin' Norges who won't understand you perfectly. Sorry to be quick but I have a Lidditenesque situation on my end. My Glottis Runeth Over
 
By BillT on January 14, 2008 2:50 PM
My Glottis Runeth Over Quick, WK -- the Drool Cup!
 
By Cricket on January 14, 2008 2:50 PM
JUST SPEAK LOUDLY and S-L-O-W-L-Y AND THEY WILL UNDERSTAND, RIGHT? 'I speak German like an Italian soccer coach?' HAHAHAHA. I speak French like a Spanish cow?' I speak Russian like a peRv*rt? Too funny. For the Norske: UFFDA!
 
By BillT on January 14, 2008 3:37 PM
Var den het? "Uff-da" fur Svenskers es, ja?
 
By Maggie on January 14, 2008 4:11 PM
I have found that tipping with American money helps people from other countries to understand me completely.
 
By Boquisucio on January 14, 2008 5:53 PM
Hey Unkabill! Try this one for your list: Cinaedulo Commissationenti, Latinum peiorquam Loquis. Though be careful; it may warrant a shivin' from them Lutheran Norskies.
 
By WereKitten on January 14, 2008 7:17 PM
Darlin, if anyone's glottis is running over.. they don't need a drool cup. They need bigger pants.
 
By BillT on January 14, 2008 10:05 PM
I have found that tipping with American money helps people from other countries to understand me completely. As flashing helps people from *this* country... They need bigger pants. It's all that big panting that's making his glottis run over.
 
By Maggie on January 14, 2008 11:18 PM
I have found that tipping with American money helps people from other countries to understand me completely. As flashing helps people from *this* country...
Flashing - like small arms fire, is more effective at close range. Come closer, baby. i have some things to tell you and I want to make sure I am clearly understood.
 
By John of Argghhh! on January 15, 2008 5:27 AM
Well, between the H&I and this post, the PG17 at least got to exercise its foreign language and metaphor modules.