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Pity Private Beauchamp, he's just misunderstood and defamed.

"Scott Thomas" steps out of the shadows as Private Scott Thomas Beauchamp.

Private Beauchamp has stepped into the light, because, well, his, urm, character has been questioned.

I am Private Scott Thomas Beauchamp, a member of Alpha Company, 1/18 Infantry, Second Brigade Combat Team, First Infantry Division.

My pieces were always intended to provide my discreet view of the war; they were never intended as a reflection of the entire U.S. Military. I wanted Americans to have one soldier's view of events in Iraq.

It's been maddening, to say the least, to see the plausibility of events that I witnessed questioned by people who have never served in Iraq. I was initially reluctant to take the time out of my already insane schedule fighting an actual war in order to play some role in an ideological battle that I never wanted to join. That being said, my character, my experiences, and those of my comrades in arms have been called into question, and I believe that it is important to stand by my writing under my real name.

--Private Scott Thomas Beauchamp

According to AKO, he is assigned to the A Company, 1st Battalion, 18th Infantry Regiment, Vanguards, of the 1st Division of Foot, Schweinfurt, Germany. First fact check holds up! I suspect Private Beauchamp is also now the subject of LTC Glazer and CSM Choudri's personal attention. He seemingly blogs. Be interesting to see how that all goes - and I'm sure that it will go carefully, so as to not have any "i" undotted, nor "t" uncrossed.

That being said, my character, my experiences, and those of my comrades in arms have been called into question....

Imagine that. Private Beauchamp feels maligned and slandered by all the negative attention brought to his writing.

Um, well, yes, we have called into question your character - and your characterizations of your experiences have, shall we say, a certain fabulist, Eve Fairbanks-ish cast to them.

However, regarding character - by your own petard are you hoist, my son.

“I think she’s f*****g hot!” I blurted out.

“What?” said my friend, half-smiling.

“Yeah man,” I continued. “I love chicks that have been intimate—with IEDs. It really turns me on—melted skin, missing limbs, plastic noses . . . .”

“You’re crazy, man!” my friend said, doubling over with laughter. I took it as my cue to continue.

“In fact, I was thinking of getting some girls together and doing a photo shoot. Maybe for a calendar? ‘IED Babes.’ We could have them pose in thongs and bikinis on top of the hoods of their blown-up vehicles.”

My friend was practically falling out of his chair laughing. The disfigured woman slammed her cup down and ran out of the chow hall, her half-finished tray of food nearly falling to the ground.

The only person who laid targeting tics on your buffoonish butt is... yourself.

Grow up, boy. Enjoy your 15 minutes of fame - and I'm sure Senator Kerry can find a place for you on his staff after your enlistment is up.

Update: Baldilocks apologizes. Very specifically, however.. I don't think I've got anything to apologize for - I called him fabulist, and stick by it. And I'm guessing, if he's been in as long as he seems to have been, and is a E2... well, he may not be that great a soldier, discipline-wise, either.

But he's there - he's put his butt on the line. I have to give him that. And he's stepped forward. I just hope he doesn't live down to Kerry-esque expectations.

Of course, he may be an E1 before this is all over. Which will just add to his street-cred when he writes the next "Platoon."

35 Comments

You know, one of the things that really strains credibility for me-the bit he did about the Bradley driver who liked to run over stuff. Everyone keyed on the running over the dogs, but he also mentioned running over/into/through other stuff-market stalls (somehow, I don't see taking Brads into a crowded market at all, but I'm not over there), buildings, cars, etc. We've been in Iraq for 4 years. The Iraqis figured out long ago that Uncle Sam pays lots of money when our troops damage people's stuff. They know how to read bumper numbers on vehicles. If a Brad were destroying stuff like that, the owners would be beating down the gates of the FOB to get paid, and that would have been noticed by the chain of command. Since the chain of command knew nothing about anything like that, I'd say Private B is making sh*t up.
 
I read parts of his Germany blog. One has to wonder what on earth convinced this young cynic to join the military and leave home. On the up side, he was certainly no barracks hermit, hiding on post and lamenting that it's not America. On the down side, making cynical sport of everything, including German food, beverages (the heathen), women, and culture, is a sad way to go through life...not to mention might indicate a lament that he's not in America. Kind of pitiful, really.
 
There is always 10%.
 
Private? As in, "E-2"? First thought: If he'd actually served in Iraq, he'd have *at least* advanced to PFC, especially in an Infantry outfit. Second thought: Perhaps he *had* gone to Iraq as a PFC -- or higher -- and his present rank is a result of his commander's application of the UCMJ. Third thought: Perhaps his present rank is indeed the rank he was wearing when he arrived at his unit. Which could mean that he hasn't been anywhere except stateside and Germany. 'Nother third thought: Doesn't graduation from AIT result in a promotion of at least one grade? Curiouser and curiouser...
 
