TINS! A contest...

May 17, 2005 | | Comments (82)

Okay, I've provided some radio (and intercom) calls directed at me (or about me, which is worse) during the course of some fairly lively flying. Here's the deal: pick a quote and the one garnering the most votes becomes the subject of the next TINS.

One quote, one vote, and no fair sneaking in under different loginids (good thing Dbie the AFSister is still in Mickey World -- I've totally lost track of how many different personae she is these days). And, there's still time to blow her thread right through into last week, gang -- she won't be back 'til Wednesday!

All right, then. There should be somethin' or other down there to appeal to just about everybody...

1. “Ooops!” [#1] -- from a gunship, two seconds after his rocket hit the (flooded) paddy I was just about to land in. Right underneath me. Instant concussive waterfall.

2. “Holy sh*t! They said Charlie didn’t have any flak down here! One-Five, are any of you guys still alive in there?”

3. “Ooops!” [#2] -- from a different gunship, one nanosecond before my crewchief screamed that a rocket had just passed between our right skid and the belly of the aircraft.

4. “Hey, One-Five, you look like Niagara Falls. I thought those fuel cells were supposed to be self-sealing.”

5. “Aaaaah! One-Five’s dead!” -- from my copilot, right after I took a direct hit in the chicken plate that slammed me flailing off the controls while we were at flat pitch in an LZ. I thought I was dead and his squeak didn’t do anything to lessen my depression.

6. “Sir? The world’s biggest tracer just came offa Nui Coto an’ -- geez, it’s following us!” -- my introduction to the game of helicopter vs. heat-seeking missile. I won. Barely.

7. “Chalk Four, you’ve still got a tailboom. Couldn’t say for how much longer, though.”

8. “The SEALs are ready for pickup, sir. Along with about a platoon of VC on the other side of the treeline they’re in.”

9. “Sector TOC wants you to check out a possible 37mm site west of Nui Hon Soc. The others they sent there never called in.”

10. “Hey, One-Five -- uhh, ya do know yer on fire, don’t ya?”

Heh. The polls are open...

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82 Comments

By cw4(ret)billt on May 17, 2005 2:30 AM
[*flips through calendar*] [*mutters to self*]: Better leave this one open 'til Friday. AFSis'll screech like a scalded banshee if she doesn't get to play with a TINS...
 
By Justthisguy on May 17, 2005 3:06 AM
Lemmee see, #5 would obviously make the best war story, but #10 is the most smart-asstical. Y'all know me. I vote for number 10. Numbah 10!
 
By Justthisguy on May 17, 2005 5:21 AM
The numbers *are* significant. Look at what he talks about for number 1 and number 2.
 
By John of Argghhh! on May 17, 2005 6:44 AM
Oh my. Just sked 'em all, Bill. Since I always like stories about "Stupid Officer Tricks" I guess I hafta vote for #9. It's a geek thing. I don't think Dusty got shot at enough during his career (I know *I* didn't) to have *quite* as interesting a menu...
 
By cw4(ret)billt on May 17, 2005 7:04 AM
At least they didn't all happen on the same day. #6 happened at night...
 
By John of Argghhh! on May 17, 2005 7:07 AM
And by the way, lurkers - you-all should vote, too!
 
By cw4(ret)billt on May 17, 2005 7:18 AM
The more, the merrier. Might even get some quotable contributions, right?
 
By Marvin on May 17, 2005 7:25 AM
5. “Aaaaah! One-Five’s dead!” -- from my copilot, right after I took a direct hit in the chicken plate that slammed me flailing off the controls while we were at flat pitch in an LZ. I thought I was dead and his squeak didn’t do anything to lessen my depression. Is anyone really surprised at my vote?
 
By CDR Salamander on May 17, 2005 7:39 AM
#5 followed by #6. No question. #6 reminds me of the junior crewman aft looking out the window while crossing the Afghan-Pakistan border at night saying, "Wow, that looks cool. Almost like fireworks or something." 25yr E8 flight engineer with 5 kids and an angry wife that wanted him to retire in 2000 responds, "The're shooting at us a55()13. Shut the #($& up."
 
By ALa on May 17, 2005 8:15 AM
OK...this lurker will vote -- But Bill, how the hell are we supposed to pick from these... they ALL deserve to win... Let's see-- #6 or #9 I think I'll go with #6 “Sir? The world’s biggest tracer just came offa Nui Coto an’ -- geez, it’s following us!” ...and I was looking for adrenaline by bungee jumping! It would seem that we are lucky to have you with us!
 
