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This is too funny not to share. Remodeling hell.

The Armorer's sister, who lurks here (and the fact that she does so is a vindication of The Rulez and your general demeanor as commenters) is doing what SWWBO and I are - her husband and she are getting a new place to live. The difference is, SWWBO and I being really lazy, we went and bought .02% of the county to do it. My sister and her family have entered Hell... a live-in remodel.

I'll let her take it from here...

Oh my. Although signs of impending disaster have been accumulating since early this week (a really large dumpster in my driveway and spray paint on my grass marking gas and water lines), yesterday they began in earnest. When I got home from work, my patio was in chunks, the neighbor’s tree had been cut down (yes, we had permission to do that), my flag pole was in pieces on the ground, and the shrubbery I have disliked for 12 years had been ripped out leaving a large area of, well, dirt.

The air conditioner guys were still there moving my unit and running in-and-out so often it made my head spin. The grill, which I had planned to use to cook, was now about 20 feet away from the back door in the middle of the yard. The large chunks of patio were between it and me. The grill now resides in the garage.

The dog was so upset by all of this commotion that he peed all over the place yesterday. When Erin got home, he would wet on the floor every time she left him alone. He calmed down once his family had all come home to comfort him and take him out for walkies since his fence has been taken down and there are large chunks of concrete at the back door.

This morning we got up to discover that the pilot light on the water heater had gone out. We think that has to do with the moving of the air conditioner. We couldn’t get it relit, so hopefully one of the workers at the house today will be able to get it working. No one in the Hanson household had a shower this morning, so stay down wind of us. Cold sponge baths are not much fun and I had to deal with my terrible bed head by sticking my head under the cold sink faucet! I do realize that millions of persons all over the world would consider themselves fortunate to live in a home with air conditioning and running water, even if it isn’t hot. I just wasn’t ready for it.

This has nothing to do with the remodel, but the ice dispenser on the fridge is broken and keeps dispensing parts. So far, it has produced a plug, a pin, and a spring loaded bracket. Someone will come fix that next week. Good thing I called when I did because my warranty expired yesterday. Since I called before the expiration, it will be covered. I sincerely hope the repair person will be able to enter the house!

Please pray that every day is not as eventful as day 1.

Oh, I *am* conflicted. If each day is as funny to be an *observer* of as this one...

I responded:

Heh. I guess the 40-or-so ticks that Beth and I removed from each other in a stunning display of primate grooming behavior does, indeed, pale beside this.

Thankfully, we're going to have a place to live while the new place gets some remodeling done.

The latent Safety Officer in me is driving me to intone "We're not going to *cook* in the garage, are we?" 8^)

The odd thing about the ticks... the dogs had none. Frontline works for them. The stuff we used kept the ticks off of our feet and legs... but did nothing to stop the little vermin from parachuting onto our heads and shoulders from the branches above.

Heh. "Airborne! Death from Above!" indeed.

However, I'll take the requirements of primate grooming behavior (less eating the ticks, mind you) over your fun and adventure!

The radon, structural, and termite inspections are done for the new place with no major problems to report...

I am *so* looking forward to the series. Shoot, I may make you a guest-blogger if it remains this engrossing and amusing!

She responded...

I think you write better than I, but I can compose a few words. Don’t you find it ironic that they took the flag pole down on Flag Day? We couldn’t have flown a flag anyway because the tree that was removed had covered the flag pole in its entirety.

No, we won’t cook in the garage. The grill just won’t wander about the yard at the whim of a workman if I store it there. We will grill on the driveway next to the dumpster, silly. I think all people should have a cooking appliance next to a giant trash bin.

Is there Frontline for humans? If not, you will be rich if you invent it. Honestly, yuck. The tick bite I got at the Renaissance Festival was incredibly gross and scary. When I did a google search on tick bites, the photo captioned “Lyme disease” looked exactly like the mess on my body. Dr. V's response when she looked at it was “Oh, that’s nasty!” Not words you want to hear from your doctor. I had to take meds for 21 days. Someone on Beth’s blog suggested guinea hens. Buy some now. Do bats eat ticks? I know they are good for mosquitoes. Do you have a cave for bats?

