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Been here, done this - but only in peacetime.

By The Armorer on September 29, 2005 | | Comments (16) | TrackBacks (2)

It's a tough job, no matter when.

CSA Sends: "Dear Casualty Notification Officer"


Names elided by me.

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Much sadness… from Random Fate on September 29, 2005 5:03 PM

…from the eternal necessity of what John of Argghhh! refers to in his post “Been here, done this - but only in peacetime.” Technorati Tags: recommended reading ... Read More

Time for some linky-lovin from My Side of the Puddle on September 30, 2005 11:45 AM

There are so many good posts out there right now, and I have nothing to add to them, so I thought I'd just redirect you all to the ones I've been reading. Read More

16 Comments

By SGT Jeff (IRR) on September 29, 2005 4:42 PM
Wow. Simply... wow. Like the mother, words fail me how people can manage to carry out this assignment.
 
By Barb on September 29, 2005 5:21 PM
Standing and fighting would be a much easier duty than delivering the horrible news to the loved ones. Thanks for sharing this, John.
 
By John of Argghhh! on September 29, 2005 5:22 PM
Not to belabor the obvious - but it's harder to get this news than it is to give it.
 
By Becker on September 29, 2005 7:43 PM
My son is a US Marine (ret). He was seriously injured in a training accident just before his Btn deployed to Iraq in Feburary of 2004. Upon his recovery he found himself, a SpOps Team Leader, transformed into a CAO and family liason officer. During those months he called me two or three times a week, usually in tears because he found that duty much more difficult than being a heavy machine gunner. There were several times I thought the MP's would be picking him up at the airport in San Diego trying to buy a plane ticket to Baghdad so he didn't have to face another family. He did his duty. He hated every minute of it, but he did it well.
 
By Sgt. B. on September 29, 2005 11:12 PM
During Desert Storm, the Non-Commissioned Officers of the School Of Infantry (West) were assigned as escorts for the Marine Casualty Notification Officers aboard Camp Pendleton. We were to accompany our Officers on Casualty Calls to the next of kin of fallen Marines and Sailors. I was never called upon to carry out that mission, and I thank God that I never had to perform it... I would have rather taken the round myself, as I don't think I could have maintain my bearing...
 
By cw4(ret)billt on September 30, 2005 12:46 AM
On two occasions, I sincerely wished that it had been me that had died. There are just no words to express the way you feel when a mother and father gives their country a son, sharing his pride in what he has accomplished and loving him the more for having done it, trusting and praying that he will be in safe hands... ...and then you have to tell them that you lost him.
 
By AFSister on September 30, 2005 9:23 AM
Bill... I can't imagine the pain the death of a fellow Soldier causes, especially when you were the officer in charge. However, in most cases, I think the parents and other loved ones would agree that: 1. it's not your fault 2. it was his/her time to go 3. they died doing something they believed in 4. you will always be welcome in their home because of how highly their son/daughter respected you 5. courage is the number one quality all Soldiers must have- the courage to stand up and fight, and the courage to stand up and support each other in times of death and serious injury. John- Thanks for posting this beautiful letter. I only hope that if this should ever happen to me, I will be as gratious.
 
By LongTabSigo on September 30, 2005 10:19 AM
Can you imagine being the guy/gal who had to do the notification to Cindy Sheehan? (Just a thought...) Anyway - I've done Casualty Assistance Officer (CAO) duty but not notification (either as a detail or as a Commander, thank God). I pray that when/if the notification task falls to me, I have the strength and courage to properly discharge this duty. CAO is a sacred duty for me and the feeling of service you derive from it is indescribable. It's even better when you can sort out a VA or Army Pay situation for the widow. Same same if you've ever been on a funeral detail. In my cases, they were for retirees not Soldiers recently fallen in combat. The mark you make on the community by your presence and professionalism is exponential. I had my guys watch "Gardens of Stone" before we assumed the on-call role and it got the studs "thinking right" about the responsibilities. This is a good topic when think about in abstract but rarely in any detail.
 
By John of Argghhh! on September 30, 2005 10:40 AM
Heh. 'Gardens of Stone' brings to mind typical soldier humor... "Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust, let's plant this sucker and get back on the bus..."
 
By April on September 30, 2005 10:47 AM
Jesus. I had to wake my mother up in the middle of the night to tell her that her daughter, my sister, had been killed in an accident. It's the most difficult thing I've done in my life. These soldiers who make these calls over and over have my respect. It was an act of strength and sheer goodness on the part of the letter-writer to acknowledge their duty, once she was able. Gonna go weep now.
 
By cw4(ret)billt on September 30, 2005 11:46 AM
AFSis - Logically, you're right. Emotionally, however, John ("...it's harder to get this news than it is to give it.") is correct... One of those two occasions marked the only time I was punched and I never even considered defending myself; I knew it wasn't me he was lashing out at and about three seconds later he had me in a bear hug, bawling on my shoulder.
 
By Fuzzybear Lioness on September 30, 2005 12:20 PM
Oh, man... Everytime I come back to this thread it's gets to be more tear-inducing! Those of you who have been CAOs or on the receiving end of CAOs performing their duties: you have my deepest condolences, and my full gratitude and respect.
 
By Barb on September 30, 2005 12:43 PM
LTS - I think of 'Gardens of Stone' often when I read the casualty emails ... such somber duty, paying last respects and honor to the fallen. Bill - I know that you are sorrier than I could ever be that you were called to perform that duty. I also know that your first sorrow wasn't for yourself but for the ones who received the news. *Hugs*
 
By msg keith on September 30, 2005 3:21 PM
'Gardens of Stone' is one of my two favorite movies. To me, it shows the greatest way of showing respect to the fallen. During Desert Storm, a group of Army Reserve Master Sgt's from the training unit in West Palm Beach, Fl was deployed...to Florida. They were assigned CAO duties. Trained on how to deliver the news and to do military funerals, and that's what they did for six months. Talk about a sorry deployment....
 
By SangerM on September 30, 2005 6:54 PM
I was in the honor guard on Ft. Huachuca for a short while. I did daily flag duty, mostly, and other cool stuff (no kidding, I liked that part of the work). The couple times I was put on funeral alert, I dreaded it the whole time, and when my weeks had passed without being called, I cannot begin to tell you how releived I was. My marine-raider step father was buried by a USMC honor guard. One of my most vivid memories (and that was in the late 60s). I still get choked up at taps, just because of that. On a more personal note, I had to tell my adopted 12 year-old her birth mother had died. My wife had to tell me my very much loved other step father had died. We both agree there is nothing harder to do, but having been on both ends, I am with JOhn, it's harder to get that to give. I think that's one of those things that just makes you a stronger better person, and that everyone should have to do that duty at some time. It isn't fun, but it makes you a member of a larger community of grown-ups. On a final note, the notification scene in Saving Private Ryan is one of the most moving, and the mother's reaction still makes me cry. I just can't iamgine what it must have been like to do that during WWII for any length of time. Seems like it would have been awful... V/R
 
By Cricket on October 4, 2005 12:13 PM
The wording of such news is dignified and respectful. It is a sad duty for all the aforementioned reasons. I pray the Almighty to keep them and all our men and women in harm's way in the hollow of His hand.
 
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