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Posted without comment.

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE
BUTTER? They're going to STICK!
Careful...CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind?
Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

H/t, 1SG Keith.

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Oh that's a good one. My mum used to freak out on cars she could see in front of her possibly changing lanes and would clutch the plastic door handle and dash in expectation of an imminent collision which just wasn't going to happen. Meanwhile any goon out of eyeball or perceptive range that was a real risk she'd be happily oblivious to. Note: My mum still doesn't drive.
 
This one time *snort* in band camp *snort* No, it wasn't actually band camp, it was a blizzard. School was called off early, but instead of riding the bus home, I decided to go with a group of friends to my boyfriend's house. OOPS. Mom was NOT happy. She headed out in the blizzard to get me in the proverbial soccer mom van. As she approached a "T" intersection, which featured a 8 foot ditch on the other side... the tires locked up. While pumping the brakes, freaking out, and not really knowing what to say about the situation, the following verbage flew out of her mouth.... "SSSSHIIIIIIFFF***************CCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!!* $hiF*ck is *still* a family favorite cuss word. No, she didn't end up in the ditch, but no.... 20 years later, she still hasn't forgiven me. hehe