"One of the jobs I interviewed for was a teaching position in the local grade school. The interview went well, but I had a few things I needed to get straight, so when the interviewer asked, 'Do you have any questions?' I answered, 'Let me see if I've got this right...

" 'You want me to go into a room full of kids and fill their every waking moment with a love of learning. I'm supposed to instill a sense of pride in their ethnicity, modify their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse and censor their T-shirt messages and dress habits.

" 'You want me to wage a war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, check their backpacks for weapons and raise their self esteem.

" 'You want me to teach them patriotism, good citizenship, sportsmanship, fair play, how to register to vote, how to balance a checkbook and how to apply for a job.

" 'You want me to check their heads for lice, maintain a safe environment, recognize signs of anti-social behavior, make sure all students pass the state exams, including those who don't even show up with any regularity or complete any of their assignments.

" 'You want me to make sure that all of the students with handicaps get an equal education regardless of the extent of their mental or physical handicap.

" 'You want me to communicate regularly with the parents by letter, telephone, newsletter and report card.

" 'You want me to do all of that with a piece of chalk, a couple of books, a bulletin board and a big smile and do it on a starting salary that qualifies my family for food stamps.

" 'You want me to do all that and you expect me not to pray?!?' "

Heh. H/t to "Shayla, the Double-Digit Midget."