Comments for Note to Em Hunter.

Note to Em Hunter.

2006-07-22T13:09:00Z

Ms. Hunter.

You searched in vain for evidence of your father's impact on the world?

"There was no evidence of his life work."

Heh. In most respects that is true for all of us. Very few, comparatively, are going to have a highly visible legacy. Which is okay - all that ego-driven striving gets tedious after a while. Take a look around West Virginia... can you drive for 20 minutes there and not know who the senior Senator is?

But let's get serious here.

You can't find evidence of your father's "Life work?"

What? Are there no mirrors in your home?

There are three things I try to be (though rarely achieve).

1. Be the person our dogs think I am.
2. Be a person my parents aren't ashamed of.
3. Be the husband and father SWWBO and Prodigal Son deserve (which is really simply a summation of 1&2).

Everything else is gravy.

Comment from fdcol63 on 2006-07-22

2006-07-22T23:56:40Z

What I don't want said about me at my funeral: "Gosh! They did a great job on him. He looks as good now as he did when I saw him last week." LOL

Comment from SangerM on 2006-07-22

2006-07-22T19:48:38Z

I've had three men I've called Dad, or Pop. The first walked away from us when I was 6 and made excuses his whole life for not coming back. When I learned he'd died a few years ago I was glad to have that niggling curiosity behind me. He made other kids he took care of, they are the sisters I've never met. The second was a former Marine, a Carlson's Raider supposedly, who served at Tarawa, but who didn't really do much else after the WWII. He worked as a coal crane operator for the electric company. A very big man (resembled Jackie Gleason) who died of a brain tumor when I was 11. He was a better father by far than the original. He taught me to swim by tossing me in the deep end of a pool (several times), and how to eat soft boiled eggs, and how to enjoy real Marine Corps SOS and "bug-juice," and he loved John Wayne and Hoss Cartwright, and he drove a humongous blue rocket-finned caddy! There is nothing left of him for me now but my memories, but that's enough and plenty. My third father died when I was 30. He was the best. He was a very quiet, unassuming, extraordinarily calm man, who worked his whole life as a machinist, and was a Master tool and die maker. He could make anything from nothing. What I know about fixing things (and I am pretty good at fixing things), and about scale modeling, and about carpentry, plumbing, electrical wiring, flooring, and every manner of household maintenance, I first learned from him. I repair nothing, I do no mechanical work, I use no tool, and I build nothing that doesn't in some way reflect his patience and guidance. He is a daily part of my life for that reason if no other. And all of that says nothing of the influences of my electrician Grandfather, and the 1SG who made me into a good soldier and NCO (in spite of my best efforts at resistance), and the Scout Platoon Sergeant who became for me the ultimate test of my military competence: "What would SFC zzz do?" And the 1LT platoon leader who grew to be my best friend and taught me a great deal about what Officer-ship is really all about! I cannot imagine being the man I am, the man my wife and daughter look to for every manner of care and comfort and support and rescue, were it not for the examples of the men above. Even my birth father, whom I look to as an example of the kind of man I don't ever want to be. Personally, I think Ms. Hunter would benefit from a bit less narcissism and concern for things that don't really matter.

Comment from John of Argghhh! on 2006-07-22

2006-07-22T18:30:00Z

Well, in re #1, two of the dogs *are* plump, the other is buff as a gymnast. In re #2, sometimes one's parents can be wrong. In re #3, how very Irish!

Comment from Trias on 2006-07-22

2006-07-22T18:10:22Z

We live on by those lives we touch. The good and ill inevitably pass on as we do. For those of us lucky enough to be fathers, our children so young and influencable (except when it comes to dishes!) are a legacy. And the responsible among us strive to make that positive. Teachers too get that gift with such huge time slots spent with so many children. And she is in part a testament for good or ill to her father's legacy. I've been surrounded by excellent mechanics. I have a big issue with those who cheapen the worth of 'plebs'. Maybe funerals are an indicator of the love for a person. Maybe we need to show that before they are dead :-/ However :D 1) Good god no. Can you imagine how fat they'd get? 2) I *am* my parents shame. 3) Well I hope that when i pass on nobody whispers at the funeral "Thank goodness he's finally gone. Let's grab the cakes"

Comment from FbL on 2006-07-22

2006-07-22T16:09:15Z

Exactly what I meant, John. :) That's exactly what my father's memorial service was like. And like you I hope for the same at the end of my life. And btw, I am so proud and feel so privileged to count the three of your among my friends. Like Bill said, "no steenkeeng *stah*-choo," but we who know you know.

Comment from BloodSpite on 2006-07-22

2006-07-22T15:44:09Z

"...to know that one life has breathed easier because you have lived...." Yup.

Comment from cw4(ret)billt on 2006-07-22

2006-07-22T15:14:28Z

About a week after my old Guard unit got back from the sandbox, four pilots called me--separately--and each said pretty much the same thing: "All those Vietnam tactics you hammered into me worked. I didn't take one hit the whole time." The Boss called and said, "I wanna shake your hand. Maybe you weren't there, but the things you taught us brought everybody back alive." I don' need no steenkeeng *stah*-choo...

Comment from John of Argghhh! on 2006-07-22

2006-07-22T15:01:18Z

Yesterday I attended the funeral of exactly that. An excellent mechanic. And the chapel was full of people ranging from 3 piece suits to mullets with dirty jeans... just in from the bays. I would hope *I* should have so many people from across the community attend my funeral. That looks like a life well lived to me.

Comment from FbL on 2006-07-22

2006-07-22T14:53:55Z

Ick. I think I understand where she's coming from, and can't object to her concerns about balancing motherhood and professional achievement. BUT... this is the same stream of thoguht/values that says that a man who spent his professional life being an excellent and trustworthy mechanic is someone to be pitied or looked down upon. My father died at age 34 and there are no statues of him, no great academic papers he wrote, no money or companies left behind. In fact, his life insurance policy was for only 30 grand. But to this very day his impact is clearly stamped on almost every single person he encountered as a rural pastor--not the least of which are his widow and children.