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In a nutshell--

By Bill on September 9, 2006 | | Comments (8)

--the rumors of my

a. demise,
b. moving into a cave in West Virginia,
c. going drinking with Paris Hilton (or doing anything else with Paris Hilton),
d. bodily ascension into heaven, or
e. finally landing another job

are all

1. True
or
2. False

Circle your choice on the monitor using a No. 2 pencil. Insure all erasures are complete or you may receive an incorrect score at the Last Judgement.

*sigh*

Since I got that first-hand experience in the mutability of the defense budget, KtLW has been in full-blown Panic Mode--which means she micromanages *everything*, to include me. If I ain't creating, updating, posting or pasting a masterfully-written, marvelously concise, perfectly-tailored resume for every job vacancy in the Western Hemisphere, I am obviously Wasting Precious Time. And, since she intends to see that I *don't* Waste Precious Time, she spends
Every.
Waking.
Minute.
breathing down my neck.

No blogs. No blogging. I haven't had my Day By Day fix in weeks. I have no idea what *anybody* has been writing about.

Heh. Toss me some gouda to go with this whine...

And why haven't I answered any gmails? Simple. Ever since I tried to answer a query from Trias ("What's 'hooah' mean, anyway?"), I get the following cheery message every time I log in: "Gee, it seems to be taking a lot longer than usual to load your mailbox. If it fails to load in the next few minutes, go to the Help Desk." So, several minutes later (continually minimizing and restoring the daylights out of the screen due to KtLW's unannounced inspections to see if I'm WPT), I click the Help Desk link and get sent here...

Somehow, it seems appropriate.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Nothing much else is newsworthy except that squirrels overran the three churches in town last month.

After much prayer, the elders of the Presbyterian church decided that the animals were predestined to be there, and who were they to interfere with God's will?

Soon, the squirrels multiplied…

The council of the Episcopalian church decided that they could not harm any of God's creatures, so they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free outside of town.

Next day, the squirrels were back…

The pastor and the deacon of the Catholic church baptized the squirrels and registered them as parishioners.

Now they'll only see them at Christmas and Easter…

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8 Comments

By Justthisguy on September 9, 2006 1:48 AM
Oh Wow, Chief! Glad yer A. Not Dead Yet and B. Still Being a Smart... uh, Intelligent Donkey. (deference to PG-17)
 
By WillyShake on September 9, 2006 7:47 AM
Hey, ain't NUTHIN' wrong with 'em WVa caves! *wink* ...er, I could perhaps say the same about drinking with PH, but I'd be lying--it's not the *drinking* part that I'd care about. LOL
 
By FbL on September 9, 2006 8:05 AM
So good to hear from you, Chief! You have been missed something awful. *HUGS* I wish I could do something to help. Hang in there!
 
By Maggie on September 9, 2006 8:40 AM
How did they know you were eating chips?
 
By Barb on September 9, 2006 9:47 AM
Hey, Bill -- glad to hear you're alive in the luddite prison. Good thing you can type fast, buddy! Didn't realize it would be a survival skill, didja?
 
By ry on September 9, 2006 7:28 PM
Just in case you do see this: I'm also an AOL user at home who does gmail. THere's two ways to handle this problem Chief. 1) Save important emails and your favorites to floppy or CD. The favorites you can actually email to yourself, download, and add back rather quickly instead. Go into the settings section from your start up menu. Select add/remove programs. Nuke AOL. Go to the hardware store/Fry's/Goodguys/Whatever where they invariably have the free trial of AOL disks. Load that. That typically takes care of glitches for me. 2) Re-install your OS after backing up important files. (This can be hard. I know, I've just had to do it myself). And who decided it was a good idea to turn the automated sprinkler system on both high volume and when me and the Zombies play hockey? Jeez. Even after we started leaving money in the fridge for all the beer we drink too. Harsh.
 
By AFSister on September 10, 2006 6:42 AM
Hope I didn't get you in too much trouble, Bill. We get worried about you, now that Carborundum has been re-assigned to another pilot. In other words... we love ya, and we miss ya, and DAMN IT, DON'T SCARE US LIKE THAT AGAIN. *sigh* GIANT hugs heading your way.
 
By Cricket on September 10, 2006 12:36 PM
Sugar Buttons is alive and well and working hard on his resume! Good. Now I can call off that search party. Hm. Resume writing is demanding work and involves Tap Dancing Around The Truth as well as Making Mountains Out Of Molehills. The menu for this brain drain is as follows: Smoked Salmon Spaghetti Carbonara Mesclun salad with basalmic vinaigrette Green beans almondine Melon medly for dessert For snackies: Foccacia with rosemary, garlic and parmesan and maybe Limoncello shouldn't be served with a savory, but considering the Chief's need to give his head a rest, I will add it. have fun and get back with us when you can.