Good Saturday Morning!

Amazing Home Remedies

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed. [This will also clear a cosmolined bore - just make sure you don't do it in the kitchen. I've found SWWBO gets very put out when I do things like this in the kitchen...]

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away. [Or when unsheathing bayonets...]

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. About lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink. [I'd vouch for this but SWWBO would *kill* me]

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer. [I can vouch for this one.]

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button. [Or drinking that beer]

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget all about the toothache.

8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

10. SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES...THEY ARE NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT...THEY STILL BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN YOU PUSH THEM DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS