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A Castle Public Service...

...for those of you attending Celebratory Functions (if you don't know what *that* means, you've had too much egg salad) tonight. When the small talk dies down (as it inevitably does around 0345), you can crank up the frivolity with:

A blonde goes into a store and sees a shiny object. She asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"

The clerk replies, "That is a thermos."

The blonde then asks, "What does it do?"

The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps keeps cold things cold."

The blonde says, "I'll take it!"

The next day, she walks into work with her new thermos. Her boss ('nother blonde) sees her and asks, "What is that shiny object you have?"

The blonde replies, "It's a thermos."

The boss then says, "What does it do?"

She replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."

The boss says, "Wow, what do you have in it?"

The blonde replies, "Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."

And, for FuzzyBee and Maggie, in recognition of their sterling tag team act last week:

Q: How do you get a blonde to take off her blouse?

A: Ask her to count to 12.

But first, make sure the digicam's batteries are fully-charged...

65 Comments

My Darling Chief - I love that your dirty little mind is constantly focused on unbuttoning my blouse! Happy New Year! Ready? One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve
 
Q: How do you get a blonde to have an abortion? A: Tell her the baby's not hers.
 
Chandeliers! Getcher party chandeliers! With or without restraints, grappling hooks, choklit guns, marshmallow launchers, leather interiors, and patented PurrMode(tm)! Floor-mounted safety chandeliers for the young or timid also available. Order before 11pm Eastern and get a free confetti dispenser!
 
I've heard of Ocean's Eleven, but Maggie's Twelve? Okay, what are we knocking off? And who's playing the Ella Fitzgerald? (Maggie: He ain't the only one... Heard that the Marines are looking to knock the Navy off of that pedestal you've got 'em on...)
 
Happy New Year Everyone! Now - where's the Conga Line?
 
Conga conga connnnga!!!! Gimme a 'rita and one of those chandeliers with patent leather restraints and a marshmallow launcher!
 
ohhhhh Maggie's already showin' off the Girls. Might have to break mine out too. *pop* *pop* ohhhhh that's soooo much better. *bounce* *bounce* *bounce* Gotta be careful when I do that- don't need a black eye, you know
 
[Quietly restocks the Bar]
 
*strolls nonchalantly over to the mangonel, reaches underneath it to the hidden compartment in the axle, pulls out dusty bottle* There you are! *wipes of accumilation of dust, pulls cork, salutes the room* Cheers to you all! *drinks and then passes it along*
 
{takes a swig] Good vintage! This must be from *before* Ry cleaned his bathtub!
 
Heya Sgt.B! Don't get too snookered, you have to fire up the 'RitaMatic first. *Then* you can get pie-faced. I has a bukkit with a straw! Okay, who ordered the LavaLamp Chandelier with the 200 CD library of Bollywood music?
 
Lavalamp chandelier??? OH no.. is Hillary trying to crash the party?!!??? I thought the Exterior Guard were trained to defend us against the Dark Side! *takes swig from bottle and passes it to Maggie* B, darlin'... I'm still waiting for my Raspberry Rita. Bucket sized is fine for me too.
 
Strictly lime 'ritas for me, thanks. By the bukkit is fine, though.
 
Who brought the EGG SALAD???? *takes sip of razz rita and goes back to swinging*
 
Not me (sticks in a finger). Hmmmm. Not bad. I brought brats and cherry pie. And some chips and salsa. Lessee where they run that to...
 
You brought brats??? Where is he? Where's Ry? I haven't seen him in a long time...
 
Heh. We're pretty lonely here, ain't we? I think Ry and JTG scurried down to where Ry keeps the stale chee-tos.
 
Yep. I'm hearing crickets, and not the female kind that cooks for us. *sigh* *clinks 'rita glass with John*
 
I'm not anywhere near Cricket-level but I can do chocolate souffle's ... anybody want one?
 
Ooo! Ooo! Me! Me! Pick me! I'll put it with my cherry pie!
 
[Engaging Souffle Gun. Please Stand Clear] *poooof* (n.b. this is the good kind of poof NTTAWWT) *pooooof* Souffle's will land in the clearly marked landing zone. Please nom souffle and clear area for the next Denizen(ne). Standing in the center with your mouth open is NOT ALLOWED, this means you NEFFI! Seconds, thirds, etc. are perfectly all right and this is a *negative* calorie recipie. Happy New Year from BCR Labs! *pooooof* *poooooof*
 
Mrphlegargle! Oh. Shoulda read the directions... [red face]
 
How do you "nom" a souffle?? Pretend you're pudding instead?
 
Mrphlegargle! Oh. Shoulda read the directions... [red face]
 
WEEEE! John got caught by the echooo echoooo echooo
 
Argghhh! I did! Argghhh! I did!
 
