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Tales in BBQ.

Barbecue Season Is Coming!

After the long months of cold and winter, we will soon be coming up to summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking as it's the only type of cooking a real man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine...

1) The woman buys the food.
2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.

Here comes the important part:

4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine....

5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation. [When this happened to the Armorer, much abuse was (and *still* is), heaped on his head. I ask you, what's more important, guiding the Armorer-Father around the Collection, or watching some utterly replaceable meat be sacrificed to the gods? Hmmmmm? The Exterior Guard was happy with it!]

Important again:

7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN. More routine.....

8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces and brings them to the table.
9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:

10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women....

H/t, Rich B.

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Barbecue Season Is Coming! from The Politburo Diktat on March 15, 2006 4:56 PM

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18 Comments

Just to let eveyone know, John has improved his grilling skills since the infamous burning of the McGonigle Steaks back in 1997. $50 worth of the best steaks in Kansas City burnt to a crisp when his parents came to visit. And the next day, my horse, Petey, broke his dad. His parents came here one more time, and his dad got sick, so they don't visit us any more. Between the burnt food, broken ribs and the flu, they figure Leavenworth is not a very hospitable place.
 
Yep, I *did* improve 'em! I let SWWBO handle it while I make 'ritas.
 
Reminds me of the dinner I made Tuesday night, and had to leave for a meeting before getting to eat it. Upon returning from said meeting, I found all of the leftovers still on sitting out, and all of the plates, cups and silverware still on the table... still with left over food on them.
 
Oh this is priceless :)
 
Man, good thing I'm at school right now. I feel a real full 'Donald Duck' comming on. Tasty Burned Flesh is not to be treated so calously. Good on you for rapping The Armorer's(philistine!) knuckles on this one, SWWBO.
 
Oviously never been to our place. My wife doesn't cook. If it can't be done in the microwave in under 3 minutes she don't touch it. So its up to me to attempt to feed everyone. Fortunately I hooked up with a former Mess Seagrent at my VFW who gave me this great recipe for Chili. Unfortunately it feeds 400. Anyone need some?
 
Was going to try something like this last night but discovered I was missing an ingredient: the item identified as "woman". But I managed a work-around, and was gratified that "peace" and "quiet" remained undisturbed. Cheers JMH
 
JMH...you never cease to amaze me with your "quiet" wit. ROFLMAO!
 
Just plain heh. The Engineer does pretty well, but I have yet to convince him to get a beef tenderloin...he thinks spending 50.00 on one cut of meat is mortal sin. Sigh. We make do with pork tenderloins, salmon and scallops. Smoked scallops are intensely rich and delicious.
 
Pretty good, John. Linked. (TBs FUBARd.)
 
Cricket- ever try the Parmesan Breaded Scallops from the Weber book? mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
 
I love the BarbeQue season, can't wait to fire up the grill. Raymond B www.voteswagon.com
 
For as much as I cook, I could be married to Bloodspite! Thank goodness the Hubster likes to cook, cause I'm pretty hopeless ;-)
 
Obviously, Brab's skillz lie in another arena, to get a man to cook for her...
 
Heh, around the Cartwright household the last day of BBQ season is immediately followed by the first day of BBQ season. Somewhere amongst one of my friends photo albums, is a picture of me in pajamas, with a Corona Light in one hand, turning steaks in the other, with 3 inches of snow on the ground, and about a quarter inch on my shoulders. If it's made of meat, I can BBQ it. The convection oven on the other hand, well.. I can do chicken in it, but that's about it. Too much black magic for me.
 
Stay out of the kitchen, MCart. Nothing good can come of it. Unless it's an industrial kitchen.
 
Heh, industrial kitchen. That reminds me of one of my favorite websites. Cooking with High Voltage(TM). http://www.electricmuseum.com/exhibits/cook/
 
Hey! Hey! How did fubar get past PG-17c? That's not family friendly, dontchaknow.
 
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