This story is moving VERY fast on a variety of Milblogs and Friends of Milblogs. BillT, you nailed it. By his own blog entry last Fall he was a PFC. According to someone with access to AKO, he's now a PV2. And MAJ Arkay, by his own blog posts he enlisted as fodder for his future writing career. At one point before deployment he says, "I return from Iraq a writer." Michelle Malkin has a great round-up of milbloggers on this subject.
 
Heh. And we didn't make it. Our transition to completely non-stream milblog is complete.
 
Our transition to completely non-stream milblog is complete. A non-stream would be a Puddle, right? I blame AFSis' sending you that pic of a werewolf's toenail clippers. At least we haven't lost any credibility, but I've been working on that...
 
If he indeed actually said that, what I find interesting is that no one fragged his sorry butt right there and then. He's safer in Iraq than he is here. However, being objective about it, this is truly interesting that someone that badly disfigured and still in pain would not be in a treatment facility.
 
Yep. I agree because I said the same thing because I think this guy was going around as "soldiernolongeriniraq" and talking about people impugning "scott's" character to which I replied, "what character? He is either a liar or a dirt bag". Guess he wasn't to busy to try to defend his character in comments. LOL
 
PS...I think the emphasis should be on "CREATIVE" in these "creative non-fiction" courses. LOL I always love that phrase because it kind of goes with the "fake but accurate" defense. LOL
 
BillT, I think you are correct. His rank and his bloviations point to a whiny snot nosed punk who thinks he is indispensable...ala Hawkeye and Trapper John, or a pilot. He is NOT indispensable.
 
I think he is full of carp on the disfigurement. I imagine that, if this person was there (I say IF, because nobody on camp falcon seems to remember her but Scotto) she probably wasn't nearly as damaged as he says. Though, I did think of helicopter pilots and marine MiTTs I've seen in photos who wear a tan jumpsuit as opposed to your basic DCU. In which case, he could only hope to be those folks and probably the reason he was being so oblivious to what the uniform is. He didn't want to tell anyone he was dissing his betters. Still, I think he is full of carp.
 
Being a male soldier, and having been deployed (although only to the Balkans), I'll join the chorus of those who doubt the badly burned female story. When you're deployed, at 90% or more of the people around you (at least, the American people) are male, you become very aware of ALL of the American females in your AO. (I know when I was in Albania, viewing LTG Hendrick's hot female aide de camp would make your day if not your week). So if she was actually stationed on the FOB, folks would know about her. If she was visiting from another FOB, her arrival would have benn also noted, because a) she's female and b) she's burned. Again, nobody seems to have noticed or remember her.
 
Hotair also has a good round-up and thought-provoking analysis on this.
 
Ha! Are you dopes still saying he's not really in Iraq?
 
Paul. Nope. We're just saying he's a punk and a fabulist. Read the whole post before hitting "post" on your comments, please.
 
Well...I just got through reading that Mr. Beauchamp was at the University of Missouri in columbia creative writing program (go figure LOL) and that he is engaged to be married to one Elizabeth Reeves, a researcher for TNR. LOL who apparently joined the army so he could get "experience" to embellish his already carppy writing abilities. All of his old posts from pre-deployment and school have the same writing technique and include some made up stories about warfare. This guy is a plant and I can't believe he made it through boot camp and being stationed over seas. His goal to become an "experienced" writer must have been really powerful to make him put up with stuff he thought he was above. Of course, it explains why he was busted before. Probably because he doesn't give a carp about advancing and figures it's all about his writing, not being part of the army, protecting his team, or doing anything good with his life.
 
Like I said - he wants to be his generation's Oliver Stone. Too bad he didn't shoot for his generation's Jim Webb, or Leon Uris, instead.
 
Ha! Are you dopes still saying he's not really in Iraq? According to his blog and his current military address, Paul, no, he is not really in Iraq. He may have really gone to Iraq, but now he is really in Germany. Really. ...a whiny snot nosed punk who thinks he is indispensable...ala Hawkeye and Trapper John, or a pilot. Okay, I'll cop to being a (sometimes) whiney punk, but I keep my nose squeaky clean -- that's why flight suits have long sleeves. [waiting for the fallout from purposely mis-parsing sentence for a cheap laugh] And as long as Scotts-O is in Germany, perhaps he can work on being adopted into a family of more literary accomplishment than the Beauchamps -- the Münchhausens...
 
Ha! Are you dopes still saying he's not really in Iraq? No, were are not. What we are saying is that just because he is/was in Iraq doesn't close the big gaping holes in his story you could drive a Mack truck through. See, for example, what Baldilocks does not apologize for.
 
I have no idea how your rank systems works but in a Commonwealth army this guy would be a Dickhead 1st Class AKA Walter Mitty and in desperate need of vist to the back of the barracks.
 
" ... Doesn't graduation from AIT result in a promotion of at least one grade? ... " It didn't in 1982! LOL I didn't make E-2 until about 3-4 months after getting to Germany. Oh, some could blame MY sorry a$$ for that, I suppose .... but I like to blame the battalion S-1. LOL
 
Heh. And yer Battalion Adj *credits* your 1SG. Plllpppptttt!
 