By Fuzzybear Lioness on May 17, 2005 9:26 AM
I vote for #6. I can't wait to find out how you got away from it.
 
By Randy K on May 17, 2005 9:37 AM
Got to vote #6, but I hope we hear them all eventually.
 
By Barb on May 17, 2005 9:50 AM
Hmmm - I'm with John, I want 'em all! *sigh* If I have to choose, then I would start with #5, with #10 as second choice.
 
By Luke on May 17, 2005 9:51 AM
#6
 
By Sgt. B. on May 17, 2005 9:53 AM
All of them... But, if I have to make a choice, how about #6...
 
By 74 on May 17, 2005 10:43 AM
Number 6 - 'cause it reminded me of when I was briefing a crew about avoiding "the world's biggest helocopter trap", which could be the subject of another TINS in and of itself.
 
By Desult on May 17, 2005 10:44 AM
Ahhh! This is a tough one, Bill. On one note, had I been in your position there's no doubt I would have had the hebegeebee's like nothing I've ever experienced before. *5 minutes pass and still thinking* ...Damn, this is tough!... *add 2 minutes* They all make for a great next TINS topic. *30 seconds to decide before head explodes* *done* Okay, #5.
 
By Desult on May 17, 2005 10:49 AM
CMD Salamander, that's a good one, btw!
 
By MCart on May 17, 2005 10:51 AM
Looks like I'll go with 5, everyone else wants it, but number 8 is a close second.
   
By kat-missouri on May 17, 2005 11:55 AM
#6 first Then #5 and #9.
 
By TxAFbrat on May 17, 2005 12:18 PM
But, if I comment, then I can't claim to be a lurker anymore. Kinda like the 'fly on the wall' aspect. However, as the daughter of a helicopter test pilot, I feel compelled to vote for #10. Can just imagine my dad's reply to that one! p.s. Like the site and get a kick out of the comment threads.
 
By Boquisucio on May 17, 2005 12:53 PM
All of them would make for lovely yarns. Though it would be great to hear about Nº9 First.
 
By Tom on May 17, 2005 1:16 PM
#10
 
By Vox Clamatis on May 17, 2005 1:16 PM
I for one, second the motions for ALL of them, but in the meantime, #10 will suffice.
 
By Tom on May 17, 2005 1:17 PM
#10
 
By fluke_boy on May 17, 2005 2:12 PM
# 10 # 9 # 5 # 6 hell - just give us all of them.
 
By Papa Ray on May 17, 2005 3:43 PM
Hey, # 8, only because I was one of the guys on the ground, hoping the driver had balls the size of King Cong. Oh, just subsitute "Lurps" for "Seals" and "Company" for "Platoon. Papa Ray West Texas USA
 
By BloodSpite on May 17, 2005 3:47 PM
I'm going for 10
 
By BloodSpite on May 17, 2005 3:47 PM
I'm going for 10
 
By cw4(ret)billt on May 17, 2005 4:06 PM
Hmmm--lotsa votes for 6 and 10. You guys are savage. Heh. If I'd known watching me get into scrapes was gonna be this popular, I'd've done some hero stuff to liven things up...
 
By John of Argghhh! on May 17, 2005 4:12 PM
And prolly been a footnote on the wall...
 
By John on May 17, 2005 4:28 PM
You've just got to do: 6. “Sir? The world’s biggest tracer just came offa Nui Coto an’ -- geez, it’s following us!” -- my introduction to the game of helicopter vs. heat-seeking missile. I won. Barely. Even if another one gets more votes, you've just got to tell us about 6 sometime. All the best!
 
By EagleSpeak on May 17, 2005 4:34 PM
Almost too hard, But I gotta go with the SEALS. It borders on the "Right Stuff." But we definitely need the rest of the story of #8. (and for 1, 2,3,4, 5, 6,7,9, 10) My favorite Army helo driver quote came when we had an sailor injured off Vietnam and called in a Medevac. Gave the pilot our coordinates and he came bopping out. "Hey you guys are a ship!" he reported to us. Somehow we were not as surprised by that as he was. Made a nice landing on the small flight deck with skids (Navy helos mostly have wheels), though. Must have been his first landing on landing spot moving at 12 knots...
 
By Barb on May 17, 2005 4:34 PM
Correction, Bill - everything you DID was hero stuff!
 