I will keep you apprised of the ongoing saga.

Methinks the Armorer's Sister writes just fine.

Regardless, from both of us, Thanks, Mom. And Dad, too - it wouldn't have happened without both of you.

7 Comments

I think your Mom's spirit is showing in how well both of you find humor in the challenges ... Good for you, Sis :-) And I concur with John that your writing is just fine. I don't envy you the remodeling -- good luck, and any time you want to share the trials and tribulations, the Denizens will be happy to know what we're missing! Having built a house, while living in another, I can say with certainty that it's a frustrating process in general. Watching it done to the house while you live in in -- yow!
 
In my youngaer days, when I was under the care of the nuns, who strived mightily to save my heathen soul, I was taught that for those who sinned enough to keep them from an immediate entry into Heaven, but not enough to merit eternal damnation, there was a special place called Purgatory where you paid for those sins. I found that they were right. You find Purgatory here on Earth and it begins the day the congractor shows up to begin any remodelling job. And it goes on. and on, and on. The punishment NEVER finishes when promised. There are ALWAYS "unexpected delays" that stretch ad nauseum. And, when the contractor finally says the job is finished we give a great sigh of releief and swear that we will NEVER go through that again. But we humans are weak, and the body has little memory for pain. And so we fall back into our sinfull ways, and then one day it is again payback time, and one of you turns to the other and says "Don't you think it's about time we got a contractor in here and .....?" My condolences to both of you. Marine6 Sends
 
Muuuuuwaaahahahahahaaa! After 2 months of sleeping on the floor downstairs, my wife and daughter are now sleeping in their own beds in a newly remodeled upstairs. Me? I bailed--timed the MD-11 upgrade perfectly, spending most of my time at the crash pad in Memphis or the hotel in Anchorage taking classes and flying the sim. It always "happens" when man-child deploys, eh, ladies? That said, I was there for the strategic "discussions" with the contractor and came and went enough times to provide the Alpha Male vs. Alpha Male stare-downs, so to speak, when necessary. Fortunately, that wasn't needed very often 'cause our worker team was 99% Amish (sans beards and wide brimmed hats), were mostly related to one another in some way (made for better comms), and were fiercely proud of their workmanship. It "hurt so good" as it were, putting up with the inconvenience but watching an old house with an old layout be transformed into a really nice place (upstairs at least...gotta make Captain for the kitchen/downstairs project, heh). That, plus the complete reinforcement of the roof and rewiring throughout the upstairs, built-in cabinets, desk and TV corner in the new office and new shower/commode/heated floor in the master bedroom. Like a skillfully done root canal, trust me, it's worth the pain in the long run. BTW, didn't she mean "upwind"? -Instapilot
 
Depends, Dusty. She might well be in the "misery loves company" mode right now...
 
Wow. We're living in the house while (after 29 years of residency) remodeling. But nothing like this; just a little dry rot under the bathroom floors, and one single, solitary piece of external trim with dry-wood termites, and not a single, solitary other of the white pests. I've got to show my wife this post...
 
Well, my sister is doing a rather extensive remodel. They are essentially ripping out the back wall and extending the house 10 feet or so in that direction, along with a complete kitchen remodel, and replacing *all* the 40 year old windows. It's rather expansive. What we intend for our place is to remove a wall and extend the master suite into one of the small bedrooms, and to replace a window in the master suite with a door to the deck, to update the master bath, and build the Vault of Argghhh! in the basement, so that the basement essentially turns into a walk-in gun safe/museum. Nothing at all like my sister is doing. Well, there's also the stall-construction in the barn, and the creation of the Tack Room of Argghhh! and the Workshop of Argghhh! out in that 50x70 barn... Heh. The *horses* will have more space than we do...
 
Frontline no longer works on Florida fleas, or Georgia ones either, as the Sweetie advises. It's Advantage, or nuthin'. Advantage is made by Germans, Frontline by Frogs, I think. Who ya gonna trust when it comes to mean nasty poisons? The guys who invented Sarin, or the guys who invented Camenbert?
 
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