Archive Logo.jpg

January 12, 2006


The Alito hearings are just becoming more and more surreal. After listening to the Tedster grill the nominee over whether he recalls random sentence fragments from twenty year old articles, (explanation here) I can hardly wait for Sunday's WaPo when Senator Kennedy (or more accurately, one of his junior staffers) will undoubtedly put out a translated version of the hearings so we can finally learn what the nominee really meant:

Never apologize for your past, my friend. Never apologize. It’s a sign of weakness. Which I despise.

Yeah, I was a member of Concerned Alumni for Princeton. Who wasn’t, in those days? Everywhere you look… blacks, Hispanics, homosexuals. Those people don’t know their place anymore. You know what I would do if you put me on SCOTUS? I would find their LEADER. The guy they respect and fear the MOST. And I would go up to that guy, and I would shake his hand and say I was glad to meet him, and with the other hand, I would put my piece in his mouth and ba-BOOM, I would earn myself a little respect.

You think I haven’t eliminated a few minorities and women in my time? Of course I have. Mainly law clerks.. you know, that sort of thing. You have to prune the ranks once in a while. To set an example. What happens if you don’t? They run roughshod over you. They give you no respect. So although I abhor violence, about once a month I grab one in the hallways, and I turn him around to face his buddies, and I take out my gavel, and ....well, you can guess the rest.

None of this is personal. It does not bring me joy. I just want to be able to relax with the Constitution and a cup of coffee and a cigarette and not have the neighborhood crumb-snatchers trampling my hydrangeas.

The simple pleasures. Aren’t those the things that really make life worth living? Of course they are. Of course they are, my friend....

Gentlemen, if you make me your next SC Justice, one thing I promise you: these lowlifes will never trouble you up on the Hill. On have Scalito’s word.

I'm looking forward to Joe ("Talk to me like I'm your father") Biden grilling Alito about the NSA, individual privacy rights, and the "domestic spying" program. I can hear it already:

26 minutes into Biden's allotted time, and he still has not asked Alito a single question, nor allowed him to get a word in edgewise....

BIDEN: The world really went downhill, since 9/11. You know, Quasimodo predicted all of this.

SCALITO: Who did what?

BIDEN: You know, the middle east. The end of the world.

SCALITO: Nostradamus. Quasimodo's the hunchback of Notre Dame.

BIDEN: Oh, right. Notredamus.

SCALITO: Nostradamus and Notre Dame, that's two things different completely.

BIDEN: It's interesting that they'd be so similar, though. You know, I always thought "Ok, you got the hunchback of Notre Dame. But you also got your quarterback and your halfback of Notre Dame".

SCALITO: Notre Dame's a f***ing cathedral!

BIDEN: Obviously, I know. I'm just saying. It's interesting, the coincidences. What, you're gonna tell me you never pondered that?

SCALITO: [surreptitiously looking at watch] No. I never did...

Mrs. Alito looks at her watch, bursts into tears....

Cassandra | Permalink | Comments (19) | Politics