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July 23, 2006

Castle Rules.

In a general sense, you can get a taste of what this place is like by clicking here and reading this.

But if you want to be a *real* Denizen of Argghhh!, ya gotta know the lingo that has developed over the years as Regulars have come and gone and in some cases returned. (You *can* come home- and if there was stuff ya liked that you don't see any more, you can always *ask*).

Even though the comment parties have been pretty slack (I blame Bill) lately, there are certain elements of knowledge all Designated Denizens should be aware of.

That way, when you read Denizens talking in a seemingly baffling argot, you'll be warm and secure that you're a part of the "In" crowd, because it's only baffling to the Normals.

- Chandeliers:

1) Powered chandeliers must yield the right-of-way to non-powered (swinging) chandeliers.
2) All offensive armaments must have safety interlocks to prevent their use by scrup'ls, bedoodlewhoopies, and Neffi. This includes choklit guns.
3) Articles of clothing may be dropped from chandeliers. Visitors should plan accordingly.

-RitaMatic

1) It is considered uncouth to drink from the hose.
2) Primary 'Rita flavor is "dealer's choice".
3) Please ask before hooking up the RitaMatic to the Castle water system.

-Scrup'ls

1) Please do not give the scrup'ls any of the following: Jolt cola, sugary snacks, tax forms 1023-2032 inclusive, backhoes, lockpicks, ideas, excuses, alibis, Parmesan cheese, crayons, My Little Spymaster disguise kit with the invisible ink pens and exploding moustaches, red licorice (black is ok), computer access, kimchee, live ammo, nuclear reactors, scissors, Jacques Cousteau documentary DVDs, or dimensional portals. Violators will be put on the next cleanup detail.

-Catapult

1) Trolls, moonbats, and telemarketers are launched from the Castle Catapult on the ramparts between the hours of 2-4pm, weather permitting.
2) The Catapult is available for private parties on a space-available basis.

-The Moat

1) Moat Monster Chow can be purchased at the kiosk near the entrance.
2) Swimming is not advised. (see #1).

-Parties

1) One dancer per pole, for safety.
2) The Jungle Room is for Consenting Adults Only.
3) Alternate locations may be added by Dimensional Door. Firebase Rockford has a very nice hot tub, for example. See the party host for a map. It is advisable to write your home coordinates somewhere on your body in permanent marker for the cleanup crew.

-Denizennes

1) Should you encounter one of these goddesses, the correct protocol is to immediately offer chocolate.
2) Other services may also be pleasing to the Denizenne. Ask for a complete list.

-Chocolate (var. choklit)

1) Food of the Gods (see Denizennes) without which life would be a dull emptiness. Can be utilized in molten form in weaponry.
2) The Choklit gun range in the dungeon offers instruction to novice users. Volunteer targets are also welcome, but the Castle cannot guarantee a tongue bath afterwards.

I suppose the next thing to do is publish a Glossary.

Hey, it's Sunday. Why be all serious?