Oh good golly gee, save me from the Crusaders.

And no, I don't smoke.

Belmont to be first U.S. city to ban all smoking By Dana Yates, Daily Journal Staff Belmont is set to make history by becoming the first city in the nation to ban smoking on its streets and almost everywhere else.

The Belmont City Council voted unanimously last night to pursue a strict law that will prohibit smoking anywhere in the city except for single-family detached residences. Smoking on the street, in a park and even in one’s car will become illegal and police would have the option of handing out tickets if they catch someone.

Yep. I didn't make that up. It gets better, though.

It's the attitude.

“We have a tremendous opportunity here. We need to pass as stringent a law as we can, I would like to make it illegal,” said Councilman Dave Warden. “What if every city did this, image [sic] how many lives would be saved? If we can do one little thing here at this level it will matter.”

I'm betting he said "Imagine" and the paper just spell-checked themselves into that corner.

Okay - let's do some imagining. First, let's change the quote a teensy bit.

“We have a tremendous opportunity here. We need to pass as stringent a law against [fill in the blank] as we can, I would like to make it illegal,” said Councilman Dave Warden. “What if every city did this, image how many lives would be saved? If we can do one little thing here at this level it will matter.”

Alrighty then. Would not then, all these statements be true? Where *do* we draw the line.

“We have a tremendous opportunity here. We need to pass as stringent a law against [drinking] as we can, I would like to make it illegal,” said Councilman Dave Warden. “What if every city did this, image how many lives would be saved? If we can do one little thing here at this level it will matter.”

“We have a tremendous opportunity here. We need to pass as stringent a law against [drug use] as we can, I would like to make it illegal,” said Councilman Dave Warden. “What if every city did this, image how many lives would be saved? If we can do one little thing here at this level it will matter.”

“We have a tremendous opportunity here. We need to pass as stringent a law against [gun ownership] as we can, I would like to make it illegal,” said Councilman Dave Warden. “What if every city did this, image how many lives would be saved? If we can do one little thing here at this level it will matter.”

“We have a tremendous opportunity here. We need to pass as stringent a law against [vehicle ownership] as we can, I would like to make it illegal,” said Councilman Dave Warden. “What if every city did this, image how many lives would be saved? If we can do one little thing here at this level it will matter.”

“We have a tremendous opportunity here. We need to pass as stringent a law against [bathtubs] as we can, I would like to make it illegal,” said Councilman Dave Warden. “What if every city did this, image how many lives would be saved? If we can do one little thing here at this level it will matter.”

“We have a tremendous opportunity here. We need to pass as stringent a law against [fill in the blank] as we can, I would like to make it illegal,” said Councilman Dave Warden. “What if every city did this, image how many lives would be saved? If we can do one little thing here at this level it will matter.”

“We have a tremendous opportunity here. We need to pass as stringent a law against [being overweight] as we can, I would like to make it illegal,” said Councilman Dave Warden. “What if every city did this, image how many lives would be saved? If we can do one little thing here at this level it will matter.”

“We have a tremendous opportunity here. We need to pass as stringent a law against [unprotected sex] as we can, I would like to make it illegal,” said Councilman Dave Warden. “What if every city did this, image how many lives would be saved? If we can do one little thing here at this level it will matter.”

“We have a tremendous opportunity here. We need to pass as stringent a law against [fast food] as we can, I would like to make it illegal,” said Councilman Dave Warden. “What if every city did this, image how many lives would be saved? If we can do one little thing here at this level it will matter.”

Go ahead, come up with your own. I've made this a Denizen post so Denizens can add to the post directly, not just via the comments.