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August 11, 2006

Chicken, Iraqi, road, crossing, 1 ea.

Classification: UNCLASSIFIED
Caveats: NONE


MNSTC-I (Multi-Nat'l Security Transition Cmd-Iraq)
The fact that the Iraqi chicken crossed the road affirmatively demonstrates that decision making authority has been transferred to the chicken well in advance of the scheduled October constitutional transition of power. From now on the chicken is responsible for its own decisions.

We were asked to help the chicken cross the road. Given the inherent risk of road crossing and the rarity of chickens, this operation will only cost the US government $326,004.99 (per chicken)

Muqtada al Sadr
The chicken is a tool of the evil coalition and will be killed

US Army Military Police
We were directed to prepare the chicken to cross the road. As part of these preparations, individual soldiers ran over the chicken repeatedly and then plucked the chicken. We deeply regret the occurrence of any chicken rights violations.

Peshmerga (indep Kurdish fighters)
The chicken crossed the road, and will continue to cross the road, to show its independence and to transport the weapons it needs to defend itself. However, in future, to avoid problems, the chicken will be called a duck, and will wear a lastic bill.

3rd ID
The chicken was not authorized to cross the road without two forms of picture identification. Thus the chicken was appropriately detained and searched in accordance with SOP's. We apologize for any embarrassment to the chicken. As a result of this unfortunate incident, the command has instituted a gender sensitivity training program and all future chicken searches will be carried out by female soldiers.

Al Jazeera
The chicken was forced to cross the road multiple times at gunpoint by a large group of coalition soldiers, according to eyewitnesses. The chicken was then fired upon intentionally, in yet another example of the abuse of innocent Iraqi chickens.

Blackwater (security contractors)
We cannot confirm any involvement in the chicken road crossing incident.

Iraqi Provincial Police Chief
Chicken she cross street because bad she fried the tangled regulation. Future chicken table against my request.

U.S Marine Corps
The chicken is dead.

We saw the whole bloody thing and threw the chick on the Barbie then went to getting on the piss

MNC-I (Multi-Nat'l Corps-Iraq)
The chicken crossing situation is reflected in the TRA as an amber rated capability within only those regions prioritized to receive road marking equipment and should not be confused with units non-operationally qualified to partner, yet, with chicken crossers. This will be briefed in the next conference.

MNF-I (Multi-Nat'l Force-Iraq)
There are no cross chicken operations in theater but by June 15, 2006 we will have 24,300 chickens fully prepared to cross.

Welsh (British Army)
Whale Ya' know what its like to be laying out dead chickens when your dressed like a brownie right? So, thar we were, surrounded by these crazy foggin chickens...

In the last seven days the USAF has cargo-lifted 732,361 chickens across 852 roads.

In Northern Ireland we used to conduct chicken crossing operations all the time. If you will *finally* listen to us, we'll show, in fact, let me show you now...

British (Navy variant)
Fer cripe's sake, what am I doing here dealing with chickens? There isn't salt water for 400 miles from here! Have I shown you pictures of HMS Edinborough today?

FA 59s (Strategists)
In 1835, just two years before his untimely death from Cholera, Clauswitz wrote this about chickens, "blah, blah, blah..."

Classification: UNCLASSIFIED
Caveats: NONE