By ry on May 17, 2005 5:50 PM
Don't matter which one Bill. They'll all have lots of truth, humor, and "OMG, he's still alive! He went back and did it again? Masochistic bassid." Hmm, given that I'm more into your humor I'd say #10.
 
By UtahMan on May 17, 2005 6:01 PM
Gotta go with number 6, the heat seeking missle. Although I have to, it is a really tough choice. #5 is in second place.
 
By UtahMan on May 17, 2005 6:01 PM
Gotta go with number 6, the heat seeking missle. Although I have to say, it is a really tough choice. #5 is in second place.
 
By UtahMan on May 17, 2005 6:07 PM
And the echo chamber (or my fat fingers) is working just fine.
 
By alix on May 17, 2005 6:18 PM
i'll have to say #7 and #9...i'm a sucker for dry humor. but oops 1 and 2 are classics. oops is SUCH a useful...word? pick one, damn. okay. ummm...#5. brings to mind the punchline "he's not dead, he's only sleeping..." toodles.
 
By Neffi on May 17, 2005 7:17 PM
hmmmmmmmm - flak, rockets, missiles... but gotta go with numero 10- there's no pucker factor to equal flight and flame occuring together. "The only time you have too much fuel,is when..."
 
By Masked Menace on May 17, 2005 7:23 PM
Alix, How 'bout Monty Python's "I'm not dead yet!"
 
By Neffi on May 17, 2005 7:25 PM
"Bring out yer dead..." heh
 
By Cricket on May 17, 2005 8:51 PM
#6, #7 and 10. I am off to surf the 'net and spend judicious amounts of credit for increasing the nifty books in my library. This involves going to websites, perusing print catalogs and poring over ebay. My limit? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I am allowed 100.00 per transaction and can't make another one until it is paid off. To go with Monty Python: "It's just a flesh wound."
 
By Boquisucio on May 17, 2005 8:54 PM
Hey kids, why don't we all get out some Marshmellows. Looks like we are gonna have ourselves a little WINNIE ROAST.
 
By Neffi on May 17, 2005 10:46 PM
Cricket- I shall be trying your Brat relish recipe this coming Saturday (from the AFSis post); but I'm gonna go with the jalapeno pepper (me and mine like that stuff). It really sounds great... and the local meat grinder- Boulder Sausage Company- makes a brat significantly lower in fat that still tastes like a brat. Ohhh... brats on the Weber... thanks, girlie
   
By SangerM on May 17, 2005 11:35 PM
Jeeze Bill!!!, he says, trying to imagine his own reactions to any one of those calls! Just Jeeze!!! Anyway, 5, 9, 8, 7 or all But I only want to hear 5 if you lived, ok? :-)
 
By Barb on May 17, 2005 11:46 PM
ROFL! Sanger - what a hoot!
 
By SangerM on May 17, 2005 11:49 PM
Boq, NOooooooooo!!!! Don't cook Pooh!! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!!!!
 
By Desult on May 18, 2005 1:16 AM
OMG, Sanger! You're a too silly...*LMAO*
 
By cw4(ret)billt on May 18, 2005 10:14 AM
John - The choir hears ya, preacher. Barb - "Correction, Bill - everything you DID was hero stuff!" Nope. This was just "a bad day at work" stuff.
 
By cw4(ret)billt on May 18, 2005 10:18 AM
Papa Ray - "...only because I was one of the guys on the ground, hoping the driver had balls the size of King Cong." The Fighter Pilot's Prayer: "O Lord, when I go into the fray, grant that I may have the eyes of an eagle, the heart of a lion, the swiftness of a falcon and the balls of an Army helicopter pilot."
 
By Boquisucio on May 18, 2005 11:24 AM
Sanger - Here I am getting all my kosher dogs all skewered and ready, thinking that all the denizens were pining for Nº 10. Oh well. And don´t worry; Pooh, Piglet and Eeyore are all safe.
 
By SangEyorer on May 18, 2005 2:42 PM
Thaaaanks for noticin' me..... AND!!! I know all the words to the Little Black Rain Cloud song by heart. I made my whole platoon learn 'em too, and we'd all sing it together. I liked singing it while flying along jamming the crap outta some ground-pounder radidio's! Ohhh, I'm just a little black rain cloud.... bzzzzzzzzzzzzztttttt! ahahahahahahahahahahahah!!
 
By PigBoatSailor on May 18, 2005 4:08 PM
Gotta go with the, "Gee, thanks for the help, smart@ss!" comment, sounds like too many people I know. So... #10!
 
