Whatziss (with a twist)

I’m sure you’ve all heard the military procurement horror stories -- the $500 hammer, the coffeemaker for the C-5 that was built to withstand G-forces that would turn the crew two-dimensional, the Air Defense system that showed a preference for engaging the broad side of a barn rather than an attacking aircraft, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Some of the tales are the result of the “investigative reporter” jiggering the figures, some are the result of imperfectly-written specifications, some are genuine cases of Waste, Fraud ‘n’ Abuse and still others are the result of what Dusty so aptly described as Pugnacious Stupidity.

The ol’ “My mind is made up -- don’t confuse me with the facts” Syndrome.

“The reg sez thus-and-such, therefore thus-and-such it is and ever shall be” -- even though the (never identified) reg may refer to something else entirely. Or the reg might just be flat-out wrong -- it was written by a human being, after all (the classic appeared in a series of changes to the OH-6A Operator's Manual, defining FARs -- Federal Aviation Regulations -- as Flying Aircraft Regulations). Or, the reg might have been correct when written, but is now hopelessly outdated.

The most expensive item in my little museum came to me courtesy of outdated specs augmented by a slavish adherence to the regs. This little beauty (*not* the needle-nosers) cost the National Guard $7,000 in 1988 dollars, as did each of its four-hundred-odd brethren.

What was it worth upon delivery, after its rather tortuous journey through the procurement process?

Nothing. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Nema. Rien. Nulla. Không. Nichts. ничто. For its intended application, anyway.

The reason for its transition from a shot-peen-hardened, single-block-milled, fairly expensive aircraft part to a shot-peen-hardened, single-block-milled, fairly expensive hunk of junk is visible in the pic below:

And, for the metallurgical detectives among you, here’s the Hi-Rez.

Geez, I even impress *me* with how good I’m getting at this close-up stuff.

“Well, first off -- what is it?” you inquire. Well, since it’s kind of an esoteric part, and since you’d have to be an especially groggish grognard to know for absolute certain-sure what it is, I think I’ll be lousy, mean, rotten and spiteful and let you guess. Even Jon the Knuckle-skinner is gonna find this one a toughie.

But I can use the chuckles.

Ummmm, sorry, Miz HomefrontSix, ma’am, it’s not the gear that stows the rotor blades in flight to allow you to activate an ejection seat.

*going totally queasy at that visual…*