[sound of 120 watt incandescent bulb bursting into illumination]

-- well, since they ackshully *met* me. [Time to drag that pic out of the darkness! - the Armorer]

Hmmmmmpf.

Anyway, everybody’s seen that “Everything I Learned, I Learned From My Dog” bit, right? You know, the one that starts with “Always turn around three times before you lie down,” “It’s not a real kiss unless it’s wet and sloppy,” et cetera, et cetera?

Today’s edition is “Stuff You Learn From A Puppy That Has Real-World Applications.” Such as, "Vinca looks like violets but they're not as tasty."

Today's lesson continued below (you're *not* getting off that easy)...

· Leashes work both ways.

· Just because somebody bites you on the butt, it doesn’t mean they *don’t* like you. It could just be a teething issue.

· Acorns. Bleccch.

· Being born with a set of Wusthof paring knives for toenails is a big help when you’re climbing up dad’s leg, but they’re not much good when you’re trying to get on top of a row of Belgian blocks.

· Having big feet is cute until you want to walk along the top of a row of Belgian blocks. Or until you have to pee. Especially if you’re still on top of the Belgian blocks.

· If you absolutely *must* stick your foot in your mouth, don’t forget to lick between your toes.

And, most important of all in these stressful times,

· At least once a day, grab a few minutes to stop and eat the roses.