By Cricket on May 18, 2005 4:10 PM
"hovering over your honey tree. Nobody notices rain clouds, Pay no attention to little me." A rousing chorus. Neffi, I kid you not, the relish recipe is good enough to eat ALONE. With brats, TO DIE FOR. I really wish I could take credit for it being original with me, but it is brilliant, and therefore not mine. Do report on how it turns out, okay? Like I said, I never post a menu I haven't made myself. I am not a chef or a gourmand, but I have been on a perfectionist's quest to make great food since I was 18, and I have tweaked recipes here and there, so when I post one, it will be the original version for others to play with as they see fit. It makes the pickle relish taste sickly sweet by comparison. The flavors are well balanced with the sweet, sour, hot and bitter.
 
By Boquisucio on May 18, 2005 5:36 PM
Ah The Cloud Song. In its original version it goes... Dum ultro citroque commeabas num nubes minaturae essent scire avens Winnie ille Pu carmen istud cantitavit: Quis vult in terra stare Cum possit volitare? Parvae nubeculae Cantitat carmina. Quis vult in terra stare Cum possit volitare? Vita nubeculae Est fons superbiae
 
By John of Argghhh! on May 18, 2005 5:41 PM
And how many blogs have 'auld songs you have known'... in Latin? I ask you!
 
By Wes on May 18, 2005 7:14 PM
I gotta go with #6. As much as I'd like to hear the story behind the two "oops!" incidents, the engineer in me curious as to how a helicopter dodges a missile. BTW... is it bad that I laughed out loud at each of the snippits? I know that The Rotorhead's life was on the line, but I found each of those really funny :).
 
By John of Argghhh! on May 18, 2005 7:41 PM
Why not laugh? I did. I usually laugh a *lot* after I dodge the Reaper...
 
By Wes on May 18, 2005 8:00 PM
Just checking to make sure I wasn't turing into some cold-hearted ghoul, a creature that solely takes delight in the misfortune and potential flaming demise of others.
 
By John of Argghhh! on May 18, 2005 8:03 PM
Well, I can't speak for normals, but that pretty much nails us vets!
 
By cw4(ret)billt on May 19, 2005 1:19 AM
Wes - They were even funny at the time--that's why I remembered them. Well, most of them were, anyway. Ummm--one or maybe two... Of course, the "significant life events" they were attached to kinda re-inforced the synapses. Seared -- s-e-a-r-e-d, I tell you -- in my memory! Heh.
 
By Barb on May 19, 2005 1:49 AM
Yeah - I bet you just laughed you a$$ off on each occasion ... Later, over strong drink!
 
By cw4(ret)billt on May 19, 2005 7:01 AM
Barb - First time I've ever heard a rusty can of lukewarm PBR described as "strong drink"...
 
By cw4(ret)billt on May 19, 2005 7:10 AM
Back to Papa Ray's Oh, just subsitute "Lurps" for "Seals" and "Company" for "Platoon, I swear they must've taught smarmy in Lurp School: Me: "Frosty 32, this is Vulture 15, two mikes." Lurp RTO [whispering]: "Roger, 15. Three-two is in place, baddies to north and west." Me: "Roger, 32. How close are they?" Lurp RTO [whispering]: "Wait a minute and I'll let you talk to one."
 
By AFSister on May 19, 2005 7:52 AM
Look at that.... a contest about "My favorite way the Chief almost bought it".... what a sick world! I'm in for 8!!!! *giggle*
 
By Cricket on May 19, 2005 1:59 PM
Yes. Humor is indeed blessed relief. I shed a tear at reading "I'm just a Little Black Raincloud" in Latin. I am seriously thinking of getting the Dr. Seuss books in Latin. Especially "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas." Or "The Places You'll Go." Dr. Seuss is easy in most languages but Latin is the best. I am looking through Veritas Press' catalogue and I am just sick at the realization that I had classically trained myself but didn't know it when it came to the reading. Thanks for the translation.
 
By Boquisucio on May 19, 2005 5:44 PM
Ah - Dr Seuss. Though I have read Alicia Per Speculum Transitum, Regulum (Little Prince), & Winnie Ille Pu, Dr Seuss is in my Latin blind spot. One of these days I'll have to put Cattus Petasatus on my book list.
 
By Pam on May 19, 2005 7:47 PM
I vote for #10, with #5 close behind.
 
By cw4(ret)billt on May 20, 2005 1:03 AM
So far, it's 6, followed closely by Numbah 10, with 5 in third place, trailed by 8 and 9. Brrrrr. FlashbackFlashbackFlashback...
 