Bill T, You beat me to the punch in answering Paul, ty. Kat, so he is engaged to Elizabeth Reeves (er, Elspeth Reeve maybe)? Yet another Fairbanksing connection? Back in December '06, the lovely Ms. Reeve wrote an article on "her reseach" of DC rental housing and the political biases that the landlords/overlords imposed on their prospects. Amazingly, Eve Fairbanks, also of TNR, had just written a piece about herself and her roomate trying to find a new place in DC and the biases involved. They read like they were different stories from the same notes, except the Fairbanksed story sounded more like someone took the requirements from "W4M" and merged them with properties for rent. TNR never fails to entertain.
 
The only way you can discipline a really good pilot is to ground him...but since he/she is that good, you can't ground him/her. Same with a top flight needed MOS...so you cause just enough trouble to not lose your mind but also not hurt anyone else in the process. He has no character, he is not indispensable and were it up to me, he would be getting a combination of a bad conduct discharge, some jail time (for lying while on duty. I don't care what the freakin' charge is, make it stick) and some form of a scarlet letter mea culpa for the rest of his miserable life. And that is below the belt that he is from Columbia, MO. A decent college and town.
 
Where I graduated high school and college, and my father and sister live... Argghhh!, so to speak.
 
So he exists. Be interesting to see where things head from here in the realm of official military practice. I think Kat might have the whole motive thing going. If she's right the army must be desperate if they keep a bullshit artist (Münchhausen was cooler alright) like him aboard. Even if he didn't do the whole disfigured women event he wrote about it like he wanted to. An ambitious scumbag with no skill. What's the bet he ends up writing for the NYT?
 
Sorry...Elspeth is it. The whole thing was a bad writing trip made up of his fake experiences. It is almost sad if it weren't so funny. I mean, on top of that, I think some guy (Scott?) was going around trying to defend his character and saying all sorts of stuff happens. Really? You mean we don't that folks in the military sometimes act like clowns or juvenile delinquents while the teacher's back is turned? Here I thought they were all Angels. ;) Honestly, besides the details he gets wrong, the whole issue was how it read. Like a bad frat party on too many kegs and some crank. Like a bad book or movie. Had to go from one screwed thing to another in order to keep the pace moving and make sure the characters were all built up to anachronistic unfeeling Neanderthals. that way when you got to the really atrocious stuff it would be the pinnacle of shocking or he'd hit you with something really tragic so you could see that odd twist of fate that the unfeeling got paid back or whatever the usual literary twist is at the end. It was just bad and copied people's poems and other writing, regurgitated his own fantasies from pre-Iraq days into something close to reality using new found experiences and then TNR posted it like it was the truth. NOw..that was really sad. How many times can you get duped by your own people before you figure out that your journalistic practices are in the garbage can?
 
Ok, I'll play the clueless civilian straight man again: what's with the E-2, PFC, PV2 ranks? ...Ok, Google Is Your Friend. So is E-3 (PFC) the normal minimal rank for soldiers out of basic, yes? So who usually gets E-1 and E-2?
 
Even better....BadBrad (a jag officer) found a myspace friend who was serving with our great Scotto and it turns out, yes, he is a scumbag. From hotair BadBrad on July 26, 2007 at 11:23 PM:
as for private beauchamp him self. he just received his 2 article 15 for going awol for three weeks up at BIAP after he returned from R&R. not a model soldier despite that i have considered him a friend up untill now.
The rest of the comment was very interesting, too, including the closing from Pvt B's once pal:
I won’t have him wanting to mke things sound more intersting over here to make more people want read his writing reflect me in a negative light!
From this I imagine that this fellow is rightly concerned he is about to be dragged under the tracks of the Bradley with Pvt B.
 
Speaking of R&R, there is a consulting firm by that name in DC that would love this guy. They make up sound bites for a certain political party.
 
People who've been out of Basic for 3-6 months who are E1s and E2s are soldiers who have "issues." Whether those issues are apptitude/performance based or attitude/performance based.
 
He's not in Iraq anymore...if he was even there in the first place. He's in Germany. I would say all three. He has a contract to fulfill. Do we hear 'shamming?'
 
Oh, to veer a bit; Baldilocks's Dad and Obama's Dad were buddies back in Kenya, according to Steve Sailer. (And Baldilocks, I believe.) I'd rather have Baldilocks for President.
 
My full take on this is here. Thanks for all of the people who looked at this before me. Perhaps it is just me, but I see much more of a Faribanksing situation here than it appeared before. When TNR has an editor who can transform "How not to steal a cellphone" from the New York Times into "Big shame in a small world" at the Examiner (turning cell phone thieves and their thuggish relatives into victims), obscure the source and get it past their editors then you really are investing in a new Stephen Glass. Side note: Elspeth Reeve might have bragging rights in the TNR offices as the only woman there married to a Soldier who made Private Second Class twice*! *My father made Corporal in the US Army at least twice, IIRC, in just 2 years of Active Duty.