Checking downstream to the original premise, in which I requested you guys submit your deathless (i.e., no fair killing me off) prose via e-mail -- which would have served the dual purpose of

1. allowing me to scrunch similar endings together and

2. giving the jillion "Congratulations! Your E-Mail has won..." missives some legitimate company.

*sigh* At least it generated some comments.

From Sanger:

Then I died.

Buuuutt...

God sent me back, to continue until the ring had been destroyed, having been cast into the fires of Mt Fuji... Where I'd been sent by 7 homely geisha girls after one soulless night in the Ginsha-kinfe area of Naga-shima, savoring saki-dipped rice, chopstick-fed to me one grain at a time, while my feet were massaged....

Or maybe it was Bangkok, or...

*Someone* has been reading The Book of Five Rings with one eye and Bored of the Rings with the other. Heh -- hang around with Maggie and you, too, will discover talents hitherto undreamed of...

And Cricket:

and right there and then I had an epiphany; I would work to resolve the issues of drab icky colors. I was reborn as BT.

*sigh* Now it appears I've morphed into a character in Primary Colors with the power to halt gypsy moth infestations.

Tomorrow's dissertation will be on Chuck's unlikely combo: beets, which we didn't get in RVN, and chianti, which was available, but which nobody drank. And Boq's e-mail won 600,000 Pounds Sterling in Euros, payable in Yoruban Baht ...

And if anybody's curious, the case of Abdominable Voorheaves (sorry 'bout that, H.P.) was *not* due to something I ate...