The current approach, deploying and returning as a unit, is so many orders of magnitude better than that system I don't have space to describe it. The movie We Were Soldiers does a good job of covering the impact of combat on a unit deployed as a unit - and with the families staying together at Fort Benning. What it doesn't show is the isolation and complete lack of support after a unit had been deployed for over a year and the rotation cycle broke up the support arrangements back home. I'm pretty sure that was the loneliest gnawing-at-your-vitals year in my mother's life, far worse than Dad's tour in Korea, where they were newlyweds with no kids.

The stuff in here is pretty good, but it's missing something (which I've told the Fort Riley PAO about) - the other way for military spouses to get connected, whether they stayed on post or went somewhere else - SpouseBuzz.

What's missing from this piece? Technically, nothing. But Some Soldier's Mom would argue that similar services might be nice for... parents of deployed warriors, too.

SPOUSES OFFER TIPS TO SURVIVE DEPLOYMENT

By Anna Staatz
Staff writer

When Army wives talked about what they rely on the most to get them through a deployment, the reoccurring theme was each other. So it's not too surprising that their advice for deployment survival included getting a job, becoming involved with your family readiness group, find a community group to be a part of - do whatever you need to do to make new friends and meet new people at whatever post you find yourself at.

Staying or leaving

When facing a deployment, one of the questions a Family must answer is whether or not to stay near the post the spouse is deploying from or move away to a hometown or closer to Family. Stacie Belt, family readiness group coordinator, said the decision is a personal one that only can be made by the people in a military Family. Belt said about 50 percent of Families choose to stay on or near a post during deployment, while others choose to move closer to Family. Mostly, Belt said, it is a wash between what support a Family has available elsewhere and how well they've become acquainted with the Fort Riley area. "If they've been able to get in with the community and find projects to do, a lot of them won't go home because they've found enough to keep them busy during the deployment," Belt said.

Personally, Belt said, she has had both experiences. During her husband's deployment to Korea, she moved the Family near her parents. During his Operation Iraqi Freedom deployment, she stayed put near post. "It was wonderful being with my parents for a year and they were very supportive, but I missed that military connection," she said. "We were in an area that did not have any military Families and I truly missed being with other Families."

Lindsey Savant is married to Sgt. Robert Savant, Company D, 1st Battalion, 28th Infantry Regiment, 4th Infantry Brigade Combat Team, 1st Infantry Division. The couple has two children, Julie, 8, and Cadence, 3. They opted to stay put at Fort Riley during the deployment of 4th IBCT mostly for the sake of keeping Julie and Cadence in the same environment and for the sake of Lindsey keeping her employment as a family child care provider stable.

"We chose to stay here for the stabilization of our children and the stabilization of my job," Lindsey said. "Julie had already been in school here for one year and had made friends and I didn't want to transfer and then have to move her back here after a year in a strange school ... At the time of the deployment, I had Cadence enrolled here at CDC and she had friends there as well. I did not want to uproot either one of them."

Keeping the children as stable as possible also factored in to Sgt. 1st Class Antonio Diaz, and his wife, Wendy's decision to stay at Fort Riley. Wendy also was able to find a job working at the Fort Riley Middle School Teen Center as the Homework Tech only days prior to her husband's deployment, which factored into her decision to stay. Antonio is currently deployed with Company D, 1st Bn., 28th Inf. Regt. Wendy said work, a routine for her children and an atmosphere in which others could easily relate to what she and her Family were going through were important reasons to stay at Fort Riley. The Diaz's have two children, Antonio, 10, and Gabrielle, 2. This is the family's first combat deployment.

"Past deployments, I had always returned home," she said. "I was younger, with only one child. I was immature and very dependent upon my husband as well as my family. Now I am older and educated and understand the importance of being an independent and self-reliant woman."

Wendy said in the past, when she moved closer to immediate family during a deployment, they were supportive, but beyond them she had no other form of support such as she receives from post organizations and activities. "They can never understand or relate to the heart break that my family and I experience," she said.

FRGs

Many wives said they were very thankful for the support of their family readiness groups during a deployment and they have found friends they will keep for a lifetime through their FRG. "I have three amazing friends who have been there every step of the way," Diaz said. "We have created a bond that only women who are enduring the same situation can create."

Alisha Torres has been able to find both support and information through her FRG. It is the first deployment for Torres and her husband, Alex, who is a first lieutenant in 1st Squadron, 4th Cavalry Regiment, 4th IBCT, 1st Inf. Div. "The people I've met through FRG and at work have been my best support," she said. "The other wives can relate to my situation and you're never
alone."

Savant echoed similar sentiments about the 1st Bn., 28th Inf. Regt., FRG. "We at the 1-28 have an awesome FRG," she said. "All of the wives are great and will do anything to help you out." Most FRGs have social events, meetings to help inform members of the latest news about their unit, as well as informal gatherings for movie night or a spouse's night out.

Keeping your Sanity

Switching to being a single parent or dealing with the absence of a husband during a deployment is difficult. Many wives said the same thing Soldiers often say when dealing with deployment: stay busy. "Working in general is a great outlet," Torres said. "I stay busy and the days seem to fly by." Torres also said it helps to keep a sense of humor about things.

"We use the karaoke machine in my home," she said. "We may not sound like stars, but we have a great time." Dealing with the loneliness also is key to making it through a deployment without hurting yourself or worrying a husband thousands of miles away many of the spouses said. "Loneliness is very difficult because everyone experiences it at different rates and might show it differently," Savant said. "All I can say about that is not to sit around and think about it. Stay busy and focused on the tasks at hand." Diaz said the best way she has found to deal with deployment doesn't even really involve her husband.

"Learn how to define yourself and not depend on him," she said. "Get a job or go back to school. Behind every strong man is a strong woman." Belt said spouses should take time to educate themselves on the many programs and activities on post by contacting Army Community Services, the Soldier and Family Support Center, the Armed Services YMCA and other groups such as the rear detachment desks. "Learn what's out there and what it can do for you," she said.