By Barb on May 20, 2005 3:16 PM
Bill - As you well know, we are an insatiable bunch - so we'd love to have them all eventually!
 
By Cricket on May 20, 2005 5:16 PM
BILL! Oh. I thought you were going to start snapping Bedoodlewhoopie butt or putting the scruples in sling shots and firing them at unsuspecting Denizens. I would like to hear the details of ALL of them, sort of like a 'gather round the fire for this story' by Bill. I do read the TINS stuff from time to time and shake my head. I don't offer comment because it just boggles my little head that anyone could live through ONE incident, let alone fight a war with stuff going on like that. Increases my respect. Once again, are you having a Vaurnet day?
 
By Cricket on May 20, 2005 5:23 PM
Bosq, Veritas Press has them of course, as does Barnes and Noble. I am sort of trying to make up for lost time since Latin was discontinued the year before I got to Salinas High School. My counselor told me that if I could get 25 students to sign a petition to reinstate, the BOE would do so. I did and it came to naught since the money went into the administrator's salaries. For the longest time I was totally unaware that it was indeed thriving and not a 'dead' language. I found out about ten years ago it was alive and well, and a couple of years ago I got catalogues from the Classical League. I have the very basic children's books for starters, and am working up to Dr. Seuss.
 
By cw4(ret)billt on May 21, 2005 1:36 AM
Barb - Errrr--"insatiable," eh? My admiration for the Hubster just took a quantum leap. Cricket - No, I just sort of hunker down and dodge the cuddly wuddly tracers [hmmm--now, there's a painful visual].
 
By cw4(ret)billt on May 21, 2005 1:42 AM
Okay--since Friday is now history, #6 is the subject of the upcoming TINS. I wuz kinda hoping you guys would have picked one of the shorter stories, but *shrug* I need the typing practice... *eyes glazing over, hunkering down to dodge cuddly wuddly tracers*
 
By Boquisucio on May 21, 2005 8:05 AM
Sorry y'all for being absent yesterday. Internet Connection problems. Cricket - Latin is not for everyone; however, it should be more widely available for students, than it is now. In my opinion, one should learn Latin not because of a need to appreciate Virgilian Poetry, but because it sets the building blocks for all Western Modern Languages. This goes not only for the obvious Romance, but also Germanic, and even Slavic Languages as well. Spanish is my native tongue, and though I learnt English at an early age, I wasn't able to appreciate their interconnectivity until ploughing through Latin. It also gave me the tools necessary to tackle Italian, Portuguese, and French as well. As years go by, I have forgotten more Latin than I now remember. There was a time in which I was quite proficient at it. Today I have to belabor with the aide of my trusty Wheelock and Langensheit. Oh well, life goes on, and couldn't become a monk dedicating my life to ancient scriptures. Still I owe much to a great teacher of mine, who instilled in me great love for this language.
 
By Cricket on May 21, 2005 8:46 AM
Bill, I didn't know tracers had that same endearing quality. Must remember that. I await your memoir on #6. Boquisucio, I have added that to my bookmarks. I am going slowly with Latin for my own reasons, not the least of which I got the children's books to read to my children to see if they had an affinity for it. I don't mind studying alone, but it is fun to read Latin to them.
 
By Barb on May 21, 2005 9:49 AM
Bill - Totally insatiable ... I need More ... Heh!
 
By Cricket on May 22, 2005 8:29 AM
All of us little Oliver Twists--"More, sir!" Of course, Bill wouldn't be so eager to restrict our diets either. Heh. Neffi, I am prepping some of the Tasty Animal carcasses in my freezer for future meals. I am going over my cookbooks and seeing which techniques are best suited for which carcass. For laughs and giggles: I have a WWII copy of the Boston Cooking School cookbook. It is one of the best I have seen on 'cookery.' I refer to it often when I need clarification on a term.
 
By Boquisucio on May 22, 2005 9:38 AM
Children's Books - I do have a soft spot for all the classics. What other genre in literature can be equally enjoyed by a children of ages 4 to 94? A Grade Schooler can read The Little Prince, and find great joy learning about the parable of the Rose and the Fox, or the Hat and the Eaten Elephant. Yet, when read through the eyes of a Forty year-old, the same parables can have such a profound universal meaning. It is of little surprise that Pooh, Peter the Pan, and Alice have such cult-like following amongst us aged children. One has to grow old but not grow-up.