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March 07, 2006

Snark me, eh? Really?

CDR Salamander has been watching Brit TV, and claims he found out what I *really* do for a living.

Heh. If I told you what I really do for a living, I'd have to cut your head off and put it in classified storage. You wouldn't like that. It's dark in the safe, and smells funny because of the stuff they put in there to keep the mold down.

Nah, Salamander... if I was in that bidniz, it would go more like this...

*Ahem, koff, koff*

[smarmy announcer/telemarketer/car salesguy voice]

Taking down a small country? Annoying neighbors? Revenooers snooping around the still? The Arsenal At Argghhhh! has all your pest-control needs in one stop!*

Aside from the usual selection of Small Arms, we also have a nice selection of Crew Served Weapons to choose from!

We have an extensive selection of spare parts! We service what we sell!

Need to recon that target, without getting your head shot off - we can help!

Gotta get through some wire to get to the bad guy? We've got your stuff. Worried about pursuit after dirty deeds done cheap? We can help! We've got stuff to get you in, stuff to knock 'em on the head quietly, and stuff to slow up the pursuit! All in one neat package!

Got people snooping by whatever it is you'd rather they not find? Got a defensive position you need a little coverage in the dead space for? Concerned about detectability? We have a whole selection of anti-personnel mines to choose from. Anti-armor mines by appointment only, please.

Need to be able to reach out and touch someone? Especially people who hide behind stuff so you can't just shoot them straight up? We have a wide selection of medium and light mortars to choose from, with a wide range of ammo choices!

Need help with data computation? We've got you covered there, too!

So, bit off a bit more than you can chew? Need some help with bunkers and armored vehicles? We've got a large selection of recoiless rifles and rocket launchers, and RPG systems that can meet your every need!

And don't let us forget our extensive grenade selection!

Need some extra reinforcement for that basement bunker? We got it. Have a mess of troops to mess? We got it!

And for you, CDR Salamander, today only - a special deal for the Naval Infantry! Straight from MoD stocks - the staple of Brit boarding parties for many years - the Lanchester!

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With bayonets!

So, call me. We'll do lunch.

[/smarmy announcer/telemarketer/car salesguy voice]

Oh, and, as usual. The Standard Disclaimers apply.

*Must be of 18 or of legal age in your locality (whichever is higher). Not responsible for mis-use of products. Improper use of Arsenal At Argghhh! products may be injurious to your health, consult with your legal adviser before continuing. Other rules and regulations may apply, no warranty, expressed or implied is provided, unless required by whatever asinine Borg collective you reside in - which prolly won't let you have any of these toys anyway. The Arsenal At Argghhh! does not promote the overthrow of small or large nations without written permission from your mother. Other rules and regulations for dealing with your neighbors or inlaws may apply.