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January 27, 2006

Send Lawyers, Guns, and Money

Nod to Warren Zevon...

From an email, an observation of how war will finally wither away... much like fun playground equipment has, and for the same reason:

Sir,

If we do this the way the New York Times wants it done...


Urban combat in 2020

The squad Captain-Solicitor will laser designate each building the squad will likely enter or from which they are taking fire. The GPS co-ordinates will be transferred by satellite to Washington where the Pentagon's legal software will file warrants to enter the houses with the World Court in the Hague. Warrants will be requested hundreds of times per minute.

Meanwhile, the terrorists' legal software operating from the Iranian consul in Amsterdam will file restraining orders against the U.S.Army at the same rate.

Amnesty International will file Freedom of Information requests to publicly post the Army's intended targets in real-time. Every building the Army targets but does not enter will be treated as frivolous lawsuit by the International Bar Association.

Wrongful Death and other civil suits will assail the legal computers, but the Pentagon will auto-counter-sue at 800 to 1200 suits per minute with processing power to spare for restraining orders against the NBC/CNN robo-cameras hovering around the heads of our troops.

and so forth...

rodent



This photo accompanied the story.

Military Police prepare to refuel before entering the city of Whew!, Mudholistan on December 5, 2020, while their International Court-appointed solicitor ensures that their field-refueling permits are still valid, and that all proper per-event environmental impact forms have been filed, examined, rejected, resubmitted, approved, and thus the refueling operation is permissable, after which the forms will be buried in a peat bog and recycled as fire lighters.  (Released)</p>

<p>(U.S. Army Photo by Spc Daniel Blowhard December 5, 2020.)</p>

<p>Released by Maj. Hawthorne-Smythwaite, Esq.

Military Police prepare to refuel before entering the city of Whew!, Mudholistan on December 5, 2020, while their International Court-appointed solicitor ensures that their field-refueling permits are still valid, and that all proper per-event environmental impact forms have been filed, examined, rejected, resubmitted, approved, and thus the refueling operation is permissable, after which the forms will be buried in a peat bog and recycled as fire lighters. (Released)

(U.S. Army Photo by Spc Daniel Blowhard December 5, 2020.)

Released by Maj. Hawthorne-Smythwaite, Esq.">