The act of "nommage" can be seen in action at icanhascheezburger.com It is legal in most states. Think starving cat and bowl of food. Nom nom nom....
 
Argghhh! I did! Argghhh! I did!
 
ohhhhh.. Nommage! nom nom nom... yeah. I've made some sounds like that before, but I can guarantee you I wasn't eating chocolate.
 
Damn. I did again. Not on purpose, either!
 
Woohoo!!! Lava lamps, chandeliers, souffles, and 'ritas! Tis a good night thus far. What's next??? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? Ry ~ where'd you put those Cheetos?
 
*snicker*
 
That's IT?!? All I get is a *snicker*??? Damn. Going to have to liven this party up just a wee bit. The ball is getting ready to drop and it amazes me just how much Carson Daly looks like Dick Clark. Wonder if they planned that? Huh. *goes looking for the good stuff and the shot glasses. None of this mixed drink crap*
 
Well, HFS, Maggie and W-K are showing a *lot* of decolletage... like, we can see the underwire marks... get in costume! This *is* a party, and thus far... I'm the only guy here! Whoo-hoo!
 
My underwire marks are showing? Whoops! It's a tad early for that *blush*
 
Hey! Happy New Year to you East Coasters! Maggie, where are you, wenchoid?
 
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! (over here on the East Coast, that is. Trias wins the prize for The First Denizen to Welcome In 2008)
 
Woohoo! Let the fun begin!
 
HF6, the "snicker" was for John's usage of the Castle Echo to reiterate his previous echo. hehe. Nice wire-marks, girl. You should try braless- no uncomfortable wires!
 
I propose a toast! (since Maggie is slacking here...) "To Bill Clinton who should STFU!" "Here! Here!" "Well said!" "Cheers!" "I'll drink to that!"
 
I would but it's COLD here. Don't need to necessarily go broadcasting that fact... Besides, a good bra does wonders for a girl's figure!
 
Amen, Brother! Er, Sistah! Hey! HFS is in costume! Woot! I'm blinded by the lights!
 
ohhhh that's RIGHT! You're SNOWED IN in CO! Hope you're enjoying your vaca. *raises glass* Here's to Bill's: Clinton who should STFU and Tuttle who needs to be heard from more often!
 
Yeah! What she said, old man! And would someone tell the chick in Colorado to turn down her brights? Heheheheheheheheheh. Oops. Um, Hi, MacGyver! Nothing to see here, moving along! Dum-de-dum, deedle deedle dum-da-dum...
 
Just put on some sunglasses you silly man! Sheesh!
 
HA! I caught you! I caught John deedling his dum dum on the internet!! Come to think of it... I think I'll dum dum my deedle and head off to sleep. 'night all!
 
you silly man Ooo! A visit from the Department of Redundancy Department!
 
WK ~ sleep well!
 
Happy New Year to those of us in the Central Time Zone. Those large booms you heard were the Castle Winchester Signal Gun running through a few blanks, just to remind the neighbors we're here!
 
Heh. Like they'd ever forget.
 
Keep you Rita's. Give me two fingers of Bourbon. In a number two wash tub!
 
Jake! Scout! Muffy! Hit the oubliette for the wet-vac! Gaby! Drop the stuffed marmoset and grab the trash bags! Geez, only four of 'em and they trashed the place -- squished chocolate soufflés in the tapestries, whipped cream and margarita juice dripping from the chandelier and the beanbag chairs are now futons! Oh, man -- the Echo's full of Cheetos™ crumbs again...
 
*wanders in* *glances at the carnage* *sits and mopes in the corner over missing the first Castle party in years*
 
*yawn* *streeeetch* *lick... lick... lick* (must smooth the fur before making a public appearance, you know) Thanks for getting the Scruples to clean up after us, SugarButtons! We missed you and Fuzzy last night. Happy New Year!
 
[Looks at the Security Cams, nods, rolls over, goes back to sleep]
 
I'm surprised you people could get in this much trouble with out JimB behind the bar....if anyone's a slacker......
 
¡Feliz Año Nuevo a todos! Now - I need me myself some coffee.
 
FbL- no excuse for being late. You got the invitation I sent everyone else. Unless..... Were you engaged in "general debauchery"? LOL [Um, *this* from the chica who didn't show up herself?]
 
*nods aching head in agreement* No fair calling a party and then not showing up!
 
WK ~ it's really ok that Maggie didn't show up. Just meant more alkyhol for the rest of us! Where are the cheetos? I need something to calm my stomach down...
 
Not showing up! I don't think anyone showed more at that party last night than me!
 
Hey, I didn't see anything I hadn't seen before, at the Milblogger Convention. Oh, wait, I skipped the pub crawl. But I say the YouTube!
 
Whut? Yawn. What happened?
 
Maggie ~ there's a difference between showing up and showing OFF ;~P
 
As always I'm a day late and a dollar short. Grrr
 
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