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The Problem with Mangoes...

...is that you've gotta peel them before you can eat them. At least, us furriners do, otherwise you're just asking for a dance lesson -- the Taliban Two-Step. Soooo, because mangoes have a skin like a pear instead of something sensible, like an orange, you either need a long, sharp fingernail (which possesses its own issues, unless you have a really wild guitar-pickin' style) or a knife. And, since mango juice is kinda like superglue when it dries, I figured I needed something a bit easier to clean than my Swiss Army toolbox.

There are other things for sale in the local armament bazaars than bang-sticks (and replicas thereof), which is convenient, because I wasn't planning to peel any mangoes with a Khyber rifle. Got myself a Khyber knife, instead. Welllll, okay, it's a Kashmiri folder, but it *could* have been a Khyber knife if it really, really wanted to.

This one wasn't the biggest one of the bunch (I didn't need an Ilbarsi three-footer and I *don't* have Freudian hangups), but all I needed was a decent mango-peeler, so I got the pocket-size. The decorative extension of the spine is what keeps the peeler from slicing your pocket (and thigh) to ribbons when it's folded -- it serves as the edge guard.

It ratchets open nicely and locks like a champ (the seller made a slashing feint at my jugular to prove it wouldn't flop closed); the latch flips up to unlock the blade when you've finished the mango massacree.

Heh. After the seller took his swipe, he grinned and said, "Hah! You are an officer, yes! Not a flinch! Civilian *always* jump back when I do that!" I just grinned my trademark boyish grin at him and told him, "*Retired* officer." What I *didn't* tell him was he telegraphed his move with a windup, he couldn't have stuck me unless he stepped forward another two feet (and his table was in the way) -- and, since we'd already spent a half hour drinking tea and talking flintlocks, I knew he wanted to make a sale, not a dead gringo.

Besides, I couldn't have backed up even if I wanted to -- I was already leaning against his wall.

I did get the lowdown on shipping arms out of Pakistan, though. The gummint doesn't really care *what* you buy, as long as it's not post-WWII and you pay a couple of bucks export tax. If you know an exporter who ships mass quantities of -- say, carpets -- to the US, you can avoid a lot of the usual red tape at both ends.

"Okay, what's your brother shipping today?"

"Two hundred Nepalese carpets, a functional replica of an SMLE and a Baluchi flintlock shotgun."

"Hmmmmm -- I want to examine those carpets..."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Heh. Maybe poor Joe gets stuck in the decision loop,

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but I made all of *my* decisions along those lines instantaneously. Comes from years and years of analyzing the situation then-at-hand and asking this simple question:

Do I drink one bottle or two?

21 Comments

OMG he's considering Fosters and some poor schmuck has already opened it. I hope that was to pour it out as insecticide.
 
And in case Neffi had anything snide planned about the rust, it cleaned up very nicely with some steel wool, a Q-tip and alcohol. The bone bolsters are still brownish -- it's not an antique, but it ain't new, either. The seller claimed it's ninety years old, I figure it's about fifty.
 
OMG he's considering Fosters... Judging from the *urp* look on his face -- he's *not*...
 
With a Beck's, don't be perplexed!
 
I could almost hear Joe holler: ***.
 
but how is it at slicing fingers? These are the burning questions...as to the beer, I have no clue.
 
Snide? Moi? Actually Chief, I'm kinda jealous- that's a nice looking blade and whilst my collecting is of the military variety I do have a side interest in 'ethnic' knives... the *real* ones, as opposed to touristy rubbish. And it looks quite capable of handling a mango or two.
 
Hmph, he can get Stella Artois over there, but I can't get it into my shop to sell in Missouri. Stupid state liquor laws.... And, what's in the green tallboy can on the far left? My beeriousity wants to know. Finally, Becks and Fosters... blugh!
 
The mango juice, if allowed to ferment into mango vinegar, is capable of dissolving concrete. There are places on the garage floor at our old house which were smooth, and are now quite rough. My Dad left mangoes there and forgot about them.
 
but how is it at slicing fingers? With the edge I put on it, it should make a beeline for bone. Of course, "I sliced my finger off with a Kashmiri Folding Mango Knife" doesn't quite sing the way "I bayoneted myself today" does, do I wouldn't be able to parlay that into a Barney-meet. Speaking of singing, how's Ry's Redwood Rest Stop plaque-naming contest going? My Dad left mangoes there and forgot about them. Urk. Had to have happened in cool weather, or the solid wall of fruit flies would have been a dead giveaway...
 
Nice mango-slicer, Bill. Even folded up, that's a big knife to haul around in one's pocket!
 
Of course, "I sliced my finger off with a Kashmiri Folding Mango Knife" doesn't quite sing the way "I bayoneted myself today" does, do I wouldn't be able to parlay that into a Barney-meet. Such petty jealousy from the little people. We sniff and walk on. No doubt tripping because our nose is in the air... And you didn't bring me any presents back, either!
 
I'm sure SugarButtons has a *plentiful* supply of the local microfauna that he could share with you ...
 
Even folded up, that's a big knife to haul around in one's pocket! Oh sure, Brab- like he's gonna tell anyone it's a *knife*...!
 
Oh sure, Brab- like he's gonna tell anyone it's a *knife*...! Sure, I do. I also tell them it's a great counterbalance... And you didn't bring me any presents back, either! That Monmouth trip still on?
 
Um, no. I'm going to Benning, instead. Closest I got to where you are was this weekend...
 
Umm, Chief, there is no cool weather here, except for a random week or two around Christmas and the Feast of the Circumcision. No, Dad, like m'self I'm afraid, refused to take notice of things he didn't care about. Drove Mom nuts, it did. .
 
Oh, and when Hurricane Charlie, I think it was, went through here, it knocked all of the mangoes off of our trees. I industriously picked them all up, and put them up on the camper-top on my truck, to get dry and ripe. I had gone for a walk and hurt my aged knee, after that, and was lying up and resting, and healing. I heard some motor noises outside, thought it was the trash collectors. A bit later I went out and saw that all of my carefully salvaged mangoes were gone! Dang! We were in a declared state of emergency then! Had I seen that looter doing that (yes he was a looter) I could have lawfully shot him dead dead dead. In the liver. Argghh
   
Dang. That was quick. We must have googlebots in the draperies...
 
-5 for Spelling. +5 for quick recovery. Bill - Snerk. But yes, once we got to a page rank of six or so, the Googlebot started coming around about every 4 hours or so. But they might be hiding in the drapes. We'll have Ry take them out for airing and whacking!
 
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